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random musings

Just wanted to let you know there’s at least one guy here reading this. I’m making my way through each post in rev order. The words are English, but I’m not quite understanding what I’m reading. I’d like you to know that I’m really trying.

Kind of got stuck on this post. This I can clearly understand. I think I can speak on behalf of all men that this line of thinking is approved.

ultramarineblue said:
Giving a blow job might be my absolute favorite thing to do. I love focusing on that act completely doing everything I can to elicit good reactions. Some guys seem to think it's pretty one sided but it really isn't to me. I always feel happy when I've done well. I'm always wanting to learn what I can do better. At what point to move faster and the right point to slow down. I wish I could give one at least once a day. But circumstances don't allow for that and I'm ok with that because it makes the ones I do get to give even better to me.
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So eloquently written. Absolutely beautiful. Brings a tear to my eye.

ps. kind of like to try it myself, see what the fuss is about. Looks fun. Not joking.
 
77fbird400 said:
Just wanted to let you know there’s at least one guy here reading this. I’m making my way through each post in rev order. The words are English, but I’m not quite understanding what I’m reading. I’d like you to know that I’m really trying.

Kind of got stuck on this post. This I can clearly understand. I think I can speak on behalf of all men that this line of thinking is approved.



So eloquently written. Absolutely beautiful. Brings a tear to my eye.

ps. kind of like to try it myself, see what the fuss is about. Looks fun. Not joking.
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Thank you. Sometimes I don't understand myself even when I am trying.

.........................................

Lately there have been more missed chances than sessions. It is frustrating. I need to get myself together and be more productive and check email more often.
 
I'm frustrated because very little contact and I have screwed up the last two potential sessions. I'm trying to check messages more often so I don't miss them but it is not fun to check and not receive a message at all.

Two of my occasional partners seemed to have slipped into the realm of the past. I'm not going to message to try to keep it going. I have done that and if it is just me that wants to keep it going then it is not really worth it. There is a third that I thought fit that category that has messaged a few times lately but it doesn't result in anything so I have no idea. I may be at the point where I need to find another occasional partner but I'm not sure that I really want to look. Or maybe I should focus on other stuff instead. It shouldn't be this difficult but it is for me. I have never been good at finding that kind of thing. I have never been good at even finding a date or anything like that so there is that. It is kind of a puzzle to me how other people find relationships and all.

Anyway, I'm kind of thinking focusing on some other stuff would be really good for me. I need to get some things accomplished instead of just talking about them. I have a deadline on Thursday and need to set some other deadlines to get myself working on stuff more.
 
ultramarineblue said:
I'm frustrated because very little contact and I have screwed up the last two potential sessions. I'm trying to check messages more often so I don't miss them but it is not fun to check and not receive a message at all.

Two of my occasional partners seemed to have slipped into the realm of the past. I'm not going to message to try to keep it going. I have done that and if it is just me that wants to keep it going then it is not really worth it. There is a third that I thought fit that category that has messaged a few times lately but it doesn't result in anything so I have no idea. I may be at the point where I need to find another occasional partner but I'm not sure that I really want to look. Or maybe I should focus on other stuff instead. It shouldn't be this difficult but it is for me. I have never been good at finding that kind of thing. I have never been good at even finding a date or anything like that so there is that. It is kind of a puzzle to me how other people find relationships and all.

Anyway, I'm kind of thinking focusing on some other stuff would be really good for me. I need to get some things accomplished instead of just talking about them. I have a deadline on Thursday and need to set some other deadlines to get myself working on stuff more.
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:heart: I think managing things that aren't 'proper relationships' can be really difficult, because there's no pre-existent 'rules' about to do them, and the only guideline that seems to exist is 'we can't actually TALK about what's going on, because that would make it 'serious''. :rolleyes:
 
KimGordon67 said:
:heart: I think managing things that aren't 'proper relationships' can be really difficult, because there's no pre-existent 'rules' about to do them, and the only guideline that seems to exist is 'we can't actually TALK about what's going on, because that would make it 'serious''. :rolleyes:
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This is so true!
 
One short session is all it takes to get back on track. It is amazing how simple it is. It is frustrating that I have so much trouble putting myself back on track but just one little session so easily does it. I'm so grateful to have him.
 
I'm tired of not understand most things and never being good enough to people who I once considered friends. As an aside, I myself don't think I am good enough so I guess others just reinforce that for me.
 
