random ramblings

[the captians wench]

Two days to go and then I offically find out that I'm being sold like a cheap piece of meat.

I'm at the point now where I just feel angry, and I get more and more angry the closer I get to each shift. I consider how I could sabotage this and the risks in doing so. It would be very easy to do. But besides making me feel better has very little benefit.

So I'm playing along with their little game, and coming home every night and sending my resume out to places. Right now it's almost all just other food places.

i'm going to sign up for this school mom found. Couldn't hurt anyway. And I'm looking into student visas. Maybe that'll be the way I finally get to move to Ireland.

 

[rida]

Being caught in the middle of big corporations politics and economics sucks big time. But I can see you are already doing the right thing and looking at this as a step to a new future.

I really like the student Visa idea! If you have to start anew, you might as well doing where Jounar is

You'll do just fine.

 

[the captians wench]

Thanks rida.

In the mean time I just completed step 2 of 4 for registering for college corses. I'm starting with an online school that has very flexible scheduling. They don't have set times you have to be on. Everything is done pretty much at your own pace, which works well with my schedule. I figure at least I can get some credits in and transfer later. It's a start anyway.

Now I need to write my essay.

 

[the captians wench]

So I met with the Owner yesterday and to put it very bluntly, they don't want me. Now Corp is trying to figure out what to do with me.

Actually the guy was very nice, he said I'm probably the nicest person he's ever met, and the most interesting interview he's had, but our goals just don't match up. He is keeping my resume on file, he says there may be an opportunity in a few months, with another operater that he's involved with.

Corp is trying to talk me into stepping down, and I have them talked up to topping me out, but that's as far as they'll go. I'm going to talk to the store manager who's been helping me through all of this, but right now, it seems to me like if they have a need for a salary, I'm going to draw that income and benefits as long as I can. And if I drop down to a salary, the only thing I'm really loosing is my holiday pay.

But now I'm getting ready for another interview. some sort of desk job. I'd like that better.

 

[the captians wench]

My mead is starting to turn translucent. I'm very excited!

I'll be able to do a first tasting at the end of the month, but I want to age it just a few months longer to make it a bit sweeter, or so I'm told this is what will happen.

I want to taste it, but I've also been told that exposure to air may harm it. Is that just traditional wine or does this aply to mead as well?

I'm also very excited to start on a new costume for me, but I'm having trouble staying focased on it. I hate cutting out material. *sigh*

 

[the captians wench]

Exactly two weeks from this moment I should be packing up my van ang getting ready to head off on another adventure across the ocean...but I won't be.

I thought that I had come to terms with this, but I'm finding it's getting harder and harder as the time comes closer. What makes it all worse is that it's not just any date that I can forget. 15 days from today is Jounar's birthday, I was planing on spending it with him and had worked in an extra day of vacation so that I could do just that.

I'm keeping myself busy. Working oon a new costume for the ren fair here which runs most of october. I didn't go last year because I spent all of my money visiting Jounar. This will be the first year that I will have good money, and have good money to make an amazing dress for myself. This is, after all, an unbelievable chance to advertize.

You know, I heard my mom say all the time as a kid, "if I have the time, I never have thhe money, and if I have the money, I never seem to have the time". Well I have the money, and he has the time, but finding a moment when we both have both...now that is a challenge.

But I'm also taking this opportunity to plan out what I'd like to do on my next trip over that way. More and more I'm thinking I would like to see London while I am so close. I'm making a list of things in London that I would like to see and how long I'd like to plan to have for each attraction. I could easily spend a week in London, but I want a few days in Dublin as well, there are some things there I still have yet to see as well. I guess it will all depend on how much money I save and how much time I can get off work...and even where and how I'm working.

I hate not having a plan.

