ok you male subs

[timberwolf05]

research

I have another question, but I'm not sure how to phrase it ... I'm really trying to figure out how the male-sub mind works, and I'm failing miserably. Ghosst is helpful, but only to a point, as he knew what he wanted in a relationship before getting with us ... S has always taken the submissive role, in general, but has never been with a Domme, and really didn't (and still doesn't) have much of an idea what this lifestyle entails.

So I guess I do have questions. On Wednesday night, when I bring him up here, I'm thinking about giving him research assignments to do while he has a computer available to him (he doesn't have one - his ex got it in the divorce) - what do y'all think of that? What kinds of things do you think would be most helpful to a "newbie"? Are there any threads you think I should print out to give him on Tuesday to read through?

===========
i am going to sound mean and disrespectful but do not wish to.
research is fine to a small tiny bit.....
"i" suggest......YOU line up YOUR set of rules and YOUR expectations. then after that is disolved in his mind,........and the two of You/you.......come to grips with it.........then give him research. "my" setback was and is..too much general talk and specifics. i have had a terrible time with this.
real life expectations over shadows internet talk.
but this is just me.

thanks

 

[onceburned]

On Wednesday night, when I bring him up here, I'm thinking about giving him research assignments to do while he has a computer available to him (he doesn't have one - his ex got it in the divorce) - what do y'all think of that?

Gosh, this is a big topic.

I will just give you my thoughts off the top of my head - I will need to think a bit before I come up with reading material.

My first thought is that he might be disappointed to travel to your home, but wind up spending time on the computer rather than spending time with you. The internet does have a wealth of material which is helpful, easy to find and free. It is a shame he can not do the research at home. On the other hand, spending time on the computer might be a good way to show him that he can't expect to monopolize your time or your life.

Okay, he has no experience with D/s. How much knowledge about it does he already have? Does he have any misconceptions based upon TV or movies or advertising?

I am not sure if there is such thing as a male sub mindset. I think there is way too much diversity in our motivations. So what motivates him? What attracts him to D/s? Excuse my vulgarity, but is he still feeling as submissive after he cums?

This is such big topic, its a little hard for me to get a handle on it. But I will try to come up with some useful links.

 

[roosterado9]

am not sure if there is such thing as a male sub mindset. I think there is way too much diversity in our motivations. So what motivates him? What attracts him to D/s? Excuse my vulgarity, but is he still feeling as submissive after he cums?
I like this --I believe I am sub even though my jacking off for yrs was to Womem being topped especially by other women= but after I cum I think i would feel more subbmissive-wish i knew for sure ----Domme wanted in Mn lol

 

[rbijon]

I have another question, but I'm not sure how to phrase it ... I'm really trying to figure out how the male-sub mind works, and I'm failing miserably. Ghosst is helpful, but only to a point, as he knew what he wanted in a relationship before getting with us ... S has always taken the submissive role, in general, but has never been with a Domme, and really didn't (and still doesn't) have much of an idea what this lifestyle entails.

So I guess I do have questions. On Wednesday night, when I bring him up here, I'm thinking about giving him research assignments to do while he has a computer available to him (he doesn't have one - his ex got it in the divorce) - what do y'all think of that? What kinds of things do you think would be most helpful to a "newbie"? Are there any threads you think I should print out to give him on Tuesday to read through?

Hey SweetD, There are several I can think of...depending what you demand of him, and how you treat him. I suggest some of the Men in panties threads, or a Licking thread. I wish someone would do a male kissing female ass thread. How about you?
Anyway keeping him busy on the computer and getting "HOT" ideas is a sexy idea.

 

[onceburned]

I wish someone would do a male kissing female ass thread. How about you?

Well, not to put you on the spot but how about you starting that thread? You obviously have some thoughts on the subject.

 

[rbijon]

Well, not to put you on the spot but how about you starting that thread? You obviously have some thoughts on the subject.

Not me, it needs to be a Fem Mistress! I will then serve Her....and kiss what ever She wants....heheheheee....another win win for me!

