Not a topic I even like thinking about...

[Cathleen]

EJ, at least according to NH law, you cannot consent when you're impaired by drugs and alcohol. So, thats not retro-rape (or whatever), it legally is rape (actually, in NH law, the term "rape" doesn't exist, its all considered sexual abuse).
And why someone would go through that whole process just because they felt bad about it the next day...(if it truly wasn't rape) well, I can't imagine anyone who would stick with that.

I had no idea there was not term in the NH law. Interesting.

 

[Cathleen]

I was in that hotel room in that bed willingly too but that didn't give him the right to take me like that.......I told him to stop and to get off he was hurting me but he didn't listen. He just kept on and anyone who's had sex with someone who's had too much to drink knows they just keep on and on and on....I was hurting and finally just lapsed into a state of shock I think. To this day the smell of beer on someone's breath makes me feel sick.

I would imagine being attacked by a stranger would be worse, but still, to be hurt by someone who is supposed to love you and care about you is very emotionally battering. He does not remember any of it, it has never been mentioned. I'm sure in his drunken state he thought I was willing because I was naked in that bed but I clearly told him NO STOP YOU'RE HURTING ME several times. Did he stop? NO. From all I have read that is sexual assault/rape call it what you will. Being drunk is no excuse/defence. I really wish I had had the guts to call off the marriage then.......

I so agree Bandit. I too bristle at the mere smell of beer, I grew up with that smell, I've always hated it and hated what happened because of those using it. I always will. I know this thread isn't about how the rape happened but the sexual abuse as a little girl and my rape had that element clearly present.

So the question Bisex asks - how or what can we do to stop it, brings so many factors and reason to the table. Clearly from reading these posts there isn't a clear or universal definition of the crime - there is one thing to address right there.

Also, the mentality of those men and women (and yes men get raped too) who do committ rape needs to be addressed. Why and how did they come to believe they could behave in that manner. There are so many things to consider.

 

[bisexplicit]

I know this thread isn't about how the rape happened but the sexual abuse as a little girl and my rape had that element clearly present.

That brings up an interesting point.

Are the same precautions that could be taken to prevent rape help prevent the sexual abuse of children?

 

[silverwhisper]

well, it's really the same crime: it's just that the targets are younger that was draw a distinction.

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

well, it's really the same crime: it's just that the targets are younger that was draw a distinction.

ed

Is it?

Don't they target different age groups for a reason? Like, a rapist and a peodophile are "made" differently?

 

[silverwhisper]

um...child sexual abuse most certainly is rape. can a child possibly give consent?

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

um...child sexual abuse most certainly is rape. can a child possibly give consent?

ed

Oh, agreed, its rape. No question. I just feel like the reasons why people become rapists and the reasons why people become pedophiles might be different - therefore, a different solution is needed.

 

[silverwhisper]

actually, you're probably in a better position to address the question than i am, but my understanding is that rapists and child molesters are most commonly inflicting their own experiences on others in a bid to develop some control over their own victimization. it's the nature of the victimizers that would determine who the future victims are, to my understanding.

ed

 

[Eilan]

EJ, at least according to NH law, you cannot consent when you're impaired by drugs and alcohol. So, thats not retro-rape (or whatever), it legally is rape (actually, in NH law, the term "rape" doesn't exist, its all considered sexual abuse).

Just curious--is the definition of "impairment" in terms of being able to consent to sex similar to what's considered the legal limit when driving (.08 in OH, which I think is pretty much standard)?

And why someone would go through that whole process just because they felt bad about it the next day...(if it truly wasn't rape) well, I can't imagine anyone who would stick with that.

*shrugs* Lying to the cops is a crime, so someone who's gone to the cops with a false rape claim would probably try to make a story "stick" for as long as possible; otherwise, they'll face charges themselves.

People who make false allegations of rape undermine the credibility of those who really are raped, and that pisses me off!

 

[EJFan]

People who make false allegations of rape undermine the credibility of those who really are raped, and that pisses me off!

this is what i was ultimately trying to point out... this is one major reason why legitimate claims are so problematic and stressful for the victims.

 

[Guest]

 

[HotKittySpank]

Is it?

Don't they target different age groups for a reason? Like, a rapist and a peodophile are "made" differently?

Yes, lots of dummies even confuse homosexuals with pedophiles. My stepfather was raped as a boy by a man. Now he thinks all homosexual men are out to get little boys.

Pedophiles target kids not adults. The guys who got to me were also very into teenaged girls though. perhaps pedophiles will do both or maybe the guys in my case were just one time freaks.

 

[HotKittySpank]

my understanding is that rapists and child molesters are most commonly inflicting their own experiences on others in a bid to develop some control over their own victimization. it's the nature of the victimizers that would determine who the future victims are, to my understanding.

ed

I think this is true for pedophiles. The cycle of abuse is hard to break. It seems though that some simply are drawn to kids and they find jobs that put them in contact with kids (camps, schools, churches) Even with therapy and punishment, repeat criminal activity is very high.

I would like to see repeat rapists and child molestor/rapists castrated. I know that this is probably very radical but, if you remove the testosterone induced drive, will you reduce the risk?

I know that some rapists do this as past of a plea deal to get out of jail. Does it work? Does it deprive them of the ability to ever have sex again with anyone? Is that fair?

