random musings

[ultramarineblue]

I almost had a short session last night but it didn't work out. I'm really not sure where this is going. I feel that it isn't necessarily going anywhere but just us and I'm very happy with that. I like just focusing on the moment and enjoying and learning everything I can. It's nice and very simple and I need simple.

 

[ultramarineblue]

It's so interesting to see how things evolve and develop. I'm at a pretty good place in many ways right now. I feel like I don't deserve any of it or that it will come crashing down.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I feel very unsettled right now. Lost and as though something has changed that I'm not sure I can get used to. I don't talk about how much I miss them because I should be over it by now. I don't like me and most likely never will. I've become ok with that. I have come to points where I even am as close you happy as I think I can be. I feel like I'm stretched to the point of breaking right now and I'm not sure what to do about it. Nothing has happened except no messages really and I should be ok with that happening at some point because it is inevitable.

 

[seela]

It's so interesting to see how things evolve and develop. I'm at a pretty good place in many ways right now. I feel like I don't deserve any of it or that it will come crashing down.

I know that feeling so very well. But you definitely deserve all the good things in your life.

I feel very unsettled right now. Lost and as though something has changed that I'm not sure I can get used to. I don't talk about how much I miss them because I should be over it by now. I don't like me and most likely never will. I've become ok with that. I have come to points where I even am as close you happy as I think I can be. I feel like I'm stretched to the point of breaking right now and I'm not sure what to do about it. Nothing has happened except no messages really and I should be ok with that happening at some point because it is inevitable.

I hope you feel better already. Not getting messages can be heart crushing, no matter how inevitable it is.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I know that feeling so very well. But you definitely deserve all the good things in your life.



I hope you feel better already. Not getting messages can be heart crushing, no matter how inevitable it is.

I feel better but still haven't heard anything. I'm just worried something is wrong. Most likely just extremely busy but even then I usually hear something. Thank you!

 

[ultramarineblue]

I don't know why I'm so worried about him.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Thank you.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I'm so relieved. Everything is ok. I don't think I would have reacted write this way if I wasn't pretty much iced in.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I'm so frustrated that I can't do what I need to do. I'm so messed up in so many ways and I'm just tired.

 

[cookiecat]

I'm so frustrated that I can't do what I need to do. I'm so messed up in so many ways and I'm just tired.

Are you ok? Can we help you?

 

[ultramarineblue]

Are you ok? Can we help you?

I'll be ok. Thank you.

 

[cookiecat]

I'll be ok. Thank you.

You will be. Right? That's how things go. Ebb, flow. Dark, light. I don't come around much these days but I feel like we're a weird little family. Here for hugs or an ear if anyone needs it.

 

[ultramarineblue]

You will be. Right? That's how things go. Ebb, flow. Dark, light. I don't come around much these days but I feel like we're a weird little family. Here for hugs or an ear if anyone needs it.

Thank you. I'm ok now. You're very right about how things go. I love this place. It's a wonderful odd little family.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I can't allow myself to think about what a primary relationship with him would be like. It would probably not actually work well. I don't do well with too many restrictions or being around people all the time. I need time to myself. A lot of time. I don't know if I could do a primary relationship at all. There are times I want to try but most of the time I like having the freedom within reason that I have. I kind of feel like I would rebel and end up doing everything I could to destroy it if I was in one and that wouldn't be very healthy. I think I just miss having my friend that likes to cuddle. I hope he is happy.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I want to play. Hopefully soon. I need to be good. I woke up thinking about one occasional play partner. No idea why.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I just want to play. I want cuddles and play without any feelings. I don't want to develop feelings and I definitely don't want anyone to develop feelings for me. Just friendship. That is all I want or need. The other stuff is way too complicated and I don't want it. Why can't I just have a session? Why does it have to be so complicated. I just want a simple session. That is all.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

I can't allow myself to think about what a primary relationship with him would be like. It would probably not actually work well. I don't do well with too many restrictions or being around people all the time. I need time to myself. A lot of time. I don't know if I could do a primary relationship at all. There are times I want to try but most of the time I like having the freedom within reason that I have. I kind of feel like I would rebel and end up doing everything I could to destroy it if I was in one and that wouldn't be very healthy. I think I just miss having my friend that likes to cuddle. I hope he is happy.

Is he ?

 

[ultramarineblue]

Is he ?

Not really sure. He's in one of his not talkative moods. It's all good though.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I had about a month of struggling a bit and I think I've gotten past that. I have been accomplishing more this past week but still have a ways to go. I have realized that one thing I've done has had some negative impacts on me even though it also had some great impact. I want to broaden some of my experiences. I have to be assertive with some things but I feel like I need to refocus on being humble.

As far as kinky fun goes I haven't had a lot of stuff going on lately but what has happened has been good. I struggle to understand some things about a couple of the friendships or relationships sometimes. One says stuff that you would typically say in a relationship but can go weeks without even sending a text. I don't really understand that. The other one is more about him not real knowing what he wants I think and that's fine. It can be hard to figure that out sometimes.

I've somewhat recently been asked what I want to explore with submission and I'm not really sure what possibilities even exist. I do want to come up with some new territory though.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Short and great sessions are wonderful but I'm wanting a longer session now that I've finished a couple of things. I may be delusional in thinking I have time for one now because for the next month I'll still probably be pretty busy. I just would love to though.

 

[77fbird400]

I just need some daily attention and I'm good. I don't need constant attention, just enough to know I'm actually important to someone. I prefer text or written communicating to verbal but right now I'm almost aching to be touched. Just simple touch like cuddles or having my back rubbed. I'm generally ok being alone but it would be nice to have some touch right now.

[HUG]

 

[KimGordon67]

Somehow I only just found this thread. So much I can relate to ... sometimes it's just good to know that other people feel the same things as I do (as one does?).

 

[ultramarineblue]

Somehow I only just found this thread. So much I can relate to ... sometimes it's just good to know that other people feel the same things as I do (as one does?).

I was much more annoying and way inexperienced when I first started posting on lit. Even without that, it can be incredibly easy to miss stuff. I think I started this thread partly because I wasn't very comfortable posting and also because I would forget which other threads I posted in and didn't want to miss someone responding mostly because I didn't want anyone thinking I was ignoring them. It is very helpful to find people that think like me. I have found that more here than anywhere else online. I have been looking forward to some time I will have in a couple of weeks where I can read all of your thread. I have been wanting to but wouldn't allow myself because I knew I would end up not doing something I needed to but I have some time off soon!

 

[ultramarineblue]

[HUG]

Thank you!

 

[cookiecat]

I'm just jumping in for a hug and a hi, too!