Please don't delete another of my threads

[RisiaSkye]

What a train wreck.

We've had this conversation already, you know. The last time I moved anything (2 consecutive anonymous flames to BDSM practitioners in general), there was a cry of censorship. To my mind, that wasn't the case. But, we went a few rounds as a community about it, and I thought we had all reached a relative agreement.

I'll say now what I said then: the only threads that I personally would move are threats, flames, personal ads, private information, and spam. It's a judgement call, to be sure. I've only moved four threads ever, and that's because I'm against censorship. I don't play favorites when it comes to my Moderating duties, as anyone who's been paying the slightest bit of attention should realize.

There are *many* off-topic or only tangentially related posts on this board, which can be frustrating at times. But, it's a conversation, and it's supposed to be an open one. I'd rather we risk being off topic than we be closed to everyone but the core contingent of people whom we allow to post on most anything about their lives.

But, that's me. I'm not WD. Here's what I see about this situation:

1. WD claims to have moved it in good faith. Whether or not that's the case, I can see how he might have done so, seeing the post as off-topic. Topicality, however, isn't a clearly defined rule. Erring on the side of acceptance doesn't seem out of line, but I recognize the subjectivity of that definition.

2. Particularly because none of us move things like sd412 coming in to "first post," it's hard not to wonder whether the political arguments that have turned into flame wars between WD and lavender have anything to do with the thread being moved.

3. cym and I were both online last night when lavender noticed the move and so she caught us to ask about it directly. So, we had to piece together what happened, which may have (I'm guessing here) encouraged cym to see the move as something done in secret, maliciously.

4. In any case, it doesn't really matter one bit. WD has said before that he doesn't have time to Moderate. We've all three talked, at length, about relieving him of the burden in the past few months. It just sucks that this is how it happened.

5. Public fights, particularly between two such established community members as cymbidia and WriterDom, are poisonous for everyone. Some things are better left behind closed doors, which is exactly what I posted to lavender's question about where her thread went. I don't think this sort of thing helps anyone.

WriterDom, I'm sorry for how this went down, in that I can't imagine you're feeling particularly good about how your Moderating time ended; I can understand that. I hope there are no hard feelings between the two of us, and I look forward to our continued acquaintance.

cymbidia, I'm sorry that you're feeling attacked in this, and I'm not trying to leave the heat all on you. Like I tried to tell you earlier, I think that sometimes jumping into an argument, even when you have strong opinions on a subject, only makes it worse. That's why I've stayed back from this and let people get it out; it's what I would have done with any other public personality conflict. I take this shit pretty seriously--I don't play favorites, even for friends.

RisiaSkye,
Forum Moderator

 

[Lancecastor]

Celine Dion Walks into a Bar....

....Bartender says: "Hey Celine Dion, why the long face?"


That joke always cracks me up.

Say....I heard there's a BDSM board around here.....anyone seen it?

Hey, and before I go.....hey I just love you, Oprah...hey Doctor Phil you rock!

Lance "The Missing Kink" Castor

 

[Wizard]

What a train wreck.

We've had this conversation already, you know. The last time I moved anything (2 consecutive anonymous flames to BDSM practitioners in general), there was a cry of censorship. To my mind, that wasn't the case. But, we went a few rounds as a community about it, and I thought we had all reached a relative agreement.

I'll say now what I said then: the only threads that I personally would move are threats, flames, personal ads, private information, and spam. It's a judgement call, to be sure. I've only moved four threads ever, and that's because I'm against censorship. I don't play favorites when it comes to my Moderating duties, as anyone who's been paying the slightest bit of attention should realize.

There are *many* off-topic or only tangentially related posts on this board, which can be frustrating at times. But, it's a conversation, and it's supposed to be an open one. I'd rather we risk being off topic than we be closed to everyone but the core contingent of people whom we allow to post on most anything about their lives.

But, that's me. I'm not WD. Here's what I see about this situation:

1. WD claims to have moved it in good faith. Whether or not that's the case, I can see how he might have done so, seeing the post as off-topic. Topicality, however, isn't a clearly defined rule. Erring on the side of acceptance doesn't seem out of line, but I recognize the subjectivity of that definition.

2. Particularly because none of us move things like sd412 coming in to "first post," it's hard not to wonder whether the political arguments that have turned into flame wars between WD and lavender have anything to do with the thread being moved.

3. cym and I were both online last night when lavender noticed the move and so she caught us to ask about it directly. So, we had to piece together what happened, which may have (I'm guessing here) encouraged cym to see the move as something done in secret, maliciously.

