new poems

[Rybka]

new poems on 9/14/03

The sun is well over the yardarm and so far today we have only six new submissions. Here is the “spinner" that I found for this Sunday. A completely self-evident little poem by Tristesse. Who gives us Front parlour.

Behind gleaming glass,
in airless space,
dust free treasures,
they lie
untouched.

Familiarity blinded us.

They were always there,
invisible,
until she died.

Her will opening the glass doors
reluctantly.

Our fingers leave smudges
Like sticky children.

We whisper,
wondering why.

Of the six new postings two are by the resident "pussyologist". That leaves four for possible recommendation. Of the four, none rise above mediocrity and some have to struggle to get that far.


Usually, I advise you to go read today's New Poetry, and make up your own mind. It won't take long to do today, but I doubt that you will find much worth your time, unless more postings are made later.

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[darkmaas]

New Poems, Monday, 15th September.

I have just realised that today is the due date for the Rybka's Challenge. I am remiss. There is no darkmaas original. (And I spent so much time doing field work. Off to drown my sorrows.) But before I go, I'll leave the poetic dram-nation for the moment, and focus on the routine poetry of the day.

Not a bad haul. Twenty odd poems and not a one that made me want to give up reading.



Let me start with Flippy by BooMerengue.

You fell out when the book opened
Well not you silly!
I had forgotten you were here!

The first stanza grabs your attention and seems so cheery. As the meaning of the poem sinks in, your emotions turn and the last stanzas close the page with a kind of twisted reprise of the original verse. Excellent.



After that you are pretty much on your own with perhaps the exception of Now You Die by body_parts. Perhaps it's the time of year, but this tale of love gone horribly wrong caught my interest. I'd be pleased to see a second opinion.

That's all for now,

darkmaas.

 

[Guest]

Re: new poems on 9/14/03

Here is the “spinner" that I found for this Sunday. A completely self-evident little poem by Tristesse.

Thankee. It's always a warm feeling to see the dust fly.

 

[BooMerengue]

Again, darkmaas, I thank you! You are too kind!

 

[Rybka]

Re: New Poems, Monday, 15th September.

. . .
Let me start with Flippy by BooMerengue. The first stanza grabs your attention and seems so cheery. As the meaning of the poem sinks in, your emotions turn and the last stanzas close the page with a kind of twisted reprise of the original verse. Excellent.
. . .

I am happy to second darkmaas' recommendation of this poem. It is a pure " 5" without a doubt. I just hope it is not from the poet's own life experience. - Anyway, at the least, read it and vote!

Regards, Rybka

 

[Maria2394]

Flippy gave me cold chills.. ..I am really impressed with Boo's work ( i hope that counts), even tho SHE is always insisting that she doesnt take her poetry seriously..somebody, spank that woman!!! and yes Rybka, it does deserve a 5..wish it could go higher....


and hey, Rybka, what WERE you doing in all my dreams last night??

 

[soupwarsproject]

Re: New poems 9/11/03

Divorce

Some of the poems were better than others (as is the case with any one poet's work), but I was delighted by some of the titles and thought of karmadog when I read the likes of
Omnimagnificence
Lascivious Home Video
and
Boxed Cake Mix Makes Good

I've been slowly traipsing around the threads and I was pleasantly surprised to find the nice comments here. THANK YOU!!! My poetry tends to be hit and miss, but I like to experiment. I am glad some of my experiments actually work. I throw these out there to Literotica land to see what works and doesn't. I figure it helps improve my writing. I will be sure to check out this thread more often as there seems to be lots of great poetry to look at.

Cheers,
Vas of the Soup Wars Project

 

[WickedEve]

9-16 New Poems

Nothing extraordinary today, but a few poems that were nice enough.

Offline
by Maria2394 ©

somehow connecting my heart
with my toes
and further up
between
what my husband calls his

Maria's Offline is better than most of the standard online infatuation poems. I like this one.

~

One Dram of Dreams Poem:
Drams and Dreams
by Rybka ©

Mugs of mead
Noggins of need
Ounces of ouzo
Pints of pleasure

I enjoyed the first stanza with its mugs, jiggers, flagons, etc. Give it a read.

