Question for subs and Dom/mes. Do poly relationships work?

[Desdemona]

Thank you Des!!

You can see why i'm so confused about the whole thing!!

Of course, darlin'. Its complicated.

 

[MissTaken]

In my limited experience:

i hope kgboot doesn't mind me asking questions in his thread...

In your poly relationships, is there an alpha sub? And, if so.. what does that mean? Do they have more responsibilities than the others? Are they just the first ones brought to the relationship? What is so different about them?

Sorry for all the questions, but i have been wanting to know about this for awhile, and couldn't get any answers to these questions.

Thanks for the help!!!

And in only my experience....

There is an "alpha" sub and a "primary" sub.

The "alpha" being the submissive who switches and tops women.

The "primary" would be the submissive who was there first, resides with the Dominant and who is the beloved.

The Dominant and the "alpha" communicate often and frankly in order to not confuse the submissive as well as to meet one another's needs, including her submission to him.

 

[FungiUg]

Hmmm... interesting. If I ever end up in a live-in poly relationships, it would be two dominants and a submissve! Not sure who would be alpha and who would be beta though. I suspect it would change depending on circumstance.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Thank You all that have posted in this thread.

Your experiences and responses have all been good. Thank YOu for taking the time to post. You have been most helpful. Keep posting and let the discussion continue.


Yes, I am thinking about exploring this further.


kgboot


Miss T. Cool. I would love to be sharing that paddle with you. I'd be curious to see how you handle it.


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[dragonlace]

Poly relationships can work if everyone is open and honest with everyone else in my opinion.....its also alot of work and there are sometimes hurt feelings but the amount of love that is given and recieved makes it worthwhile for me. Its sometimes the hardest thing to just sit back and not be a part of whats going on and at other times its easy to just sit back and enjoy. For me its easier because of the happiness i see on His face when with them and knowing He loves me just as much and that He has so much love inside Him to offer. I don't think i ever would have been in one if not for Master but so far its working out as we are all honest about how we feel and are sure to let Him know when something is bothering us. That is of great importance in my opinion and without it poly would never work.

 

[SierraMoon]

Sounds wonderful, lacey!!!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Do poly's work?

They do for Me, but YMMV.

 

[Etoile]

Re: Do poly's work?

They do for Me, but YMMV.

Isn't that always the way?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Do poly's work?

Isn't that always the way?

You said a mouth full.

It is up to individuals to make their own personal situations work. Mine works cause I accept no substitute. I am willing to let a sub or any partner go rather than not live the way I want to.

I actively look for subs and partners who understand that monogamy is not an option. And I do not tolerate jealousy in any form, in myself or in others.

If others are willing to do that, perhaps they have a chance.

 

[SierraMoon]

For the Dom/mes in a poly relationship.... Do you find yourself spending more time with one sub than the others? If so, is there a reason for it? (Probably not a fair question, sorry!)

It would seem that even if it weren't displayed out in the open, that there would be some jealousies or envy amongst the subs. How is this handled? i know that it was said communication is the key, but how do you talk yourself out of jealousy?

Not sure if this made any sense at all, and if not, i apologize!!

 

[Netzach]

I spend more time with one sub/bottom than the other. He's the live in and the fiance. The other I have been with longer, he's a live-out and has a different primary partner. Expectations and possibilities match, it's all very realistic and everyone's happy.

To generalize terribly, I don't think this situation could be replicated *as easily* with 2 women and a man or 3 women, that's based on my experience, anyhow.

 

[SierraMoon]

I spend more time with one sub/bottom than the other. He's the live in and the fiance. The other I have been with longer, he's a live-out and has a different primary partner. Expectations and possibilities match, it's all very realistic and everyone's happy.

To generalize terribly, I don't think this situation could be replicated *as easily* with 2 women and a man or 3 women, that's based on my experience, anyhow.

Thanks for replying, Netzach!

Sounds like it works for you, and that's what counts... everyone being happy!

 

[bunny517]

poly relationships

Hello.... I am a slave with a Master (that i live with) I also have a Mistress that subs to Master but Tops me and my online sister slave. So our poly consists of 4.1 Master 1 Mistress that subs to Master and 2 slaves that serve both Master and Mistress. Now I am sorry if this sounds confusing to you but it really works for us. I agree there has to be trust and open honesty for this to work.When all agree it can be a wonderful experince.Besides our way means that I have a great sister to get i trouble with and beleve me we do that very well. LOL..

 

[bunny517]

poly relationships

Hmmmm

A quick hijack to tell Mr Bootie that I have the same paddle that the dude in his av is using.

Only mine has little angels and hands on it. One side is for the good girl, the other is for the naughty girl!

Miss, What a lucky girl she must be to be able to have both sides of that wonderful paddle........

 

[SierraMoon]

Thank you for responding, bunny517

You're right, it does sound confusing! Let me see if i have this correct... Your Master has 3 slaves, 1 of which is the other two's Mistress.... Is that correct?

Does the Mistress live with you also?

 

[bunny517]

Thank you for responding, bunny517

You're right, it does sound confusing! Let me see if i have this correct... Your Master has 3 slaves, 1 of which is the other two's Mistress.... Is that correct?

