nh's big book of Dr. visits.

[minx1]

Please ladies do not ignore theses symptoms. I could have caught mine earlier if had paid attention. I also skipped my paps for the last four years, and that's another reason we didn't know about the HPV and it was allowed to eat at me.

Get your paps every year! I love so many of you and don't want you to go through this too.

You are so right nh.

My mum hadn't been for years...it was only me nagging her that made her go....thats when they found hers.

Ironically I have been putting off going for mine
and i need to...I have unexplained stomach aches that I usually dismiss as ibs or something...I'm great at diagnosing myself

Partly i put it off because for as long as i can remember in the UK you are reminded to go for a smear every 3 years and I had my last about 3 years ago...but yeah yearly testing is exactly what every woman should be pushing for

 

[Bandit58]

When I turned 50 last year I got a pap smear reminder AND a breastscreen reminder in the same week Plus I got sent a bowel cancer test kit, which I didn't use

I went and had the smear and the mammogram though (all clear). I should go and get a colonoscopy.....my father was diagnosed with rectal cancer when he was my age (in 1981). He had surgery and had a colostomy bag for the rest of his life, but remained cancer free until his death in 2005.

I will ask for a referral when I go to the doctor next time. Sir's orders!

 

[nh23]

You are so right nh.

My mum hadn't been for years...it was only me nagging her that made her go....thats when they found hers.

Ironically I have been putting off going for mine
and i need to...I have unexplained stomach aches that I usually dismiss as ibs or something...I'm great at diagnosing myself

Partly i put it off because for as long as i can remember in the UK you are reminded to go for a smear every 3 years and I had my last about 3 years ago...but yeah yearly testing is exactly what every woman should be pushing for

I spent a lot of time diagnosing myself too, and I'm a nurse..LOL

You have an appt scheduled, right?

The US recommends yearly, unless you've ever had an abnormal pap, or test positive for HPV, then every six months.

 

[nh23]

When I turned 50 last year I got a pap smear reminder AND a breastscreen reminder in the same week Plus I got sent a bowel cancer test kit, which I didn't use

I went and had the smear and the mammogram though (all clear). I should go and get a colonoscopy.....my father was diagnosed with rectal cancer when he was my age (in 1981). He had surgery and had a colostomy bag for the rest of his life, but remained cancer free until his death in 2005.

I will ask for a referral when I go to the doctor next time. Sir's orders!

Good girl! Who sent you a bowel cancer test kit? I'm curious about that now.

 

[MasDom]

This was a tough message for me to get across to MIS when she was going through the heart surgeries. She felt like she was a burden, a drag, that I was being worn too thin. I kept telling her she was not a burden, and that I was fine, really. It's weird. They want us to be strong, and love that strength. Yet, when we are making use of it in situations like these, they feel bad.

A while back, I was feeling low, and a very smart girl looked at me and told me that I'd been strong for her many times, and now it was her turn to be strong for me. Well, she takes care of you all the time. This time it is your turn to take care of her. Getting her to accept that is the tricky part though

pet is a stubborn little girl, I'll tell you that. She grew up so self sufficient, I don't think she even knows how to let someone take care of her. I deeply appreciate her friends telling her these things. Maybe she'll listen to you. Right now both of us are a little in shock, and it's hard to connect. So maybe your views from the outside really do help. Right now we're just in a calm shock.

 

[myinnerslut]

When I had my last heart attack - the one that actually *scared* me - I had this song running around in my head while they were tying me up to the ekg and stuff...

Tim McGraw - "Live Like You Were Dyin'"

He said, "I was in my early forties
With a lot of life before me
When a moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days
Looking at the x-rays
Talking about the options, talking 'bout sweet time."

And I asked him when it sank in
That this might really be the real end
"How's it hit ya', get that kind of news
Man, what'd you do?" He said,

"I went sky diving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds
On a bull named FuManChu. And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
And gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
And he said, "Some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying."

