Privacy in a D/s Relationship

[Desdemona]

I confess. http://members.aol.com/smargolin/ryan/green.htm

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I confess. http://members.aol.com/smargolin/ryan/green.htm

Ya know ... that has all kinds of straight lines just begging for hammering.

Would you like them
here or there?

Would you eat them
in a box?
Would you eat them
with a fox?

Would you? Could you?
In a car?
Eat them! Eat them!
Here they are.

You may like them
in a tree!

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you,
on a train?

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

Would you, could you,
in the rain?

Could you, would you
with a goat?

Would you, could you,
on a boat?

You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

And I would eat them in a boat.
And I would eat them with a goat...

And I will eat them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And in a tree.
They are so good, so good, you see!

So I will eat them in a box.
And I will eat them with a fox.
And I will eat them in a house.
And I will eat them with a mouse.
And I will eat them here and there.
Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!

Sounds like Bytor negotiating an M/s contract with altergirl.

 

[Desdemona]

A dirty mind would be a terrible thing to waste.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

... mind would be a terrible thing to waste.

i think you give more credit than they deserve ...

Hold on tight, major hairpin turn approaching.

Does the upper hand (PYL) have a greater right to privacy, or should their dealings be fully exposed to the lower hand (pyl) as well? If a pyl turns over such a huge amount of trust should s/he receive a huge amount of information as well? Or, should s/he just hold on tight and hope for the best based on the initial delivery of trust?

Sits back patiently and waits for the thirsty to approach the watering hole.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

Does the upper hand (PYL) have a greater right to privacy, or should their dealings be fully exposed to the lower hand (pyl) as well? If a pyl turns over such a huge amount of trust should s/he receive a huge amount of information as well? Or, should s/he just hold on tight and hope for the best based on the initial delivery of trust?

It's a bit hard for me to answer this because my relationship isn't D/s and isn't, er, D/s. We are a partnership of equals. That means we have equal rights to our privacy, and our relationship is constructed with that in mind.

With a submissive... well, I have in the past tended to award the same level of privacy.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Re: Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

It's a bit hard for me to answer this ... With a submissive... well, I have in the past tended to award the same level of privacy.

i'm of a mind to ask this gently, but you wouldn't expect that.

If said submissive in the past "gave her all" and wished to stay a "beckon/call" girl for you as long as you would keep her, would her single ... damn, i keep running into vocabulary problems tonight ... "demand" for beyond the norm information in return for said surrender be a deal breaker?

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Re: Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

If said submissive in the past "gave her all" and wished to stay a "beckon/call" girl for you as long as you would keep her, would her single "demand" for beyond the norm information in return for said surrender be a deal breaker?

It's hard to answer as a generalisation. I think it would depend on the specific "demands". And the level of agreement we had reached in terms of the status of the relationship.

I can imagine cases where yes, it would be a deal breaker. And other cases where it wouldn't. I'm not that worried about telling people details of my life, but someone who was invading my life... would be a different story.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

It's hard to answer as a generalisation.

Nods. i think i'll back off for a bit.

i have a whirlwind going off in my head, and it's hard to snatch the cogent thoughts out of Dorthy's Playhouse.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Out of curiosity... if you're in a D/s relationship and you're a sub are you generally allowed to have privacy? Will your PYL read your email or anything like that? (Or if you're a Dom/me, how much privacy do you let your sub have?)

We live together, and as his submissive, it's up to me to do what I'm told. If he were to tell me to hand over the mail for inspection, I'd do so. He hasn't. *shrugs*.

As far as privacy between us in our daily routine goes, we're much like other couples who have posted....we are fairly open with each other, although I must say, we do pee in private LOL. We have a nightly shower ritual before he heads out to work, and that is something we always do together.

~anelize

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

i think you give more credit than they deserve ...

Hold on tight, major hairpin turn approaching.

Does the upper hand (PYL) have a greater right to privacy, or should their dealings be fully exposed to the lower hand (pyl) as well? If a pyl turns over such a huge amount of trust should s/he receive a huge amount of information as well? Or, should s/he just hold on tight and hope for the best based on the initial delivery of trust?

Sits back patiently and waits for the thirsty to approach the watering hole.

AA, I was giving you credit for the dirty mind for picking up on the pervy green eggs and ham thing.

In terms of privacy, I think it's very dependant on the nature of the relationship. I suspect that in a Master/slave relationship it is far different than if the D/s is only in the bedroom. Others fall somewhere on a continuum between the two extremes. I also think it depends on the type of information you're talking about. I have no need to have access to email accounts, financial info or other generally privileged information unless it directly affects my finances. I figure he'll eventually tell me whatever I need to know if the relationship is going to last anyway. Keeping secrets takes alot of energy.
I'm pretty open, so if he wanted to see my email, etc, that wouldn't be a problem. On the other hand, given my strong need for monogamy, I'm going to want open communication about interactions with other women. That would be discussed up front. If it's a deal breaker, so be it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Re: Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

AA, I was giving you credit for the dirty mind for picking up on the pervy green eggs and ham thing.

Yeah, i know, but the temptation was way too great to pass.

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Re: Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

Yeah, i know, but the temptation was way too great to pass.

God knows, I wouldn't want you to pass up a temptation like that. LOL

 

[ownedsubgal]

Re: Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

i think you give more credit than they deserve ...

