Pondering serious thoughts here..

[LoneOne]

First, thanks for the pm´s.

I have to say that yesterday something happens to me, I was listening to a song and for the first time I had read the lyrics.
In fact there were two songs, both by Metallica. The Unforgiven and The Unforgiven II, together with what I read here that touched me on a very deep level.

Everything was coming up... I had to cry. Now I feel better, thanks to... the pm´s, to writing this down for once, I dunno.
I think there are many people with a lot of problems and as it looks there are people I could call brothers and sisters for what they have gone through or actually going through.

I should stop hurting myself, I´ve tried this and will try it again but I think it´s like stop smoking, I don´t smoke but you can compare these two I think.

To overcome my lack of social skills, and get some self-confidents is another story but maybe that´s what hope is for...

thanks to you people, and thanks for this thread, I think I was in need of something like this...

 

[Guest]

rain you ignoring me?

 

[hook848]

LoneOne,
I'm glad you're feeling a little better about things. Sometimes knowing you're not the only one feeling this way helps. I have never discussed my situation with anyone until now. Relating to your posts and then sharing has been helpful for me.

I should stop hurting myself, I´ve tried this and will try it again but I think it´s like stop smoking, I don´t smoke but you can compare these two I think.

I used to pound the wall next to my bed using my elbow. I think it was a cry for help or attention. I stopped a long time ago. I'm hard enough on myself emotionally. I decided being self-destructive was going too far. It was a matter of finding some self-worth. I hope you choose to stop as well. I'm not sure the behavior can be compared to a habit like smoking. But I guess any behavior repeated long enough could become habitual.

Thank you MistressRain, SuperShyGuy, LoneOne, and all who have posted. I hope there's a lot of healing going on here.

 

[JustSkye]

Bumping this thread ... It's been awhile.


And I'm feeling a wee bit of depression laying down on me again and I think it's stemming still from bits and pieces of this.



Any thoughts are welcome.

 

[stingray61]

*bump*

Wow what a great thread this is. I wasn't sexually abused but I was verbally and mentally abused, physical too if you call being beaten harshly and having hunks of hair snatched out of your head abuse. What happened to me most was that I wasn't loved. That along with another coincedence had me believing that sex equaled love. During sex, for however much time it lasted, someone cared I was there and wanted me there as much as I wanted them. After years of therapy and self healing, and a great son, I am finally at a place where I know what real love is. Sometimes though I can't stop the fantasies of wanting to show the women in my life that I love them by making love to them. Some are relatives some are friends but all have shown they truly care for me in one way or another.

 

[JustSkye]

*bump*

Wow what a great thread this is. I wasn't sexually abused but I was verbally and mentally abused, physical too if you call being beaten harshly and having hunks of hair snatched out of your head abuse. What happened to me most was that I wasn't loved. That along with another coincedence had me believing that sex equaled love. During sex, for however much time it lasted, someone cared I was there and wanted me there as much as I wanted them. After years of therapy and self healing, and a great son, I am finally at a place where I know what real love is. Sometimes though I can't stop the fantasies of wanting to show the women in my life that I love them by making love to them. Some are relatives some are friends but all have shown they truly care for me in one way or another.

I'm glad you have those around you to have helped you through some of this.

I'm sorry that you were mistreated and hurt so terribly.


I was just not loved. Left alone. No one there. I'm trying to work through it still. It's effecting everything.

 

[stingray61]

I'm glad you have those around you to have helped you through some of this.

I'm sorry that you were mistreated and hurt so terribly.


I was just not loved. Left alone. No one there. I'm trying to work through it still. It's effecting everything.

Sorry to hear that Skye. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off not having someone around I mean I didn't get love but I did get all the negative crap.

 

[Quoll]

And as others have said, everything that happens when you are an innocent trusting child has an effect, up to the day you acknowledge it, realize it happened to you, not by you

Still working through it all babe, best taken in small doses. I`ll grab and snip a few things I feel are important, who knows, something might flick that switch for you.

 

[Quoll]

Whew not even close to finishing this.
But from page one a thought kept coming back to me, and I know they don`t go away untill I put them somewhere.

Does abuse in childhood shape our sexuality.
I think anything in childhood can shape our sexuality/personality.
This is something that cannot be escaped, we are a product of our environment and our psyche.

