Pondering serious thoughts here..

[tbs230]

Yeah Well

my mother's response was "You need to take responsibility for the bad things in your life"

I was molested as a child as well, and when I told my mother, she asked me what I wanted her to do about it...

I mean, come on!!! I come to you for support and you say some bs like that to me? Then last week we were having a discussion about my little sister, and the topic of abuse came up, and she said to me, "You must have consented, because you were the same age, and you didn't tell me, so you must have wanted to do it"

There are no words to describe how much that hurt me. There is nothing that woman can ever say to me to ever make me think of her in the same way again. I used to worship the ground she walked on, now I can barely think of her with fuming!! I speak to her everyday, but only because I speak to my 10 year old sister daily. If I could cut her out of my life I would.

No parent should EVER say such things to their child! Consent...I was 5 years old, what kind of Goddamn consent could I possibly have given?!?!

 

[tbs230]

Also...

As my previous post may have given away...I was abused as a child sexually...I think, maybe I was just molested...but what's the difference?

Anyway, I lost my virginity about a month ago, St. Patrick's Day will never be the same to me again...but aside from that, it was maybe 2 or 3 years ago, when I "remembered" what occured to me when I was 5. This was at a time when I was becoming intimate with my first real boyfriend, and discussions about sex triggered these memories...we ended up not having sex, but recently, I've became intimate with someone I've known for most of my life, and I discovered that it was difficult to focus on what was going on, because all I kept thinking about was, "what if I'm not a virgin?" "what if something is wrong with me and I can't give him the pleasure I'm supposed to?" Because I cannot fully remember the abuse, I only have flashs of what occured, I don't really know whether there was penetration or whatever...the only reason why I even know I didn't make it up is because I spoke to the people involved and they confirmed it for me...

After my first experience with PIV, I decided that I had to tell him, because it would clear up the emotional as well as the mental barriers that I put up after we slept together...he was wonderful, I don't know any other way to put it, he completely understood where I was coming from, and now we've decided to start slow, so that way I can maybe learn how to incorporate the emotional aspect of our relationship into our sex life...because i just cannot focus on enjoying it, I just zone out, waiting to see if he enjoys it...

We do other things, like oral sex, but I find that I enjoy giving more than I enjoy receiving...I think this may be because I was forced to do all those things as a child, I now have this incredible urge to please whomever I'm with...I am definitely more submissive, and I enjoy it rough...I don't know whether that is because my first experience was such a violent experience...

I have fantasies of rape, although I don't think I would ever want to be raped...sometimes the thoughts just pop into my head, like I can be walking down the street at night, and in my head, I plan it all out: how, when, where...I see it all...I don't know...it's all very odd...

I know I went off into a tangent, but yeah...I hope I answered the question...

 

[5pintshefound]

ok, so, i didnt want to reply to this... my past 'history' has been making itself VERY known as of late. I was physically abused by a male in my family. the sexual abuse is very hazy to me-- there are about 2.5 years worth of time, that i cant account for at all. {from roughly age 8 to 11}
no, i havent confronted my personal 'demon' -- i come from a family , that, doesnt DO that. I cant stand the idea of other people - that i grew up with- knowing what happened. i come from a VERY small area, where EVERY ones buisness gets passed around. i cant go back there, knowing that it would be front page news.

has my past experiances changed- or - perhaps, helped mold my sexual preferences? hell yes. there are certain things that i can not do. i CAN NOT. luckily my husband is a wonderful caring man. If we get to something, that i dont feel comfortable with, theres no issue.

i know this is extremely disjointed, and i apologize.. ive been having some bad memorys-nightmares lately-- and my husband works nioghts and it makes it extremely hard to deal with by myself. yes i could go to therapy, and sure, i know i need it. but, i am not ready to go thru it - again. I had started therapy a while ago, but quit it because i didnt click well with the therapist.

as someone else mentioned of telling a mother, i told my mother also. i can remember that like it was yesterday. she was in the bathroom, and i went in while she was doing her thing- i couldnt have been more than 11 or 12, and i sat on the edge of the tub, and told her what was going on. she did nothing. luckilly, the male lost interest in me- i was to fat i think- and then he moved out of the region. sadly, he married a friend of mine, and i told her about it, she didnt believe me either- said i was just jealous. of them. - 6 years later, and 2 kids later, she divorces him, after he wraps a phone cord around her throat, bends her over a couch, and rapes her, infront of their 2 kids. no she never did admit that i was right.

im 27 years old. this happened... what.. 15-16 years ago... and just recently has the uglyness been resurfacing for me... those of you that have worked thru it- great job! thoseof you that are working thru or starting the trek to work thru, like i am, well.. i just hope it gets a bit easier from here out.

again im sorry for the disjointed-ness of this... im glad i ran across this tho.. nice to know im not the only one suffering with a horrible secret/memory.

