Please Tell Us Everything You Know About Primals

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I have known a primal, I think? Neither of us knew the terminology.

I have to say that my experience with it was not positive. It was like he took his skin off and hung it on a hook and became someone else, metaphorically speaking of course. The person I knew was no longer behind the eyes I looked into. It was.. powerful. Scary. Exciting. Frightening. Exhilarating. Too much for me, personally. I didn't care for it because he ended up doing things that he was not ok with once he put his everyday brain in service again. He never crossed any unforgivable lines with me, but he was not ok with his own actions. It was uncomfortable, as it wasn't a thing he was really able to control. It just.. happened at times.

He mostly enjoyed it, but he also didn't trust it. And for good reason. I was wary, but like I said, the real problem for me was the regret he felt. I didn't know how to help him with that, and he didn't know how to deal with it. An extreme case, perhaps, or just inexperience? Either way, I think it requires a caveat.

 

[submit4pleasure]

There's a Submissive Guide for goodness sakes?

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/07/what-is-primal-play/

I loved this!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Bluespark]

I was over at the pool and I heard they were giving primal lessons over here.

*takes out notebook and pencil*

I would have been here sooner but I was catching up on the threads and the links.

Sounds interesting.

"More sensual types of primal play can look like two animals greeting each other. The top can sniff the submissive, growl in her ear, pull her hair back and bite her neck while holding her immobile." http://www.submissiveguide.com/2013/07/what-is-primal-play/

"Primal" doesn’t necessarily have to mean “rough” (though it often may); it’s more a matter of being raw and unfiltered, whatever the feelings present are. http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Primal

I am nothing if not a student of life in all it's varieties.

 

[CutieMouse]

[Yay.Insomnia.]

I (personally) think people classify, then sub-classify this stuff too much, with a side of specific definitions. My current lover is primal because he just is; women look at him and see a wolf.

 

[Bluespark]

[Yay.Insomnia.]

I (personally) think people classify, then sub-classify this stuff too much, with a side of specific definitions. My current lover is primal because he just is; women look at him and see a wolf.

With you there on the insomnia.

It does seem counterintuitive to take human sexuality, which primal in and of itself, and weigh it down with rules and mannerisms as if the unbridle expression of animal lust is mearly a parlor game played by consenting adults trying to spice up an otherwise boring sex life. I know I have tried but it just doesn't have the same effect good old fashioned "I want you now" fucking.

An interesting contradiction. I'm kind of new here though so I really don't know what I'm talking about just giving opinions when I should be sleeping.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

I was over at the pool and I heard they were giving primal lessons over here.

*takes out notebook and pencil*

It does seem counterintuitive to take human sexuality, which primal in and of itself, and weigh it down with rules and mannerisms as if the unbridle expression of animal lust is mearly a parlor game played by consenting adults trying to spice up an otherwise boring sec life. I know I have tried but it just doesn't have the same effect good old fashioned "I want you now" fucking.

An interesting contradiction. I'm kind of new here though so I really don't know what I'm talking about just giving opinions when I should be sleeping.

Puerile stabs at passive aggressiveness aside, I'm curious to know, since you self admittedly don't know what the fuck you're talking about, then why are you speaking as if you do? You think closing with what could be construed as a dismissive/friendly demeanor negates the fact that you've just gone on to act like a sanctimonious asshole all over the place?

If you read what others have said, or ( God-for-fucking-bid ) asked, no one is " playing " at anything, they just are. It has less to do with " rules and mannerisms " and more to do with operating on a purely instinctive/emotional level and letting go of your ego, something you obviously struggle with. Loudly.

You've said nothing of substance, just sadly masturbated in front of everyone with meaningless rhetoric and not even had the common courtesy to give us a big finish, opting instead to invalidate yourself all over your own shirt... The next time you have to take a shit, have the good grace to go do it in the bathroom.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Farawyn]

[Yay.Insomnia.]

I (personally) think people classify, then sub-classify this stuff too much, with a side of specific definitions. My current lover is primal because he just is; women look at him and see a wolf.