 

[SweetDommes]

Well, let me clarify a bit - the sub male mindset that I feel he has is a desire to please. Since that is what I feel submission is about, male or female, that's what I was talking about - whether it's to please through domestic service, sexual service, or whatever other kind of service the Dominant wants.

Next on the list: When I said I was thinking of having him research, I didn't mean that I would be making him do it all on his own. I intend to be here at the computer with him (and Holly might be too, as I just found out that she is off both Wednesday and Thursday). I just want him to learn more about the lifestyle in general, not just the sexual kinks (no matter how much fun those kinks are ... ). This would be a time to show him our "seeking" thread so that he could see our criteria (which he meets except for maybe the relocatable ... but he lives close enough that won't be a big deal until later on, if ever). It would also be a time to show him some of the threads (like this one) that are focused on FemDom/male sub relationships and the dynamics and interactions between F/m. Let him see some of the things that we are interested in (and yes, while I did ask for suggestions on threads to have him read, I do have a few picked out already), and see how he feels about them.

I don't know if he is still submissive after he cums or not - but I do know that he has told me that he has always made sure that his partner cums first, repeatedly if he can manage. I also know that he is all about making his partner happy (as I said in my thread about him - before anything else happened he fixed food for me, he gave me a back rub, and he gave me a foot rub ... if I had said that I was too tired to fool around, he would have backed off).

I really am trying to introduce him to this kinda slow, as I don't really know what previous knowledge/notions he has about D/s ... I only know for sure how he feels about S&M. I will, of course, be showing him what I have posted about him (I've already read most of it to him, but I know he wants to read what other people have said about him LOL). I will also be showing him this thread, and a couple of others that I have already picked out (the "male sub thread" that met a horrible, languishing demise is among them). I'm really just looking for any that maybe I have missed that male submissives think would be helpful for another male submissive.

 

[sissyslutjoanna]

Topping form the bottom

I like many so called 'submissives' had this fanatsy

 

[timberwolf05]

wife

I like many so called 'submissives' had this fanatsy of being submissive to my wife, but I only ever thought of it in sexual terms, wearing panties when I felt like it and being taken by my wife with her strapon, again when I felt like it - in short, I was a part time sexual submissive and reverted to a lazy stroppy male when I'd satiated my desire for it.
No wonder my wife didn't embrace the whole Domme/sub thing, it was purely my fantasy and didn't lead to anything for her really.
Lately though I've started to embrace my submissiveness in a far more non-sexual way and I think my wife is now starting to seeing the benefits of Domming me.
I now have regular chores, including the washing and cleaning, hoovering etc and I never question my wife. She can please herself about where and what she does and I am really enjoying the change in her.
Sex is entirely at her discretion, I would never initiate it and sometimes she wants me to serve her orally, sometimes she wants to take me with her strapon, sometimes she wants me wearing my nightie, whatever, I will always obey her and try and serve her needs. I am much more attentive to her.
I've taken to wearing female panties every day, even though my wife hasn't demanded it and I really hope my wife embraces her Domme status fully and takes our relationship to further levels. My wife doesn't fully appreciate how much power she could exert over me, but I guess it's a matter of time and learning what limits she wants to impose.
I would love for my wife to let me post a weekly journal on lit of her training of me - maybe she will

enjoy. you are off to a good start. i am envious.

 

[timberwolf05]

new guy

Well, let me clarify a bit - the sub male mindset that I feel he has is a desire to please. Since that is what I feel submission is about, male or female, that's what I was talking about - whether it's to please through domestic service, sexual service, or whatever other kind of service the Dominant wants.

Next on the list: When I said I was thinking of having him research, I didn't mean that I would be making him do it all on his own. I intend to be here at the computer with him (and Holly might be too, as I just found out that she is off both Wednesday and Thursday). I just want him to learn more about the lifestyle in general, not just the sexual kinks (no matter how much fun those kinks are ... ). This would be a time to show him our "seeking" thread so that he could see our criteria (which he meets except for maybe the relocatable ... but he lives close enough that won't be a big deal until later on, if ever). It would also be a time to show him some of the threads (like this one) that are focused on FemDom/male sub relationships and the dynamics and interactions between F/m. Let him see some of the things that we are interested in (and yes, while I did ask for suggestions on threads to have him read, I do have a few picked out already), and see how he feels about them.