~5PHF

 

[Quoll]

tbs230
5pintshefound
It seems that memories come back when your mind (subconcious, whatever you want to call it) feels that you are able to cope with it, even though you yourself may not feel capable.
My wife and I went through very similar experiences quite a few years ago, it was a very difficult time but utimately brought her a lot more peace of mind.
Counselling can help immensley but I agree that there must be a connection between you and your counsellor.
You both have something that is possibly the most important thing, a great friend who understands and accepts.

As for adults that choose to ignore a childs cry for help...I have no words to describe how that makes me feel.
I wish you both all the peace and calm that you need.

 

[candlelight_romance]

...wow....

first of all, i am close to tears.
secondly, what a wonderful wonderful thread this is.
thirdly, thankyou to everyone who has shared, everyone who has contributed with their love and encouragement.


this thread needs a bumb.

 

[Quoll]

...wow....

first of all, i am close to tears.
secondly, what a wonderful wonderful thread this is.
thirdly, thankyou to everyone who has shared, everyone who has contributed with their love and encouragement.


this thread needs a bump.

On behalf of the lovely Skye (still-rain) thank you. I agree totally, it is a wonderful and important thread.
I'm sure when Skye gets her lazy arse out of bed she will thank you herself.

 

[soakersue]

from the mothers point of view

LoneOne,
I'm glad you're feeling a little better about things. Sometimes knowing you're not the only one feeling this way helps. I have never discussed my situation with anyone until now. Relating to your posts and then sharing has been helpful for me.

I used to pound the wall next to my bed using my elbow. I think it was a cry for help or attention. I stopped a long time ago. I'm hard enough on myself emotionally. I decided being self-destructive was going too far. It was a matter of finding some self-worth. I hope you choose to stop as well. I'm not sure the behavior can be compared to a habit like smoking. But I guess any behavior repeated long enough could become habitual.

Thank you MistressRain, SuperShyGuy, LoneOne, and all who have posted. I hope there's a lot of healing going on here.

My daughter was abused by someone in our family. It began by my noticing her behavior changes. I thought it was beceause we had just moved by to my original state of birth, and she was reacting. Sneaking out at night, all kinds of stuff. At the close of the school year she and her brother where going to visit her dad, I brought up with him the problems I was noticing. She ended up staying with her Dad, for two years. I hounded them to get her into counseling. After the first year there she came forward. Now that set a HUGE string of events in place. The person who did this is a family memeber. To keep this message more concise I would like to just add some simple things.
1) I tell my daughter " Everyday you let bad feelings or depression keep you from the good things in life, he wins again and again"
2) You where manipulated into the situation.
3) I love you no matter what, and it was not your fault
4) I am proud of you, that you took the chance and came forward, that was very brave of you.
5) Feel sorry for the other people involved, because they are very sick.
6) God sorts everything out, eventually
This has cost us our whole relationship with our family, as the other person involved told everyone my daughter is sick and lying. He plea bargined before ever going to a pre-trial. So they never heard the " story". They supported him, no one called to talk with me. I will say there are many phases to this healing process. First is anger, betral, the over whelming need to have your side heard. Eventually comes pity toward the others involved. And finally, you no longer care to convince anyone else either what happend or to be justified. Because you become aware of the levels and you realize you have gone beyond the situation. My daughter still heals, she still has anxiety. But she gets up each day and goes forward. If for any reason this helps anyone I have done a good thing today.

 

[bellator]

Reference to Another Post

Please see my "My Explanation" post in Story Ideas.

VB

 

[JustSkye]

I was molested as a child as well, and when I told my mother, she asked me what I wanted her to do about it...