4. In any case, it doesn't really matter one bit. WD has said before that he doesn't have time to Moderate. We've all three talked, at length, about relieving him of the burden in the past few months. It just sucks that this is how it happened.

5. Public fights, particularly between two such established community members as cymbidia and WriterDom, are poisonous for everyone. Some things are better left behind closed doors, which is exactly what I posted to lavender's question about where her thread went. I don't think this sort of thing helps anyone.

WriterDom, I'm sorry for how this went down, in that I can't imagine you're feeling particularly good about how your Moderating time ended; I can understand that. I hope there are no hard feelings between the two of us, and I look forward to our continued acquaintance.

cymbidia, I'm sorry that you're feeling attacked in this, and I'm not trying to leave the heat all on you. Like I tried to tell you earlier, I think that sometimes jumping into an argument, even when you have strong opinions on a subject, only makes it worse. That's why I've stayed back from this and let people get it out; it's what I would have done with any other public personality conflict. I take this shit pretty seriously--I don't play favorites, even for friends.

RisiaSkye,
Forum Moderator

Need an easy fix for all this...........................................Don't remove any threads ..................All better...................

 

[lavender]

 

[cymbidia]

WD, if i said i didn't remove the post on the day it was removed, then i didn't. If you knew that, then why did you continue to accuse me of it? I have memory problems as the result of a car accident long ago. I've posted about it before, as i'm certain you know.

Here, let me repeat this for you:
i didn't move your whiny self-serving little thread. http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=87790 My second post was made soon after it was moved to the Mods Forum. I didn't move it.


To any of the rest of you who popped in here specifically to toss shit my way even though you don't post here anymore: kiss my ass. That was meant kindly and constructively, of course, just like you meant your criticisms.

 

[Wizard]

WD, if i said i didn't remove the post on the day it was removed, then i didn't. If you knew that, then why did you continue to accuse me of it? I have memory problems as the result of a car accident long ago. I've posted about it before, as i'm certain you know.

Here, let me repeat this for you:
i didn't move your whiny self-serving little thread. http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=87790 My second post was made soon after it was moved to the Mods Forum. I didn't move it.


To any of the rest of you who popped in here specifically to toss shit my way even though you don't post here anymore: kiss my ass. That was meant kindly and constructively, of course, just like you meant your criticisms.

I don't think it is a matter of tossing shit but dealing with a situation........It happened and let it go folks........It went away no matter how it did it did! I have been watching and this thread has been on top too long....Our new folks go right to this and this is what they see.

Let it die, and just don't remove threads.........


There is a lack of class being shown here..........

 

[WriterDom]

I didn't know you have memory problems cym. That explains a lot.

I was just trying to understand. My post was deleted. Lavs was moved. She got the best of both worlds, and ended up back where she wanted to be in the first place. I'm where I want to be, and cym lost a bad monitor. Can't we just leave it at that?

 

[pierced_boy]

How many posts entitles you to an opinion Cym

Cym you're showing exactly what I was writing about

Yelling and screaming at the top of you voice. What next?

As for the crack about folk who don't post any more you could only be referring to Wizard and me. Don't we count unless we post ten times a day or have 7900 posts. When I came here you had about 5000 posts now its nearly 8000. Does that make you 66% more worthy, you opinion 66% more right than then. If so the quality has dropped.

Kiss my arse indeed.

H

 

[cymbidia]

Actually, H, it didn't refer to Wizard at all - only to you.

I respect Wizard. But you? You're just a wanker, something that has nothing at all to do with post totals, regardless of how hard you try to make it seem otherwise, and everything to do with character and attitude.

Good night, little boy.
Sweet dreams.
You're not worth my ire.

 

[Guest]

I agree with Pierced boy, it seems to me that cym, and others, whom I will not name as they do not come into this forum, have a right, or so they think, that they are allowed to cry fowl, but if someone else was to do it then they are being the immature (how does cym say?) pouting one. I've seen cym on many occasions literally put people down, tell them where to and how to post and made them feel smaller than any Mistress or Master has ever made there sub feel.

I think cym needs to take a long good hard look at herself and her views. I read a thread the other day that was a real cry for help, and all because the relationship that the poster is involved in is an online one, cym quiet happily made this poor girl feel worse than what she did in the first place, and all because cym believes that online D/s relationships don't work.

I also believe that we all deal with our own situations very differently, and yet if we put our view forward, cym gets on her high horse and tells us how it should be. One persons way may be what suits them, and cyms is what suits her, don't tell us how we should or shouldn't react to a situation.

cym, I'm not putting you down, I just think you need to rethink your ideas, we are all different and what we may choose to or not choose to do is ultimately our decision.