Does the Mistress live with you also?

Yes you are right about Mater having 3 slaves and 1 is Mistress to the other 2 slaves. I am the only one that lives with Master...

 

[SierraMoon]

Yes you are right about Mater having 3 slaves and 1 is Mistress to the other 2 slaves. I am the only one that lives with Master...

If you don't mind bunny, i would like to ask you one more question, and i'm sorry if it sounds intrusive... Does anyone in the dynamic have a significant other outside the poly? such as the Mistress or other slave? Do they have outside relationships? i'm just really curious how this dynamic works... i'm going to be going through it with my Sir in the future, and i'd like to know as much about what works and what doesn't before then....

thank you for your responses!!

 

[Shadowsdream]

Poly can work and beautifully so...as long as not one single portion of that partnership has a jealous nature, is a manipulator or incredibly good at saying one thing and meaning another.
There is no doubt that the Dominant must be fair and constantly engaged in open conversation with all parties directly and consistently without speaking one truth to one and another truth to others.
Choosing submissives that can genuinely find fun and playful interraction in the day to day ways, with each other rather than subs that grate on each others nerves will increase the likelyhood of success.
Ass kissing each other publically while seething internally with jealousy or disrespect has the potential of ruining the credibility of the original intent.
Going into such an arrangement with a preconceived fantasy of its script and who should behave in what manner with who and why will NOT work in reality.
Life is fluid and so is a poly relationship...more so in the first few months of getting past the quirks one never considered.
It is all very well to say *Whatever makes Mistress/Master happy and proud is all that matters...* Ya right! Is My honest response!

 

[Etoile]

Does anybody have suggestions on how to cope with my brain's inability to accept my girlfriend subbing to my Daddy? I want my girlfriend to be strong and not submissive, partly because I see her that way outside the bedroom, and partly because I want her to dominate me. She's not the "lifestyle" sub I am, she's only submissive to Daddy in bed, but even that makes me...angry and disappointed.

 

[bunny517]

If you don't mind bunny, i would like to ask you one more question, and i'm sorry if it sounds intrusive... Does anyone in the dynamic have a significant other outside the poly? such as the Mistress or other slave? Do they have outside relationships? i'm just really curious how this dynamic works... i'm going to be going through it with my Sir in the future, and i'd like to know as much about what works and what doesn't before then....

thank you for your responses!!

Yes my sister slave is married to a vanilla man, our Mistress also has a life away from us . But we all have our little family and it seems to work well for all of us.Just remember that open honesty and comunicaton are a must for this type of relationship to work.I also want to say that Master and I talked about this in great lenths before we ever entered into this.We started by just adding another for fun play dates to make sure this is what we both wanted.When those worked well for both of us then we took the next step.My best advice to you is to take it one step at a time and always talk with each other. I hope this helps you and Good Luck

 

[Desdemona]

Poly can work and beautifully so...as long as not one single portion of that partnership has a jealous nature, is a manipulator or incredibly good at saying one thing and meaning another.
There is no doubt that the Dominant must be fair and constantly engaged in open conversation with all parties directly and consistently without speaking one truth to one and another truth to others.
Choosing submissives that can genuinely find fun and playful interraction in the day to day ways, with each other rather than subs that grate on each others nerves will increase the likelyhood of success.
Ass kissing each other publically while seething internally with jealousy or disrespect has the potential of ruining the credibility of the original intent.
Going into such an arrangement with a preconceived fantasy of its script and who should behave in what manner with who and why will NOT work in reality.
Life is fluid and so is a poly relationship...more so in the first few months of getting past the quirks one never considered.
It is all very well to say *Whatever makes Mistress/Master happy and proud is all that matters...* Ya right! Is My honest response!

Shadowsdream, Thank you so much for your honest description of reality in a poly relationship. You make some very important points.

 

[Ebonyfire]

It is all very well to say *Whatever makes Mistress/Master happy and proud is all that matters...* Ya right! Is My honest response!

Amen! That kind of talking gets my back up. It smacks of dishonesty IMHO.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Does anybody have suggestions on how to cope with my brain's inability to accept my girlfriend subbing to my Daddy? I want my girlfriend to be strong and not submissive, partly because I see her that way outside the bedroom, and partly because I want her to dominate me. She's not the "lifestyle" sub I am, she's only submissive to Daddy in bed, but even that makes me...angry and disappointed.

Can you look at it another way? How does SHE see herself? It is very fine for you to want to her to conform you your expectations, but if she sees herself a different way, then it is up to you to adjust to "what is" rather than what you want.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Can you look at it another way? How does SHE see herself? It is very fine for you to want to her to conform you your expectations, but if she sees herself a different way, then it is up to you to adjust to "what is" rather than what you want.

I think this is a very good point....perhaps having a discussion with your girlfriend without a preconceived expectation or assumption of her feelings could be helpful.
Assumptions are so often very for from reality.
I do hope that all works out happily for each of you ~~smile~~ and that it is not just about accepting but also about desiring.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Great points of view and discussion.

Now let's see........ Is this a bad thing to do? Advertsing in my own thread?? All this poly talk is giving me ideas.



Thank You all for responding. ( If on the West Coast and interested. PM me and we can talk. )


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"