I mean, come on!!! I come to you for support and you say some bs like that to me? Then last week we were having a discussion about my little sister, and the topic of abuse came up, and she said to me, "You must have consented, because you were the same age, and you didn't tell me, so you must have wanted to do it"

There are no words to describe how much that hurt me. There is nothing that woman can ever say to me to ever make me think of her in the same way again. I used to worship the ground she walked on, now I can barely think of her with fuming!! I speak to her everyday, but only because I speak to my 10 year old sister daily. If I could cut her out of my life I would.

No parent should EVER say such things to their child! Consent...I was 5 years old, what kind of Goddamn consent could I possibly have given?!?!

I'm sorry I haven't checked in a while.

And you're about how you feel and your thoughts about how wrong she is. My thinking is it's her way of shirking responsibility of being a parent and not taking care of her child or seeing what was going on around her with regards to keeping you safe. And, I'd most certainly tell her how you feel about what she said. And yes, you can cut her out of your life if it means keeping your sanity and depression at bay, to a degree. She was WAY wrong. I'm so sorry.

 

[Quoll]

I'm sorry I haven't checked in a while.

And you're about how you feel and your thoughts about how wrong she is. My thinking is it's her way of shirking responsibility of being a parent and not taking care of her child or seeing what was going on around her with regards to keeping you safe. And, I'd most certainly tell her how you feel about what she said. And yes, you can cut her out of your life if it means keeping your sanity and depression at bay, to a degree. She was WAY wrong. I'm so sorry.

I agree with you completely, it's ok to be pissed, hurt and angry, after all it is another form of betrayal by an adult, it's hard to comprehend the thinking and selfishness behind someone refusing to believe or help their child, your children should not be put in the too hard basket.


Skye hon, I'm so happy that those words came from you.

 

[JustSkye]

I agree with you completely, it's ok to be pissed, hurt and angry, after all it is another form of betrayal by an adult, it's hard to comprehend the thinking and selfishness behind someone refusing to believe or help their child, your children should not be put in the too hard basket.


Skye hon, I'm so happy that those words came from you.

thank you, sweetheart.

I promise to come back in and reply to everyone.

Sorry for being remiss.

I'm so glad seeing you here, sweetheart.

 

[JustSkye]

As my previous post may have given away...I was abused as a child sexually...I think, maybe I was just molested...but what's the difference?

Anyway, I lost my virginity about a month ago, St. Patrick's Day will never be the same to me again...but aside from that, it was maybe 2 or 3 years ago, when I "remembered" what occured to me when I was 5. This was at a time when I was becoming intimate with my first real boyfriend, and discussions about sex triggered these memories...we ended up not having sex, but recently, I've became intimate with someone I've known for most of my life, and I discovered that it was difficult to focus on what was going on, because all I kept thinking about was, "what if I'm not a virgin?" "what if something is wrong with me and I can't give him the pleasure I'm supposed to?" Because I cannot fully remember the abuse, I only have flashs of what occured, I don't really know whether there was penetration or whatever...the only reason why I even know I didn't make it up is because I spoke to the people involved and they confirmed it for me...

We are not in times where someone's virginity matters utmost, but the life you have with that person does. I can only hope you would speak to this person if you care a great deal, and share your anxiety if you feel very close to him. You would be surprised at those that are caring and understanding of the ones they love.

After my first experience with PIV, I decided that I had to tell him, because it would clear up the emotional as well as the mental barriers that I put up after we slept together...he was wonderful, I don't know any other way to put it, he completely understood where I was coming from, and now we've decided to start slow, so that way I can maybe learn how to incorporate the emotional aspect of our relationship into our sex life...because i just cannot focus on enjoying it, I just zone out, waiting to see if he enjoys it...

Take your time, slow baby steps. Don't wait to see if he enjoys it, share it with him. Let him show you how much he cares. I hope, in all of this, you're seeking some kind of couseling, therapy, somehow.

We do other things, like oral sex, but I find that I enjoy giving more than I enjoy receiving...I think this may be because I was forced to do all those things as a child, I now have this incredible urge to please whomever I'm with...I am definitely more submissive, and I enjoy it rough...I don't know whether that is because my first experience was such a violent experience...

I have fantasies of rape, although I don't think I would ever want to be raped...sometimes the thoughts just pop into my head, like I can be walking down the street at night, and in my head, I plan it all out: how, when, where...I see it all...I don't know...it's all very odd...

I know I went off into a tangent, but yeah...I hope I answered the question...