I would also like to say that if WriterDom can't moderate for whatever reason, I do believe that this forum needs a Male point of view too, please take this into consideration.

Let us be who we are cym, don't force your way onto us, in the end you'll be the one putting people off posting here all together.

 

[tassie]

lets try this one again.

take PERSONAL problems to a PRIVATE MESSAGE.

hell they laid them on for us it would be rude not to use them.

and if you want to be taken seriously, and not have it just assumed that you're the same person, dont be unreg.

thank you.

 

[tassie]

oh, and ive got hardly any posts at all and i am JUST as valid a member here as anyone else, the end.

 

[Guest]

OK now I’ve trolled here

Why take PERSONAL problems to a PRIVATE MESSAGE, when it effects all of us here also??
Who is going to give us the link we are looking for?
I think the poll says a lot even though they don’t want to put name with the votes.
It’s OUR little space on Lit, it will be what we make

 

[cymbidia]

all because cym believes that online D/s relationships don't work

Oh for gods sakes. This again?

I've never said or intimated at all anywhere in any post to anyone, past or present, that i feel online relationships, all or part of them, are of no value and don't work.

I HAVE said, repeatedly, that i feel chat room BDSM-type "relationships", instant BDSM, velcro collar BDSM, is offensive to me personally. I have said, over and over and over, that we don't deal in chat room type BDSM play here, that this is a place for real world, or gonna-be-real-world BSM concerns.

If you've got a problem understanding the difference between "chat room style instant BDSM" and "online D/s relationships", then ask for clarification. They aren't the same thing.

All y'all who continue to maintain that i think all online relationships are bad and wrong and of no value are just wrong. Do you read and listen to what i say about this kinda stuff? Have you ever? At all? Or did you make up mind already, who knows how long ago, and so you pass over my stuff now, sure you already know what it contains?

You're wrong in your post about me, Unreg, and my beliefs and my feelings.

Wrong.

Take a step back in your prejudices with regard to me. Have another look.

If, that is, you're as interested in being fair to me as you are in poking holes in me. If not, keep going as you are; you're doing a fine job of being very close-minded with regard to determining who i am what i believe.

I believe online D/s relationships can work, though the vast majority of them require the participants have an ultimate goal of moving to a skin-to-skin relationship for them to last and be of premier value in a person's life.

I believe that people are inherently good and true and that we all want the same kinds of things, when you sift us down to the basics. (Though this thread is trying that belief, to be honest.)

I believe that Unreg's are usually cowards, too. Why not post under your regular nick? At least pm me and tell me who you are so we can discuss it like civilized beings.

WriterDom is no longer moderating here.

A couple months ago, Risia and i began to discuss who will be the next third. That person is aware of our wanting them for the job but cannot take it yet. The person wasn't chosen on the basis of gender but for their ability to be a good moderator. It's someone with a lot of experience in our lifestyle and experience, too, moderating an often-emotional place like this board. We think you'll all be content with this new moderator when they show up and take the job.

Let me be who i am, Unreg, and listen or not. Disagree or agree. Take my advice and my thoughts to heart or not. I'm one among many and i do not, no matter what you say, force anything on anyone. You may think so but i do not. I enforce community standards and forum rules during the rare occasions when such becomes necessary. Beyond that, i have a right to express my own opinions and thoughts as private member of this community, just as anyone does - or do you really think i should simply and only take the trash out and shut the hell up otherwise?

Sorry.
I'm not going to do that.
I have as much right to be a fully contributing member here as does anyone, and i’ll continue to be a vocal part of this community, too, just like you, just like anyone.

This whole "cym hates online relationships and thinks they're all worthless" claptrap is so old. All y'all who want to get me for something need to find a new tune to tap-dance to, okay? This one has been done to death.

I just think you need to rethink your ideas, we are all different and what we may choose to or not choose to do is ultimately our decision.

I don't need to rethink my ideas as much as you need to have another look at your prejudices. I'm not close-minded toward many things or many people. I'm open and accepting of what many others find unacceptable.

You, on the other hand, seem to have me pigeonholed into some kinda rigid mold of anti-online relationships - there to spend eternity - whether or not i actually fit the mold at all. It is true that i do not like or approve of chat room style Instant BDSM "relationships". I freely admit it. They're at least emotionally dishonest, in most cases, especially to those who really want to learn.

But to say i disapprove of all online D/s relationships is total lunacy and i don't have a clue on what you're basing such an fallacious assertion.

