Open for Critique

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Re: With Artful's permission,

Thank you dream......I guess it's unanimous to soften it up a bit. I appreciate your comment.

So.... subs like it soft too? Well, you know what I mean!

Kat~

Unanimous? Nah. U don't want   "thighs gently spread", sounds graphomanic. Perhaps  "slightly".  instead of "gently". Together with the guy's head between those tighs it sounds interesting, one gets curious how the guy was delivered (ouch, painful).

No, seriously.

Regards

 

[Ancient117331]

Freeze Frame

Kat (If I may).

I am the new kid on the block. I've only posted 13 and have 3 more awaiting acceptance - here at Lit. My opinion doesn't really count beyond myself; but, as I read yours aloud...

I liked the 'taste' it left behind. Obvious flaws - yes, a few...
the spread wide bit, the presence of the entire connect line - unnecessary for you implied the same content within the last two lines. I liked the softness and flow, the emoted warmth, the human-ness of the woman, the character inherently developed.
As to length - well, if you said what you wanted then it obviously is long enough - if you didn't then its too short.

It would be fun to share a stanza or ten sometime.

Take care,
Chris Twyford
Ancient117331

 

[KatPurrs]

Re: Re: Re: With Artful's permission,

Unanimous? Nah. U don't want   "thighs gently spread", sounds graphomanic. Perhaps  "slightly".  instead of "gently". Together with the guy's head between those tighs it sounds interesting, one gets curious how the guy was delivered (ouch, painful).

No, seriously.

Regards

LOL, ok SJ, point well taken. Thanks. And thanks for your previous comment too.

Kat~

 

[KatPurrs]

Ancient117331

Hi Ancient , no, Hi Chris! I can't use the former, we're in the same age group! Welcome to the Lit Board. I see that was your first post. I've never had a virgin before. Glad you chose me! lol

Seriously though, thank you so much for you thoughts. Your opinions ARE valued and I appreciate the fact that you took the time to comment!

I agree with you that the "legs widely spread" should be changed. I'm hearing that from just about everyone and intend to do an edit.

Enjoy yourself here at Lit! We're a wild a wooly bunch that have a lot of fun together and still manage to learn a thing or 3. Jump right in!

Kat~

 

[smithpeter]

weighing in on legs and their spreadability

"between my thighs, widely spread," was something that will remain in the version of your poem that I keep. Simply because I like those words in that order. Did anyone say that is not the correct way to describe the position of your legs?
The description of your legs in what ever position you choose to describe is the important point.
It is erotic to me.

 

[KatPurrs]

smithpeter

Is your av showing me just how wide? WOW!!!!!!

I can do that!!! LOL



Kat~

 

[WickedEve]

Uh... Kat...

Can you spread your thighs that wide? If you can, I'm impressed!
Actually, I think sp is saying, "Hey, look at me!" or "I need a hug" or "I swear, it's that big."

 

[KatPurrs]

WE

Can you spread your thighs that wide? If you can, I'm impressed!

LOL....Olga is my middle name, Eve. Not bad for a 54 yr. old, eh?

Kat~

 

[WickedEve]

Kat

Not bad for any age!

Though, at 94 you want to be careful not to break a hip while spreading your thighs that wide.

 

[KatPurrs]

Wicked Eve

I'll keep that in mind...or try to. I'm counting on you to give me reminders every now and then 'cause my memory ain't what it used to be already!

I bought some ginko bilboa too, but I keep forgetting to take the damn stuff!

Kat~