He said, "I was finally the husband
That most the time I wasn't
I became a friend a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden going fishin'
Wasn't such an impostition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.

"And I finally read the good book
And I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all
again..... and then

"I went sky diving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds
On a bull named FuManChu And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
And gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
And he said, "Some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying,

"Like tomorrow was a gift
And you've got eternity to think about
What you'd do with it
What did you do with it
What did I do with it
What would I do with it

"Sky divin',
n' I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds
On a bull named FumanChu
And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flying."
And he said, "Some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying."​

i thought about that song in the hospital too.

 

[Homburg]

pet is a stubborn little girl, I'll tell you that. She grew up so self sufficient, I don't think she even knows how to let someone take care of her. I deeply appreciate her friends telling her these things. Maybe she'll listen to you. Right now both of us are a little in shock, and it's hard to connect. So maybe your views from the outside really do help. Right now we're just in a calm shock.

I got this impression as well.

I wish I could figure out something to say to help on the shock, but I'm not that level of wordsmith. I don't really think anyone is.

 

[Bandit58]

Good girl! Who sent you a bowel cancer test kit? I'm curious about that now.

Everyone in Australia has a Medicare card and is on file at the Medicare office. Apparently everyone turning 50, 55 or 65 gets sent one of these kits. You can also buy them at the local pharmacy for $5

I think I would rather go through the colonoscopy though, seeing there's a family history. A friend has one every 2 years, her mother died of bowel cancer

 

[CutieMouse]

pet is a stubborn little girl, I'll tell you that. She grew up so self sufficient, I don't think she even knows how to let someone take care of her. I deeply appreciate her friends telling her these things. Maybe she'll listen to you. Right now both of us are a little in shock, and it's hard to connect. So maybe your views from the outside really do help. Right now we're just in a calm shock.

I got this impression as well.

In the bluntest terms possible [from someone who used to recoil in horror at the idea of being "taken care of" and still struggles with the wrong-feelingness of the concept]:

It can be the height of arrogance, to deny the one you love and adore the opportunity to express his [or her] love and adoration in return... denying a Lover the experience of taking care of you, means denying them that last.little.bit.of Self. It's a wall. An artificial construct. A way to hide, that is utterly deniable. As the pyl, we get to take pride in our ability to cater to everyone else's needs (Look! He wants for nothing!), but sometimes in the process we forget that a PYL can have a very sincere and real need to cater to us.

Respect his Love enough to allow him to express it however he feels is best - even if it means from an "outside" perspective (or your own standards) you aren't living up to being a "real/true/whatever" slave/partner/lover.

It makes you no less a slave; it makes him no less a Master.

***

As for the diagnosis... fight for your health. Demand it. You don't deserve the treatment you've received, and no amount of debt is too much (in the long run) to risk your health.

[As an aside, most hospitals/doctors will significantly reduce fees when the patients are essentially paying with cash. They save staff time by not having to fight insurance companies, and most medical establishments have a financial aid office that can help walk you through whatever process you need to figure out.]

 

[Sir_Winston54]

In the bluntest terms possible [from someone who used to recoil in horror at the idea of being "taken care of" and still struggles with the wrong-feelingness of the concept]:

It can be the height of arrogance, to deny the one you love and adore the opportunity to express his [or her] love and adoration in return... denying a Lover the experience of taking care of you, means denying them that last.little.bit.of Self. It's a wall. An artificial construct. A way to hide, that is utterly deniable. As the pyl, we get to take pride in our ability to cater to everyone else's needs (Look! He wants for nothing!), but sometimes in the process we forget that a PYL can have a very sincere and real need to cater to us.

Respect his Love enough to allow him to express it however he feels is best - even if it means from an "outside" perspective (or your own standards) you aren't living up to being a "real/true/whatever" slave/partner/lover.

It makes you no less a slave; it makes him no less a Master.

