Partner too extreme, or too mild?

[BeachGurl2]

Interesting thought occured to me after my weekend adventure at the local dungeon. I realized that I had not only tried a few things at the dungeon with my Dom that I had thought were on my hard limit list, but that I really, REALLY liked them. So that got me to thinking about a previous relationship that was too intense for me, but not nearly as intense as this one is.

In the relationship that was too intense for me, while I trusted him, I wasn't what I would consider completely emotionally involved and only trusted him to a certain degree. We weren't well matched ethically or morally, so I often wondered what things he would demand of me that I couldn't or wouldn't be willing to do.

My level of trust in this relationship is significantly higher - in fact, I trust Him completely without any hesitation at all. And my level of emotional involvement is significantly higher, so my desire to please is equally high. We're both discovering that our limits weren't as strict as we thought, but this has only developed in the last couple of weeks since I've been staying with him 24/7 (another story for another time).

So my question/comment is this: Is my ability/desire to not only meet this higher level of intensity, but also enjoy it completely a matter of the emotional involvement or the trust level? Obviously, that's a rhetorical question, as no one but me can truly answer it. But I'm wondering if the emotional/trust level truly has this much to do with my ability to push beyond limits I thought I had to be more open to these new things. And if so, is this the kind of thing that Cat and others in long term 24/7 relationships who say they have no limits at all are talking about? That level of love and trust that develops to the point where you know that you will be safe no matter what so there is no place that you won't go with him?

Goddess, I think too much!

 

[lettinggo]

Without a doubt his desires are more extreme than mine. I was pretty inexperienced when we got involved 8 months ago, and I've pushed past what I'd thought were some hard limits. I know he'd be happier if I could conquer a few more, but at the same time I think part of my appeal for him is that I'm more reserved. He's happiest when I'm scared and reluctant (which is much different than unwilling).

Female, bi (but haven't been with a woman in years), he's my boss.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Without a doubt his desires are more extreme than mine. I was pretty inexperienced when we got involved 8 months ago, and I've pushed past what I'd thought were some hard limits. I know he'd be happier if I could conquer a few more, but at the same time I think part of my appeal for him is that I'm more reserved. He's happiest when I'm scared and reluctant (which is much different than unwilling).

Female, bi (but haven't been with a woman in years), he's my boss.

I'm almost exactly like you...i love to submit but have a strapon fantasy...which he denies me.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I'm almost exactly like you...i love to submit but have a strapon fantasy...which he denies me.

Hmmm....working up to taking a strap-on in the ass soon, I think. By the time that I buy one for my slave, my ass should ready to reward her that way.

I hope he changes his mind. After all, how is taking a strap-on different from taking a real cock? Both stimulate the prostate.

 

[the captians wench]

Hmmm....working up to taking a strap-on in the ass soon, I think. By the time that I buy one for my slave, my ass should ready to reward her that way.

I hope he changes his mind. After all, how is taking a strap-on different from taking a real cock? Both stimulate the prostate.

My ex had a strap on fantasy, but I was a little reluctant then. By the time I started warming up to the idea, the relationship was on the outs. I now have a bit of curiosoty and intrest in trying it. But tho I haven't talked to Him about it, something tells me Master wouldn't be too fond of the idea. I will talk to him about it tho. I mean what's the worst that could happen? He'd say no?

 

[Blushing Bottom]

LOL

What's "too extreme?"

d

 

[PredatorSmile]

Hmmm....working up to taking a strap-on in the ass soon, I think. By the time that I buy one for my slave, my ass should ready to reward her that way.

I hope he changes his mind. After all, how is taking a strap-on different from taking a real cock? Both stimulate the prostate.

Oh, dear. I forgot to mention that my bf is a total TOP and is deathly afraid of being penetrated in any way !

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Oh, dear. I forgot to mention that my bf is a total TOP and is deathly afraid of being penetrated in any way !

Hmm...still hope that he changes his mind. Though if he doesn't, there's not much to be done. I guess I am different in that I don't see it as submitting, as long as I am telling her to do it and we both enjoy it. But I understand that a lot of Doms/Masters see it differently. I'm just very anally erotic, I think. The ass has always been a rather sexual area for me, ever since I became aware of sex.