We all have our likes and dislikes, they all come from somewhere, whether they be out there or the norm, (if someone can explain the difference of these terms in relation to the people living them I`d be much obliged)
(okay, one persons kink is another persons normal)

The real problem as I see it, is how we deal with these feelings, whether we accept that they are part of us regardless of where they come from, or whether we try to fight them because of where we think they came from.

My opinion, you are you, if you enjoy something that causes no harm, then it is your right. If you think these feelings came from a bad place, embrace them, make them yours, make them a good place, don`t let the bastards win.

One of the biggest crimes from abuse (and there are so many) to me is the feeling of betrayal towards your own body. "What was done to me was so wrong, how could I have enjoyed that." "Why did it feel so nice" " I must be to blame, my body responded with pleasure"

Now read back over some of these posts and see how many said " I just shut off" "I wasn`t there when it happened " " I just closed my eyes and pretended it wasn`t happening" and so much more.

The body and mind are seperate. The body is designed to respond to stimuli whether the mind wants to or not.

Try holding your hand over a candle and demand with your mind not to feel pain.

Try eating your favourite food and tell yourself not to enjoy it.

Try pleasuring yourself sexually without enjoying it.

The body responds exactly the way it should, your body did not betray you.
Your mind said stop, you did not betray yourself.

The betrayal lies wholly with the abuser, any sort of abuse. This is a choice they make. A choice to destroy, violate, demean or just plain hate.

If just once, even for a second, you did not want any of this, then you are not to blame..

 

[stingray61]

Whew not even close to finishing this.
But from page one a thought kept coming back to me, and I know they don`t go away untill I put them somewhere.

Does abuse in childhood shape our sexuality.
I think anything in childhood can shape our sexuality/personality.
This is something that cannot be escaped, we are a product of our environment and our psyche.

We all have our likes and dislikes, they all come from somewhere, whether they be out there or the norm, (if someone can explain the difference of these terms in relation to the people living them I`d be much obliged)
(okay, one persons kink is another persons normal)

The real problem as I see it, is how we deal with these feelings, whether we accept that they are part of us regardless of where they come from, or whether we try to fight them because of where we think they came from.

My opinion, you are you, if you enjoy something that causes no harm, then it is your right. If you think these feelings came from a bad place, embrace them, make them yours, make them a good place, don`t let the bastards win.

One of the biggest crimes from abuse (and there are so many) to me is the feeling of betrayal towards your own body. "What was done to me was so wrong, how could I have enjoyed that." "Why did it feel so nice" " I must be to blame, my body responded with pleasure"

Now read back over some of these posts and see how many said " I just shut off" "I wasn`t there when it happened " " I just closed my eyes and pretened it wasn`t happening" and so much more.

The body and mind are seperate. The body is designed to respond to stimuli whether the mind wants to or not.

Try holding your hand over a candle and demand with your mind not to feel pain.

Try eating your favourite food and tell yourself not to enjoy it.

Try pleasuring yourself sexually without enjoying it.

The body responds exactly the way it should, your body did not betray you.
Your mind said stop, you did not betray yourself.

The betrayal lies wholly with the abuser, any sort of abuse. This is a choice they make. A choice to destroy, violate, demean or just plain hate.

If just once, even for a second, you did not want any of this, then you are not to blame..

I agree completely. The mind and body aren't always the same. The body will react to stimulus whether we want it to consciously or not. I could be sound asleep and if a woman starts caressing my penis it will get hard, now how would it do that when I am asleep? the body reacts to stimuli. We can't blame ourselves for what our bodies do when we are mistreated if we have no control over the act.

 

[Iriadne]

While the sexual abuse in my life didn't occurr in my childhood it did occur at a point in my life where I was very vulnerable to sexual influences and I do credit it with developing much of who I am sexually. My first sexual experience was when I was raped by my roommate's best friend as a result of this rape I also became pregnant but I miscarried the child when I was three months along.
One of the ways that I dealt with this experience was to "relive" it with a trusted Dom. The scene was very carefully planned out but I was given safewords and various signals so that nothing that He did frightened me. The skill of this Dom taught me that sex could be pleasant and thus connected pleasure with some aspects of BDSM, an interest that I have further developed.
In recent months I met (and got engaged to) a most wonderful man but we have found that the after effects of the miscarriage and rape have made it difficult for me to be emotionally intimate with him while we are sexually active. Essentially, I can be either emotionally or sexually intimate but not both at once. The guilt that I carry from the miscarriage of my child makes me terrified that when my fiance and I try to have children (and we want lots of them) that I will also miscarry our children. The feeling of having failed at a female's most basic duty (don't anyone get their dander up female doesn't equal woman in my logic scheme) makes it difficult for me to let go and enjoy sex with this man because the niggling voice in the back of my head keeps reminding me that if I get pregnant I might lose this baby and the tenseness from that makes sex borderline unpleasant for me.
I hope this was mostly on topic and made sense grammatically.