***

As for the diagnosis... fight for your health. Demand it. You don't deserve the treatment you've received, and no amount of debt is too much (in the long run) to risk your health.

[As an aside, most hospitals/doctors will significantly reduce fees when the patients are essentially paying with cash. They save staff time by not having to fight insurance companies, and most medical establishments have a financial aid office that can help walk you through whatever process you need to figure out.]

Huzzah! GREAT post!

 

[nh23]

Everyone in Australia has a Medicare card and is on file at the Medicare office. Apparently everyone turning 50, 55 or 65 gets sent one of these kits. You can also buy them at the local pharmacy for $5

I think I would rather go through the colonoscopy though, seeing there's a family history. A friend has one every 2 years, her mother died of bowel cancer

Oh, ok. I don't think we have anything like that here. If we do I'm not aware of it. But you're right if you are at high risk a colonoscopy is for the best.

 

[nh23]

In the bluntest terms possible [from someone who used to recoil in horror at the idea of being "taken care of" and still struggles with the wrong-feelingness of the concept]:

It can be the height of arrogance, to deny the one you love and adore the opportunity to express his [or her] love and adoration in return... denying a Lover the experience of taking care of you, means denying them that last.little.bit.of Self. It's a wall. An artificial construct. A way to hide, that is utterly deniable. As the pyl, we get to take pride in our ability to cater to everyone else's needs (Look! He wants for nothing!), but sometimes in the process we forget that a PYL can have a very sincere and real need to cater to us.

Respect his Love enough to allow him to express it however he feels is best - even if it means from an "outside" perspective (or your own standards) you aren't living up to being a "real/true/whatever" slave/partner/lover.

It makes you no less a slave; it makes him no less a Master.

***

As for the diagnosis... fight for your health. Demand it. You don't deserve the treatment you've received, and no amount of debt is too much (in the long run) to risk your health.

[As an aside, most hospitals/doctors will significantly reduce fees when the patients are essentially paying with cash. They save staff time by not having to fight insurance companies, and most medical establishments have a financial aid office that can help walk you through whatever process you need to figure out.]

I can see that. I can understand it totally.... honestly. I think I'm dealing with things rather oddly right now. Master keeps yelling at me for disconnecting and not telling him how I really feel. But that's how I've always been. I don't remember the majority of my childhood. That's how my mind deals with things. I just push them farther and farther down. Until I don't think about them much at all. He wants me to talk about how I really feel, and I'm too busy trying to bury it and put on a happy face.

MIS said something to me in PM about one of the first emotions people feel. WHy me? That has not crossed my mind at all. I think I've just expected things like this my entire life and it doesn't surprise me in the least when they happen. Or maybe it's a this is what I deserve thing. I have no idea.

I know every time Master says I want to sit down and talk about all this my mind balks. I try to do everything I can not to talk about it. I've been posting some here and he reads those, but there is a lot more I'm not posting or acknowledging at all.

I think right now I'm sick, I'm not feeling good, and I'm tired. But, I'm still capable. I'm still working, I can still take care of myself. Would it be easier if I let him get dinner, or clean up..yes. But I think maybe i'll be a lot sicker later and he'll have so much on his hands then. I should do what I can now..I don't know. I'm really very confused right now.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I think right now I'm sick, I'm not feeling good, and I'm tired. But, I'm still capable. I'm still working, I can still take care of myself. Would it be easier if I let him get dinner, or clean up..yes. But I think maybe i'll be a lot sicker later and he'll have so much on his hands then. I should do what I can now..I don't know. I'm really very confused right now.

I think probably what he wants you to do as "what [you] can now" is to apply as much of your strength as possible to fighting this with all your spirit, and to let him *help* you fight by doing the things *he* can, to let you use that strength for fighting, not cooking, cleaning up, etc.

OTOH... if doing *most* of what you have done all along helps you to feel stronger, then do as much of it as you can without weakening yourself for the fight, but help him understand that these accomplishments actually help you feel stronger.

