Question for subs and Dom/mes. Do poly relationships work?

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Great points of view and discussion.

Now let's see........ Is this a bad thing to do? Advertsing in my own thread?? All this poly talk is giving me ideas.



Thank You all for responding. ( If on the West Coast and interested. PM me and we can talk. )


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

~~grin~~ could be a bad thing!

Poly means *You* will be entering a very complex arena...gauge the REAL time You can put into matching personalities...straightening out misconceptions...encouraging interractions outside of those with You as the only one of importance.
Do You wish to be one step ahead of several or are You satisfied being one step ahead of one?
The sunshine is always the brightest in the first 30 days..then the clouds can begin to hover on the horizon if *You* do not have an iron hand with a velvet glove.
Poly is heaven or hell...choose Your poison ~~grin~~

 

[Mr. Bootie]

*smiles and grins *

~~grin~~ could be a bad thing!

Poly means *You* will be entering a very complex arena...gauge the REAL time You can put into matching personalities...straightening out misconceptions...encouraging interractions outside of those with You as the only one of importance.
Do You wish to be one step ahead of several or are You satisfied being one step ahead of one?
The sunshine is always the brightest in the first 30 days..then the clouds can begin to hover on the horizon if *You* do not have an iron hand with a velvet glove.
Poly is heaven or hell...choose Your poison ~~grin~~

I love you Shadow. That was a great reponse Hon'. Yes, I have considered it very carefully, and have taken those ideas into account. Yes, I am ready to rule with an iron hand and a velvet glove. ( Not too mention other iteams *wink* )


Thank You for your words of wisdom. ( We may need to talk more about this. I always get something from others experiences )


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Am I the only one that doesn't know what YMMV is??

They do for Me, but YMMV.

Could you spell it out for me Ebony?


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Am I the only one that doesn't know what YMMV is??

Could you spell it out for me Ebony?


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

YMMV = your mileage may vary, lol

 

[Mr. Bootie]

*laughs and smiles *

YMMV = your mileage may vary, lol

I know I wasn't the only one that didn't get it Eb Thank You for explaining it to me. ( You won't mind if I use it from time to time do ya'? )


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[Etoile]

Can you look at it another way? How does SHE see herself? It is very fine for you to want to her to conform you your expectations, but if she sees herself a different way, then it is up to you to adjust to "what is" rather than what you want.

I think this is a very good point....perhaps having a discussion with your girlfriend without a preconceived expectation or assumption of her feelings could be helpful.
Assumptions are so often very for from reality.
I do hope that all works out happily for each of you ~~smile~~ and that it is not just about accepting but also about desiring.

Hmm...both excellent points. I do know that my girlfriend is subbing to Daddy because she feels that our relationship will fall apart otherwise. She knows I'm not happy without Daddy, and this is the solution we've come to. She has expressed to me that because of her childhood she is internally very against submission, she has a strong need to be independent (even from me) and doesn't want to be weakened. She doesn't want to sub, I don't want her to sub, but it's what Daddy likes. (She, by the way, doesn't like using the word Daddy...we haven't come up with an alternative yet. The age difference isn't as great for them, either - 8 years between them as opposed to 20 between Daddy and myself.)

God, I don't know. I kind of wish she'd see somebody other than Daddy, but at the same time, I know she's safe with my Daddy and I'd still be horribly jealous if she saw somebody else. Bleah...I don't know what to think or do.

 

[SexyChele]

Hmm...both excellent points. I do know that my girlfriend is subbing to Daddy because she feels that our relationship will fall apart otherwise. She knows I'm not happy without Daddy, and this is the solution we've come to. She has expressed to me that because of her childhood she is internally very against submission, she has a strong need to be independent (even from me) and doesn't want to be weakened. She doesn't want to sub, I don't want her to sub, but it's what Daddy likes. (She, by the way, doesn't like using the word Daddy...we haven't come up with an alternative yet. The age difference isn't as great for them, either - 8 years between them as opposed to 20 between Daddy and myself.)

God, I don't know. I kind of wish she'd see somebody other than Daddy, but at the same time, I know she's safe with my Daddy and I'd still be horribly jealous if she saw somebody else. Bleah...I don't know what to think or do.