 

[JustSkye]

Whew not even close to finishing this.
But from page one a thought kept coming back to me, and I know they don`t go away untill I put them somewhere.

Does abuse in childhood shape our sexuality.
I think anything in childhood can shape our sexuality/personality.
This is something that cannot be escaped, we are a product of our environment and our psyche.

We all have our likes and dislikes, they all come from somewhere, whether they be out there or the norm, (if someone can explain the difference of these terms in relation to the people living them I`d be much obliged)
(okay, one persons kink is another persons normal)

The real problem as I see it, is how we deal with these feelings, whether we accept that they are part of us regardless of where they come from, or whether we try to fight them because of where we think they came from.

My opinion, you are you, if you enjoy something that causes no harm, then it is your right. If you think these feelings came from a bad place, embrace them, make them yours, make them a good place, don`t let the bastards win.

One of the biggest crimes from abuse (and there are so many) to me is the feeling of betrayal towards your own body. "What was done to me was so wrong, how could I have enjoyed that." "Why did it feel so nice" " I must be to blame, my body responded with pleasure"

Now read back over some of these posts and see how many said " I just shut off" "I wasn`t there when it happened " " I just closed my eyes and pretended it wasn`t happening" and so much more.

The body and mind are seperate. The body is designed to respond to stimuli whether the mind wants to or not.

Try holding your hand over a candle and demand with your mind not to feel pain.

Try eating your favourite food and tell yourself not to enjoy it.

Try pleasuring yourself sexually without enjoying it.

The body responds exactly the way it should, your body did not betray you.
Your mind said stop, you did not betray yourself.

The betrayal lies wholly with the abuser, any sort of abuse. This is a choice they make. A choice to destroy, violate, demean or just plain hate.

If just once, even for a second, you did not want any of this, then you are not to blame..

My hero.....

 

[JustSkye]

While the sexual abuse in my life didn't occurr in my childhood it did occur at a point in my life where I was very vulnerable to sexual influences and I do credit it with developing much of who I am sexually. My first sexual experience was when I was raped by my roommate's best friend as a result of this rape I also became pregnant but I miscarried the child when I was three months along.
One of the ways that I dealt with this experience was to "relive" it with a trusted Dom. The scene was very carefully planned out but I was given safewords and various signals so that nothing that He did frightened me. The skill of this Dom taught me that sex could be pleasant and thus connected pleasure with some aspects of BDSM, an interest that I have further developed.
In recent months I met (and got engaged to) a most wonderful man but we have found that the after effects of the miscarriage and rape have made it difficult for me to be emotionally intimate with him while we are sexually active. Essentially, I can be either emotionally or sexually intimate but not both at once. The guilt that I carry from the miscarriage of my child makes me terrified that when my fiance and I try to have children (and we want lots of them) that I will also miscarry our children. The feeling of having failed at a female's most basic duty (don't anyone get their dander up female doesn't equal woman in my logic scheme) makes it difficult for me to let go and enjoy sex with this man because the niggling voice in the back of my head keeps reminding me that if I get pregnant I might lose this baby and the tenseness from that makes sex borderline unpleasant for me.
I hope this was mostly on topic and made sense grammatically.

I'm so happy you have others that have helped to open paths to your sexuality and also made you feel better. I know it's going to take a while to work out the misgivings and feeling and thoughts. I pray that you'll get through it.
I've learned too, through meeting some and talking as well and coming here and learning so much sexually. Learned that there are reasons behind why I like lots of things sexually. What set me off, what triggers certain feelings.
And how to try and deal with it.
It's the other stuff, emotions and whatnot from my childhood. Feelings of abandonment, being used and abused and not being good for anything else.

But HERE in this place of all places I have come to learn and understand so much. And I have an incredible friend holding my hand through it all.

If you need someone to talk to ... feel free to PM.