In the long run, though, whichever way you go: Communication, my friend... I know it's hard, especially for you, but it's what he deserves, wants and needs from you most of all. He needs to feel as much a part of this fight as he possibly can, and you can't let him do that if you don't share as much as you can.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I can see that. I can understand it totally.... honestly. I think I'm dealing with things rather oddly right now. Master keeps yelling at me for disconnecting and not telling him how I really feel. But that's how I've always been. I don't remember the majority of my childhood. That's how my mind deals with things. I just push them farther and farther down. Until I don't think about them much at all. He wants me to talk about how I really feel, and I'm too busy trying to bury it and put on a happy face.

I think right now I'm sick, I'm not feeling good, and I'm tired. But, I'm still capable. I'm still working, I can still take care of myself. Would it be easier if I let him get dinner, or clean up..yes. But I think maybe i'll be a lot sicker later and he'll have so much on his hands then. I should do what I can now..I don't know. I'm really very confused right now.

I deal with things in a similar fashion. Either my brain will freeze and I can't think at all of my body will freeze and I will be thinking a response but can't physically voice it.

I also feel powerless unless I'm doing something. I was told last night that I can't always make things better but my thought was that even though I know that to be true, I could try.

I think probably what he wants you to do as "what [you] can now" is to apply as much of your strength as possible to fighting this with all your spirit, and to let him *help* you fight by doing the things *he* can, to let you use that strength for fighting, not cooking, cleaning up, etc.

OTOH... if doing *most* of what you have done all along helps you to feel stronger, then do as much of it as you can without weakening yourself for the fight, but help him understand that these accomplishments actually help you feel stronger.

In the long run, though, whichever way you go: Communication, my friend... I know it's hard, especially for you, but it's what he deserves, wants and needs from you most of all. He needs to feel as much a part of this fight as he possibly can, and you can't let him do that if you don't share as much as you can.

This is good advice even though it is hard as hell for some of us to follow. Since I freeze up so much, I've been trying to at least follow up with explanation later. I've also been really trying to make it a point to say things in person more....which inevitably leads to more freezing up. I can't say that it is getting easier yet though. I sure hope it will but it will take a lot more for me to work through things to get to the point where it will be easier. I think having this to write down thoughts and concerns will help with the communication. Perhaps a journal where you can voice things that you don't want anyone but him to see would help?

 

[MasDom]

In the bluntest terms possible [from someone who used to recoil in horror at the idea of being "taken care of" and still struggles with the wrong-feelingness of the concept]:

It can be the height of arrogance, to deny the one you love and adore the opportunity to express his [or her] love and adoration in return... denying a Lover the experience of taking care of you, means denying them that last.little.bit.of Self. It's a wall. An artificial construct. A way to hide, that is utterly deniable. As the pyl, we get to take pride in our ability to cater to everyone else's needs (Look! He wants for nothing!), but sometimes in the process we forget that a PYL can have a very sincere and real need to cater to us.

Respect his Love enough to allow him to express it however he feels is best - even if it means from an "outside" perspective (or your own standards) you aren't living up to being a "real/true/whatever" slave/partner/lover.

It makes you no less a slave; it makes him no less a Master.

***

As for the diagnosis... fight for your health. Demand it. You don't deserve the treatment you've received, and no amount of debt is too much (in the long run) to risk your health.

[As an aside, most hospitals/doctors will significantly reduce fees when the patients are essentially paying with cash. They save staff time by not having to fight insurance companies, and most medical establishments have a financial aid office that can help walk you through whatever process you need to figure out.]

I think probably what he wants you to do as "what [you] can now" is to apply as much of your strength as possible to fighting this with all your spirit, and to let him *help* you fight by doing the things *he* can, to let you use that strength for fighting, not cooking, cleaning up, etc.

OTOH... if doing *most* of what you have done all along helps you to feel stronger, then do as much of it as you can without weakening yourself for the fight, but help him understand that these accomplishments actually help you feel stronger.