Don't have any solutions here, but it sounds as though your girlfriend is attempting to be something she is not as a way to please you. Perhaps it's the idea that she is doing something you know she is uncomfortable with that makes you angry and frustrated? Just a thought, but I know that would be a factor for me.

 

[Netzach]

Etoile, I want you to know I totally enjoy your postings, have peeked at your blog, and generally am really glad to take up space at Lit with you...don't consider this personal criticism or condemnation, and if I'm missing a piece please clarify for me.

There seems to be a problem with the dynamic though, as you describe it. Your GF is submitting to and involving your Daddy basically out of fear of losing you. She's not a submissive from what you say, or not *happily* submissive. Your Daddy enjoys this aspect of the relationship though.

My question is, how, in what way, why? It seems to me to be an inordinate amount of work and conflict to maintain the submission of a non-submissive person who is submitting out of fear of losing someone rather than because it fulfills a need she earnestly has.

Are you less jealous when your GF is with your Daddy because you *know* she's not enjoying it so much as to enjoy it more than being with you? Whereas with an unknown "someone else" that might be a possibility, and a risk?

What if you simply acknowledge the risk and accept the risk, the way ANYTHING could happen, any horrible scenario you could cook up. Then discuss the unlikeliness with her. She obviously cares a great deal about you, enough to do a degree of letting go. You obviously mean so much to her that it's a relationship she is willing to accept a lot of change and flow in.

If she's not enjoying the interaction with your Daddy, enforcing that is probably going to backfire. M confessed to me, after a whole string of 3 ways that *I* found heavenly with him and G, that G wasn't nerdy and old enough to turn him on. (My boy has unusual tastes in men) Now, he indulges me once in a while but the attention has to be focussed on me, and I can't expect them to go off and go at it together, much as I liked the idea.

Communication lines have to be open, you have to maybe hear things you don't want to hear, and you have to be open to hearing them.

 

[Mastersprincess]

If you don't mind bunny, i would like to ask you one more question, and i'm sorry if it sounds intrusive... Does anyone in the dynamic have a significant other outside the poly? such as the Mistress or other slave? Do they have outside relationships? i'm just really curious how this dynamic works... i'm going to be going through it with my Sir in the future, and i'd like to know as much about what works and what doesn't before then....

I am bunny's online sister slave. Our poly only works because we are completely open with one another and we constantly strive to communicate. Jealousy has no place in our family. I am what some would call the baby slave. I was the last to join the family. I am learning daily...from Master, from Mistress and from my sister. It works for us. It is hard to explain to someone on the outside looking in.

Sierra, you are welcome to pm me anytime if you have any questions. And good luck in your furture.

mastersprincess

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: *laughs and smiles *

I know I wasn't the only one that didn't get it Eb Thank You for explaining it to me. ( You won't mind if I use it from time to time do ya'? )


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

Nope, use it at will, I got it from someone else! lol

 

[Master Bill]

Originally posted by SierraMoon
i hope kgboot doesn't mind me asking questions in his thread...

In your poly relationships, is there an alpha sub? And, if so.. what does that mean? Do they have more responsibilities than the others? Are they just the first ones brought to the relationship? What is so different about them?

Sorry for all the questions, but i have been wanting to know about this for awhile, and couldn't get any answers to these questions.

Thanks for the help!!!

if i may ..... i am in a poly (4 way) i do have an alpha female who tops other 2 slaves ... we both talk about all of our needs and wants .... i as Master have the final say but we talk often and and do not disagree often . we talk about punishments , tasks , every thing we can ...... shes alpha not because she was here first but because shes in charge if slaves can talk to me .... she does sub to me when we are together but shes still Mistress to the others ... i only Dom her real time other than that shes free to do as she pleases with other Doms and subs .... well all talk a lot each day and slaves may ask questions about any punishments or tasks they are asked to preform .... i can only think of one time Master and Mistress had any question about a punishment and was cleared up in a couple of emails .... i hope this helps ...... this is the way it works for us .... Maste Bill

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: *smiles and grins *

I love you Shadow. That was a great reponse Hon'. Yes, I have considered it very carefully, and have taken those ideas into account. Yes, I am ready to rule with an iron hand and a velvet glove. ( Not too mention other iteams *wink* )


Thank You for your words of wisdom. ( We may need to talk more about this. I always get something from others experiences )


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

It will be My pleasure to talk to You about the ups and downs and great joys that can permeate a poly relationship with You.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Shadow, When can we talk ??