I read a thread the other day that was a real cry for help, and all because the relationship that the poster is involved in is an online one, cym quiet happily made this poor girl feel worse than what she did in the first place, and all because cym believes that online D/s relationships don't work.

The relationship was borne in a chat room. She was calling him "Master" in a week. She probably didn't know his middle name, or what kinda car he drove, or what his favorite color was, or if he called his mother every Saturday. "Master" or "Mistress" are deeply important titles in our world; casually, in chat room situations, they're used with no feeling or understanding for the majestic responsibilities that flow between the partners who use such honorifics in "real life". I dislike BDSM: The Online Fantasy Game, yes, and i dislike the players of such fantasy games thinking this forum is an appropriate place in which to spin out the fairy tales into which they've plunged with wholehearted glee.

There's nothing wrong with playing BDSM: The Online Fantasy Game as long as one remembers that it's not real.

However, i'm never confused between players of BDSM: The Online Fantasy Game and people who are struggling to maintain long distance, essentially online/phone D/s relationships, either. The distinction is clear-cut for me and always has been.

Can't you see it?

Let us be who we are cym, don't force your way onto us, in the end you'll be the one putting people off posting here all together.

Keep it real and we'll all be happy. I'll continue to fight like hell to keep the BDSM: The Online Fantasy Game players out of here, though. They have a zillion chat rooms into which they can play BDSM with each other. We have relatively few places of sanity and solidity in which we who do this for real can find a small corner of calm devoted to our needs and questions.

That's what this place is.

If it doesn't suit your needs, then move on.

If it's just what you've been looking for, please stay and get comfy. I assure you of this though: we're far more likely to help you with whatever you need with, to applaud your steps forward, and to learn from your tests and travails then we are to censure you for anything at all.

And that goes doubly for me.

 

[Lancecastor]

It's Not the People's Front of Judea....

...it's the Judean People's Front!

Have a Large Day;
Lance

 

[Lancecastor]

What Would Happen....

....if there were no Moderators at all ?

Would it be much different, I wonder?

There should be at least 8 Mods anyway...M/F for each of B,D,S,M...to be fair.

Hey....can we All be Mods?

THAT might work!

LC

 

[SpectreT]

It's because of threads like this......

that I don't post much anymore.

I've jumped into too damn many political threads, and helped chase off several people who probably could benefit from being part of the discussions here, by sharing my views and opinions where they were neither needed nor particularly helpful.

That said, here's another of my opinions, regarding Wizard's "No Post or Thread Moved Or Deleted" stance.

That won't work here. We'd be up to our collective ass in dippy not-quite-personal ads, spams, and flame wars faster than you can possibly imagine. I'm on here often enough to see some of the stuff before it gets moved or deleted, and for the most part, I think the forum's been well moderated. We're not GB Junior, we have our stated mission, and there's already a GB; we don't need to duplicate that here.

I can also see why the Anal Lube question would stay here; we do have a unique knowledge base here regarding assholes and their sexual uses. The rest of the content of this thread was private, and should have stayed that way, IMHO.

GodDAMN it, I swore no more board politics.... I hate being an Oathbreaker.

Please, everyone, let this thread die.

 

[Guest]

What the fuck?!

 

[pierced_boy]

Abuse Cym is this what you need to do?

Actually, H, it didn't refer to Wizard at all - only to you.

Well Cym your true colours come on out. Anybody who stands up to you can expect personal attack, derision and other unpleasantness.

You have answered the "What next question"

Everyone beware.

Cymbidia do you have a place as "moderator" ? Maybe it is time for a new face. One more dispassionate.


H

 

[Trolling again]

I believe that Unreg's are NOT cowards, just afraid to disagree with the “MODS” of this board. They do not want this to happen to them, and are not sure if it will be healed against them.

Crm, I have nothing against you but have been afraid since the board has started to say much against your thoughts or feelings. Everybody who comes in here doesn’t know you and your feelings, toward “chat room Bd/Sm”. You have to UNDERSTAND that for some people chat room bondage is all they know, and have NEVER been to some place like this, Where you can ask a question and get an answer, not get chastised for doing so. When some one wants to play BDSM: the online fantasy game. Just point them to the On-line role-playing board.


Everybody here will never see eye to eye on everything, that is life you have to except people for who they are, and remember that you were once in there place also. No question is ever dumb, because of who they are, or where they come from.

 

[RisiaSkye]

I believe that Unreg's are NOT cowards, just afraid to disagree with the “MODS” of this board. They do not want this to happen to them, and are not sure if it will be healed against them.