Well, everything needs a name now.

Wolf, huh?

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

primal isn't a fetish, I agree with Necro.

I'd classify myself as prey (as would every test I've taken), but I'm also submissive.

It's interesting to note that my take on it is...If you can not best me...You can not have me.
Period.

I don't need you around if I can do it myself and better.

#RAwillProbablyBeSingleForEver

Lol

I'm not a brat..Unless you are a dominant who thinks you're better than me or should be addressed with honorifics before earning them. Then I'll gladly show you just how delusional you are.

Feel free to agree or disagree. No skin off my back (pun intended)

 

[CutieMouse]

Well, everything needs a name now.

Wolf, huh?

Wolf. 6'2" (6'4" in boots and hat), beard, strong, commanding. People's reaction to him is usually either "holy shit" or "he's scary". lol

primal isn't a fetish, I agree with Necro.

I'd classify myself as prey (as would every test I've taken), but I'm also submissive.

It's interesting to note that my take on it is...If you can not best me...You can not have me.
Period.

I don't need you around if I can do it myself and better.

#RAwillProbablyBeSingleForEver

Lol

And that would be an excellent example of why it's difficult to pin something down with a label. I guess I would classify as "prey" (because I sure as hell am not a predator), but there is no "besting" or bothering with who does what better.

None of the descriptions of primal relationships I've seen have fit my relationship. But he's a wolf. (Then again, most descriptions of PYL/pyl don't fit my relationship, so the fact that primal doesn't, doesn't surprise me.)

I also recognize that "primal" might just be the new trendy thing to be. I suspect it might be a bit of a backlash against strictly defined "roles" in BDSM. Saying "I'm a primal" might be a more open-ended descriptor than saying "I'm a service top, daddy dom, sadist who does what he wants [with consenting partners]."

 

[MeekMe]

Take the BDSMwiki with a grain of salt. The guy that runs it entered the scene a few years ago, made a blunder and then managed to convince a bunch of people he's some kind of BDSM guru. He makes a fool of himself regularly in forums.

 

[cfuhrer]

oh. my. Thank you.

This was a very good explanation...I think I need to go read this to my husband..for..you know...educational purposes.

Yeah, I'll be right back, too.

 

[cookiecat]

Primal/prey feels momentary and emotional vs. seeing it as a lifestyle or a label. That seems exhausting.

My husband looks like a hot Colonel Sanders; I can't say anyone would look at him and think Primal. That side of him is my awesome secret! We've had some incredible primal moments. Some turned that way, other times it's been intentional on his part.

Prey seems emotional, too. I could never think of myself as prey all of the time. As hot as being chased, hunted, 'rassled to the ground and devoured can be, I also like being a purring kitty, content in his lap. I mostly want to be in service - compliant, useful, obedient as opposed to on the run.

As to RA's comment that if you can't best me, you can't have me... I love that confidence. I specifically looked for a partner who could fill in my blanks. Who could look at my hot mess and say, yup, I can help her untangle that. On the flip side, I wanted someone who felt comfortable with the stuff I could bring to his table.

Hot stuff to contemplate!!

 

[Eva_Star]

It's not " fighting back ", its instinct. Why the fuck would you let someone who can't overpower/protect you, have you? There are even groups of people that have established pack orders. Not my thing, but that should be a bit of an indication as to the general attitude towards of to handle things. You want it? Come prove that you're high enough up on the food chain to take it.

First, I want to thank Honey for opening this thread. It's very thought-provoking for me.

And thank you, Necro for taking the time to explain this.

So to answer your question, why I would let someone who can't overpower/protect me, have me...well, I've never wanted anyone to protect/overpower me. I'm a bad ass motherfucker. I'm physically and mentally strong. Could my man overpower me? Sure...eventually.. but if it was organic, not me pretending (and if I'm understanding this, pretending/playing weak wouldn't have a place in this) to be weak, he'd have a hell of a hard time of it. Almost anyone would. If someone is hunting me, my instinct would be to fight. If I truly fought, the man would get hurt. He may "win" but would get pretty fucked up in the process. Not good.