Not odd. It happens more often than you think.
But, know too, there is so much in making love and being made love to. I hope you open yourself to it and to the one who loves you.

I hope this finds you well.

 

[JustSkye]

well, gee. I guess I pissed someone off.

 

[Quoll]

well, gee. I guess I pissed someone off.

Well it twernt moi.

 

[JustSkye]

Well it twernt moi.

no, never you.

It took a lot out of me to answer what I did today. Feel like I'm gonna break.

 

[Quoll]

no, never you.

Not true, but thank you.
It's hard to piss people off when you are not here.

It took a lot out of me to answer what I did today. Feel like I'm gonna break.

It's hard to keep revisiting the past, it brings up so many things you would rather it didn't. I truly believe though that your subconscious allows you to face these things when it feels you are able to cope, even if you yourself might not want to.
I think too that when some sort of connection or change in your thinking/perception of past events has occured it is necessary for you to voice that change. I see this in your most recent posts , perhaps it takes a fresh look at things, or a view from someone elses perspective before that connection is made, either way I see it it as a step forward.

If nothing else is to come from people suffering at the hands of their abusers and being betrayed by the ones whose love should be unconditional, it is the ability to at least let others know that they are not alone and that there are people who truly do understand and believe.
I think so much more than this actually comes from sharing your pain and betrayal, but having your voice heard is a great first step.

I think I was trying to say something here, just not sure what.
You should be very proud of yourself my sweet, I am.

 

[onlyerics]

I just had to join in this discussion.

I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've been posting but life has been sort of hectic. I do hope everyone is well.

Anyway, I have to to say that I do understand what some of you going through. I was molested and nearly raped by my uncle when I was 19. The hardest part was that when I told my own mother, whom I thought I could confide and protect me from that monster, didn't do a damn thing except send me away. She said that it was my fault, and when I started to ask for others from help, my mother sent me away so I could "stop telling those lies."

It took me a very long time to trust and confide in someone again. It took me awhile to say anything to my aunt, whom I considered as my mom. Anyone can be a mother, but not everyone could be a mom. I pretty much isolated myself from any event where I had to be sociable. I made acquaintances but not friends because I didn't trust anyone. I was always so suspicious of everyone. I have this phobia of being raped.

It really wasn't until I was 28 years old when I met this wonderful man...and yes, we are still in love and happy together. E is so loving, understanding and supportive. I could probably go on and on about him.

As for my real mother...well, get ready because what I'm about to say may or may not make any sense. She took good care of me when I was a child. When I was 8, my brother and I were adopted by my aunt and her husband and we came to the US when I was 9. I knew that it was a very hard thing for her to do to give me and my brother up, but she wanted the best for the two of us. It was actually a good thing because life here was so much easier than my country of origin. When my mother was raising me, we didn't have any money but there was a lot of love coming from her. We were happy. When I remember things from my childhood, I remember her and her love the most. And when I do remember, I remember how much I love her. And this is where I am probably not going to make sense. In some small way, I still do love her.

But then I remember what happened when I was 19...when she turned her back from me when I needed her help and her protection. Yes, I was angry, but I kept my anger inside. For years, I actually felt guilty for having these angry feelings. I don't know why really. Maybe because I believed her when she said it was my fault. I'm not sure. Please forgive me for being so confusing.

That anger had resurfaced and resurfaced again and again. And I really didn't know how angry I was until I was in a relationship with E because we were becoming intimate, and I had to tell him some of the things from my past, and I started to remember everything from that horrible time.

So I guess I have this love-hate relationship with my mother. I love her for being such a good mother when I was a child yet I hate her for what she did. Do I feel guilty for hating her? Yes, sometimes. But do I still believe that what happened back then was my fault? No, I don't.

Recently, my aunt had told me that my mother isn't doing very well, healthwise. She has encouraged me to keep in touch with her. It's very hard, and usually the conversation is very brief and awkward. We don't talk about what happened. At all.

I know that past is past, and I can't really undo what happened back then. Whenever I attend mass at church, we pray the Our Father, and everytime we get to the part where we say, "...and forgive us our sins...as we forgive those who sins against us..." my mother comes into my mind.

These are just my thoughts and feelings. I hope that no one will judge me here. It's hard enough to deal with this. Thanks for reading.

Onlyerics

 

[Quoll]

I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've been posting but life has been sort of hectic. I do hope everyone is well.