 

[blueyedheartbandit]

Read this and wanted to add...

here are my thoughts.
I was emotionally and mentally abused as a child, and later on in my late teens I married an abusive, violent man. I'd have to say that yes, the abuse I suffered at my mother's hands definately did have a major impact on me sexually, not to mention emotionally and mentally. My ex "taught" me about BDSM all the wrong ways. He would tie me up, leave me for a day or two and he thought that was fabulous. Having no idea about the internet, or other resources, not to mention that I just flat out trusted him, I went along with this to a point. The point came when he started hitting me for no reason other than he felt like it. I've been involved in BDSM since I was 17, a year before we married. It's taken 9 years to undo all the damage he did to me in that aspect. The reason I link my mother into this is because as a child I was molded and taught to be "perfect". "Perfect" never questions her betters, never has her own thoughts, lives only to please others and does what she is told regardless of how she feels about it. "perfect" is quiet and unassuming, always within hands reach and never gives her opinion. And most definately, "perfect" never ever tells the bad shit that happened to her. See how nice and easy it was for him to train me to be a door-mat? (for the subs/slaves out there, take no offense..please keep reading)
Through the years since all that, I have come to realize that what he did was abuse, pure and simple. That there is one word that always pops up in the BDSM community no matter who you are, where you are or what you are...CONSENTUAL. There was never any consent, not when Iwas a child, not as an adult with that particular man. He took something beautiful and made it dark and ugly.
I'm a painslut. I thrive on it, I enjoy it, it's a huge turn-on for me. It took me a long time to come to grips with that. I didn't know until a few years ago that I could orgasm without pain. Trippy huh.
The abuse I suffered through has made me ME. I'm not a sub, nor a slave (no offense meant to anyone who is, I actually admire you), and I never will be. It's not me. I'm a masochist with sadistic tendancies. I have come to use hubby and mine's play sessions as a way to release pent up anger and other emotions. I yell, kick, scream, cry, and cuss like a long-shoreman. Hubby understands that I need that, that that is one way I can let go and be guilt free about it.
I'm still working on past issues, and probably will be for quite awhile. But I'm getting to the point where I'm happy with me. I'm not a model, I'm a wife, a mother and a survivor of a whole load of shit. I'm getting to where I'm happy with my body, all 242 lbs of it. I'm getting to where I don't slouch to hide being 6 feet tall, I'm not rolling my shoulders in to hide my 42DDD breasts. This is me
So good luck to you in your journey up that hell hole tunnel of recovering from abuse, it's long and hard, but oh so worth it in the end.
Sorry for the length..I tend to run on about this kind of thing....

Blueyedheartbandit's Wife

 

[JustSkye]

Re: Read this and wanted to add...

here are my thoughts.
I was emotionally and mentally abused as a child, and later on in my late teens I married an abusive, violent man. I'd have to say that yes, the abuse I suffered at my mother's hands definately did have a major impact on me sexually, not to mention emotionally and mentally. My ex "taught" me about BDSM all the wrong ways. He would tie me up, leave me for a day or two and he thought that was fabulous. Having no idea about the internet, or other resources, not to mention that I just flat out trusted him, I went along with this to a point. The point came when he started hitting me for no reason other than he felt like it. I've been involved in BDSM since I was 17, a year before we married. It's taken 9 years to undo all the damage he did to me in that aspect. The reason I link my mother into this is because as a child I was molded and taught to be "perfect". "Perfect" never questions her betters, never has her own thoughts, lives only to please others and does what she is told regardless of how she feels about it. "perfect" is quiet and unassuming, always within hands reach and never gives her opinion. And most definately, "perfect" never ever tells the bad shit that happened to her. See how nice and easy it was for him to train me to be a door-mat? (for the subs/slaves out there, take no offense..please keep reading)
Through the years since all that, I have come to realize that what he did was abuse, pure and simple. That there is one word that always pops up in the BDSM community no matter who you are, where you are or what you are...CONSENTUAL. There was never any consent, not when Iwas a child, not as an adult with that particular man. He took something beautiful and made it dark and ugly.
I'm a painslut. I thrive on it, I enjoy it, it's a huge turn-on for me. It took me a long time to come to grips with that. I didn't know until a few years ago that I could orgasm without pain. Trippy huh.
The abuse I suffered through has made me ME. I'm not a sub, nor a slave (no offense meant to anyone who is, I actually admire you), and I never will be. It's not me. I'm a masochist with sadistic tendancies. I have come to use hubby and mine's play sessions as a way to release pent up anger and other emotions. I yell, kick, scream, cry, and cuss like a long-shoreman. Hubby understands that I need that, that that is one way I can let go and be guilt free about it.
I'm still working on past issues, and probably will be for quite awhile. But I'm getting to the point where I'm happy with me. I'm not a model, I'm a wife, a mother and a survivor of a whole load of shit. I'm getting to where I'm happy with my body, all 242 lbs of it. I'm getting to where I don't slouch to hide being 6 feet tall, I'm not rolling my shoulders in to hide my 42DDD breasts. This is me
So good luck to you in your journey up that hell hole tunnel of recovering from abuse, it's long and hard, but oh so worth it in the end.
Sorry for the length..I tend to run on about this kind of thing....