I guess the conclusion is...this wouldn't be for me. My instincts don't mesh with the instincts needed for this...if I'm understanding it correctly.

Again, I may be overthinking this. haha.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Farawyn]

Take the BDSMwiki with a grain of salt. The guy that runs it entered the scene a few years ago, made a blunder and then managed to convince a bunch of people he's some kind of BDSM guru. He makes a fool of himself regularly in forums.

Well, it's not science, it's obviously opinion, so some will disagree and some will agree.

I don't think there are any gurus. How can one measure sexuality? It's so personal.

 

[cookiecat]

Well..... I get wrapped up in my head way way too much. Overthinking - as Eva says. So those moments I've felt like prey and my guy was in that Primal mode, I wasn't thinking. It was amazing.

My unsubmissive self would give him the "you want me to what?" look - I'd resist, talk back, say no f*cking way are you going to get me to do that... and in the end, the feeling of being taken, exhausted, my only thoughts focused in the moment, focused on his cock or his hands or his mouth or my pussy rather than - am I being good? am I pleasing him? What's my next move? Did I call my mom back? Why is the dog watching us? Do I look really weird or fat with my ass up in the air like this?

Necro said it's operating on instinct and that feels right. My brain turns off and I melt in to the moment. But if it's instinct on the Primal side - as C'nC said about her experience - it seems easier to lose control.

I know Mr. c was pretty deliberate in getting me to that melty-stop-overthinking phase but he felt all growly and wolf and Primal.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Primal is where you strip away the masks and tear down the walls that you put up for the world to see. Where you act on base (primal) urges without filters or restrictions. Letting go and really opening up and going on pure emotions and urges. The results can be extremely raw deep emotions and can consist of a wide range of feelings. They can be sexual, happy, angry, sad or any other emotion you can think of, but they are raw and out in the open.

It is living each and every moment of this life as if it is your last. Work hard, play hard, live the moment, EXPERIENCE the moment with all your being.

Some people take this farther, identify with a certain animal - lizard, bear, wolf, etc - and use that to channel the primal instincts they have inside. This is not to be confused with "furries" or those that like pet play. It's getting lost inside a headspace which is different from the every day.

Some also believe that as a Primal, Dominance must be earned instead of assumed. You need to have the chase, the capture, the thrill of capture in a relationship. Both for Primals and prey, they want to win or be won.

Just my two cents..

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Azuldrgon]

I'm gonna be honest. I don't have a clue about it.

Mostly because to strip down to bare minimum frightens me. To not have the controls I have in place scares me to no end. I can't imagine a "Primal Dragon" appearing. That's just being real.

I have an issue with losing control. Plain and simple.

 

[Farawyn]

I'm gonna be honest. I don't have a clue about it.

Mostly because to strip down to bare minimum frightens me. To not have the controls I have in place scares me to no end. I can't imagine a "Primal Dragon" appearing. That's just being real.

I have an issue with losing control. Plain and simple.

I asked this before. I think there's Control.

I think trust has to be huge with this.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Azuldrgon]

I asked this before. I think there's Control.

I think trust has to be huge with this.

I have to trust someone in a major way to pull down the walls. To be with the me behind the scales requires that. He's been burnt too much and can lash out.

I sort of get the Dragon with this. When I have a good connection with someone I feel, not dangerous, I could get control any time I needed but I enjoy not needing to. And i am not PYL and people seem to think I am a sweet fairy. so if a unicorn fairy can feel so ....I imagine a dragon could be damaging indeed.

I had a sub a long time ago that pulled me in that direction. When she left, I was extremely distraught. I think one of the byproducts of that is that I am more careful now. I am polite and respectful by nature and there have been playmates surprised at how I am away from the boards. Just to be able to let loose like that is a pipe dream in a way and not something I would wish on anyone.

But perhaps that's what it's all about. Baring everything with no barriers.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]