I've never done anything to any person here that would warrant their fear of posting something to me, for whatever reason. I may be long winded, but I'm not hot-headed or rash, and I don't treat people unfairly--at least, I make every effort not to do so.

I also try to treat others with respect and the assumption of good will. This is not something I can say for everyone in this forum, which is neither condemnation nor approbation. But, we choose how we comport ourselves and I believe I've always been ethical in my time here.

Personal attacks, of all kinds and between all people, are inappropriate and destructive. I would think that everyone involved in this would know better; this is far from our best moment as a community, and it saddens me to see the exchanges here turn so needlessly hostile and relentlessly focused on board politics and personality conflicts rather than our proposed topic--BDSM. Nobody is excused from responsibility for bad behavior, no matter the excuse or perceived provocation.

I would also expect people to realize and understand that lumping all Moderators (no matter who fills the job at any given time) together is an inappropriate reduction. We are all individual people, and deserve to be treated as such. If anyone here has a question, a personality conflict, or a complaint about me or anything I've said, I would encourage you talk to me in public or private, as appropriate, so that we can resolve the problem. However, if you choose to make asides and vague innuendos which seem to attack a perceived position of influence rather than address a person or action, there is little chance that we will be able to reach some kind of accord.

Thank you.
RisiaSkye
BDSM Forum Moderator

edited for grammar (thanks, Caroline! )

 

[MissTaken]

I believe that Unreg's are NOT cowards, just afraid to disagree with the “MODS” of this board. They do not want this to happen to them, and are not sure if it will be healed against them.

Please dont' speak for everyone.

I dont' agree with this statement and feel very comfortable sharing opposing views with cym, RS, WD or anyone else on the board.

 

[Titania1616]

i've taken alot of time to read through this, cant believe i didnt see it till today. i may be new here, but i can allready tell that being a mod is HARD. and while i have never agreed with everything said, i feel no fear to speak my mind either. if anything, i feel more free to express my opinions here than pretty much anywhere else because i know that by doing so, yes i may get slammed by a few, but i will also be supported by others; and isnt that the whole point?

as to the charge that the mods to pay attention to anyone with less that a thousand posts, its completely false. look at my post total, nothing to brag about yet, but i've still had great responses from board members and mods alike. i cant claim a close friendship with cym, allthough i would like to one day, but it is obvious through her posts how much she cares about this forum and the people who post to it, i dont think she ever would do anything to purposely damage it.

so stop the cym bashing, lay off.
not just because shes a mod, but because shes human, and we all can make mistakes.

 

[morninggirl5]

So now the trainwreck begins spewing poisonous gas.


I've stayed out of this and let my views be known in private, because i believed both cym and WD to be friends. I may, perhaps, have been wrong there, but i'll solve that issue in private as it should be.


For the rest, unreg, whoever the hell you are, you're way off base and you're causing much more harm to this board than anyone else ever could. You're posts imply that you are a long-time member of this board, that you were here in the beginning. If so, you're probably someone else i counted as a friend. Do you realize how each and every member of this board is now hurt. There are people here, me included, that have a very hard time trusting people. We felt safe here to allow ourselves to discuss issues that we haven't ever discussed with any of our family or close friends.

I feel as if my trust has been severely violated. There was someone here, that i believed to be trustworthy, and he/she has now proven me wrong. Can i trust myself to make good judgements when i meet someone else?

In my heart, i don't believe this has anything to do with what cym has ever done here as a moderator. This troll is a mean, jealous, spiteful person and doesn't like that so many of us count cym a friend and seek her advice when we have a problem. This troll really doesn't care about anyone but itself and when it's not getting the attention it wants from you, you become the enemy.

Cym and Risia, you ladies have done a wonderful job here. You both have been there with information, advice, or just plain caring whenever anyone has needed it. Don't let one spineless coward ever make you doubt what everyone else has been saying publicly.

 

[Trolling again]

Risia
I shouldn’t of lump the 3 of you in, But it had started out as 2/3of the mods/former mods. So hopefully you can understand where it came from
I am sorry. It was not meant at you.

Miss Taken I was not speaking for you, I was speaking for MYSELF! You don’t have problems sharing opposing views with cym, RS, WD or anyone else on the board. That’s good but you have been here for a long time. Newbe’s can and do get blasted, here as I don’t plan on leaving, but because I feel like the minority, I don’t want it held against me latter. I don’t want to piss anybody off, But Cym called someone else a “wanker” She also ask the “trolls” to pm her, witch is fine. I re-register and she can feel free pm me. I’m not trying to Cym bash but she dose need to have some tolerance for “things” and “people”, she don’t care for, because of she holds the position of moderator.
Like it or not!