Blueyedheartbandit's Wife

Wow! Thank you for this.
I admire your strength and determination. You may not be a model but in writing this for me and others... you're a goddess nonetheless!
Sadly so many children have parents as messed up as ours. It takes sooo much more to be a parent than biology.


Thank you again for sharing this. If you ever feel the need to vent here ... vent away!

 

[LoneOne]

After this thread is now reactivated an the fact that I haven't written anything in a long time I just want to tell all the people here that my life is beginning to get better.

I'm in a therapy now, and well it seems like I have something like a relationship with a nice girl starting up at the moment... well, we both have the same problems and it looks like we're helping each other...

I'm 23 now and in a therapy... well, I think I had never time to really heal the wounds of my past, there is still a lot of work to do.

by the way... thanks again for the pm's I got from my initial postings

 

[JustSkye]

After this thread is now reactivated an the fact that I haven't written anything in a long time I just want to tell all the people here that my life is beginning to get better.

I'm in a therapy now, and well it seems like I have something like a relationship with a nice girl starting up at the moment... well, we both have the same problems and it looks like we're helping each other...

I'm 23 now and in a therapy... well, I think I had never time to really heal the wounds of my past, there is still a lot of work to do.

by the way... thanks again for the pm's I got from my initial postings

I'm soooo glad this thread has helped you!I'm glad people here reached out to you. There have been so many kind people here.

I hope you let us know as time goes by how you are and what's going on in your life. I wish you the very best!

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Hey VS... I guess your troll has failed to run you outta here after all... lol, how the mighty have fallen!

 

[JustSkye]

Hey VS... I guess your troll has failed to run you outta here after all... lol, how the mighty have fallen!

Hi LT, I hope you're well.


I have lots of friends and have learned alot. Growing a thick skin was one of those things

 

[Matienee]

I've read this thread a couple of times now and it's been very comforting to know read other experiences. I am a strong believer in the past makes us what we are today and while I like who I am today, the past was hellish getting here.

My "father" was a drug dealer and my mother an addict and I didn't realize this was wrong until we left in the middle of the night when I was 8 years old. I will never forget the night. It wasn't until living with my grandparents that I realized how wrong things where with my family.

My father never touched me in a sexual way though he would watch me with everything I did. He was the one who taught me how to masterbate using a pillow or a stuffed animal. He was physically abusive and emotionally abusive. As a result I have a very hard time trusting men and have only let two ever get close to me. My mother is the type of woman who puts the men in her life first and foremost, as such, when I was left at my grandparents I was suddenly out of her life and only saw her when it was convient for her. I had sever anger problems with regards to her, I hated her for a long time. It was only when I was 18 that we formed a relationship that works, more like an older sister type thing.

I found out my father was actually my step father when I was 14 and as soon as I knew that he vanished from my life too.

Because it seemed I lost everything all at once I have had troubles creating close friendships or relationships with other people of either sex. I am very careful with who I trust and who I let close which at times leaves me feeling extremely isolated.

As for affecting my sex life, I believe it has a great deal. I have a hard time trusting someone enough to let go and just enjoy with them.

Well thanks for letting me add my little bit. I wanted to say more but then it would basically be writing a novel!

 

[tbs230]

Yes

Well I was abused...sexually and emotionally...and to this day I'm still a virgin...I don't like to receive any kind of pleasure from anyone I'm with...sometimes it feels like I can't...like it's become physically impossible for my body to respond after a certain point...I give blowjobs and that's about as far as my sexual experience spans...

Was I affected by my abuse...I don't know...it occured when I was so young, and I didn't even remember it until about two years ago...the emotional abuse lasted long then the sexual...that I remember clearly...all of which occured with cousins, so I either did as told, or couldn't "play"...and I've never claimed great beauty, so I didn't receive affection from outside my family...my mom had no idea this was going on...so I kept finding myself placed exactly where I shouldn't be...

