Partner too extreme, or too mild?

[AvaAdore]

<i>Would you say your partner's desires are more or less extreme than yours? Obviously, they could be extreme in different areas, but generally.</i>

Hard to say. He gets off on pushing me more than anything, which can be a bit difficult for me, but I still enjoy it. Okay, to be more specific, he likes anal, especially because I don't like it so much. The main problem is that he's kind of big (Small things in my ass are fine! Big things not so much).
There are things I would like to try, like a little blood play, but it freaks him out so we don't do it.


<i>What's your gender, orientation and how did you meet your partner?</i>

Female, bi, mostly sub but switch from time to time. I met my partner at university a few years ago and we're now engaged. We started exploring BDSM together shortly after we got together.

 

[myinnerslut]

female, sub, bi curious?? we met though a mutual friend.

i would have to say im more extreme then A, and ive come to terms with that.

 

[HottieMama]

Female, sub, bi...LC and i met here.

So far it's seems like we are a perfect match in terms of kinks.

 

[neonflux]

Marquis, I am curious as to what has prompted the thread. I know that you were looking specifically for answers from subs, but your question is one I struggle with in my own relationships, so perhaps something in my share will strike a chord...

ME: Bi (complete 50/50), femme woman, and what I am beginning to describe as dominant switch - enjoy not only giving but receiving pain, but am dominant sexually by nature/personality.

While in most ways ~D fills my soul, he is much too mild for me when it comes to the S/m side of the BDSM equation. I push, gently, as much as I can while still respecting boundaries, but I have found it necessary to have play partners to satisfy my sadomasochism. That ~D loves me so completely, including the aspects of my kink towards which he has no inclination, and that he supports my looking for outlets for the same, is one of the factors that makes our relationship so strong. At this point in my life, he would not be my primary and my life partner were this not the case.

I still consider myself a bdsm newbie but I have/had (male) play partners who are not as enamored of receiving pain as I am of giving it. Going slowly and gently seems to help. I may soon find myself in the opposite boat - though I don't see myself as an emotional sadist, have a budding relationship with someone whose physical masochism equals my sadism but who in addition is an emotional masochist. It will be interesting to see if I have within me the capacity for emotional sadism but just haven't yet delved deeply enough to find it.

As a bottom, I have never found anyone whose physical sadism exceeds my physical masochism, and I have one very experienced play partner who is known for his "rough play." I don't believe that I would ever be a satisfying play partner for someone who is extremely emotionally sadistic, nor would s/he be satisfying for me.

Neon

 

[deadselly]

My love was wary about knifeplay and needles at first; but now he's really into them. Other than that, I'd say we're pretty much even.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm 28, female, bi curious. My Master is 24.

We both have our moments. Face slapping used to be a limit of mine but he does occasionally slap it anyway - though not too hard. Breathplay is another limit we've had to compromise on because if he had his way we'd incorporate it into every session whereas I like to be able to wear something other than a turtleneck when out in public. He bites a lot and often before I'm warmed up enough to enjoy it (bastard bit down on my clit without warning once and I jumped so hard my pubic bone gave him a split lip - poetic justice in my book)

I have to be careful with my use of our 'yellow' safeword because he loves pushing me and if he's in the zone it'll just spur him on. I do end up crying red more often than I used to because he's more secure in our relationship and trusts me to tell him when I've had enough. Up until that point he'll generally assume I'm coping with and enjoying what's going on.

He's taken to using facefucking as a punishment, which I find hard because he's vicious and my gag reflex refuses to die without a fight. About the only limit I've managed to hang on to lately is dry anal, which he thinks would be a marvellous tool. I'd do my best to convince the neighbours I was being murdered if he tried it.

Having said all that I love most of what he does and enjoy being pushed to my limits. My pain threshold is growing steadily and so is our bond of trust. I know it frustrates him sometimes when my poor battered carcass can't tolerate his latest assault and he has to ease off a bit but that's just a Dom's lot in life I guess.

 

[northwoods_sub]

I'm a 32 yr old bi sub.
At this point I am the more extreme being that he is VERY new at being a Dom. He is learning though and I hope that his sadistic side will soon match my machocistic needs!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I had some more thoughts

Now that I think about it there are limits he has that I don't. I'd love a bit of rapeplay but he has shelved the idea because he's worried about hurting me. Also I'm more of a 24/7 sub whereas he tends to take his Dom hat off unless we're alone (though he will save transgressions for later).

I would try things like needle and knifeplay but Master has no attraction to these kinks. I even fantasise about a permanent tattoo or branding in the future but I'm almost certain he'd refuse to mark me himself.

Very rarely he'll stop a very intense scene because he's worried of 'losing control' and going beyond the point where he'll respond to a safeword. Because I know how much he loves me I find it hard to believe him capable of this but I respect his feelings if he decides that things are in danger of going too far.

 

[Netzach]

I don't classify this as "less extreme" but the person I've been exploring some submission stuff with is a much softer player than I am from an SM standpoint. Everything from a sexual Dominance/psychological play aspect is challenging, new and weird for me though, so for me it's really a challenge to get my head around it. I find I underestimate things. Soft and appealing methods have serious repurcussions and result.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Soft and appealing methods have serious repurcussions and result.

Oh yes I quite agree. The other night he slowed his lovemaking right down and whispered the most romantic filth into my ear. It was such a sudden relief from the vigorous anal I'd been enjoying that I totally subbed out and started to cry.