 

[the captians wench]

So in a fit of boredom I started googling different things. I started out looking for things I could do on my next trip to Europe and drifted into looking for new castles in Ireland. From there I started thinking about how cool it would be to own a castle and I found quite a few for sale, including a few here in the US that look more like Cinderella's castle than the fortressess that I think of. Eventually I found a link to private inquieries to castles in the UK....asking price between 1 and 3 million euro.

Guess I won't have a fair in a real castle any time soon. But I can dream about how cool it would be to dress up every day in clothing from the time the building was built and spreading my passion for the time period.

 

[the captians wench]

This is probably the hardest Christmas for me since the first one after my step-father passed. I can't even fully explain why. I just have this looming sence of sadness over me, very uncharactaristic, so much so that people have noticed.

I did my usual thing, when I get upset, I get all fixed up. I think it's my way of putting on a mask. If I look all prettified, people kind of blow off any notice of the emotions I seem to scream with out words. It didn't work yesterday. Every one complemented me on how good I looked, and then they took a closer look and my eyes gave me away. And being me, I blubered out everything.

But I can't fully explain things to people. There are so many conflicting emotions floating around in my head right now. I worry that this will be my last holiday with my grandparents, yet I'm also releived to have them here. I look forward to spending time with my cousins, something we haven't been able to do since we were children, but at the same time I hold resentment twords them for their shallowness, and even their happiness, like they are any less deserving of finding it. I'm heartbroken that my brother and his family won't be with us, but at the same time I feel guilty for feeling any of this because Jounar will never have another holiday with his father again. Yet I think I'm projecting my own sence of loss (perhaps the memories of it) of my own father (for all intents and perpouses as he was more of a father to us that my own father ever could be) onto him. And my own issues with my biological father are a whole nother layer to this emotional disaster.

Last year I felt some holiday blues. I was longing to be with Jounar again after leaving his side only two months earlier, but that was only a fraction of what I feel now.

Christmas eve is tomorrow, ans I don't have the slightest hint of excitement in me.

 

[the captians wench]

My parents always told me that I could do anything I set my mind to. After graduating from high school, where I was told the same thing even after taking many aptitude tests that were suposed to direct me to a career that would best fit my abilities, I decided that they were full of shit.

Mom and I were talking about this a few months ago, when I offically told her my feelings on the matter. She informed me that she wasn't just blowing smoke up my ass, they really ment it. As proff she pointed out that they never told my brother these things. I'm starting to think now maybe she was right.

Everything has always come so easily to me. I've never really had to work at anything, everything has pretty much been handed to me. I didn't realize the significance of this before, nor did I realize how much I take this forgranted.

So it hit me today, maybe she was right. Maybe I can do anything, I just haven't set my mind to it yet. But the time has come for me to get serious.

As I think about what would make me happiest in life it's pretty clear and easy for me to picture. I want to create. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get very serious about my costumes and make a real business out of it instead of the side job it has become.

I'm going to set up a desk and keep the financials organized. I'm also going to set a schedule and punch in and out. I think this will help a lot. If I think of it and treat it as a real job, then it will become one.

I really want to do this, and the timing is good. My van will be paid off towards the end of this year and that will give me an extra $250 a month to play with, which is enough that I could step down to a lesser position and be gareteed to work only 40 hours a week, which would help a lot and would give me more time to work on my costumes. From there, the more that my costumes become a more significant part of my income, the less I will have to rely on and even work for other people.

I'm setting a 5 year goal. It's all about buckling down and setting my mind to it. Well, my mind is set.

 

[minx1]

I'm setting a 5 year goal. It's all about buckling down and setting my mind to it. Well, my mind is set.

good for you wenchie!

you have the determination and the skills...you are half way there already!

good luck hon

 

[rida]

I'm setting a 5 year goal. It's all about buckling down and setting my mind to it. Well, my mind is set.

Yes!

You'll make it and once you are famous ... don't forget about us!

 

[the captians wench]

good for you wenchie!

you have the determination and the skills...you are half way there already!

good luck hon

Yes!

