new poems

[Angeline]

Sestina

Does anyone here know any hints and/or tricks about writing a Sestina? I'm determined- but at a loss... If you do please share! Or better yet- maybe I'll start a thread... hhmmmmmm

Boo you brave girl! This site looks very helpful. Here's another. Both give step-by-step instructions and examples. Looks like a daunting form though.

Sestinas were traditionally written in iambic pentameter, but that has become less important now than getting the line endings correct. I think it can probably be done in the traditional meter, though most writers of famous more modern sestinas (Ezra Pound and Elizabeth Bishop, for example), have not used it. The Kipling example (at The Sestina page) is written in iambic pentameter. You could also practice reading some Shakespearian sonnets aloud to get it right, bearing in mind that you were reading only for meter and not other sonnet features.

Has anyone here written a sestina? Cordie? JUDO?

Good luck--let me know how it goes!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: Sestina

Has anyone here written a sestina? Cordie? JUDO?

I think I remember Homer writing one or two. Let me check...

Acrostic Sestina
Desire of you (not really a sestina, but too close)
Pi in Hades
Sestina for a Vampire

Ange, I believe Hyndeline has an interview to conduct...

 

[BooMerengue]

Hey you guys...Thanks!

Ange- it's not bravery. I teach the kids here you cannot appreciate coloring outside the lines til you've mastered coloring in them. I'm doing it as an exercise! The sites are great!

Lauren- I have to tell you... some poems I go back to over and over... your Mobius Strip and is one, and Still Born Soldiers is another. I don't know a lot of fancy words but they both hit deep. Thank you.

 

[OT]

Uninspired Analytical approach

Does anyone here know any hints and/or tricks about writing a Sestina? I'm determined- but at a loss... If you do please share! Or better yet- maybe I'll start a thread... hhmmmmmm

In case you missed it, in the middle of Angeline's first suggested page is a
Sestina Generator link which etches out the framework for you. It might be a good brainstorming tool to get the "feel" for groups of words.

I noticed that some sites give an order to the words in the three line ending, while others seem not to care as long as you use them.

If I were going to write one (which I'm thinking NOT), I'd start with the ending; Write a three line pithy statement with an eye towards using good words. Then pick your six words and go from there.

Another approach that might be helpful is to write a six, six line poems. Each poem dedicated to ending its lines with a single word. Then use the poems as input to the Sestina format.

It might be an interesting group thing to start a thread with six good words etched into the framework and let folks contribute lines.

 

[Angeline]

In case you missed it, in the middle of Angeline's first suggested page is a
Sestina Generator link which etches out the framework for you. It might be a good brainstorming tool to get the "feel" for groups of words.

I noticed that some sites give an order to the words in the three line ending, while others seem not to care as long as you use them.

If I were going to write one (which I'm thinking NOT), I'd start with the ending; Write a three line pithy statement with an eye towards using good words. Then pick your six words and go from there.

Another approach that might be helpful is to write a six, six line poems. Each poem dedicated to ending its lines with a single word. Then use the poems as input to the Sestina format.

It might be an interesting group thing to start a thread with six good words etched into the framework and let folks contribute lines.

These are great suggestions, OT. I actually would like to try this form too, but am pretty involved writing some other stuff right now. I'd love to see a sestina thread (Boo??? lol), but I can't maintain one. I'm too outta control--look what happened to my blues threads, haha)

 

[Rybka]

new poems on 7/06/03

Today we have 24 new works and one “spinner”. Here is the "oldie" that I found for the day. (It took 14 spins to find this one!) I wish I would come across a jewel by some poet I don't know.

Like much of Lauren.Hynde's work, this one requires no commentary beyond a or two
Erosion

Know no principle or silence—
every morning erosion robs you
of the first sun, acid light inlaid
in the metal of time—every morning
dogs hesitate, obscure Eros
before dust's speech, and bark, limpid, in the slow
economy of the clay, they bark, transfigure
the scale, the rigor of the tired
fountain—every morning a body
unfreezes and climbs undulating the rope
of muscles (minute instruments
of commerce)—every morning
a body among others spills upon other
sculptures of solitude—

************

Of the new poems, only a couple are really lousy. Most are but average (IMHO) however. Of those that rise above I have chosen to mention five, although there are one or two others that I am sure you will like.

