random ramblings
- Thread starter the captians wench
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the captians wench
sewing wench
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Jealousy is such a strange emotion. It takes on so many different forms, and somany of them seem to come out this time of year. I've never been one to catagorize jealousy as a "bad emotion" which is strange considering I don't like to be overly emotional and tend to hide any "bad" emotion. I had to face jealousy earlier this year like I never have before. It was a life altering experience for sure, but something else has happened since then that I didn't expect, not that anything that came of that was expected.
Since having to look jealousy in the eye that way, and loosing my security in something that I had believed was solid foundation, I've noticed it popping up more than it has in years. I'm no stranger to jealousy in it's milder forms. When your loved ones are so far from you, it's very hard not to have moments. But this is more than that. I've been feeling almost stalkerish jealousy. It's maddening.
And it's not just romantic in nature, which is part of why this is all so overwhelming at the moment. All of these different forms are blooming at once with such intence color and vibrance. All of my emotions seem to be since they came out in such force this summer. Maybe I have been hiding from them.
Since having to look jealousy in the eye that way, and loosing my security in something that I had believed was solid foundation, I've noticed it popping up more than it has in years. I'm no stranger to jealousy in it's milder forms. When your loved ones are so far from you, it's very hard not to have moments. But this is more than that. I've been feeling almost stalkerish jealousy. It's maddening.
And it's not just romantic in nature, which is part of why this is all so overwhelming at the moment. All of these different forms are blooming at once with such intence color and vibrance. All of my emotions seem to be since they came out in such force this summer. Maybe I have been hiding from them.
the captians wench
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?
Good luck.
Thanks. I'll probably chicken out, but I hope not. I really think I need this.
the captians wench
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I think I might have my very first regular customer. 
There's a girl at work who has a daughter about the same age and size as my niece. She brought this patern into work and fabric and asked if I could make this cloak for her little girl. It turned out beautifully, so much so I'm thinking of making more to post in my Etsy shop.
Well, I was looking at my stock, putting it away from my last show, and came across a dress that is this girl's size. I told my coworker about it, and brought it in for her to look at. She's buying it come payday.
She's also given me fabric to make "some sort of gothy/vampy/sluttly" dress, with little more instruction. And he daughter has at least 2 more outfits picked out, just waiting for mommy to buy fabric for.
This chick might just buy my next plane ticket.
There's a girl at work who has a daughter about the same age and size as my niece. She brought this patern into work and fabric and asked if I could make this cloak for her little girl. It turned out beautifully, so much so I'm thinking of making more to post in my Etsy shop.
Well, I was looking at my stock, putting it away from my last show, and came across a dress that is this girl's size. I told my coworker about it, and brought it in for her to look at. She's buying it come payday.
She's also given me fabric to make "some sort of gothy/vampy/sluttly" dress, with little more instruction. And he daughter has at least 2 more outfits picked out, just waiting for mommy to buy fabric for.
This chick might just buy my next plane ticket.
the captians wench
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So yesterday my brother posted on his facebook that he got a call from our father saying that his second ex wife (our sister's mother) died that morning. He didn't say what from. As far as I know she wasn't very ill, and any illness she did have would have come from drug or alcohol abuse.
This woman had been in and out of rehab most of her life, my sister was put into foster care because she was found begging for food when she was 8 with her 2 year old brother.
My dad did take her for a little while, but he just didn't want the responcibility of having to say no to her some times. So when her mom spent 3 months clean, my dad sent my sister back. After being back with her mom and step dad just 2 months, she was hospitalized for an infection behind the nipple.
Her step dad doesn't work, and is currently a user. He has expressed no desire to be clean. And now my dad is seriously considering giving custody to this man rather than stepping up and doing his duity to his child.
It makes me so angry. I wish I was in a position to take her, but I work weird hours and I couldn't trust her to do what she was suposed to when she was home alone. She's not had much discipline her life. And with the posibility of me moving across country, it's just not a good time, and I resent feeling any sort of guilt about it. I didn't give life to her, it's not my responcibility to raise her, but I can't see her go back into an abusive situation.
