nh's big book of Dr. visits.

[nh23]

nh, I have orders. I am to tell Sir if ever I'm feeling unwell. A headache, period cramps, indigestion - doesn't matter, cos He wants to know

I found it rather strange at first, and I'd try and hide things, because as you know He's got much worse health than I have. I didn't want to worry Him, or be a burden. However He said that I have to look after myself because if I get sick how can I take care of Him? So that means off to the doctor for things like a sore throat which I used to suck up and not bother about unless they got really bad.

I'm not used to being cared about. My ex never used to care about me - I remember being in bed with a really bad flu for 3 days and off to work on the farm he'd go and leave me to take care of myself until the kids got home from school. I broke my toe 3 years ago and Sir was trying to look after me and I snapped at Him, I hated feeling so helpless (luckily He understood but still ordered me to stay on the couch and He would cook dinner thank you very much!)

Awww..you and your Sir are so sweet. It's obvious how much you love each other. Thank you for the advice.

 

[nh23]

Today was not a good day for a birthday.

And as I try to understand how she feels I wish I knew so I could tell her at least something to make her understand how much she doesn't upset me, or sadden me.

How her existence has always been and always will be the brightest and most fulfilling thing I have ever known.

How every day I....

I just love her, my sunshine.

I love you pet.

I love you too Master. Please be patient with me right now. I'm trying. I promise.

 

[minx1]

How her existence has always been and always will be the brightest and most fulfilling thing I have ever known.

How every day I....

I just love her, my sunshine.

I love you pet.

I love you too Master. Please be patient with me right now. I'm trying. I promise.

And you and your M share something very special too.

Its lovely

Hope you are doing ok today nh

 

[eastern sun]

I would hurt for them, I would be sad. But that's the role I play in life. To take the dirt and hard times so the ones I love don't have to. I've had the hardest time getting the Domly ones to understand this. I think the subbies/slaves may get how I feel a bit more.

I've spent my life trying to make life better for the people I care about. It is my place to make things better. I feel like right now I'm causing a lot of pain. I know it's irrational. I know it's not my fault. But it's a hurt that's associated with me. If that makes sense. I have no idea how to articulate this.

I totally get this, nh. I think I would feel the same way you do in your situation.

But . . . this might be easier to see from an outside perspective . . . you may still be "making their life better," even as you go through this. It's a very generous gift to let someone love you and care for you. Don't be frightened of your Master's feelings.

I think any slave who sticks with it long enough is going to meet their edge. Maybe all the painful stuff isn't that hard for you. Maybe this is your edge - being loved. Maybe this is the stuff you have to learn to accept, willingly and without shame.

 

[nh23]

And you and your M share something very special too.

Its lovely

Hope you are doing ok today nh

Just feeling really angry today.

Thank you! I do love him so very much.

 

[nh23]

I totally get this, nh. I think I would feel the same way you do in your situation.

But . . . this might be easier to see from an outside perspective . . . you may still be "making their life better," even as you go through this. It's a very generous gift to let someone love you and care for you. Don't be frightened of your Master's feelings.

I think any slave who sticks with it long enough is going to meet their edge. Maybe all the painful stuff isn't that hard for you. Maybe this is your edge - being loved. Maybe this is the stuff you have to learn to accept, willingly and without shame.

Wow. I have never thought about it this way I guess, but you are so right on here. This has given me a lot to think about. Thank you so much for this.

 

[nh23]

The clinic failed to mention to me that I would be passing huge chucks of tissue a few days after the biopsy. I almost had a heart attack today. Called the nurse at the hospital and she was cursing the clinic..LOL. I should know things like that, but the fact that I'm a nurse sometimes goes out the window when I see something that weird.

Master and I sat down with the kids today and told them about the cancer. I didn't want to, but my little girl is eight, and not dumb. She was going to figure it out. She already knew something was different with me. We found a great site to help with it. http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=213

Right now my four year old is no different. Empathy doesn't usually come until a little later in kids. My daughter has been catering to me all day. Asking if I've taken my medicine and trying to feed me..like spoon feed me..LOL She said it makes her feel better. So I got fed my lunch today.

I now know the fatigue I've been feeling in the last six months or so is not just me being lazy, and that's a relief. Well I never thought it was laziness, but I did think it was from one of my meds. It's actually one of the side effects of cervical cancer. As is the cervical pain I've been having and ignoring after sex for the last few months.

Please ladies do not ignore theses symptoms. I could have caught mine earlier if had paid attention. I also skipped my paps for the last four years, and that's another reason we didn't know about the HPV and it was allowed to eat at me.

Oh, and the smoking...I won't comment on that now. But I need to stop ASAP.

Get your paps every year! I love so many of you and don't want you to go through this too.

 

[Keroin]

Please ladies do not ignore theses symptoms. I could have caught mine earlier if had paid attention. I also skipped my paps for the last four years, and that's another reason we didn't know about the HPV and it was allowed to eat at me.