In the long run, though, whichever way you go: Communication, my friend... I know it's hard, especially for you, but it's what he deserves, wants and needs from you most of all. He needs to feel as much a part of this fight as he possibly can, and you can't let him do that if you don't share as much as you can.

Yes, this exactly.

 

[MasDom]

I can see that. I can understand it totally.... honestly. I think I'm dealing with things rather oddly right now. Master keeps yelling at me for disconnecting and not telling him how I really feel. But that's how I've always been. I don't remember the majority of my childhood. That's how my mind deals with things. I just push them farther and farther down. Until I don't think about them much at all. He wants me to talk about how I really feel, and I'm too busy trying to bury it and put on a happy face.

MIS said something to me in PM about one of the first emotions people feel. WHy me? That has not crossed my mind at all. I think I've just expected things like this my entire life and it doesn't surprise me in the least when they happen. Or maybe it's a this is what I deserve thing. I have no idea.

I know every time Master says I want to sit down and talk about all this my mind balks. I try to do everything I can not to talk about it. I've been posting some here and he reads those, but there is a lot more I'm not posting or acknowledging at all.

I think right now I'm sick, I'm not feeling good, and I'm tired. But, I'm still capable. I'm still working, I can still take care of myself. Would it be easier if I let him get dinner, or clean up..yes. But I think maybe i'll be a lot sicker later and he'll have so much on his hands then. I should do what I can now..I don't know. I'm really very confused right now.

It means a lot to me that you wrote this. It helps me to understand how you feel. I know things are distant right now, even though we are face to face all the time. I know it's hard to confront this and it's really personal so it makes sense that it's easier for you to write about it. I love you sunshine.

 

[nh23]

It means a lot to me that you wrote this. It helps me to understand how you feel. I know things are distant right now, even though we are face to face all the time. I know it's hard to confront this and it's really personal so it makes sense that it's easier for you to write about it. I love you sunshine.

We're probably giving someone diabetes. Can I change the subject for a second? When we ever end up tying the knot, I have a request. I want this song played. Pretty please?

Type O Negative
Love you to Death

In her place one hundred candles burning
As salty sweat drips from her breast
Her hips move and I can feel what theyre saying, swaying
They say the beast inside of mes gonna get ya, get ya,get...

Black lipstick stains her class of red wine
I am your servant, may I light your cigarette?
Those lips smooth, yeah I can feel what youre saying, praying
They say the beast inside of mes gonna get ya, get ya, get...

I beg to serve, your wish is my law
Now close those eyes and let me love you to death
Shall I prove I mean what Im saying, begging
I say the beast inside of mes gonna get ya, get ya, get..

Let me love you too
Let me love you to death

Hey am I good enough for you?
Hey am I good enough for you?
Am i?
Am i?
Am I good enough
For you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZd8nMmWw8A

 

[nh23]

I think probably what he wants you to do as "what [you] can now" is to apply as much of your strength as possible to fighting this with all your spirit, and to let him *help* you fight by doing the things *he* can, to let you use that strength for fighting, not cooking, cleaning up, etc.

OTOH... if doing *most* of what you have done all along helps you to feel stronger, then do as much of it as you can without weakening yourself for the fight, but help him understand that these accomplishments actually help you feel stronger.

In the long run, though, whichever way you go: Communication, my friend... I know it's hard, especially for you, but it's what he deserves, wants and needs from you most of all. He needs to feel as much a part of this fight as he possibly can, and you can't let him do that if you don't share as much as you can.

You're right. I know you're right. I'm not going to just drop everything and rest. It's just not me, however letting him get dinner or laundry on the days I"m really tired isn't going to end the world.

I've been having the fatigue for about the last six months. I thought it was one of my meds or the ovarian failure. I'm normally a really hyper person. And lately I've still been really active, but I've been forcing it. I would much rather sleep all the time.