This woman had been in and out of rehab most of her life, my sister was put into foster care because she was found begging for food when she was 8 with her 2 year old brother.
My dad did take her for a little while, but he just didn't want the responcibility of having to say no to her some times. So when her mom spent 3 months clean, my dad sent my sister back. After being back with her mom and step dad just 2 months, she was hospitalized for an infection behind the nipple.
Her step dad doesn't work, and is currently a user. He has expressed no desire to be clean. And now my dad is seriously considering giving custody to this man rather than stepping up and doing his duity to his child.
It makes me so angry. I wish I was in a position to take her, but I work weird hours and I couldn't trust her to do what she was suposed to when she was home alone. She's not had much discipline her life. And with the posibility of me moving across country, it's just not a good time, and I resent feeling any sort of guilt about it. I didn't give life to her, it's not my responcibility to raise her, but I can't see her go back into an abusive situation.
StrayKat
Conquered By A Tiger
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That is just horrible. Can he actually give the custody to someone who is messed up like that? Sure there is some procedure and checking out how suitable the person is?
the captians wench
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They'll do another house check I'm sure, but my ex-step-mom and him had passed them before, and a month she was back in rehab, so I'm not sure how well the check really is.
I'm hoping the aunt that took her as a foster will step in and do it again. She seemed to really do well with that aunt, and would have a cousin there with her who is between her age and mine. The cousin seems to like playing big sis to her, so all positive energy and prayer is going that way.
ecstaticsub
Literotica Guru
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Adding my positive energy vibs your way.
the captians wench
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It has been in my delevopement plan at work for years that I need to be more assertive and speak up for myself more. Well, the beast is out now.
The Texas deal has been closed before it even really started. The only indication I got for them not wanting to go through with things is that my supervisor could not be bothered to answer her fucking phone. Then come to find out my Ops manager left instruction that he wanted to be the one to talk to the Texas O/O, AFTER giving the okay for my supervisor to be the one to give the release! AND mentioning this to everyone but me! Hell the only conversation him and I had about this was the comments he made on the floor infront of the entire store including, "oh she's not going anywhere"
In other words, they fucked me over by intentionally giving misleading information.
But I didn't just bend over and take this like the good little girl I've always been. No, I sent an email off to my sup, my Ops manager, and copied their boss and HR on it.
And if that wasn't enough drama for one week, I also didn't get my bonus because they didn't transfer me until Dec 1. I earned that bonus! Email number 2.
So far no responce to either. Need to go out and buy a new phone charger, so I'll pop in and see if they sent an email back to the store. If not, I'll send another and copy HR again.
If my supervisor can't be bothered to answer her bloody phone or return calls, fine, I'll just skip her in the chain of command and send all of my complaints to the Ops manager who I don't deal well with anyway.
They created this monster, now they have to tame her.
The Texas deal has been closed before it even really started. The only indication I got for them not wanting to go through with things is that my supervisor could not be bothered to answer her fucking phone. Then come to find out my Ops manager left instruction that he wanted to be the one to talk to the Texas O/O, AFTER giving the okay for my supervisor to be the one to give the release! AND mentioning this to everyone but me! Hell the only conversation him and I had about this was the comments he made on the floor infront of the entire store including, "oh she's not going anywhere"
In other words, they fucked me over by intentionally giving misleading information.
But I didn't just bend over and take this like the good little girl I've always been. No, I sent an email off to my sup, my Ops manager, and copied their boss and HR on it.
And if that wasn't enough drama for one week, I also didn't get my bonus because they didn't transfer me until Dec 1. I earned that bonus! Email number 2.
So far no responce to either. Need to go out and buy a new phone charger, so I'll pop in and see if they sent an email back to the store. If not, I'll send another and copy HR again.
If my supervisor can't be bothered to answer her bloody phone or return calls, fine, I'll just skip her in the chain of command and send all of my complaints to the Ops manager who I don't deal well with anyway.