You'll make it and once you are famous ... don't forget about us!

Thanks ladies.

So far it's not working well. The past two days I've had long shifts (11 hour days) and I've been just too exhausted to do anything but shower and sleep when I got home.

But I did buy a new caladar to help map out my game plan and record my time put in. Hopefully once I get started it'll be easier to keep up with.

 

[~Haze~]

Two days to go and then I offically find out that I'm being sold like a cheap piece of meat.

Ha.

This is my first time in this thread and I just opened up this last page.

I started to read this post and wasn't sure where you were going with the post. I read the first sentence and thought to myself... this is fucking hot.



Oh well. It had potential.

 

[the captians wench]

So far I have been more diligent in my costume work, but still not as much as I feel I need to be.

It's really hard to come home after a 10 hour shift and put more time into other work. To correct that I've decided to adjust my original goals. I'm going to force myself to put in at least a half hour on my costumes on the days when I work, instead of the 2 hour original goal I had.

I'm also not going to beat myself up over not putting 8 hours in on both of my off days. I do need time to relax, run errands, and just have at least one day off.

So while I know that I need to push myself harder and really put more work into this than I have before, I also need to be realistic.

Over all I'm still very enthusiastic and I really believe I can do this. It's going to be hard, and I'm going to have to really work at it, which I've never had to do before, but I'm not afraid to. And I don't have to take huge monster steps, I can do this in baby steps, or regular steps, or take giant leaps as I feel ready for.

There is one issue I have noticed that I've heard a lot of people who work from home have. I have trouble getting into that "I'm working" mentality. Mom sugested a uniform. But that's not working. I also tried "clocking in" by signing a calandar and that helped a little. I think I need something a bit more formal. I think I also need to go back to just listening to my ipod and keep the tv off.

But it's only been a few days, and I'm still confident with my progress.

 

[rida]

So far I have been more diligent in my costume work, but still not as much as I feel I need to be.

It's really hard to come home after a 10 hour shift and put more time into other work. To correct that I've decided to adjust my original goals. I'm going to force myself to put in at least a half hour on my costumes on the days when I work, instead of the 2 hour original goal I had.

I'm also not going to beat myself up over not putting 8 hours in on both of my off days. I do need time to relax, run errands, and just have at least one day off.

So while I know that I need to push myself harder and really put more work into this than I have before, I also need to be realistic.

Over all I'm still very enthusiastic and I really believe I can do this. It's going to be hard, and I'm going to have to really work at it, which I've never had to do before, but I'm not afraid to. And I don't have to take huge monster steps, I can do this in baby steps, or regular steps, or take giant leaps as I feel ready for.

There is one issue I have noticed that I've heard a lot of people who work from home have. I have trouble getting into that "I'm working" mentality. Mom sugested a uniform. But that's not working. I also tried "clocking in" by signing a calandar and that helped a little. I think I need something a bit more formal. I think I also need to go back to just listening to my ipod and keep the tv off.

But it's only been a few days, and I'm still confident with my progress.

Being realistic is very important to avoid burnout. But getting into the correct mind frame is important too.

Do you have a separate space for work, without the TV and the computer nearby? A separate room would be even better, but that is not possible, just a physically separated corner is good. And perhaps you can use also a timer/alarm clock and have it get off to signal start of work time.

And ipod on and TV off I think will make a huge difference ... it always amazes me how long I can stay in front of the box just surfing channels (and I only have 7).

 

[minx1]

I think you are being really sensible hon.
having unrealistic goals is the surefire why to become disillusioned and fail.

I have to set goals in my job and I always apply the same method...the SMART method lol.

So basically I always try to make sure they are:

specific (no willy nilly stuff ) - for you I guess thats to either complete a cetain item/number of item/secure buyers etc
measurable - how you measure you are on target to achieve what your aim is.
achievable
realistic you've done this by admitting that you need some relaxation time and building it in.
timebound

seriously it all sound a bit naff lol...but I swear by it. It keeps me focused and enables me to plan, check progress and reevalute. Siunds like you are already smart tho

Good luck hon.......I just know its gonna work out for you. You'll be on that planein no time!