So I have to find a balance. It's not good for me to run myself ragged, nor is it good for me to just disconnect and sleep all the time either. The middle ground is the hardest. Keeping busy or disconnecting is just so easy. I need to buck up and face this more head on. *puts on her big girl panties*

 

[nh23]

I deal with things in a similar fashion. Either my brain will freeze and I can't think at all of my body will freeze and I will be thinking a response but can't physically voice it.

I also feel powerless unless I'm doing something. I was told last night that I can't always make things better but my thought was that even though I know that to be true, I could try.

Yes!

This is good advice even though it is hard as hell for some of us to follow. Since I freeze up so much, I've been trying to at least follow up with explanation later. I've also been really trying to make it a point to say things in person more....which inevitably leads to more freezing up. I can't say that it is getting easier yet though. I sure hope it will but it will take a lot more for me to work through things to get to the point where it will be easier. I think having this to write down thoughts and concerns will help with the communication. Perhaps a journal where you can voice things that you don't want anyone but him to see would help?

Maybe, I have a live journal just for him already. I haven't posted in it for almost a year I don't think.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I can see that. I can understand it totally.... honestly. I think I'm dealing with things rather oddly right now. Master keeps yelling at me for disconnecting and not telling him how I really feel. But that's how I've always been. I don't remember the majority of my childhood. That's how my mind deals with things. I just push them farther and farther down. Until I don't think about them much at all. He wants me to talk about how I really feel, and I'm too busy trying to bury it and put on a happy face.

MIS said something to me in PM about one of the first emotions people feel. WHy me? That has not crossed my mind at all. I think I've just expected things like this my entire life and it doesn't surprise me in the least when they happen. Or maybe it's a this is what I deserve thing. I have no idea.

I don't think you're dealing with things oddly at all. The "why-me"/shock/denial stage is just about universal, and it's not at all uncommon to shut down (disconnect) at least to some degree, kind of the way kids (young ones) will say - and believe - "If I close my eyes, you can't see me." The adult denial is similar - "If I don't think about it, talk about it, it's not real." ("...Push them farther and farther down. Until I don't think about them much at all. ...I'm too busy trying to bury it and put on a happy face.") As a nurse, if you've worked in pediatric cancer/burn units, or adult ICU-type wards, you've seen this over and over again in both patients and their loved ones. If you remember back to those times, if you had extended contact with the patients and their families, do you remember too that much of the time, the *patients* were the first to get out of the denial stage?

As for "it's a this is what I deserve thing," you know better, and it too is part of why-me/denial/shock, especially the "why-me?" Why me? Because I deserve it. I haven't been perfect. I've made mistakes. I've been (gasp!) human! Your rational adult mind knows better, but the child inside...

I know every time Master says I want to sit down and talk about all this my mind balks. I try to do everything I can not to talk about it. I've been posting some here and he reads those, but there is a lot more I'm not posting or acknowledging at all.

It means a lot to me that you wrote this. It helps me to understand how you feel. I know things are distant right now, even though we are face to face all the time. I know it's hard to confront this and it's really personal so it makes sense that it's easier for you to write about it. I love you sunshine.

UMB's final two lines: "...to write down thoughts and concerns will help with the communication. Perhaps a journal where you can voice things that you don't want anyone but him to see would help?" Excellent suggestion. Even writing a journal that he *doesn't* see might help you with communicating with him a little more easily, as it would give you an opportunity to organize your thoughts internally, arrange them, so that you can share more of them with him.

None of us can tell another *everything* we think about even one subject, and this situation has you considering, at least for brief periods of time each, a *number* of subjects. Writing your thoughts down *for yourself,* as a way to clarify your own thinking, can be a wonderful aid to communication with the most important people in your life: MasDom and your kids; your folks; your closest friends; your doctor. *She* needs to know a good bit about your mental/emotional status almost as much as she needs to know your physical situation, because it *can* make a difference in treatment options. Giving yourself the opportunity to organize and clarify your thinking, to help give yourself the best possible chance to fight and beat this thing.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<snippage> *puts on her big girl panties*

<Wise-assness, cuz I can't be serious *all* the time...>

Good idea, since you can't have sex for two weeks.