They created this monster, now they have to tame her.
the captians wench
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It really is time to put on my big girl panties and do something about these little things in my life.
I kind of wish that I had never gotten that offer in Texas now. Before I got that offer I was very focused on going back to school. I have to admit, I think I'm more into it for the social interaction rather than the actual degree. But rather than just getting some mondaine degree that I have no interest in, I've decided to persue something I'm interested in. If I can later use that degree to get some better job, then great, if not, well I'm not going to be too upset about it.
I started today by sending an email to the admissions director again. They keep telling me my status is pending because I don't have SAT/ACT scores, and yet they tell me I don't need them. So I sent a letter asking which it is. Maybe I should just go take the bloody test, but that a hunk of change for something I may not need, and sitting in a room full of kids 10 years younger than I am might push my comfort zone a tad too far.
I'm also going to look into the local ToastMaster's group again. They kind of went off the radar for a while during a remodel of the room they normally use.
And I'm working on costumes again. The one I'm about half way through is a Paddy's day deal. Hoping to draw some attention and pass out a few cards while I'm sipping on J&G all day. Then it's a new one for the club I go to, kinda steam-punk in flavor, and getting back out there. I've also been thinking about contacting a local burlesque group. Maybe give a free corset in trade for some advert. The owner is a self starter/local small business gal so I'm hoping she'll have a desire to help another local self starter out.
Anyway, the ultimate goal is to get me out there meeting new people again, and this time focusing on something we have in common other than sex or kink. I have so much more to offer than that, and really the companionship is what I'm missing.
It's a start anyway.
I kind of wish that I had never gotten that offer in Texas now. Before I got that offer I was very focused on going back to school. I have to admit, I think I'm more into it for the social interaction rather than the actual degree. But rather than just getting some mondaine degree that I have no interest in, I've decided to persue something I'm interested in. If I can later use that degree to get some better job, then great, if not, well I'm not going to be too upset about it.
I started today by sending an email to the admissions director again. They keep telling me my status is pending because I don't have SAT/ACT scores, and yet they tell me I don't need them. So I sent a letter asking which it is. Maybe I should just go take the bloody test, but that a hunk of change for something I may not need, and sitting in a room full of kids 10 years younger than I am might push my comfort zone a tad too far.
I'm also going to look into the local ToastMaster's group again. They kind of went off the radar for a while during a remodel of the room they normally use.
And I'm working on costumes again. The one I'm about half way through is a Paddy's day deal. Hoping to draw some attention and pass out a few cards while I'm sipping on J&G all day. Then it's a new one for the club I go to, kinda steam-punk in flavor, and getting back out there. I've also been thinking about contacting a local burlesque group. Maybe give a free corset in trade for some advert. The owner is a self starter/local small business gal so I'm hoping she'll have a desire to help another local self starter out.
Anyway, the ultimate goal is to get me out there meeting new people again, and this time focusing on something we have in common other than sex or kink. I have so much more to offer than that, and really the companionship is what I'm missing.
It's a start anyway.
Cattypuss
Miaow
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What are your interests in terms of possible degrees, Wenchie?
(and YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY on the trip to Ireland!!!!)
the captians wench
sewing wench
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I'm thinking psycology. It's just always been an interest of mine.
(I know! I'm so excited! I couldn't wait to get home and start looking at my budget and start thinking about what lists I need. I'm positively giddy!
)
HottieMama
Notta Domme
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Wenchie... If you have any questions about psych degree programs or specializations, feel free to PM me.
the captians wench
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Thanks.