Oh, and the smoking...I won't comment on that now. But I need to stop ASAP.

Get your paps every year! I love so many of you and don't want you to go through this too.

Shout this from the rooftops.

Better yet, email my sister - whom I would love to strangle because she is almost 50 and she never gets a pap or breast exam done because she's too shy.

It's quick, it's relatively painless, the doctor has seen it all before...just do it!

 

[nh23]

Shout this from the rooftops.

Better yet, email my sister - whom I would love to strangle because she is almost 50 and she never gets a pap or breast exam done because she's too shy.

It's quick, it's relatively painless, the doctor has seen it all before...just do it!

PM me her email address. I will be happy to tell her that a very small amount of discomfort now could save her a ton of physical, and emotional pain in the future.

 

[Keroin]

PM me her email address. I will be happy to tell her that a very small amount of discomfort now could save her a ton of physical, and emotional pain in the future.

Oh she knows...*grumbles*. Our mom, her biological mom, died of cancer. Also, my sister smokes. Don't even get me started on that one.

But thanks for the offer. Now I'm grouchy. Hmpf. think I'll email her today.

 

[ZRT]

Yay! Thank you!


I would hurt for them, I would be sad. But that's the role I play in life. To take the dirt and hard times so the ones I love don't have to. I've had the hardest time getting the Domly ones to understand this. I think the subbies/slaves may get how I feel a bit more.

I've spent my life trying to make life better for the people I care about. It is my place to make things better. I feel like right now I'm causing a lot of pain. I know it's irrational. I know it's not my fault. But it's a hurt that's associated with me. If that makes sense. I have no idea how to articulate this.

It's also harder for me with the males in my life. I told bunny, and kitty, and my mom etc..and we could cry and vent together. I hate to bring them sadness too, but it's different.

The hardest people for me to tell were Master, my Daddy, You, Homburg, and MisterSir. I have a very hard time bringing any type of sadness to the male persuasion. That probably makes even less sense.....

I dunno. I was very proud of MisterSir today. He's going to make a fine Dom to a lucky young lady. He yelled at me for blaming myself! Like I said it's hard for the Domly ones to get it, but it tickled me that he sounded like Master. He's moving along quite well.

I think Homburg has a good idea because of what he and MIS went through recently.

I know Master is upset with me for feeling this way, and I'm trying not to.Right now, it's just the stage that I'm in.

I get where you come from with this, but there's a flip side (masterly) to this coin.

In my perspective, when I have possession of a woman, her safety and protection are my responsibility. If she's suffering, it should damn well be because I'm inflicting it, not because piddly outside stuff like life or the world thinks they can intrude on my prerogatives.

 

[cromsgirl]

Quite a few people I know have had great success quitting smoking with Chantix, myself and my husband included. We are on our third month of the pills and will be off them soon. I haven't wanted a smoke since we quit. It has been very easy so far. I'm not sure if it will mix with your other medications, though. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

 

[unregistered]

 

[nh23]

I get where you come from with this, but there's a flip side (masterly) to this coin.

In my perspective, when I have possession of a woman, her safety and protection are my responsibility. If she's suffering, it should damn well be because I'm inflicting it, not because piddly outside stuff like life or the world thinks they can intrude on my prerogatives.

You know Master has a customer that I really like and chat with sometimes on yahoo. He's a male slave and he's got so many ideas that are like mine.

He told me that Master can actually use some of this to help both of us.

Say my meds for example, have horrible side effects and I hate taking them. He suggested that Master monitor me taking the pills and tell me that the side effects are me being a good girl and suffering for him. For what he wanted me to do. I thought it was actually a good idea to some extent.

There was a lot more to it, but I have to leave for work soon. I'll come back to this tomorrow.

 

[nh23]

Quite a few people I know have had great success quitting smoking with Chantix, myself and my husband included. We are on our third month of the pills and will be off them soon. I haven't wanted a smoke since we quit. It has been very easy so far. I'm not sure if it will mix with your other medications, though. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

I asked my Dr about this Wednesday. As of right now she doesn't want me on it.

 

[nh23]

Whoa, where the hell have I been?!? Huge hugs to you, nh!

Thanks *hugs back*

 

[ecstaticsub]

<<snip>>

Get your paps every year! I love so many of you and don't want you to go through this too.

Yearly paps save lives, there is no question about that. I had a hysterectomy over 5 yrs ago (vaginal so I no longer have a uterus) I was told at the time to continue to have paps done every year for 2 years and then I could stop.

A few months ago I went to my gyn for yearly STD testing and she said that I should have vaginal paps done every year.

I'm glad I did, they came back positive for abnormal cells. I had surgery to remove scar tissue from my hysterectomy and to biopsy the abnormal areas. For me it came back as benign lesions but I was told to have vaginal paps done yearly for the rest of my life.