 

[Temptress_lee]

I'm a female, 20 years old, bi-curious, switch.

Currently i'm not involved with anyone seriously. When I was I've always been on the same level, as most of the guys i've dated. I'm really open to trying new things. I have two sides to my personality so I could probably play the role as the Dom or the Sub. There's one side of me that takes joy and pleasure out of taunting someone sexually. Then there's my shy, submissive side that gets really turned on when I give up control to somebody. Which is why I discovered myself as a switch. I didn't even know you could do both roles until someone told me about it. If I did meet someone more extreme then me I would expect them to respect my boundries. But for the most part i've always been pretty experimental.

 

[Hester]

Would you say your partner's desires are more or less extreme than yours? Obviously, they could be extreme in different areas, but generally.

What's your gender, orientation and how did you meet your partner?



I particularly want to hear from subs who think their Tops are more extreme than themselves.

female, straight, don't really fit into any of the traditional labels, so you'll have to make do with "fucked-up, heteromorphic deviant." or simply "depraved heteroclite" on a good day.

no partner currently and never had one who was even close to being more extreme than i. whereas i tend to freak them out if i'm not careful. (i'm not always careful. ha!)

basically, a useless post in terms of helping you figure out whatever it is you are tossing about.

 

[Etoile]

After all, how is taking a strap-on different from taking a real cock? Both stimulate the prostate.

It can be very similar, or very different! Depends what you're both interested in, what you're both going for, what you want out of the exchange. A lot of guys are afraid to take it up the ass because they think it means they have gay or bi tendencies. Nope, it just means they like to take it up the ass - and why do they like it? Yep, because of the prostate! Not because they're gay. But it can be very different from the real thing...or a lot like it. It's up to the partners, especially the one wielding the strap-on.

 

[CharleyH]

I particularly want to hear from subs who think their Tops are more extreme than themselves.

Interesting, but too bad.

 

[Chicklet]

Would you say your partner's desires are more or less extreme than yours? Obviously, they could be extreme in different areas, but generally.

What's your gender, orientation and how did you meet your partner?



I particularly want to hear from subs who think their Tops are more extreme than themselves.

I think my partner's interests are varried from mine, I'd probably claim that he's more extreme, but I think it's more or less just a difference in fetish. We have enough of the similar ones to keep our sex life happy without pushing any of the bad buttons on each other, but I know he'd like to do things that I think are over the line. Also, I have a few things I'd secretly like to do that I know he'd think were too extreme. Funny how that works.

I'm a female, heterosexual I'd say, although I've slept with and would sleep again with women. I met him through a friend.

 

[eaglescave41]

I'm a 41 yr. old man. I met my Slave/ wife online 4 years ago and got married last year. Shes much more milder than I am, but shes also willing to start and push the envolope futher each week, so if yours is mild also, maybe give it time and work her up to your level of play/ lifestyle.

 

[PredatorSmile]

I'm a 41 yr. old man. I met my Slave/ wife online 4 years ago and got married last year. Shes much more milder than I am, but shes also willing to start and push the envolope futher each week, so if yours is mild also, maybe give it time and work her up to your level of play/ lifestyle.

My boyfriend and I met another bisexual guy (finally !) for a threesome and it was awesome !

 

[eaglescave41]

PredotorSmiles, I have tried to add a more spice like that to ours, but she don't feel comfortable, or willing to add another party to the mix, so guess I may have to find something on the "side" to to make it interesting.

 

[Baskin Robbins]

My wife is TOTALLY vanilla.... I love her so much though. We've known and dated since we were 14. We broke up for 6 years and then got back together at 26.

She is VERY vanilla but seems "willing to learn'.

PredatorSmile -- You are SMOKING hot! I hope it all works out for you!

 

[Etoile]

I may have to find something on the "side" to to make it interesting.

*bangs head on wall*

So you're going to cheat on your wife, is what you're saying?