 

[graceanne]

One of the hardest part of being sick, to me, has always been letting K do my chores. I hate that sometimes I can't work up the energy to do the dishes, let alone cook a meal, or do laundry. This, more than being sick, is my trial.

I also know that this gives K a chance to show his love for me. It makes him feel needed and wanted, and all those things. This doesn't make it better, but it does help.

 

[nh23]

I don't think you're dealing with things oddly at all. The "why-me"/shock/denial stage is just about universal, and it's not at all uncommon to shut down (disconnect) at least to some degree, kind of the way kids (young ones) will say - and believe - "If I close my eyes, you can't see me." The adult denial is similar - "If I don't think about it, talk about it, it's not real." ("...Push them farther and farther down. Until I don't think about them much at all. ...I'm too busy trying to bury it and put on a happy face.") As a nurse, if you've worked in pediatric cancer/burn units, or adult ICU-type wards, you've seen this over and over again in both patients and their loved ones. If you remember back to those times, if you had extended contact with the patients and their families, do you remember too that much of the time, the *patients* were the first to get out of the denial stage?

Well it's good to know that I'm doing something halfway normal.

As for "it's a this is what I deserve thing," you know better, and it too is part of why-me/denial/shock, especially the "why-me?" Why me? Because I deserve it. I haven't been perfect. I've made mistakes. I've been (gasp!) human! Your rational adult mind knows better, but the child inside...

Yeah, I know better. It's made things a lot easier in my life though. Cause seriously if things keep pouring down, eventually you just start to expect it to some degree.

UMB's final two lines: "...to write down thoughts and concerns will help with the communication. Perhaps a journal where you can voice things that you don't want anyone but him to see would help?" Excellent suggestion. Even writing a journal that he *doesn't* see might help you with communicating with him a little more easily, as it would give you an opportunity to organize your thoughts internally, arrange them, so that you can share more of them with him.

None of us can tell another *everything* we think about even one subject, and this situation has you considering, at least for brief periods of time each, a *number* of subjects. Writing your thoughts down *for yourself,* as a way to clarify your own thinking, can be a wonderful aid to communication with the most important people in your life: MasDom and your kids; your folks; your closest friends; your doctor. *She* needs to know a good bit about your mental/emotional status almost as much as she needs to know your physical situation, because it *can* make a difference in treatment options. Giving yourself the opportunity to organize and clarify your thinking, to help give yourself the best possible chance to fight and beat this thing.

I'm really thinking about the journal. If not only for him, maybe something my kids can look back on too later.

 

[minx1]

I spent a lot of time diagnosing myself too, and I'm a nurse..LOL

You have an appt scheduled, right?

The US recommends yearly, unless you've ever had an abnormal pap, or test positive for HPV, then every six months.

No I don't have one scheduled. I was going to do that after I had the biopsy on the breast lump. Sheesh there are always 'reasons'eh....work or its my period or something.

I don't have one scheduled....but I will as of tomorrow morning

I have it written on my hand so there's no forgetting

Thanks nh

 

[nh23]

<Wise-assness, cuz I can't be serious *all* the time...>

Good idea, since you can't have sex for two weeks.

I know! I'm going crazy. Not that it would be at all comfortable right now though. And when did you ever know me not to use sarcasm?

One of the hardest part of being sick, to me, has always been letting K do my chores. I hate that sometimes I can't work up the energy to do the dishes, let alone cook a meal, or do laundry. This, more than being sick, is my trial.

I also know that this gives K a chance to show his love for me. It makes him feel needed and wanted, and all those things. This doesn't make it better, but it does help.

Yes. It still makes you feel like you're failing. I mean the basis of our relationship has always been one way. It's hard to just do an about face.