Anyway, I have to to say that I do understand what some of you going through. I was molested and nearly raped by my uncle when I was 19. The hardest part was that when I told my own mother, whom I thought I could confide and protect me from that monster, didn't do a damn thing except send me away. She said that it was my fault, and when I started to ask for others from help, my mother sent me away so I could "stop telling those lies."

It took me a very long time to trust and confide in someone again. It took me awhile to say anything to my aunt, whom I considered as my mom. Anyone can be a mother, but not everyone could be a mom. I pretty much isolated myself from any event where I had to be sociable. I made acquaintances but not friends because I didn't trust anyone. I was always so suspicious of everyone. I have this phobia of being raped.

It really wasn't until I was 28 years old when I met this wonderful man...and yes, we are still in love and happy together. E is so loving, understanding and supportive. I could probably go on and on about him.

As for my real mother...well, get ready because what I'm about to say may or may not make any sense. She took good care of me when I was a child. When I was 8, my brother and I were adopted by my aunt and her husband and we came to the US when I was 9. I knew that it was a very hard thing for her to do to give me and my brother up, but she wanted the best for the two of us. It was actually a good thing because life here was so much easier than my country of origin. When my mother was raising me, we didn't have any money but there was a lot of love coming from her. We were happy. When I remember things from my childhood, I remember her and her love the most. And when I do remember, I remember how much I love her. And this is where I am probably not going to make sense. In some small way, I still do love her.

But then I remember what happened when I was 19...when she turned her back from me when I needed her help and her protection. Yes, I was angry, but I kept my anger inside. For years, I actually felt guilty for having these angry feelings. I don't know why really. Maybe because I believed her when she said it was my fault. I'm not sure. Please forgive me for being so confusing.

That anger had resurfaced and resurfaced again and again. And I really didn't know how angry I was until I was in a relationship with E because we were becoming intimate, and I had to tell him some of the things from my past, and I started to remember everything from that horrible time.

So I guess I have this love-hate relationship with my mother. I love her for being such a good mother when I was a child yet I hate her for what she did. Do I feel guilty for hating her? Yes, sometimes. But do I still believe that what happened back then was my fault? No, I don't.

Recently, my aunt had told me that my mother isn't doing very well, healthwise. She has encouraged me to keep in touch with her. It's very hard, and usually the conversation is very brief and awkward. We don't talk about what happened. At all.

I know that past is past, and I can't really undo what happened back then. Whenever I attend mass at church, we pray the Our Father, and everytime we get to the part where we say, "...and forgive us our sins...as we forgive those who sins against us..." my mother comes into my mind.

These are just my thoughts and feelings. I hope that no one will judge me here. It's hard enough to deal with this. Thanks for reading.

Onlyerics

Hi Onlyerics, I don't think anyone with an ounce of common sense would judge you in anyway, you have every right to hate your mother for not helping you when you asked for it. What she did was despicable and in my mind is just as bad as the abuse itself. Betrayal by a parent is one of the hardest things to come to terms with, these are supposed to be the people who will protect you. No wonder you are torn between love and hate
for her.
A child loves their parents unconditionally, you have every right to expect the same from them.
I don't know how you reconcile your mixed feelings, I guess the way you are doing it now is as good as any, love her for how she raised you, hate her for letting you down in the worst possible way.
I wish you well, you show a lot of strength and courage.

 

[Denae]

no, never you.

It took a lot out of me to answer what I did today. Feel like I'm gonna break.

((((SKYE)))))) And hugs for everyone who has posted in this thread. I was not a victim of child abuse/sexual molestation, but one of my dearest friends in the world was, so I read this thread in support of my friend.

I am deeply humbled and touched by each poster's determination and victories (small and large and most often occuring over a lifetime as an adult) in reclaiming their life and their spirit.

I read something today that struck a chord with me, although in a different area of my life, that I'd like to share with you. The quote is from an article in O magazine and the article is an interview with Dr. Robin Smith who is a frequent guest on Oprah's show. She is referring to child molestation/sexual abuse:
"...The new information I want you to have is that he can't touch you ever again, not just physically, but also your spirit, because you've broken the silence. The silence is as deadly as the abuse."

Each of you has my utmost admiration as you have survived your childhood.

