Privacy in a D/s Relationship

[graceanne]

Sorry GraceAnne, but I think we have too much culturation associating naked flesh directly with sexuality. Unless you can live completely divorced from the rest of humanity, you are going to run into that.

Blame the English. I do.

I know it's not ever going to change. Doesn't mean I can't bitch about it. I blame the puritans, personally. And I work around other peoples views. I'm not gonna go out and walk around nude, I don't let my kids walk around outside nude. Things like that. It still gets on my nerves.

 

[sexymom]

For the record, I didn't mean to imply that I was opposed to nudity. My own experience has been that it is a pleasure to be used sparingly, like fine wines or foods, and that over-use has undesirable consequences- but that is for me.

I am very much in favor of people being allowed to dress however they please, regardless of what others may think. However, with this freedom must come the ability to put up with other people's opinions to the contrary, and the idea that by being nude or nearly nude you become a sex object. My husband, for example, nearly drools at the sight of pregnant bellies and nursing mothers- I pretend I don't know him and move on.

 

[silver_inari]

I know it's not ever going to change. Doesn't mean I can't bitch about it. I blame the puritans, personally. And I work around other peoples views. I'm not gonna go out and walk around nude, I don't let my kids walk around outside nude. Things like that. It still gets on my nerves.

I went swimming nude once for the first time two years ago, and the first time was a little odd, but once I got over the initial slight shyness, I was fine. I got no problem with people seeing my nekkid body. So what, no clothes, big deal. My husband is way way a nudist, and if he gets really blitzed, and is the right kind of crowd he will suggest that people should get naked. *giggles*

As to the issue of does it loose eroticism if tis around allllllllllllllll the time, I would say maybe. I generally find partial clothing, the kind of "we've been in a heavy makeout/foreplay session to be kind of sexy. But that's just me....

 

[Bandit58]

It's kind of silly, but I can walk around naked in front of Master quite happily, and sleep nude in the same bed, but still blush furiously when I'm actually getting naked, because His eyes are kind of devouring me.....

I can shower in front of Him, and use the toilet to pee while He is in the bathroom, but prefer to have privacy to poop (and He is not interested in being there when I am pooping lol). Also when I have my period I like to have privacy then too, and that's the only time I wear knickers to bed. He doesn't usually have to pee, because He is on dialysis, so that hasn't come into the equation One time while I was in the shower, He came in and sat on the toilet to poop.....I guess that proves that after a few months together we're getting comfortable with each other!

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is masturbation......I find it extremely hard to relax and let go if I am being watched. Because of an upbringing where sex was "dirty", and an ex who got upset/angry if he knew I'd been pleasuring myself instead of waiting for him to hop on and poke me I've hidden it for many years. Master and I have been working on it - He will "suggest" I get out my vibrator and He'll hold me and touch and stroke my breasts and thighs while I use the vibe......after a while I'm so aroused that I kind of forget He is there....

 

[graceanne]

For the record, I didn't mean to imply that I was opposed to nudity. My own experience has been that it is a pleasure to be used sparingly, like fine wines or foods, and that over-use has undesirable consequences- but that is for me.

I am very much in favor of people being allowed to dress however they please, regardless of what others may think. However, with this freedom must come the ability to put up with other people's opinions to the contrary, and the idea that by being nude or nearly nude you become a sex object. My husband, for example, nearly drools at the sight of pregnant bellies and nursing mothers- I pretend I don't know him and move on.

I know, hon. YOu were just talking about missing that getting to know you part, where the other persons body (and yours) is so new that you're still self conscious. You just touched a nerve. lol

My husband's like that about pregnant women too. He thinks pregnancy is incredibly sexy. I think he's just sick.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

He thinks pregnancy is incredibly sexy. I think he's just sick.

Why?

If you put the bun in the oven, you've got the right to be proud as the baker.

If you didn't, well, we'll just call you an overanxious MILF hunter.

Regardless, a pregnant woman, with full ripe breasts ... i agree with him.

 

[graceanne]

Why?

If you put the bun in the oven, you've got the right to be proud as the baker.

If you didn't, well, we'll just call you an overanxious MILF hunter.

Regardless, a pregnant woman, with full ripe breasts ... i agree with him.

That's easy for you to say, you're not the fat one with the bun in the oven! I think the reason I think it's sick is cause i know how uncomfortable that poor woman is. You see a full tummy, I feel a tummy full of feet. You see ripe breasts I feel engorgement and cracked nipples. It's all a matter of perspective.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

You see a full tummy, I feel a tummy full of feet. You see ripe breasts I feel engorgement and cracked nipples. It's all a matter of perspective.

Have daddy whisper or sing a lullabye, it worked for me.

As for the breast issue, daddy can help there as well, whether with applied over the counter, or other things.

 

[graceanne]

Have daddy whisper or sing a lullabye, it worked for me.

As for the breast issue, daddy can help there as well, whether with applied over the counter, or other things.