I don't know any other way to interact...I give, because receiving, having someone anywhere near my vagina is scary as hell...sometimes I look at my cousins and wonder how it is I could love them so much, yet hate them so much...and that feeling passes on to other parts of my life...I have mood swings that come hard and fast...I have crying fits, anger management problems, and a deep depression that sometimes makes me borderline suicidal...

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm off...they've come to accept and expect it...

 

[JustSkye]

Well I was abused...sexually and emotionally...and to this day I'm still a virgin...I don't like to receive any kind of pleasure from anyone I'm with...sometimes it feels like I can't...like it's become physically impossible for my body to respond after a certain point...I give blowjobs and that's about as far as my sexual experience spans...

Was I affected by my abuse...I don't know...it occured when I was so young, and I didn't even remember it until about two years ago...the emotional abuse lasted long then the sexual...that I remember clearly...all of which occured with cousins, so I either did as told, or couldn't "play"...and I've never claimed great beauty, so I didn't receive affection from outside my family...my mom had no idea this was going on...so I kept finding myself placed exactly where I shouldn't be...

I don't know any other way to interact...I give, because receiving, having someone anywhere near my vagina is scary as hell...sometimes I look at my cousins and wonder how it is I could love them so much, yet hate them so much...and that feeling passes on to other parts of my life...I have mood swings that come hard and fast...I have crying fits, anger management problems, and a deep depression that sometimes makes me borderline suicidal...

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm off...they've come to accept and expect it...

Somehow I was drawn back to my thread and by a PM no less.


I truly know how you feel. Some times those bits and pieces of hard reality come back to hit us in the face when we least expect it or think it can.

I still have the crying jags, not so much anger, but sadness, and the depression stays with me still. I have great days more than not, but when I have a bad day, it's bad.
I'll say a prayer for you, and hope that your life becomes so much brighter, better.

I'll be saying a prayer for everyone who posted here. I'm glad, too, to see so many who originally posted in this thread, still here on Lit.

 

[JustSkye]

I've read this thread a couple of times now and it's been very comforting to know read other experiences. I am a strong believer in the past makes us what we are today and while I like who I am today, the past was hellish getting here.

My "father" was a drug dealer and my mother an addict and I didn't realize this was wrong until we left in the middle of the night when I was 8 years old. I will never forget the night. It wasn't until living with my grandparents that I realized how wrong things where with my family.

My father never touched me in a sexual way though he would watch me with everything I did. He was the one who taught me how to masterbate using a pillow or a stuffed animal. He was physically abusive and emotionally abusive. As a result I have a very hard time trusting men and have only let two ever get close to me. My mother is the type of woman who puts the men in her life first and foremost, as such, when I was left at my grandparents I was suddenly out of her life and only saw her when it was convient for her. I had sever anger problems with regards to her, I hated her for a long time. It was only when I was 18 that we formed a relationship that works, more like an older sister type thing.

I found out my father was actually my step father when I was 14 and as soon as I knew that he vanished from my life too.

Because it seemed I lost everything all at once I have had troubles creating close friendships or relationships with other people of either sex. I am very careful with who I trust and who I let close which at times leaves me feeling extremely isolated.

As for affecting my sex life, I believe it has a great deal. I have a hard time trusting someone enough to let go and just enjoy with them.

Well thanks for letting me add my little bit. I wanted to say more but then it would basically be writing a novel!

I'm so glad you felt like opening up and sharing this. I didn't do so well with my mother either. I still don't. I'm up in the middle of nowhere away from just about everyone I know, other than my children and I like it that way. Less chance of getting hurt. But lonely just the same. Scary some times too.

I hope, when you feel the need to release and vent that you come back. Or PM. I'm sorry it took me this long to come back.
I hope you safe and things are better.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

*bump*

Wow what a great thread this is. I wasn't sexually abused but I was verbally and mentally abused, physical too if you call being beaten harshly and having hunks of hair snatched out of your head abuse. What happened to me most was that I wasn't loved. That along with another coincedence had me believing that sex equaled love. During sex, for however much time it lasted, someone cared I was there and wanted me there as much as I wanted them. After years of therapy and self healing, and a great son, I am finally at a place where I know what real love is. Sometimes though I can't stop the fantasies of wanting to show the women in my life that I love them by making love to them. Some are relatives some are friends but all have shown they truly care for me in one way or another.

No wonder he says Republican women are weak...

 

[Quoll]

No wonder he says Republican women are weak...

And this was necessary here. For a post 14 months old, for a user who hasn't posted since 04-20-2005.