Right now I'm still trying to get accepted. But I sent off the email to the school admin about the whole SAT/ACT thing. We'll see what they say.
ramblings of my own
i like long distance online BDSM so much but i just cant settle for one Master , tried that before and i could not
i have few Masters whom i like and respect but i cant stop looking for others , i still have things deep down in me that need to be explored
i like long distance online BDSM so much but i just cant settle for one Master , tried that before and i could not
i have few Masters whom i like and respect but i cant stop looking for others , i still have things deep down in me that need to be explored
the captians wench
sewing wench
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Hold me like you'll never see me again... I think he did. I know I did.
rambling thought
You know how you just have this feeling that something's not right, call it woman's intuition...and then it's proven to you (by someone or something) and you were right all along. You think to yourself you should have followed your womanly instinct in the first place...even if it's a painful lesson...
Just a rambling thought in my sexy Latina mind....
You know how you just have this feeling that something's not right, call it woman's intuition...and then it's proven to you (by someone or something) and you were right all along. You think to yourself you should have followed your womanly instinct in the first place...even if it's a painful lesson...
Just a rambling thought in my sexy Latina mind....
the captians wench
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So once again I'm at a crossroad.
I've been in the new store for 4 days now, worked 3 shifts, and while I"m finding it a lot less stressful than the other store, I keep thinking 'I just don't want to do this anymore'
So now's the time to really start considering moving to that other position. It would be a lot less pay, so I'll have to figure out how much less I really could afford, and I won't get sick pay or holiday pay anymore, which is like 15 days of PTO total, but I'd have a lot more freedom with my schedule, and I could even take on more classes in school and finish sooner.
I've just really enjoyed living so comfortably. I don't have to worry about how I"m going to pay my bills, and if I want to eat out one night instead of cook, it's not going to mean I can't make rent, and if I decide next month's a good month to go to Ireland, I can book a flight almost instantly. So really if I don't plan this very carefully, I'd be trading the stress at work, for the stress of not having money.
I want to talk to my ops manager some more, and get some real hard numbers to think about, but I am seriously considering this.
I've been in the new store for 4 days now, worked 3 shifts, and while I"m finding it a lot less stressful than the other store, I keep thinking 'I just don't want to do this anymore'
So now's the time to really start considering moving to that other position. It would be a lot less pay, so I'll have to figure out how much less I really could afford, and I won't get sick pay or holiday pay anymore, which is like 15 days of PTO total, but I'd have a lot more freedom with my schedule, and I could even take on more classes in school and finish sooner.
I've just really enjoyed living so comfortably. I don't have to worry about how I"m going to pay my bills, and if I want to eat out one night instead of cook, it's not going to mean I can't make rent, and if I decide next month's a good month to go to Ireland, I can book a flight almost instantly. So really if I don't plan this very carefully, I'd be trading the stress at work, for the stress of not having money.
I want to talk to my ops manager some more, and get some real hard numbers to think about, but I am seriously considering this.
the captians wench
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So the facebook ads seem to be drawing a lot of attention. In 3 days I've added 20 fans! And this really is free adverts because they sent me a credit coupon to get me to try it.
And the Etsy search ads seem to be picking up attention as well, though it says I've only made one sale from those ads directly.
Still, all of this positive attention has me feeling a bit more confident about dropping down to a lesser position at work. I'm still not making the sales I would need to to maintain my current lifestyle, for that I'd need to make $500 in sales a month, and right now I haven't made $500 for the year. Still, I could live off of what the other position pays (I think, we haven't talked hard numbers yet), and I am getting student loans, and I can use that money to help pay rent if I must...
But I still think I can handle everything. Though I think I will try to make my classes in fewer days rather than going all week. And I may not have to do that for long, just a year of really pushing it, then I should have a good nest egg and I can cut back and bump up school. And if the costumes get up to half of what I "need" them to be, then I can cut back sooner.
I do still have a little nest egg waiting. Some friends of friends want costumes for their kids. Sure I'll give them the friends discount, but even with the discount we're talking a couple hundred bucks in costumes.
And the Etsy search ads seem to be picking up attention as well, though it says I've only made one sale from those ads directly.
