Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
Of course 
I would never think of posting it without including at least a link to your post...
I would never think of posting it without including at least a link to your post...
Pretty please, play with me.
- Thread starter WickedEve
- Start date
karmadog
Now I'm a drink behind.
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- Nov 22, 2001
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- 1,198
slut 'ku
Lauren
Sternest taskmistress
wielding her whip. Sonnets rule
her kinky/cool world.
Judo
Futuristic slut
chrome plated nookie leaking
electric juices
Redwave
close your eyes, open
your mouth. I’m sure his thing will
pop into your head.
Eve
First among women
Eager, she awaits spanking
Her apple turns red.
Lauren
Sternest taskmistress
wielding her whip. Sonnets rule
her kinky/cool world.
Judo
Futuristic slut
chrome plated nookie leaking
electric juices
Redwave
close your eyes, open
your mouth. I’m sure his thing will
pop into your head.
Eve
First among women
Eager, she awaits spanking
Her apple turns red.
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
Re: Re: slut 'ku
Yep, what he said...
On a related subject, I belive I found a way of getting all those stanzas we wrote for the sonnet together in a single poem. I'm currently editing to make it more tight and congruent, but should be done with it tonight, probably within submission time, unless someone wants to change it further.
LOLTheDR4KE said:karmadog
his slut/friend haiku
do not fool those who know him -
he writes of himself
Yep, what he said...
On a related subject, I belive I found a way of getting all those stanzas we wrote for the sonnet together in a single poem. I'm currently editing to make it more tight and congruent, but should be done with it tonight, probably within submission time, unless someone wants to change it further.
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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New form
Here it is. I had to invent a new revolutionary poetic form in order to enclose all the wonderful stanzas you have created. It is a freakish mutant fusion of the classic and english sonnets, and this 20 iambic pentameters estravaganza, respects a very tight rhyming scheme: ABBA CDDC CDE CDE ABBA EE. As you can see, each of the five rhyming sounds appears four and only four times. I named this new weapon of ours the "Hynde Hypersonnet". Its first target:
Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet
If you were to come meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave
A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my wade.
So follow close this silent path, unafraid,
Before it fades from view and light grows dim
And yet I know that it would be too grim,
For many times my pure heart has been betrayed
Why do I leave it open, let hurt subsist?
I feel my breath go out in but a whim
My question's answered soon as it is made
Better be left bleeding, than never missed
Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.
Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."
----------------------------
There are a couple of things that need adjustment, but it's beyond my ability:
Better be left bleeding, than never missed
and
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."
are not iambic; can anyone think of a way to do it? Is there any other thing any of you would like to change?
Here it is. I had to invent a new revolutionary poetic form in order to enclose all the wonderful stanzas you have created. It is a freakish mutant fusion of the classic and english sonnets, and this 20 iambic pentameters estravaganza, respects a very tight rhyming scheme: ABBA CDDC CDE CDE ABBA EE. As you can see, each of the five rhyming sounds appears four and only four times. I named this new weapon of ours the "Hynde Hypersonnet". Its first target:
Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet
If you were to come meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave
A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my wade.
So follow close this silent path, unafraid,
Before it fades from view and light grows dim
And yet I know that it would be too grim,
For many times my pure heart has been betrayed
Why do I leave it open, let hurt subsist?
I feel my breath go out in but a whim
My question's answered soon as it is made
Better be left bleeding, than never missed
Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.
Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."
----------------------------
There are a couple of things that need adjustment, but it's beyond my ability:
Better be left bleeding, than never missed
and
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."
are not iambic; can anyone think of a way to do it? Is there any other thing any of you would like to change?
Last edited:
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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I submitted Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet to see if we can have it posted tonight. If anyone wants to change anything, we can always edit it later, right?
Lauren Hynde
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Or we can edit it now. I guess it wasn't submitted in time...