~

A Fare-thee-Well
by Rybka ©

May you shine
My Lady tramp
From the shrine
Of Lavalamp

Fish's "till later" poem to Xtaabay. Nice poem with a cute ending.

~

Stares
by RazzRajen ©

Look inside and see what roils
coils
and looks back
with baneful stare

I found this one by Razz to be rather interesting. I had to read it a few times to decide whether or not I liked it. Some poems just take longer to sink in.

 

[BooMerengue]

Thank you again, you guys! You are too kind! Yes, its personal experience, but is not an unhappy thing. He was my best bud way back then- my sister's boy. Comin home from school excited about the things in his pocket! But truly- when I think of him it is w/ smiles. I am sure he has returned, still working/earning karma... and way ahead of the rest of us. In fact this generation of babies we have now all have traces of him in it! His great nieces and nephews! ...and the wheel goes 'round and 'round... I was just pleased to find that picture and book- thought they were lost!

I made an observation a few posts back. I think one of the reasons I am unsure of my own words is cuz they invoke no feeling in me. (except for Jenny-I was still feeling that- and it was too raw!) When I read others work I feel it. I have already felt mine and am past that. Maybe... just a theory.

If I could write an epic saga, or the sestina I was whining about- maybe then I'd feel I was writing poetry.

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: 9-16 New Poems

Nothing extraordinary today, but a few poems that were nice enough.


Stares
by RazzRajen ©

[I found this one by Razz to be rather interesting. I had to read it a few times to decide whether or not I liked it. Some poems just take longer to sink in.

Thanks Eve for the mention. as always Thanks for giving of your time to do the reviews.

Razz

 

[Angeline]

If I could write an epic saga, or the sestina I was whining about- maybe then I'd feel I was writing poetry.

Boo, take it from your readers then. You are.

 

[BooMerengue]

Boo, take it from your readers then. You are.

High praise, indeed!!

 

[Rybka]

Re: 9-16 New Poems

Nothing extraordinary today, but a few poems that were nice enough.


One Dram of Dreams Poem:
Drams and Dreams
by Rybka ©

Mugs of mead
Noggins of need
Ounces of ouzo
Pints of pleasure

I enjoyed the first stanza with its mugs, jiggers, flagons, etc. Give it a read.

~

A Fare-thee-Well
by Rybka ©

May you shine
My Lady tramp
From the shrine
Of Lavalamp

Fish's "till later" poem to Xtaabay. Nice poem with a cute ending.

~

Thank you for the mention W.E. - And BtW, I agree with your feedback about these two.

Regards, Rybka

 

[Maria2394]

Re: 9-16 New Poems

Nothing extraordinary today, but a few poems that were nice enough.

Offline
by Maria2394 ©

somehow connecting my heart
with my toes
and further up
between
what my husband calls his

Maria's Offline is better than most of the standard online infatuation poems. I like this one.

~

Thank you Wicked One for the mention and the feedback. I truly appreciate it maria

 

[destinie21]

Hey guys I'm here to critique the new poems today.
I myself have 3 new poems posted on today which I'll leave open for someone else to critique

Room by destinie21
Why I don't Cry by destinie21
The day I Thought I was Dead by destinie21

A poem that caught me and got me in my gut was
bridges of Konigsberg by Senna Jawa I enjoyed the flow and the language of it.

Senna Jawa got me again with poetry and then with Einstein's Window I guess I just like his style and more than that the message and theme. Kudos to you .


Sweetnpetite's Down On My Knees was a beautiful poem that put an early morning smile on my face which was promptly removed by the words of ScottishChieftan in Lonely road generally I don't dig angst filled morbid poems but the honesty in the words moved me. If a poem moves me to an emotional state I'm inclined to give the authour their due. (discounting, out and out rage or disdan as emotion of course) though just to note SC poem was from yesterday but I felt it was good enough to warrant mention in this critique.

Many regards the Mrs.