 

[onlyerics]

Hi Onlyerics, I don't think anyone with an ounce of common sense would judge you in anyway, you have every right to hate your mother for not helping you when you asked for it. What she did was despicable and in my mind is just as bad as the abuse itself. Betrayal by a parent is one of the hardest things to come to terms with, these are supposed to be the people who will protect you. No wonder you are torn between love and hate
for her.
A child loves their parents unconditionally, you have every right to expect the same from them.
I don't know how you reconcile your mixed feelings, I guess the way you are doing it now is as good as any, love her for how she raised you, hate her for letting you down in the worst possible way.
I wish you well, you show a lot of strength and courage.

Mr. Q., you really are a kind soul. Thank you!

I still struggle reaching a reconciliation. It is really tough when Mother's Day comes around each year. Or her birthday. Or Christmas. It takes me forever to find a card.

Every Sunday at church, I pray that God forgives her since I can't forgive her myself. And then I ask God to forgive me.

Maybe someday I will find some peace.

BTW, are you and Mrs. Q expecting a baby?

 

[onlyerics]

((((SKYE)))))) And hugs for everyone who has posted in this thread. I was not a victim of child abuse/sexual molestation, but one of my dearest friends in the world was, so I read this thread in support of my friend.

I am deeply humbled and touched by each poster's determination and victories (small and large and most often occuring over a lifetime as an adult) in reclaiming their life and their spirit.

I read something today that struck a chord with me, although in a different area of my life, that I'd like to share with you. The quote is from an article in O magazine and the article is an interview with Dr. Robin Smith who is a frequent guest on Oprah's show. She is referring to child molestation/sexual abuse:
"...The new information I want you to have is that he can't touch you ever again, not just physically, but also your spirit, because you've broken the silence. The silence is as deadly as the abuse."

Each of you has my utmost admiration as you have survived your childhood.

Thanks, Denae. I think speaking up about the abuse shows courage. It's very hard to talk about about it yet it's important to let it out because that shows that the person is ready to deal with it. So I praise everyone who is confronting/has confronted their dark past.

 

[Quoll]

Mr. Q., you really are a kind soul. Thank you!

I still struggle reaching a reconciliation. It is really tough when Mother's Day comes around each year. Or her birthday. Or Christmas. It takes me forever to find a card.

Every Sunday at church, I pray that God forgives her since I can't forgive her myself. And then I ask God to forgive me.

Maybe someday I will find some peace.

BTW, are you and Mrs. Q expecting a baby?

Yes we are, in approximately 3mths, all going well. (so far everything is) Thank you for asking.


If it's not too personal a question what is it you need forgiving for?
I just can't see what you need to be forgiven for.
Your feelings are what they are, you don't need to feel bad about them, it's just how it makes you feel. Hmm that's really clear isn't it.

 

[onlyerics]

Yes we are, in approximately 3mths, all going well. (so far everything is) Thank you for asking.

Congratulations! I wish you and Mrs. Q the best. I'm so happy for you. I'm sure you two will make great wonderful parents (unless you already are).

If it's not too personal a question what is it you need forgiving for?
I just can't see what you need to be forgiven for.
Your feelings are what they are, you don't need to feel bad about them, it's just how it makes you feel. Hmm that's really clear isn't it.

That's ok. Well, I feel guilty for having hateful feelings towards my mother. I think it has something to do with me being raised as a Catholic...and Asian. I pray to God to forgive her and be merciful towards her because I simply cannot, yet I love her. Maybe that's why I hurt so much inside. I ask for forgiveness from God for being so hateful.
I never thought I could hate anyone else (with the exception of my uncle) so much. It is so horrible that it would be my own mother.
I hope that makes sense.

 

[tbs230]

Thank You

Thank you so much for the support and encouragement VermilionSkye and quoll...it's been a while since I checked this thread...reading these replies have helped me get by these past few weeks...I've gone from being insanely happy to depressed beyond belief...I'm no longer with the person I spoke about in my last post...and that has been a factor in my mood swings...but reading the replies again today has helped realize that although some people are not worth my tears, there are those out there, even if I never meet them, that will always be worth mine...thank you for caring...

 

[Gringao]

no, never you.

It took a lot out of me to answer what I did today. Feel like I'm gonna break.

I won't let that happen...you are loved and cared for, my darling princess. Every worry you have is mine, every joy I feel with you. Please tell me when the shadows come, and I will be there to soothe you, hold you until the darkness passes.