Oh he did. He's a great dad. But I was still very sick with all my pregnancies. We now know it was cause of the crohns, but nonetheless, I puked through all my pregnancies. Plus I am very small (5' tall) and I had very big babies. My middle child was born, at a month early, at 8 and a half pounds. So no matter what I was very uncomfortable.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Oh he did. He's a great dad. But I was still very sick with all my pregnancies. We now know it was cause of the crohns, but nonetheless, I puked through all my pregnancies. Plus I am very small (5' tall) and I had very big babies. My middle child was born, at a month early, at 8 and a half pounds. So no matter what I was very uncomfortable.

And what ... you married Andre the Giant?

Blame Crohns, not the babies' genes, and best of luck in your pursuit of health.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Why?

If you put the bun in the oven, you've got the right to be proud as the baker.

If you didn't, well, we'll just call you an overanxious MILF hunter.

Regardless, a pregnant woman, with full ripe breasts ... i agree with him.

LOL, I think pregnancy and nursing bodies are amongst the most beautiful in many ways. My second pregnancy was the pits from beginning to end but still loved everything about it and even more so the feeling of nursing a baby, nourishing it from yourown body, feeling that physical and psychological connection. I actually think it a shame men can't expereince it at least once as it is an unreal feeling unsurpassed by any other.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

And what ... you married Andre the Giant?

Blame Crohns, not the babies' genes, and best of luck in your pursuit of health.

Thanks.

I don't blame them. They were the only thing that made it all bearable, knowing at the end that I'd get a beautiful little baby to hold. The truth is as miserable as I was, I'd love another. (We have three- we wanted six.) I get so jealous over mothers will itty bitty babies, I want another so bad. I'm hoping to eventually adopt or something. We'll see. I'm not sure that anyone's gonna let someone with my health problems adopt. Maybe foster care or something.

As for the big babies - we don't know why I have such big babies. I've been checked a billion times for post partup diabetes, cause K is only average height. My OB said that i'm just lucky. I dont' consider it lucky, but . . .

Before I had my first, I always looked at pregnant women with envy. And so to some extent I know why you all think a pregnant woman is beautiful. I still don't think it's sexy. On the other hand, I didn't mind that K found me sexy when I was sick. lol It came in real handy that he couldn't keep his hands of me.

 

[graceanne]

LOL, I think pregnancy and nursing bodies are amongst the most beautiful in many ways. My second pregnancy was the pits from beginning to end but still loved everything about it and even more so the feeling of nursing a baby, nourishing it from yourown body, feeling that physical and psychological connection. I actually think it a shame men can't expereince it at least once as it is an unreal feeling unsurpassed by any other.

Catalina

*sigh* I wasn't able to nurse my tykes very long. Something always messed it up, normally the damn crohns. With beth I dried up 6 weeks after she was born, I was in the middle of my first really big flare, the one that got me finally diagnosed. Adn with Danny I was only able to nurse a week. They wanted me back on my meds, pronto, and the ones that keep me alive would have killed him. I held out for a week, so that he could get the colostrum, then cried. I loved nursing him, he would just snuggle his little body up to me, and it was so. . . *sigh* Now i'm getting depressed! Oh well, I have a wonderfu, healthy baby boy. And I used to bottle feed him like I was nursing. We'd get skin to skin, and wrap a blanket around us, and then give him the bottle. It was almost as good as nursing, bonding wise.

 

[altergirl]

cool thread!

my Master only lets me piss and crap in a clear bowl over his face.
it sux when he works a long day and i have to limit my water.

after he punishes me for my lack of respect!

last time i got the shits i couldn't open the door becos of all the bruises.

i fucking love it!

 

[A Desert Rose]

cool thread!

my Master only lets me piss and crap in a clear bowl over his face.
it sux when he works a long day and i have to limit my water.

after he punishes me for my lack of respect!

last time i got the shits i couldn't open the door becos of all the bruises.

i fucking love it!

I know who you are.

This is not a big secret, although you'd like to think it is.

 

[altergirl]

being an alt is overrated!

so many fokes seem to do it but i don't see why it's so much fun.




altergirl

 

[Desdemona]

Inquiring minds want to know

cool thread!

my Master only lets me piss and crap in a clear bowl over his face.
it sux when he works a long day and i have to limit my water.

after he punishes me for my lack of respect!

last time i got the shits i couldn't open the door becos of all the bruises.

i fucking love it!

Exactly how does this work? Paint a verbal picture for us please. Does he balance the bowl on his nose like a seal? Does he glue it to his forhead? Does he create suction with his mouth and hold it in place? We need instructions on how to recreate this scenario for future reference.

 

[LunarKitten]

Out of curiosity... if you're in a D/s relationship and you're a sub are you generally allowed to have privacy? Will your PYL read your email or anything like that? (Or if you're a Dom/me, how much privacy do you let your sub have?)