 

[ScottishChieftan]

Thank you Des.
It wasn't much of a piece and wasn't structured well. Took me all of a minute or less to open the hole in my soul and let it leak out. Should have prettied it up or something, but was inclined to share it in its raw state.
Sometimes the raw and uncultured image is more moving than the edited version.

 

[BooMerengue]

I wrote Scottish Chieftain yesterday and told him I liked that poem. I'm glad someone picked it.

 

[Cordelia]

New poems 9/18/03

Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical. Maybe my taste range is too narrow. But I found only one poem worthy of note in today's new poems.

~~~~~~~
My pick for today is:

My Girl Has 18 Moons by darkmaas.

A nice light poem that I guarantee will make you grin.

~~~~~~~

Sorry for the short review, but even the poems posted by the regulars seemed below the usual high quality I've come to expect from them. Hmmm... Maybe it's just me.

But go read for yourselves. And give feedback. And vote.


Cordelia

By the way... Maria2394 has a non-poem posted. Does anyone else get nothing when you click on her poem? What gives?

 

[BooMerengue]

Re: New poems 9/18/03

By the way... Maria2394 has a non-poem posted. Does anyone else get nothing when you click on her poem? What gives?

Hey!! Is this some kind of sick joke?? I have a LOT of 'non poems' posted here!! And when someone else clicks on them I get nothing!! I thought this was norm here!! Cordy! Are you saying it isn't????

 

[darkmaas]

Thanks Cordelia

for the mention.


Regarding Maria's offering;

Does anyone else get nothing when you click on her poem?

I suspect that Maria is either trying to outdo Angeline by taking minimalist poetry to it's logical extreme or is dabbling in blank verse.

Either way she deserves applause and a bucketful of 5 votes.

However it seems that most traces of this heroic effort have evaporated. Alas, the digital gods are fickle.

darkmaas

 

[BooMerengue]

I am bored; I am leaving right now to write a minimalist poem. HHmmm... and they call me Chatty Cathy! This should be good!

 

[perks]

today 19th

Ok, I think I'm having a love affair with denis hale.

I read this poem<didn't look at the name> And was enthralled, just loved the way the words shook me. They really stand up and make you notice their path and structure, but more than anything their emotional backing. Then I saw who wrote it and wondered how I was so easily swayed by him.

and he slaps
the wax paper against his palm
with purpose knowing
this to be the highline whore
who will pretend

once again to want
to fuck him
merely for the sheer
intensity and immensity

of his torrid
load of words...

He will start her off
in the lotus position
on the floor

with one of his very,
very old poems that
he never thought was any
damn good at all
but she will

get so convincingly glassy-eyed
enthralled, and beg him
to read it back
over and over

I'm convincingly glassy-eyed, myself. Come out, Come out, denis, wherever you are!

Viagra Sky

 

[BooMerengue]

OK! I did it- it's posted... "minimalist fright' who's the hangin' judge tonight? Or will it be tomorrow? *sitting here biting my nails...*

(This user is not making fun of anyone; just HAVING fun with words.)

 

[Angeline]

Minimalist Post

Hurricane Isabel passed to my west, and the sun is shining. However, Literotica may have been caught in her destructive little swath because I've been unable to access the site until now. Hence, new poem reviews will be rather delayed while I do important stuff like um gossip with my friends on yahoo and uh my nails.

Soon, soon....

 

[Maria2394]

Re: New poems 9/18/03

Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical. Maybe my taste range is too narrow. But I found only one poem worthy of note in today's new poems.

~~~~~~~
My pick for today is:

My Girl Has 18 Moons by darkmaas.

A nice light poem that I guarantee will make you grin.

~~~~~~~

Sorry for the short review, but even the poems posted by the regulars seemed below the usual high quality I've come to expect from them. Hmmm... Maybe it's just me.

But go read for yourselves. And give feedback. And vote.


Cordelia

By the way... Maria2394 has a non-poem posted. Does anyone else get nothing when you click on her poem? What gives?

Cordelia,
I already removed the poem, because the friend I wrote it for was "worried" about the response I might get. I wasn't worried, but I didnt want him to be upset when there was no reason so I did the easiest thing and deleted, thats all... sorry for any inconvenience it might have caused anyone Maria