Still, all of this positive attention has me feeling a bit more confident about dropping down to a lesser position at work. I'm still not making the sales I would need to to maintain my current lifestyle, for that I'd need to make $500 in sales a month, and right now I haven't made $500 for the year. Still, I could live off of what the other position pays (I think, we haven't talked hard numbers yet), and I am getting student loans, and I can use that money to help pay rent if I must...
But I still think I can handle everything. Though I think I will try to make my classes in fewer days rather than going all week. And I may not have to do that for long, just a year of really pushing it, then I should have a good nest egg and I can cut back and bump up school. And if the costumes get up to half of what I "need" them to be, then I can cut back sooner.
I do still have a little nest egg waiting. Some friends of friends want costumes for their kids. Sure I'll give them the friends discount, but even with the discount we're talking a couple hundred bucks in costumes.
the captians wench
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Since my trip to visit Jounar in April, I've really been thinking about my life and what would/does make me happy. I realized, I'm very happy in my relationships. I love every one I'm involved with, and it works for me. I also realized that the only time I really feel like I want just one or a "more normal" relationship is when one of the ones I have isn't working for what ever reason, or when I'm feeling depressed (which happens with the hormone fluctuations).
I'm not going to turn down some one if I fancy them, but I'm done looking for some one to fill a void that just isn't there.
Now if I could just decide on this work situation.
I'm not going to turn down some one if I fancy them, but I'm done looking for some one to fill a void that just isn't there.
Now if I could just decide on this work situation.
the captians wench
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It feels so good to feel happy again. I feel almost normal.
The new store is rough. We can't seem to keep evening/ over night crew. I can't quite figure out why. I have noticed that this store has a lot of call offs, even from the managers. It's rediculous really.
I've mad a good impression on the GM. She's amazed at how knowledgable I am in all of the systems, and how I picked out problems, and solutions right away. My goal is to make an obvious impact while I'm here, even if I don't stay.
I still don't know what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I know I don't want to work in the store for ever. But in 4 years Ill qualify for a sabatical. 8 weeks off paid. After that I'd have to stay with the company for 6 months. I need to send that email and find out what I have to do to get into HR. I really want to get that sabatical. I could spend 2 months in Ireland, easily, if I was getting paid while I was there.
Life seems so open to me right now. I really like this feeling.
The new store is rough. We can't seem to keep evening/ over night crew. I can't quite figure out why. I have noticed that this store has a lot of call offs, even from the managers. It's rediculous really.
I've mad a good impression on the GM. She's amazed at how knowledgable I am in all of the systems, and how I picked out problems, and solutions right away. My goal is to make an obvious impact while I'm here, even if I don't stay.
I still don't know what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I know I don't want to work in the store for ever. But in 4 years Ill qualify for a sabatical. 8 weeks off paid. After that I'd have to stay with the company for 6 months. I need to send that email and find out what I have to do to get into HR. I really want to get that sabatical. I could spend 2 months in Ireland, easily, if I was getting paid while I was there.
Life seems so open to me right now. I really like this feeling.
the captians wench
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Tomorrow is the first day of school and I'm starting to get nervous.
I met with my adviser on Friday and she talked me into changing my schedule. I'm starting with one class, and then adding a half term class mid term. She thinks this will help ease me into going back to school and how to balance work/school/home.
She also pointed out to me which of my classes for my major will double as credit towards my core. Turns out we can do a lot of double dipping, which will help me move along faster.
This adviser seems like a really good match for me. She has the same background, a "non traditional" student, worked full time all through her degree, so she understands the issues non trad students have.
I'm so excited and nervous and scared and happy and just a bundle of emotions.
I met with my adviser on Friday and she talked me into changing my schedule. I'm starting with one class, and then adding a half term class mid term. She thinks this will help ease me into going back to school and how to balance work/school/home.
She also pointed out to me which of my classes for my major will double as credit towards my core. Turns out we can do a lot of double dipping, which will help me move along faster.
This adviser seems like a really good match for me. She has the same background, a "non traditional" student, worked full time all through her degree, so she understands the issues non trad students have.
I'm so excited and nervous and scared and happy and just a bundle of emotions.