 

[nh23]

I'm taking comfort in the fact that the universe is unfair.

 

[MisterSir]

Trust me, guys, it makes sense in context.

 

[Homburg]

And as I try to understand how she feels I wish I knew so I could tell her at least something to make her understand how much she doesn't upset me, or sadden me.

This was a tough message for me to get across to MIS when she was going through the heart surgeries. She felt like she was a burden, a drag, that I was being worn too thin. I kept telling her she was not a burden, and that I was fine, really. It's weird. They want us to be strong, and love that strength. Yet, when we are making use of it in situations like these, they feel bad.

A while back, I was feeling low, and a very smart girl looked at me and told me that I'd been strong for her many times, and now it was her turn to be strong for me. Well, she takes care of you all the time. This time it is your turn to take care of her. Getting her to accept that is the tricky part though

 

[ZRT]

You know Master has a customer that I really like and chat with sometimes on yahoo. He's a male slave and he's got so many ideas that are like mine.

He told me that Master can actually use some of this to help both of us.

Say my meds for example, have horrible side effects and I hate taking them. He suggested that Master monitor me taking the pills and tell me that the side effects are me being a good girl and suffering for him. For what he wanted me to do. I thought it was actually a good idea to some extent.

There was a lot more to it, but I have to leave for work soon. I'll come back to this tomorrow.

Smart dude. I like that one. I've said stuff like this before, but never quite articulated it so clearly.

 

[LMs_ds]

I now know the fatigue I've been feeling in the last six months or so is not just me being lazy, and that's a relief. Well I never thought it was laziness, but I did think it was from one of my meds. It's actually one of the side effects of cervical cancer. As is the cervical pain I've been having and ignoring after sex for the last few months.

Please ladies do not ignore theses symptoms. I could have caught mine earlier if had paid attention. I also skipped my paps for the last four years, and that's another reason we didn't know about the HPV and it was allowed to eat at me.

Oh, and the smoking...I won't comment on that now. But I need to stop ASAP.

Get your paps every year! I love so many of you and don't want you to go through this too.

nh23, we don't know each other but I wanted to say that I'll be keeping you, your Master and your family in my thoughts.

Ladies:

Even if you've had a hysterectomy with cervix removed KEEP getting pap smears. I found out about 10 years ago that HPV can cause vaginal cancer too. I was lucky, mine never got to that point but it was heading there quickly and it took surgery to remove the problem areas.

And if you have daughters, please consider getting them vaccinated for HPV.

 

[nh23]

Yearly paps save lives, there is no question about that. I had a hysterectomy over 5 yrs ago (vaginal so I no longer have a uterus) I was told at the time to continue to have paps done every year for 2 years and then I could stop.

A few months ago I went to my gyn for yearly STD testing and she said that I should have vaginal paps done every year.

I'm glad I did, they came back positive for abnormal cells. I had surgery to remove scar tissue from my hysterectomy and to biopsy the abnormal areas. For me it came back as benign lesions but I was told to have vaginal paps done yearly for the rest of my life.

Yes! My mom had a hysterectomy when she was 17. In her 30's her ovaries failed, calcified and had to be dug out. *shudders* She still gets yearly paps.

I'm kinda thankful for the ovarian failure thing right now. That is what sent me to the Dr. in the first place. I've been having night sweats, irregular periods, mood swings etc. So I figured my ovaries were also failing. The verdict is still out on that one.

 

[nh23]

Smart dude. I like that one. I've said stuff like this before, but never quite articulated it so clearly.

Yes he's great! He talked to us about this before we got the cancer diagnosis, when I was dealing with other things. He's on vacation now so he's unaware of recent developments, I'm sure he will have some more great advice.

Another thing Master did to try to help himself have some control over the situation was to give me a hypno trigger to help with pain. He gave it to me a few days before the biopsy. They don't use any type of anesthesia. It all got spoiled though. My mother was supposed to watch the kids so he could go with me and backed out at the last minute. So I had to go back by myself while he stayed in the waiting room.

He's also been micromanaging what I eat. The medicines were giving me anorexia, and then when I did want to eat I craved junk. He's been monitoring my meals, and making me drink a V-8 each day. It's actually really important right now as we are trying to build my immune system back up.

 

[nh23]

nh23, we don't know each other but I wanted to say that I'll be keeping you, your Master and your family in my thoughts.

Ladies:

Even if you've had a hysterectomy with cervix removed KEEP getting pap smears. I found out about 10 years ago that HPV can cause vaginal cancer too. I was lucky, mine never got to that point but it was heading there quickly and it took surgery to remove the problem areas.

And if you have daughters, please consider getting them vaccinated for HPV.

Thank you so much!

And yes we are talking about having my daughter vaccinated ASAP. It should be mandatory like other vaccines. HPV is a killer. It cause tons of problems, and cancer in multiple areas. We need more awareness about it.