The only thing that annoys me about Senna Jawa writing is having to review a 10 year old poem as a new one.
Go read both of his "new" ones. - Maybe they need aging like fine wine or cheese? (Not that anyone would ever accuse Senna of mellowing!)

the airplane...
and
summer phone


spontaneous 1 by svelte walker touches on a sentiment recently expressed by several others.

in wind with scent of flowers and trees
from the neighbors yelling yards
I compete with mock orange and black locust blooms
that appear dead most of the year,

I shallow swallow

the down beat of awards goes past most
who do not stand and say FUCK the bastards
that keep it legal to beat a possession
a dog is better written than a wife,
The wife
The old lady
The whore
The bitch the slut the lunch maker the shopper the cunt the mother the smart one

if this be labeled erotic there would be the obligatory cock suck or something so up,
scroll up, ladies!

BooMerengue gives us Untitled1 & Untitled2. Both are based on the metaphor of a lover being clay to be molded into a finished product. Interestingly done, but like the lovers the works are a bit unfinished. Worth the reading however.

As usual please remember that these are only the thoughts of one reader. And with 24 new postings to read, most of them worth it, I could have missed something that may really appeal to you. So go read, vote, send feedback, and please feel free to add your comments to this thread.


Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Angeline]

a few more for 7/6

I liked all Rybka's picks today,too, but also wanted to mention a few others that caught my eye.


Tristan by Boo Merengue

I love you; always have and always will
Through lifetimes lived and lifetimes yet to come.
Remember Elmo! Redwall! Pecos Bill!
You're a ring tailed roarer straddled Babe The Blue!

Grammy's House will truly always be there
Hidden in The Very Magic Woods!
At the campsite cross the creek is waiting Little Bear!
The answers I don't have he holds for you.

I wanted to comment on this lovely poem Boo Merengue wrote for her grandson. I think it's powerful--really communicates that wonderful bittersweet mix of whimsy and protectiveness we feel for our very little charges. Would I have worded some of it differently? Probably, but then it's her poem, not mine. I think Boo is submitting some really good stuff --she's getting better, stronger with each poem, and I look foward to reading more.



in my dream by steve porter

i touched you in my dreams last night
you leaned to me your skin was white
like alabaster in my hand and
we brushed like shifted sifting sand.

I also liked this poem from steve, particularly this stanza. His other poem, lunch, is well worth a read for the image of "a tragedy of teeth" alone. Admittedly, not a pretty picture, but boy does it communicate.

 

[BooMerengue]

Re: a few more for 7/6

I liked all Rybka's picks today,too, but also wanted to mention a few others that caught my eye.


Tristan by Boo Merengue

I love you; always have and always will
Through lifetimes lived and lifetimes yet to come.
Remember Elmo! Redwall! Pecos Bill!
You're a ring tailed roarer straddled Babe The Blue!

Grammy's House will truly always be there
Hidden in The Very Magic Woods!
At the campsite cross the creek is waiting Little Bear!
The answers I don't have he holds for you.

I wanted to comment on this lovely poem Boo Merengue wrote for her grandson. I think it's powerful--really communicates that wonderful bittersweet mix of whimsy and protectiveness we feel for our very little charges. Would I have worded some of it differently? Probably, but then it's her poem, not mine. I think Boo is submitting some really good stuff --she's getting better, stronger with each poem, and I look foward to reading more.
________________________________________________


BooMerengue gives us Untitled1 & Untitled2. Both are based on the metaphor of a lover being clay to be molded into a finished product. Interestingly done, but like the lovers the works are a bit unfinished. Worth the reading however.


Geez you guys! You really know how to make my day! Rybka? One is pottery- the other is bread...

If you would both take the time to PM or here tell me what you would have done different I would be so pleased! This is too easy!! Make me work!

And thank you very much!...ummm adding a little blurb here- maybe not the right place but I would truly love to see you there... Maybe qne night a week can be designated poets night... a chance for some readings, maybe?

Hi special buds!! I'm getting a place of my own soon... looking forward to all of you being there. It's called The Blind Faithful Bar and Grill, after Cream's Blind Faith, and in the end aren't chat relationshipa really all about Blind Faith? It's a dark and mysterious place down near the water, edging on the seedy side of town, where cars are hidden and no questions are asked. We have a select group of staff, all trained in their own specific talents. The food is exquisette, the liquor never watered, and a special room for 'other' goodies for partaking, tho the smoke never bothers anyone. There's a wonderful expanding deck looking out on the ocean, and the upstairs rooms are each furnished differently as the clientele prefers. And I alone hold the key to the basement. No one here is higher and mightier than another and heavy use of a red pencil will be strongly encouraged. Let's make it- and maintain it- a nice place. A place where anyone can come and fit in. A place for those who can't find their way home...