Hold on tight, major hairpin turn approaching.

Does the upper hand (PYL) have a greater right to privacy, or should their dealings be fully exposed to the lower hand (pyl) as well? If a pyl turns over such a huge amount of trust should s/he receive a huge amount of information as well? Or, should s/he just hold on tight and hope for the best based on the initial delivery of trust?

Sits back patiently and waits for the thirsty to approach the watering hole.

i think the Master/Owner of a slave the right to all the privacy they wish to have. they can choose to share things with their slave, or not. there is much about my Master's business i do not know...don't know any of his online passwords, don't know where he is or what he is doing every hour of the day, don't even know how much he makes for a living or how much he is paying/has paid for our home. once he screwed a coworker bent over his desk at work, and i didn't know til a week later. and i am sure there are other times he has not told me about at all. but the difference is, as i said, his business is not my business. He is the one with the rights, not me.

 

[Netzach]

I feel about things the way osg does in an M/s relationship. I don't have to tell my slave anything, but I choose to tell a lot.

I find that the intimacy is worth the vulnerability. It doesn't change my rights, it often serves to reinforce them. Maybe my slave hears something he doesn't like in the telling, well he gets to suck up and cope.

This is especially relevant now as my health isn't the best it's been, I'm not an infalliable and perfect Goddess not that I ever was, but he's being robbed of his illusions and how he handles this will tell me everything I need to know. So far so good.

M, bless his heart, is a walk around naked kind of guy. He gets pissy every time I want to aim him at the toilet though, it's very funny.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... I don't have to tell my slave anything, but I choose to tell a lot ... I find that the intimacy is worth the vulnerability. It doesn't change my rights, it often serves to reinforce them. Maybe my slave hears something he doesn't like in the telling, well he gets to suck up and cope.

Thank you ... that's the answer i hoped to hear.

 

[graceanne]

Re: Evil, Wicked, Mean & Nasty

i think you give more credit than they deserve ...

Hold on tight, major hairpin turn approaching.

Does the upper hand (PYL) have a greater right to privacy, or should their dealings be fully exposed to the lower hand (pyl) as well? If a pyl turns over such a huge amount of trust should s/he receive a huge amount of information as well? Or, should s/he just hold on tight and hope for the best based on the initial delivery of trust?

Sits back patiently and waits for the thirsty to approach the watering hole.

Ok, I think that in general, and from how I understand D/s to work, that the PYL has a greater right to privacy, if they choose to excercise it. I don't think that this means that they have to excercise that right, and I think that part of sharing of your life is sharing all those things. Just cause it's D/s doesn't mean that it's any less a relationship, or a bonding of two people. And I think that when you have that bonding, the sharing of secrets just naturally happens. Am I making sense?

I also think that in some cases that the PYL can loose their right to privacy, just as in a regular relationship. In cases where it was agreed going into the relationship that the relationship would be monogomous, and then the PYL cheated, that would be (as far as i"m concerned) a reason for the pyl to ask for him to start disclosing private details. There would be other circumstances like this, i'm sure, that would count.

 

[graceanne]

just to add on what I just said. I think that the sharing of privacy and all that works to increase the trust that a pyl has in her PYL. One of the reasons I trust K as much as I do is because, quite frankly, there's nothing I don't know about him. I know him inside and out - the way he thinks, the way he reacts - all of it, because he's so open with me. I also know that he loves and trusts me because he's so open with me. People are only that open with loved and trusted ones.

 

[garylee]

privacy????

privacy for what?
in my 15 months real time there was no such word used.......i never had any privacy......including no locks on bathroom doors....
i'm sorry.......i missed something here......
maybe its just me again.....

garylee

 

[Netzach]

well, in my 36 months of real time, there are many a day in which I have no particular desire to smell M's poop, so we have a locking door.

Take this as a metaphor for whatever else you will.

 

[dolf]

well, in my 36 months of real time, there are many a day in which I have no particular desire to smell M's poop, so we have a locking door.

Take this as a metaphor for whatever else you will.

nearly pooped myself laughing
xx

 

[Betticus]

I have no desire to smell my own poop, let alone someone elses. I mean, yeah, I have been known to stick my tongue in a girls asshole on occasion when the mood strikes me but it is definately only after some thorough scrubbing in the bathtub.

I have no desire to taste the poop either.

 

[Liana26]

My Dom's not too concerned with his own privacy rights. We're pretty comfortable with each other (especially the whole bathroom thing. Honestly, who cares?). But that doesn't mean I can look over his shoulder while he's reading his email or check his incoming calls list, as he can do with me.

 

[Dirty Anus Tokyo]

The idea of no locks of the toilet appears very exciting to me. In Japan, we have toilets to stand over, and with the back to the entrance. So when there is no lock, you never notice, somebody is watching or not whatever you do. Of course, it must be people with the particular likes

 

[Marquis]

The idea of no locks of the toilet appears very exciting to me. In Japan, we have toilets to stand over, and with the back to the entrance. So when there is no lock, you never notice, somebody is watching or not whatever you do. Of course, it must be people with the particular likes

My back was supposed to be towards the door! That explains a lot.

Good tip for next time I'm in Kyoto.

 

[rosco rathbone]

dirty anus tokyo!!!!