It will be My pleasure to talk to You about the ups and downs and great joys that can permeate a poly relationship with You.

It will be My priviledge to listen to what you have to say about poly's. Hmmmm???? Sub one .....sub two?? sub three and many more???? Hmmmmm??????????????????????????????????????



kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[s'lara]

Flummoxed but sympathetic

Hmm...both excellent points. I do know that my girlfriend is subbing to Daddy because she feels that our relationship will fall apart otherwise. She knows I'm not happy without Daddy, and this is the solution we've come to. She has expressed to me that because of her childhood she is internally very against submission, she has a strong need to be independent (even from me) and doesn't want to be weakened. She doesn't want to sub, I don't want her to sub, but it's what Daddy likes. (She, by the way, doesn't like using the word Daddy...we haven't come up with an alternative yet. The age difference isn't as great for them, either - 8 years between them as opposed to 20 between Daddy and myself.)

God, I don't know. I kind of wish she'd see somebody other than Daddy, but at the same time, I know she's safe with my Daddy and I'd still be horribly jealous if she saw somebody else. Bleah...I don't know what to think or do.

Good luck with this situation. It not only sounds difficult, but emotionally trying. i do hope it works out.

lara

 

[AngelicAssassin]

i personally don't think i could do it.

For me, the connection to one submissive ... how to put this.

i'm not going to bash anyone's belief in what they can do, nor whether that method should or should not work for any and all.

For me, hell, let me just rip off a quote, "there can be only one."

 

[snoozebutton]

Luckily love has no limit to it's lenght, width, or depth. I'm happily Polyamorous, My love just is multiplied and returned many more times.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Luckily love has no limit to it's lenght, width, or depth. I'm happily Polyamorous, My love just is multiplied and returned many more times.

Amen Brother Snooze!

 

[snoozebutton]

Amen Brother Snooze!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

It is tough...I'm a manwhore, so balancing that with my commitment to my submissive can be a task in itself. Communication is the key to making it work out.

 

[MissTaken]

It seems to me that each relationship in a poly is different, defined differently and the motivation or drive for success may relay on different needs and desires.

As such, each "love" is different.

 

[il mio angelo]

I responded to this question once before, as my former self. I spoke of a beautiful relationship that was working well. I talked of open communication and understanding, security in a poly relationship. That relationship has since ended as a result of several factors, but one of them being lack of communication.

I learned that a poly relationship is not for me, and that in future relationships I will seek a one to one exchange. It is a much more clearly defined place for me.

I give a great deal of credit to those that can make it work. I now know that it takes a very strong Dom/me, one that is willing to give a great deal of their time to be there for their sub/slaves. It also requires that the sub/slave be comfortable and aware of their place in that relationship. To all of you making it work, my hat goes off to you.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I responded to this question once before, as my former self. I spoke of a beautiful relationship that was working well. I talked of open communication and understanding, security in a poly relationship. That relationship has since ended as a result of several factors, but one of them being lack of communication.

I learned that a poly relationship is not for me, and that in future relationships I will seek a one to one exchange. It is a much more clearly defined place for me.

I give a great deal of credit to those that can make it work. I now know that it takes a very strong Dom/me, one that is willing to give a great deal of their time to be there for their sub/slaves. It also requires that the sub/slave be comfortable and aware of their place in that relationship. To all of you making it work, my hat goes off to you.

But at least you tried it. Your opinion was based on real life, not supposition.

Poly is not for everyone.
Marriage in not for everyone.
Monogamy is not for everyone.
College is not for everyone.
D/s is not for everyone.

It is all about informed choices.


It is a good thing to know what your own limits are.

Good luck to you in the future.