Come down off your throne and leave your body alone.
Somebody must change.
You are the reason I've been waiting so long.
Somebody holds the key.

But I'm near the end and I just ain't got the time
And I'm wasted and I can't find my way home.
Come down on your own and leave your body alone.
Somebody must change.
You are the reason I've been waiting all these years.
Somebody holds the key.

Chorus
But I can't find my way home.
But I can't find my way home.
But I can't find my way home.
But I can't find my way home.
Still I can't find my way home,
And I ain't done nothing wrong,
But I can't find my way home.


I promise- you will find your way home from The Blind... even if your room is upstairs. If you want to work there, even part time, pleae send me your BlindFaithful exclusive Av, and a note about what you want to do and why! Bye y'all! Peace to your soul...

Please send applications- 25 words or less- and an Av to NotForHire@aol.com

Thank you!

 

[steve porter]

thank you maria for your comments and you angeline, for your sharp eyes and for covering for you-know-who...i appreciate your efforts and professional approach...

 

[Maria2394]

tragedy of teeth

thank you maria for your comments and you angeline, for your sharp eyes and for covering for you-know-who...i appreciate your efforts and professional approach...

I have to admit Steve, I totally agree with Angeline in the phrase " tragedy of teeth" remarkable imagery. Brought instant images to mind
and you are very welcome. I try to respond to others as I hope others would respond to me, and offer advice and constructive crit. I do love your style, very easy to understand, yet very deep when one examines it closely enough.

and hey, rybka, do I get initiated into that club?? I asume its the club for formatting gone wild@!!! ( giggle) I already placed a remove request. It came out lookin good on my Word...oh well, was worth a try..thanks again, Maria

 

[KillerMuffin]

Okay, I'm going to have to ditch the New Poems thing. Two reasons. One, I have too much work to do. Two, I keep forgetting to do it and all ya'll have to take up my slack anyway.

Sorry.

 

[WickedEve]

Okay, I'm going to have to ditch the New Poems thing. Two reasons. One, I have too much work to do. Two, I keep forgetting to do it and all ya'll have to take up my slack anyway.

Sorry.

I can relate. I'm actually celebrating for remembering to do it today. By the way, I'll be back later with reviews for today and yesterday, unless someone else wants to mention the new ones from yesterday.

 

[WickedEve]

7-7 & 7-8 new poems: links, excerpts, comments

anonymity in bloom
by Maria2394 ©

A brief poem about anonymity on the internet. This poem received an E.

----------

Up Yours
by Maria2394 ©

In your eye, I’d love to be.
Yes, in your eye, composing visually.
Mapping out your retina, my focus on your lens
optic, telescopic, upside down divisions.

I don't quite get the rhyme. It seems here and there, and the rhythm is off some, but the content is great. Good imagery, original. Lots to enjoy in this poem.

----------

a tie with knots
by Palau ©

so fragrant, flagrant privacy
sweetly soiled behind a tall rock
near beach waist deep

stroking his cleft chin,
thumbing a moist brow,
man in cowboy string strangler

Nice alliteration, pal. Really like this poem!
By the way, I had a tie like that once.

----------

Decisions – A Lesson is Learned
by DarkDreamerwithHope ©

He watches carefully
Evaluating and considering
Knows she is learning
Letting her explore
As she walks the bridge
Spanning two sides
Of a new world


There's a rather interesting story here, but the short lines eventually give this poem a "reading a long list" feel. I think if the lines were longer it would be a much nicer read.
Bottom line: not bad and can be easily improved with better line breaks.

----------

bourbon without ice
by OT ©

mosquitos buzz
in the thick dark
with no breeze

I like this. OT gives us just a moment -- a vivid glimpse. Well done!
(need another "e" in mosquitoes)

----------

ore Mia More
by Maria2394 ©

You gotta love this part:

tantalizing lemon-lime
passions not persuasions
embezzled from beyond
your pantry stores

----------

In Box
by denis hale ©

denis gives us poetry in a box:

at the slot machine ring-a-ling
of the instant messenger thing
when you rattle my cage,

nasty little girl
half my age
at least and

goddamnit I've got
work to do, never even
seen you
in the flesh

but already

with the laptop propped
all buttery warm on
my crotch
my cock

goddamnit, I have more poetry to review, so go read the rest of this before the laptop warms up way too much.

----------

Hills and Dales
by RazzRajen ©

Worth a read but I like this one better:

For the celestial girl
by RazzRajen ©

Evenings are
the best times
for reflection
those hues fill the sky
and wander into our hearts,
twisting lazily
in the breeze as the
batons of cheerleaders
legs splayed skirts arising

 

[WickedEve]

Almost forgot the oldie poem. (first time I ever remembered )

At Hiccup Rock
by smithpeter ©

Check it out. Good poem and photo!