Where is everybody? Judo, our Sonnet Queen, any changes? And when you're done with this, could you please check my "Dolce color d'orïental zaffiro" sonnet?
Where is everybody? Judo, our Sonnet Queen, any changes? And when you're done with this, could you please check my "Dolce color d'orïental zaffiro" sonnet?
JUDO
Flasher
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- May 1, 2001
- Posts
- 2,240
Re: New form
changes:
Better be left bleeding than never missed.
can be:
Abandonment's preferred before not missed.
-------
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."
becomes:
Of many lips - those thousand never kissed."
-------
Other suggested changes:
If you were want to meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave.
A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my shade.
With silence go and seek me unafraid.
Before I fade from view and light grows dim.
And yet I know that it would be too grim
For many times my heart has been betrayed.
So, why do I risk love, lest hurt subsist?
I feel my breath expire on but a whim.
My question's answered soon as it is made
Abandonment's preferred before not missed.
Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.
Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of many lips - those thousands never kissed."
-------Lauren.Hynde said:
changes:
Better be left bleeding than never missed.
can be:
Abandonment's preferred before not missed.
-------
Of a thousand lips that were never kissed."
becomes:
Of many lips - those thousand never kissed."
-------
Other suggested changes:
If you were want to meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave.
A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my shade.
With silence go and seek me unafraid.
Before I fade from view and light grows dim.
And yet I know that it would be too grim
For many times my heart has been betrayed.
So, why do I risk love, lest hurt subsist?
I feel my breath expire on but a whim.
My question's answered soon as it is made
Abandonment's preferred before not missed.
Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.
Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of many lips - those thousands never kissed."
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
I like the changes, Judo
Eve, RW? What do you say? Can I submit this?
Eve, RW? What do you say? Can I submit this?
REDWAVE
Urban Jungle Dweller
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2001
- Posts
- 6,013
Hollywood Redwave
I too like the first version better. But hey, I've lost creative control of the project, the producers are jerking me around on my contract, Wicked Eve has a bigger trailer than I do, I'm constantly being upstaged by all these women . . .
I'm outta here. Show me the money! Where's that worthless agent of mine?
I too like the first version better. But hey, I've lost creative control of the project, the producers are jerking me around on my contract, Wicked Eve has a bigger trailer than I do, I'm constantly being upstaged by all these women . . .
I'm outta here. Show me the money! Where's that worthless agent of mine?
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
OK, I'm submitting Judo's version minus the first quatrain change:
Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet
If you were to come meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave
A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my shade.
With silence go and seek me unafraid.
Before I fade from view and light grows dim.
And yet I know that it would be too grim
For many times my heart has been betrayed.
So, why do I risk love, lest hurt subsist?
I feel my breath expire on but a whim.
My question's answered soon as it is made
Abandonment's preferred before not missed.
Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.
Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of many lips - those thousands never kissed."
Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet
If you were to come meet me in the eve,
At dusk, that hour of magical hushed weep
When moonlit fragrance softly lulls to sleep,
To slowly hold me tight, and never leave
A serpent's slither with my silken hem,
The gentle sway leaves trail behind my shade.
With silence go and seek me unafraid.
Before I fade from view and light grows dim.
And yet I know that it would be too grim
For many times my heart has been betrayed.
So, why do I risk love, lest hurt subsist?
I feel my breath expire on but a whim.
My question's answered soon as it is made
Abandonment's preferred before not missed.
Where wave on wave pounds rocks upon dark eve,
My heart entreats love's grace its claim to keep.
A sudden kiss quite soft and knife thrust deep
To take me fast on death... and never leave.
Upon my soul I swear, "Beware the mist
Of many lips - those thousands never kissed."
REDWAVE
Urban Jungle Dweller
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2001
- Posts
- 6,013
More HR
Oh, please. That wanton hussy Judo has warped my words maliciously. She's out to get me, I tell ya! Drat you, you evil woman!