I don't know if he is still submissive after he cums or not - but I do know that he has told me that he has always made sure that his partner cums first, repeatedly if he can manage. I also know that he is all about making his partner happy (as I said in my thread about him - before anything else happened he fixed food for me, he gave me a back rub, and he gave me a foot rub ... if I had said that I was too tired to fool around, he would have backed off).

I really am trying to introduce him to this kinda slow, as I don't really know what previous knowledge/notions he has about D/s ... I only know for sure how he feels about S&M. I will, of course, be showing him what I have posted about him (I've already read most of it to him, but I know he wants to read what other people have said about him LOL). I will also be showing him this thread, and a couple of others that I have already picked out (the "male sub thread" that met a horrible, languishing demise is among them). I'm really just looking for any that maybe I have missed that male submissives think would be helpful for another male submissive.

=========
I didn't mean that I would be making him do it all on his own. I intend to be here at the computer with him (and Holly might be too, as I just found out that she is off both Wednesday and Thursday).
------
now i am jealous and envious. my 1st domme never would go to the computer with me. i had to do everything myself alone. "you are a big boy, you don't need me there" alas...quite the 2 ring circus i had.
i am happy You are able to be this thoughtful.
good luck to You.

 

[SweetDommes]

Thanks

I would have to say though, that we earned our title of "SweetDommes" - it was given to us by a submissive friend of ours, and we have had many who told us how appropriate it is. LOL Not that we are perfect or anything, and I do have my moments of total bitchyness (just ask some of the inmates where I work LMAO) but in general, yeah, we're pretty laid back and nice.

 

[rbijon]

Hello Sweet, I, as a servant to a Mistress would like to know what threads you would recomend for a male sub. I gave you my ideas, please give me yours. I serve my Mistress very well, She had me kiss, suck and bit Her feet and toes last night for about an hour, and then directed me to oil Her legs, ASS and shoulders. I then spent the next hour kissing Her from Her feet to Her shoulders. I am will to become a better servant, and have fun do it. Yours, RBIJON

 

[landcruisergal]

Thanks

I would have to say though, that we earned our title of "SweetDommes" - it was given to us by a submissive friend of ours, and we have had many who told us how appropriate it is. LOL Not that we are perfect or anything, and I do have my moments of total bitchyness (just ask some of the inmates where I work LMAO) but in general, yeah, we're pretty laid back and nice.

I try to be a verbal bitch, but cant really do it with much effect. I can express dismay, dissapointment and disgust as I would to a child. Also withdrawl of contact and attention is a tool I learnt from my mother and excell at.
I cant humiliate either. I cant rant and rave..
But I can do some great bondage and torment. Puppyplay is a good style for me.

Ok a question for your boys out there.
If you have been subjected to the difficulty of distance, like I am for a month at a time...what methods have been effective at controlling you and maintaining your interest.

So far I have had him switch the order he puts his boots on and off, and when he reported it was reflex, got him to swap back. I have had him put his bracelet on his left instead of his right. He cant do his watch, as he uses a hammer and other tools and it would damage it eventually, and it was gift from his father...
Edge practise, restricted and ordered masturbation,visualisations, sit ups (mutually benificial) and now push ups so he can head stand better...required reading.
He has my cock ring, nip chains and a mini glass plug.
He has limited phone service and no pc access.

any other ideas?

 

[timberwolf05]

ideas

I try to be a verbal bitch, but cant really do it with much effect. I can express dismay, dissapointment and disgust as I would to a child. Also withdrawl of contact and attention is a tool I learnt from my mother and excell at.
I cant humiliate either. I cant rant and rave..
But I can do some great bondage and torment. Puppyplay is a good style for me.

Ok a question for your boys out there.
If you have been subjected to the difficulty of distance, like I am for a month at a time...what methods have been effective at controlling you and maintaining your interest.