 

[Maria2394]

Thanks a bunch Eve!

Dear Eve,

I really truly appreciate your kind generous words. and as for Up Yours..I worked it to death till I got tired of looking and thought I couldnt do anything else. The almost rhyme was accidental, and I will try to spruce it up when I feel better

I think it;s sort of like Angeline told Rainbow Skin on another thread that when she tries to be poetic, it's harder, same for me.. maybe for everyone, i dont know. But thanks again!

And OT and denis, way to go!! You guys already know how I felt about your new pieces.. thanks for something so cool to read.

live long and prose-per ( giggles) maria

 

[darkmaas]

Fool rushing in...

KM said:

Okay, I'm going to have to ditch the New Poems thing. Two reasons. One, I have too much work to do. Two, I keep forgetting to do it and all ya'll have to take up my slack anyway.

Sorry.

Assuming he can get a green card and a security clearance, darkmaas would be happy to take up some of Killer Muffin's slack.

Unless there are strenuous objections, Mondays are dedicated to lavalamp poetry, couplets that rhyme with flannel and Canadian spelling.



Note to Laurel:

If you find another Canadian reviewer, your Canadian content should be sufficient to qualify for "Canada Council for the Arts" funding. The money would go a long way towards beer and Timbits™. Just a suggestion.



Respectfully,

darkmaas

 

[Angeline]

Unless there are strenuous objections, Mondays are dedicated to lavalamp poetry, couplets that rhyme with flannel and Canadian spelling.

I object. Weakly. Not to you doing the reviews--you'll be good--but I never understood the allure of lavalamps, nothing rhymes with flannel (except panel), and aren't timbits donuts? Beer and donuts?

 

[darkmaas]

For you angeline

I'm sure laurel will spring for a nice chardonnay.

Btw. Timbits™ are the holes from the donuts and are akin to hors d'oeuvres for the beer and back bacon set.

Respectfully,

darkmaas

 

[OT]

Re: 7-7 & 7-8 new poems: links, excerpts, comments

----------

bourbon without ice
by OT ©

mosquitos buzz
in the thick dark
with no breeze

I like this. OT gives us just a moment -- a vivid glimpse. Well done!
(need another "e" in mosquitoes)

----------

thank you Eve.

O. (subscriber to the Dan Quayle alternate spelling dictionary) T.

 

[Palau]

Thank you, Eve



my soggy canvas shoes,
her bare feet in a stream
carpeted with smooth pebbles

near a pasture
we spy a cottage garden
over a fence

the tomatoes are delicious
as stolen apples,
our salt gained from our bare arms

we rub juicy
then sit and lay,
the salt remains

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: 7-7 & 7-8 new poems: links, excerpts, comments

thank you Eve.

O. (subscriber to the Dan Quayle alternate spelling dictionary) T.

Oh, if it's okay with Dan, then it's okay with me. lol And it's spelled Dan Quayl.

 

[BooMerengue]

Has anyone entered the Passenger view contest? she asked timidly... I did

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: 7-7 & 7-8 new poems: links, excerpts, comments

[
----------

Hills and Dales
by RazzRajen ©

Worth a read but I like this one better:

For the celestial girl
by RazzRajen ©

[/i] [/B]

Thanks Eve for the mention

Razz

 

[OT]

Wednesday, rainy Wednesday

A couple I noticed before I slog off into the wet ...

--------------------
I read this one several times (it's short). At first I couldn't figure out what the heck it was supposed to be about (maybe poetry before coffee is not a good thing... but I digress.)
After the Nth reading, I started to like it. I think it was the spread toes that finally got to me.
horse power by svelte walker

--------------------
Most interesting readof the day:
Underground fires by RazzRajen

Stone tablets, graven images
Nay he meant craven images
showed the way of sulphurous scents
rotten eggs and tar of cement
be the smouldering veins deep in the earth
Some fires, ground fires, underneath fires, buried fires
smoulder and burn for eons
who tends them who sights them

--------------------


If you see something that strikes your like bone, jump in here and share.

 

[WickedEve]

Has anyone entered the Passenger view contest? she asked timidly... I did

On the main page of the habit there's a link to the entries and Boo is there all alone! lol
I would have done what I used to do and that's have a mirror contest on this board but after the last time... well, some of you oldies remember.
Hey, Boo, if no one else enters then you get to be the winner.