I'm allowed a lot of leeway, I suppose. The computers are in the same room, but since he is also on Lit, it doesn't much matter - though I do read to him from some of the threads lol We're also about on the same d/s email lists.

I'm not too worried about emails and web surfing, I don't do anything I shouldn't so there is nothing to worry about.

I do dress and undress in front of him most of the time, but since we're married it doesn't really bother me lol

Of course, I've been a mom for over eleven years, so privacy isn't something that I'm used to anyway lol

 

[LunarKitten]

Hmmm.

I think this is something you would negotiate with you Dom. It depends on how much of a control-freak the Dom is, and how much of a micro-manager. It also depends on how much control the individual sub needs.

I would think it would take way too much energy to micromanage someone

 

[LunarKitten]

It's not that it bothers me if he does read my email. Hell, I've got nothing to hide. He can read my diary, email, etc. if he wants but he never has. I was just curious to see what other couples thought about privacy.

But while we're at it, are any of you allowed into your Dom's personal things? He gave me his email password a looong time ago, not that I ever use it, but if I glance over at his phone to see who's calling he sometimes gives me a little growl.

Hmmm...I'm sure he would if I asked...but it's never occurred to me to do so *shrugs*

 

[LunarKitten]

honestly it's not such a big deal for me either having Daddy watch me pee. but there are some things where a bit of privacy would be nice...not just other icky toilet stuff, but more mundane things like washing up or getting ready. i have my little bathroom routines and funny little habits and rituals, and before being owned those things were my own private things that no one else knew about. but now i'm with someone who knows how i comb my hair, how i brush my teeth, what order i shave in, that i put oxy on my pimples and wax the fine hairs above my lip, how i apply lotion, etc., because he's seen it all. even after nearly 5 yrs the embarassment and bit of shame i feel when he decides to watch me in these little bathroom rituals is still strong. so yeah, for me no privacy in the bathroom is a big deal.

i'm no fan of someone watching me walk around naked either. being nude during sex is one thing...there's something else going on for a distraction...but when i'm getting ready in the bathroom or just moving around about the house, i wish he'd let me wear a big, fluffy robe that covered every inch of skin from my neck to my ankles. looking at my own nude body is bad enough, knowing someone else is looking at it is just too much lol.

I get slightly uncomfortable at times when he watches me...well, it's cause he stares lol But he says I'm so cute, he can't help himself *melts* So I just tell myself it's a compliment that he watches and go about my business

Masters/Doms are supposed to build you up and make you feel good about yourself, as well as all the other wonderful and exasperating and scarey stuff they do....so even though I don't think my body is all that, if he does it's a jack up for my self esteem

 

[LunarKitten]

LOL See none of that bugs me. Actually he's more into the privacy than I am. When we first got married it drove me crazy, although he's gotten more like me. But he was uncomfortable with me being in the room while he pooped and all, and I was like, oh for gods sakes. I'd just roll my eyes and leave him alone, but . . . I have to admit that recently I've had to start being a bit more modest (just a bit), cause of the kids. K and I feel that some personal hygene things that are inapproptiate around the kids (like putting in tampons). But I don't care if he sees me do all those things. Frankly, he wouldn't care if I wanted privacy though. It's not one of his things he likes to control. Although when doing research on BDSM and working on our 'rules' he did mention the being naked all the time things. He said 'Well, we can't really do that, not since you have our nephews so often, but frankly it's not like you'd care." I just laughed, and said "I'd love to be allowed to be naked all the time, andyou know it." He called me a perv.

*nods* If it weren't for our daughter, he'd have me nakid and on a leash all the time, too...which I think would be a wonderful thing

 

[LunarKitten]

That's easy for you to say, you're not the fat one with the bun in the oven! I think the reason I think it's sick is cause i know how uncomfortable that poor woman is. You see a full tummy, I feel a tummy full of feet. You see ripe breasts I feel engorgement and cracked nipples. It's all a matter of perspective.

I have to say, I agree with the men. I felt incredibly sexy when I was pregnant. I loved the belly..well, the breasts I could do without cause they got up to an F Cup

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Inquiring minds want to know

Exactly how does this work? Paint a verbal picture for us please. Does he balance the bowl on his nose like a seal? Does he glue it to his forhead? Does he create suction with his mouth and hold it in place? We need instructions on how to recreate this scenario for future reference.

You've been reading Dr. Seuss again, haven't you?

This almost sounded like Green Eggs and Ham.

 

[dolf]

I have to say, I agree with the men. I felt incredibly sexy when I was pregnant. I loved the belly..well, the breasts I could do without cause they got up to an F Cup

i've NEVER had so much male attention and offers of love as when i was pregnant with my daughter. it was kinda wierd...wherever i went there was constant attention and i was force fed huge amounts of fresh fruit & healthy stuff.
women want t9o put thier hands on the bump, men want to put thier ears to it too

xx