So far I have had him switch the order he puts his boots on and off, and when he reported it was reflex, got him to swap back. I have had him put his bracelet on his left instead of his right. He cant do his watch, as he uses a hammer and other tools and it would damage it eventually, and it was gift from his father...
Edge practise, restricted and ordered masturbation,visualisations, sit ups (mutually benificial) and now push ups so he can head stand better...required reading.
He has my cock ring, nip chains and a mini glass plug.
He has limited phone service and no pc access.

any other ideas?

from 'my''experience ONLY now;
a cockring never stopped ME from masturbation. nor did the frenum.
''i'' cannot wear devices, since my scrotum hides inside the body cavity, and, i have a short "ring" under there, is why they are up-inside, so any device you try, to put on, causes bleeding and extreme swelling.
but, if he is, normal, ? how about some kind, of chastity, so that YOU have the key? weg.....he he
ah i dream of having it done. a p.a. and a guiche with a locking device...
would make me SO much more willing ....alas......SIGH.

(it might take that edge off of my natural boyish "i don't wanna you can't make me")

 

[Gibbons]

He has limited phone service and no pc access.

Make him handwrite you letters. The more time he puts into writing you, and telling you what he's thinking about and how he feels, the more connected he's going to feel. Of course, you'd have to write him back so that he knows that you are listening. I think it would be quite exciting to get letters with assignments or little surprises inside. Hmmmm, or maybe a package with some accessories, a disposable camera, a return envelope, and a deadline.


P.S. are you sure the limited phone service and no pc access are legit? Sounds like an easy way to hide what he is doing from the person he lives with. If that is the case you would know because he would have a problem with you mailing him at his home.

 

[timberwolf05]

maybe?

P.S. are you sure the limited phone service and no pc access are legit? Sounds like an easy way to hide what he is doing from the person he lives with. If that is the case you would know because he would have a problem with you mailing him at his home.[/QUOTE]
=======
ahem.....hello? you are going to accuse me of being mean here,..but uh,..
my computer access is usually at the library, my phone is my cell, and as to house address? i do not have one. i only have a postal box. i live out of my van.

maybe for most people i sound like a fake. but i am all too real, and i have a lot of trouble explaining that my disability just does not go far enough.

ok.

so maybe i am an exception. ?

thanks

 

[landcruisergal]

Make him handwrite you letters. The more time he puts into writing you, and telling you what he's thinking about and how he feels, the more connected he's going to feel. Of course, you'd have to write him back so that he knows that you are listening. I think it would be quite exciting to get letters with assignments or little surprises inside. Hmmmm, or maybe a package with some accessories, a disposable camera, a return envelope, and a deadline.


P.S. are you sure the limited phone service and no pc access are legit? Sounds like an easy way to hide what he is doing from the person he lives with. If that is the case you would know because he would have a problem with you mailing him at his home.

Yep, its legit..He is building a refinery on a remote island, I read the reams of his job info when he applied.He has to go to the top of a hill behind the camp to get a half decent service.even then the service drops in and out as we speak.
The oil and mining industries are something I am familiar with.I have lots of friends who are tradesmen and work in similar situations.Australia has some very remote areas, and due to that a lot of these industries are "off the grid" He isn't even allowed to take a camera on site, and its helicopter in and out.The postal service is once a week and because the other men on camp abused the satellite phones in the office, they are restricted to 2 calls a week now, and he usually rings his parents.And with over 200 men waiting to use it....

Thats why the pay is ridiculously good.3x what he would earn elsewhere, with no day to day expenses. And while he is young with few commitments... 12 hour shifts,one half day off every 2 weeks.
He doesn't live with his girfriend and his car is left with another mate when he is working.
I dont use a cock ring to stop him masturbating, just to make him harder and its a physical reminder of me.
Another task was to get him to cable tie his pants shut, and have to carry side cutters and another tie for when he answered the call of nature.
His writingskills are lacking and on the whole deplorable.But writing lines is an option, a la Bart Simpson.

 

[Alt]

I have a question, and I don't know that anyone can answer it, but I can try.

For those of you male subbies who are a little older who haven't been interested in the lifestyle since you were a teen ... how were you introduced to the lifestyle? What was said/what did you see that made you stop and go "oh my"? What could have been done to make the transition to the lifestyle easier/better?