I would never pen a flowery phrase like "lest hurt subsist." And what is this: "Abandonment's preferred before not missed"? I have no idea even what that's supposed to mean! And it's supposed to be an improvement over my original line: "Better to be stabbed and bleeding, than inert"?
It's a plot, I tell ya, a conspiracy against me. Judo is the evil mastermind of a vast underground organization of bisexual women dedicated to one purpose, and one purpose only: the destruction of REDWAVE. I'm not sure whether Lauren and Eve are her willing accomplices or unwitting dupes.
Oh, please. That wanton hussy Judo has warped my words maliciously. She's out to get me, I tell ya! Drat you, you evil woman!
I would never pen a flowery phrase like "lest hurt subsist." And what is this: "Abandonment's preferred before not missed"? I have no idea even what that's supposed to mean! And it's supposed to be an improvement over my original line: "Better to be stabbed and bleeding, than inert"?
It's a plot, I tell ya, a conspiracy against me. Judo is the evil mastermind of a vast underground organization of bisexual women dedicated to one purpose, and one purpose only: the destruction of REDWAVE. I'm not sure whether Lauren and Eve are her willing accomplices or unwitting dupes.
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
Actually, I was the one who changed your verse first, from
"Better to be stabbed and bleeding, than inert"
to
"Better be left bleeding, than never missed"
for rhyme purposes. And you must remember, you wrote it as a closing stanza, but in the final version it ended up closer to the middle, so changes had to be made. I has affraid to edit your work too much, but I agree that, in this context, Judo's verse works.
And stop whining! You'll be starting the next group poem, so you'll have final editorial control then...
"Better to be stabbed and bleeding, than inert"
to
"Better be left bleeding, than never missed"
for rhyme purposes. And you must remember, you wrote it as a closing stanza, but in the final version it ended up closer to the middle, so changes had to be made. I has affraid to edit your work too much, but I agree that, in this context, Judo's verse works.
And stop whining! You'll be starting the next group poem, so you'll have final editorial control then...
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
Red, go back to your place under my bed and don't come out until I order you to!
I see the poem is finally online! And I noticed there were several slut sonnets on that first page of new poems. Judo, Lauren is the slut fest over?
Whores of Poetry: A Slut Terzanelle
The whores of poetry call
to lovers Rhythm and Rhyme
who stand idly in the hall
Hurry, scurry and climb
on their iambic feet
to lovers Rhythm and Rhyme.
Ode and Sonnet compete -
dirty verses in motion
on their iambic feet.
They give Rhythm a notion
when they flash and sway -
dirty verses in motion.
Suggestions of four-way -
poets with naughty words
when they flash and sway.
"We love what we heard,"
the whores of poetry call.
Poets with naughty words
who stand idly in the hall.
I see the poem is finally online! And I noticed there were several slut sonnets on that first page of new poems. Judo, Lauren is the slut fest over?
Whores of Poetry: A Slut Terzanelle
The whores of poetry call
to lovers Rhythm and Rhyme
who stand idly in the hall
Hurry, scurry and climb
on their iambic feet
to lovers Rhythm and Rhyme.
Ode and Sonnet compete -
dirty verses in motion
on their iambic feet.
They give Rhythm a notion
when they flash and sway -
dirty verses in motion.
Suggestions of four-way -
poets with naughty words
when they flash and sway.
"We love what we heard,"
the whores of poetry call.
Poets with naughty words
who stand idly in the hall.
Last edited:
Lauren Hynde
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huh... no...WickedEve said:
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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- Posts
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For the readers that are just too lazy to look through the New Poetry list, read and vote for:
Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet by The Poets
Sonnet Sluts by Lauren Hynde
23rd Century Sonic Sluts! by JUDO
Sonnet Slut's Sonnet Declaration by JUDO
Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet by The Poets
Sonnet Sluts by Lauren Hynde
23rd Century Sonic Sluts! by JUDO
Sonnet Slut's Sonnet Declaration by JUDO
Last edited:
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