*sighs*

 

[FurryFury]

My boyfriend and I met another bisexual guy (finally !) for a threesome and it was awesome !

Cool!

The obvious question is, did your boyfriend take it in the ass?

*winks*

Can you give us more details of this awesomly hot time?? For those of us who only dream of such stuff?

Fury

 

[anouk]

I'm a submissive female. We met through Daddy's work.

He is more extreme then I am but I think that is because he is more experienced so he might have a lower threshold for trying things out. I'm also a lot shyer then he is so he is more comfortable when it comes to involving others and such. I'm getting better at that though.

I'm sure I'll catch up with him as we go along.

 

[Brittykat]

So my question/comment is this: Is my ability/desire to not only meet this higher level of intensity, but also enjoy it completely a matter of the emotional involvement or the trust level? Obviously, that's a rhetorical question, as no one but me can truly answer it. But I'm wondering if the emotional/trust level truly has this much to do with my ability to push beyond limits I thought I had to be more open to these new things. And if so, is this the kind of thing that Cat and others in long term 24/7 relationships who say they have no limits at all are talking about? That level of love and trust that develops to the point where you know that you will be safe no matter what so there is no place that you won't go with him?

Goddess, I think too much!

I think the answer is yes. If you can depend on your SO to take care of emotionally as well as phically then you well be more likely to push through your bounderies. We are just starting on this journey togeather, I don't know if I could trust someone that I didn't live with as much as someone I did. I thank god we're already married. It makes it seem less scary to me.

 

[a_well_punished_girl]

Would you say your partner's desires are more or less extreme than yours? Obviously, they could be extreme in different areas, but generally.

What's your gender, orientation and how did you meet your partner?

I particularly want to hear from subs who think their Tops are more extreme than themselves.

I am a female, sub/slave, we met online ...quite accidentally... in a vanilla situation. I helped him discover his Dominant self.
Funny thing...I used to be more extreme. Now, he is discovering a sadistic streak in himself and I am having trouble dealing with it.
Be careful what you wish for, eh?
I have a back problem that flares up out of nowhere...and it did so recently. We had to suspend most physical activities for approximately two weeks and now I am feeling more sensitive to pain. It is frustrating for both of us. I was at a place where I could take a great deal of pain...some more enjoyable than others. I wonder if it is just that I need to work myself back up to it...or if there is something psychological at play?
m

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am a female, sub/slave, we met online ...quite accidentally... in a vanilla situation. I helped him discover his Dominant self.
Funny thing...I used to be more extreme. Now, he is discovering a sadistic streak in himself and I am having trouble dealing with it.
Be careful what you wish for, eh?
I have a back problem that flares up out of nowhere...and it did so recently. We had to suspend most physical activities for approximately two weeks and now I am feeling more sensitive to pain. It is frustrating for both of us. I was at a place where I could take a great deal of pain...some more enjoyable than others. I wonder if it is just that I need to work myself back up to it...or if there is something psychological at play?
m

I went through a similar thing for a long long time, which as you say, was frustrating and upsetting to put it mildly. For me, I had broken my tailbone, then had a family tradgedy which turned me upside down in so many ways and so unexpectedly, it just all came down on top of me. I also believe a lot of the increased negative sensitivity to pain is a result of approaching menopause. We have been steadily working at it together, and I am getting much better and now once again enjoy taking the same level of pain I had previously, though there are moments when it is still not how it was....that part I believe is psychological and also a reaction to the distress the changes caused. e stil have to work around the tailbone issue as too much contact can cause unbearable problems for days, but we are getting there.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bump in the night?

 

[heyrocky]

50 year old straight submissive male married to the same beautiful woman for 18 years. Just recently started exploring BDSM. I am more intense than she is and come up with most of the ideas we try. I have the opposite problem of Predator Smile. I have the strap on fantasy and she doesn't seem quite willing to help me fulfill it. I bought my first butt plug today and plan on using it next time we are together, (we are apart temporarily due to family illness).
I hope once she sees how much pleasure I get from the plug she will change her mind and strap one on me.