For me it always begins with an intital attraction/connection, then builds as we become more "playful" with one another (ie flirtatious). When the subject is broached, we can usually tell if it is something to be taken seriously. Then it only heightens the feelings of attraction. At least on my part.

 

[Alt]

So I guess I do have questions. On Wednesday night, when I bring him up here, I'm thinking about giving him research assignments to do while he has a computer available to him (he doesn't have one - his ex got it in the divorce) - what do y'all think of that? What kinds of things do you think would be most helpful to a "newbie"? Are there any threads you think I should print out to give him on Tuesday to read through?

What is important to you? Try not to settle. It rarely works and is made evn more difficult when BDSM is brought into the subject. Show him who you are and I think he'll bite. Err, maybe you'll bit and he'll purr? Either way, I think if there is a connection, it will show. Good luck!

 

[Stefani]

Next on the list: When I said I was thinking of having him research.

You might want to pick up a copy of the book "Female Domination" by Elsie Sutton. It's an excellent read on the subject, written by a practicing lifestyle Domme who is married to a submissive man. It's not porno (though parts are very erotic). It's a serious book by a woman who believes that females are the Dominant species and that males are submissive at heart.

S.

 

[SweetDommes]

You might want to pick up a copy of the book "Female Domination" by Elsie Sutton. It's an excellent read on the subject, written by a practicing lifestyle Domme who is married to a submissive man. It's not porno (though parts are very erotic). It's a serious book by a woman who believes that females are the Dominant species and that males are submissive at heart.

S.

That is a fabulous idea ... and I think one of our friends is sending us that book LOL

 

[onceburned]

I really am trying to introduce him to this kinda slow, as I don't really know what previous knowledge/notions he has about D/s ...

Okay, one of my favorite sites when I was just poking around trying to learn was (and still is) Steel Door Scrolls. It has a variety of well written essays on a wide variety of topics. And F.R.R. Mallory has a lot of experience.

Another good author, who has written a wide variety of essays, is Norische. Her essays have appeared in a number of ezines over the years but you can find them all in the Files section of her Yahoo group.

If there was a book that I could recommend, it would be Training With Miss Abernathy by Christina Abernathy. Its published by Greenery Press and is a nice little manual (only 150 pages) which has lessons and activities which give a new submissive quite a bit to think about.

 

[bronntanas]

Giving the Lady's thread a well-deserved bump.

ok boys another question for you...actually the same question the girls are mulling over now.
When your Dominant says "Good Boy!" to you what happens to you emotionally? To you that have not yet been owned how do you think these words would make you feel?

Hmm, neither one of my Ladies refers to me as a "boy", but I do get a "good job" every now and then. Or a "very good, bronn." I'm over the moon when that happens. You know when You're really happy and You get that bubble of emotion in Your stomach that sort of rises up to rest between Your heart and throat and it bursts over Your vocal cords? Then You get blushy and speechless. Or at least I do. I realize I may be destroying my tough guy image, but the once when one of the Ladies said "You've made me very proud." I cried. Real tears and everything.

You also asked about cages.

It had never been one of my fantasies, but Lady M uses it. It doesn't really make me humiliated, but it does make me insecure and worried. I find myself really subdued and needing of reassurance when I come out. I'm really starting to hate it to the point that it's a punishment issue. The worse thing is that it totally takes away the urge to make love. She locked me in there once and went and flirted with a friend on line. She comes back all hot and bothered and ready to do the nasty and I couldn't perform right away. It passed. Well, She helped it pass, by enlisting some help from her slave, whom She does refer to as "boy" by the way. She's thinking of constructing an oubliette of some sort for guys like me.

Ms. Karen asked about submitting to a couple who are a Domme and a Switch, as well as easing an older submissive into this.

The switch thing, I've never tried it, but as long as the chain of command was clearly delineated I don't think it'd be a problem. I have a lot of respect for switches, as it seems like you have a harder time of it. I look back at myself growing up bisexual and trying to understand and deal with my feelings for girls and boys and the confusion and stress it caused me, and the thought of dealing with that on a power exchange level gives me the willies.