 

[silverwhisper]

kitty:

first, my sympathies re: your experience.

second, if rape is about control, castration won't do anything, would it?

ed

 

[EJFan]

second, if rape is about control, castration won't do anything, would it?

ed

this has always been my presumption. i think the counter-argument is that the castration would lower libido... but, again, it's not a libido-driven activity. it's an assault. i think you'd be just as successful castrating people for pistol whipping.

sorry to repeat myself but i really think a lot of the answer is in a cultural shift in how we perceive nudity and sex. this wouldn't change anyone's assault mentality but i think i would shift their focus to something else... a non-sexual target.

 

[bisexplicit]

second, if rape is about control, castration won't do anything, would it?

ed

They will no longer be able to penetrate anyone, but as pointed out earlier in the thread, penetration is not the only way to make someone feel violated.
And thats what they really enjoy - having the control over someone.

 

[EJFan]

They will no longer be able to penetrate anyone, but as pointed out earlier in the thread, penetration is not the only way to make someone feel violated.
And thats what they really enjoy - having the control over someone.

it's not just a mtter of violation... they can still penetrate with a broom handle, pistol, knife or any of a number of other objects that are handy.

i think penetration is a key part of rape but it doesn't have to be penile.

 

[Eilan]

it's not just a mtter of violation... they can still penetrate with a broom handle, pistol, knife or any of a number of other objects that are handy.

i think penetration is a key part of rape but it doesn't have to be penile.

Here's the case that I was talking about earlier:

[Akron Beacon Journal, 7-25-01] In 1993, John and Narda Goff's 10-year-old daughter was sexually molested by a man using his finger for penetration, an attack which at the time was, under Ohio law, merely "assault" and not "rape." The Goffs campaigned and finally persuaded the Ohio legislature in 1996 to broaden the law to include any forced penetration. In July 2001, the Goffs were charged with violating that very law, having impregnated the same daughter in 1998 with stepfather John's sperm (using a syringe), allegedly because Narda is infertile and the couple wanted a baby "together." (Actually, according to the daughter, John Goff was sexually molesting her before that, even during the time the Goffs were crusading for a stronger rape law.)

 

[pamlady63]

Rape is about control it is not about sex. People rape other's to feel more dominant, not to have a sexual experience. A lot of the time the sick men that go out and rape children/woman often have a wife at home who is satisfying their sexual needs. In view of the fact that the rape is about power, castration would do nothing safe for the society.


I have a question. How do you all feel about people saying that once someone rapes another person they will always be a rapist or once someone molest a child that will always be a part of them no matter how much therapy they go threw? I am wondering if you all think it is possible for a person to change after doing something like that because I hear so many time's that therapy actually does no good for people who commit crimes of that nature. Do you understand what I am saying or am I confusing you?

 

[bisexplicit]

I have a question. How do you all feel about people saying that once someone rapes another person they will always be a rapist or once someone molest a child that will always be a part of them no matter how much therapy they go threw? I am wondering if you all think it is possible for a person to change after doing something like that because I hear so many time's that therapy actually does no good for people who commit crimes of that nature.

I think theres a lot of variation.

Some can be rehabilitated and some can't. How to tell if they or cannot be...well, I'm not sure how.

I suppose a lot of initial reason for why they are a rapist/peodophile comes into play. Also, whether or not they're a repeat offender.

 

[warrior queen]

I think theres a lot of variation.

Some can be rehabilitated and some can't. How to tell if they or cannot be...well, I'm not sure how.

I suppose a lot of initial reason for why they are a rapist/peodophile comes into play. Also, whether or not they're a repeat offender.

(speaking purely from my own skewed-victim femi-nazi point of view here....)
every rapist and child molester should be treated forever as if their next victim is just 5 minutes away.
no quarter, no mercy.

 

[AppleBiter]

(speaking purely from my own skewed-victim femi-nazi point of view here....)
every rapist and child molester should be treated forever as if their next victim is just 5 minutes away.
no quarter, no mercy.

I have to agree w/that, severe as it sounds. Rape & molestation are worse than murder, in my book. The crime doesn't just happen and then go away. The survivor has to live with the stigma and the ramifications of those actions until they die. Why shouldn't the offendor? Why should he/she ever get a second chance to destroy someone's life?

 

[HotKittySpank]

more naive ranting

Hey thanks for repying about the castration thing. I had always wondered about that. You hear in the news sometimes about guys who accept chemical castration as part of some deal to be released early. I just never heard if it actually worked.

Interesting stuff.

The cultural shift, the cultural shift, what to do? Maybe it should just be harsher punishment. You know, 'shit, you don't want to get get caught for rape man, you'll never get out.' Of course, lots of murderers can get parole after 7 to 10 years right?

Actually, I think way too many people are in jail. Our country is way overboard on throwing people behind bars. I wish we could invest more into people's future when it counted, i.e. childhood.

 

[bisexplicit]

Actually, I think way too many people are in jail. Our country is way overboard on throwing people behind bars. I wish we could invest more into people's future when it counted, i.e. childhood.

In order to have better childhoods, you need to have no more peodophiles. And in order to have no more peodophiles, you need better childhoods. Vicious cycle, hunh?

A large number of pedophiles were molested as children. Which makes me agree with you that jail is probably not the answer (hell, I don't think jail is really the answer for anyone). What they need instead is intensive therapy - and a nonrelease program until they seem trustworthy/cured.

 

[silverwhisper]

i personally would support intensive brainwashing. of course, if you've seen clockwork orange, that might not be entirely desirable in actuality...

ed