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I'm hopeful that towards the end of the week I will be able to have at least one short session. It will be a really busy week but I think it might work.

I have been worried about being toxic at times. I really work hard to not be. I generally keep most of my feelings to myself because I'm not always sure what is appropriate to share and what is not.

I do have lots of ideas for future more work related things that I need to get started on doing. I have a good idea for one activity that will be amazing if I can pull it off.
 
Is it really a relationship if I haven't heard from him in almost two and a half weeks? I don't know why he doesn't even simply text or call. I'm kind of waiting to see how long it is before I hear from him.
 
ultramarineblue said:
Is it really a relationship if I haven't heard from him in almost two and a half weeks? I don't know why he doesn't even simply text or call. I'm kind of waiting to see how long it is before I hear from him.
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I recognize this pattern.

I’ve done it with guys and I constantly do it with my mom. I think my best record with her is 7.5 weeks without hearing from her or my dad before I cracked and called because I felt liked it was my duty. I’m always the one reaching out unless it’s my birthday.

With people I’m sexually/romantically interested in it’s more difficult. I don’t feel an obligation to reach out like I do with family but somehow I always end up being the one that does. Being the one that wants it more and is less willing to walk away. Up to a point it’s fine (and can be an amazing source of submissive feels), then I start feeling really bad about never being thought of and at that point my head can go into a dark place. I start waiting, and the longer I wait, the worse I feel. It’s bad when it’s with someone I genuinely care about and have formed a deep connection with.
 
seela said:
I recognize this pattern.

I’ve done it with guys and I constantly do it with my mom. I think my best record with her is 7.5 weeks without hearing from her or my dad before I cracked and called because I felt liked it was my duty. I’m always the one reaching out unless it’s my birthday.

With people I’m sexually/romantically interested in it’s more difficult. I don’t feel an obligation to reach out like I do with family but somehow I always end up being the one that does. Being the one that wants it more and is less willing to walk away. Up to a point it’s fine (and can be an amazing source of submissive feels), then I start feeling really bad about never being thought of and at that point my head can go into a dark place. I start waiting, and the longer I wait, the worse I feel. It’s bad when it’s with someone I genuinely care about and have formed a deep connection with.
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This is so accurate. I get tired of being the one to always reach out. I think the relationship has already become more friendship than anything else. I'm ok with the romantic part being over. I just want to know that for sure. I'm trying to not push anything though because I am trying to just be.
 
I need torture and to give a blow job and to be pushed beyond my limits. I haven't heard back from my most regular play partner and it is kind of bothering me. I miss him.
 
When I haven't from someone in a good while, and start having those thoughts, I remind myself myself that he/she hasn't heard from me, either.
 
twister947 said:
When I haven't from someone in a good while, and start having those thoughts, I remind myself myself that he/she hasn't heard from me, either.
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I had emailed several times. I emailed the right thing and got a quick response. I was right that he was just absolutely overrun with work. It just helped to hear that. I always worry that I have done something to push people away. I am working on not assuming that. Thank you so much.
 
I think I have committed to too many responsibilities. This past week was insanely busy. I want to be lazy all day but I have to do some stuff very soon.

I like sweet.
 
I will never be good enough in anything. The day started off extremely bad and it appears it won't get any better. Work expects perfection so they should just buy robots. Society is broken. Then just not the right person for anyone.
 
ultramarineblue said:
I will never be good enough in anything. The day started off extremely bad and it appears it won't get any better. Work expects perfection so they should just buy robots. Society is broken. Then just not the right person for anyone.
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I’m sorry. :rose:

I know this feeling so very well. You don’t have to be perfect, no one can be perfect. And you are the right UMB for us here!
 
seela said:
I’m sorry. :rose:

I know this feeling so very well. You don’t have to be perfect, no one can be perfect. And you are the right UMB for us here!
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Thank you so much. I really needed to read this.

Today has been much better. Yesterday was so difficult at work and I just couldn't get it together. I had a melt down early at work but then tried to get it together but wasn't completely able to do so. I absolutely hate that I had a melt down and I have been doing what I can to prevent them but it has been pretty stressful. I am involved in too many things in and outside work and don't really know what to cut. I have been managing so far with the outside of work stuff. I see so much value in those things that it is very difficult to decide which one to cut or at least cut back on.
 
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