The second question; I'm in the same category as Xel and Aeroil, so I can't help you there.

Oy, this is going to be a long post. I should probably split it, but I'm gonna be stubborn.

I have been thinking a lot today about edge training and how much I enjoy tormenting the penis just because I can. But more than that. Seducing the mind with all of the possibilities of what I will do with My suffering and horny males when they are at the edge of endurance from My sexual cruelties. Their begging and squirming and frustration feeds My lust to take them to the edge of orgasmic hell before deciding if I will give them pleasure or not in a physical way.

Could you endure such torment without whining and feeling deprived?

I tend towards stoicism, so actual whining is somewhat rare. But I do respond to said torments; begging, ouching, gasping and all that. I'd definitely feel deprived if You didn't let me go at the end of it, though. I'd try to be a grown-up about it though, and not a brat.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Giving the Lady's thread a well-deserved bump.




Hmm, neither one of my Ladies refers to me as a "boy", but I do get a "good job" every now and then. Or a "very good, bronn." I'm over the moon when that happens. You know when You're really happy and You get that bubble of emotion in Your stomach that sort of rises up to rest between Your heart and throat and it bursts over Your vocal cords? Then You get blushy and speechless. Or at least I do. I realize I may be destroying my tough guy image, but the once when one of the Ladies said "You've made me very proud." I cried. Real tears and everything.

You also asked about cages.

It had never been one of my fantasies, but Lady M uses it. It doesn't really make me humiliated, but it does make me insecure and worried. I find myself really subdued and needing of reassurance when I come out. I'm really starting to hate it to the point that it's a punishment issue. The worse thing is that it totally takes away the urge to make love. She locked me in there once and went and flirted with a friend on line. She comes back all hot and bothered and ready to do the nasty and I couldn't perform right away. It passed. Well, She helped it pass, by enlisting some help from her slave, whom She does refer to as "boy" by the way. She's thinking of constructing an oubliette of some sort for guys like me.

Ms. Karen asked about submitting to a couple who are a Domme and a Switch, as well as easing an older submissive into this.

The switch thing, I've never tried it, but as long as the chain of command was clearly delineated I don't think it'd be a problem. I have a lot of respect for switches, as it seems like you have a harder time of it. I look back at myself growing up bisexual and trying to understand and deal with my feelings for girls and boys and the confusion and stress it caused me, and the thought of dealing with that on a power exchange level gives me the willies.

The second question; I'm in the same category as Xel and Aeroil, so I can't help you there.

Oy, this is going to be a long post. I should probably split it, but I'm gonna be stubborn.



I tend towards stoicism, so actual whining is somewhat rare. But I do respond to said torments; begging, ouching, gasping and all that. I'd definitely feel deprived if You didn't let me go at the end of it, though. I'd try to be a grown-up about it though, and not a brat.

Hello bronntanas

you have been a busy "boy" answering so many questions in one message ~~smile~~ must be time for a new question!

The strap on is one of those delightful toys that can spark desire or apprehension in the eyes of a submissive. The way it is used and the position the submissive or slave is put into can also add to the emotions involved.

Just yesterday morning I took the virginity of a male sub as his cock was in bondage with a cock corset that had just been tortured with various implements for My entertainment and his initiation into CBT.

Bending him over the arm of My sofa, blindfolded and trembling with desire he eagerly took everything I gave him until I exploding in a mind blowing orgasm. he was allowed to masterbate to conclusion while standing before Me.

he was speechless at the conclusion of these new experiences but I could also see through the window of his eyes that he was already fantasizing about being fucked again.

My question would be to all of you male subs...When you fantasize how often is the fantasy around the strap on?

 

[kidkaoz]

one male sub's thoughts

My question would be to all of you male subs...When you fantasize how often is the fantasy around the strap on?

I would have to say I have never dreamed about a strap on. Just the thought of pleasing a beautiful mistress with any form of cbt (allowing her the honor or self-inflicted at her direction) gets me hot and hard.

About hearing "good boy," I much prefer further humiliation and a heavy dose of painful cbt for a rerward.