 

[the captians wench]

Being realistic is very important to avoid burnout. But getting into the correct mind frame is important too.

Do you have a separate space for work, without the TV and the computer nearby? A separate room would be even better, but that is not possible, just a physically separated corner is good. And perhaps you can use also a timer/alarm clock and have it get off to signal start of work time.

And ipod on and TV off I think will make a huge difference ... it always amazes me how long I can stay in front of the box just surfing channels (and I only have 7).

I have what we call "the sewing nook". It's really my dinning area but I've put up bookshelves to hold all of my fabric and trims and what not, and then a shelf with a desk that kind of squares off the area and seperates it from the living room. It has helped a lot in helping me to focas, but the area is not large enough for me to cut things out in (unless I'm doing infant pieces or bodices) so when I have to come out into the livingroom it tends to break my focas.

And the TV is deffo a large part of that distraction. I used to put movies in the dvd player that I call "costume movies" because they are set in the period that I work most in and they kind of fed my insperation, but the player isn't working. Still I think I am most productive with just music or a book on tape playing in the background.

I think you are being really sensible hon.
having unrealistic goals is the surefire why to become disillusioned and fail.

I have to set goals in my job and I always apply the same method...the SMART method lol.

So basically I always try to make sure they are:

specific (no willy nilly stuff ) - for you I guess thats to either complete a cetain item/number of item/secure buyers etc
measurable - how you measure you are on target to achieve what your aim is.
achievable
realistic you've done this by admitting that you need some relaxation time and building it in.
timebound

seriously it all sound a bit naff lol...but I swear by it. It keeps me focused and enables me to plan, check progress and reevalute. Siunds like you are already smart tho

Good luck hon.......I just know its gonna work out for you. You'll be on that planein no time!

I like your system.

I'm really no stranger to self evaluation. I have to do a monthly eval for work, and I even go as far as a weekly one (well I did when I was more motivated anyway). I think this will help me now as well. If I set a day when i have to sit down and evaluate how much I have accomplished and what I could have done better, I think it will increase my success rate.

But then that brings up the subject, what defines success?

I'm setting my 5 year end goal at being able to live comfortably solely on my income from my costumes. I have defined that as matching my current income or greater. That means my profit margin has to match my current income. Which ruffly means that I have to bring in 3-4 times what I make now.

But I need to break that down further into weekly goals. So far I have an hourly goal. I want to clock in so many hours a week, and I'll let myself choose how I spend that time. As long as it's part of the business then it's time clocked in. Whether it's sewing, cutting, taking pictures, posting on ebay, building a website, even organizing my materials. As long as it's benifical to the business then it counts.

It's been about two weeks since my apifany and I feel like i've accomplished a good deal more than I have in a long while. I'm happy with the results this first two weeks, but not completely satisfied. I know I could have done more in some areas. I've done my first eval, and I think I've come up with ways to build from my foundation.

 

[the captians wench]

I figured out that if my average costume sale price is about $45, then I have to average 13 costumes a week in order to make enough money for me to maintain my current living status! That sounds like so much, but if my average costume takes 4 hours start to finish that's about a 52 hour work week....not that far from what I'm doing now.

I think I either need to charge more or be prepared to keep up with the long hours.

Of course this is all averages. My todler chemises sell for about $20, a kilt runs about $50, and I've done full pirate wench costumes which sold for $200. The kids stuff tends to sell better, has the most profit, and takes the least amount of time. But I'd still have to sell double what I would a dublet or skirt. If I could just sell more big pieces I'd be a lot more encouraged.

 

[the captians wench]

I just finished dressing my dummy with 8 layers of suade cloth skirts.

I figure this method would be the best when photographing the skirts. I can take a picture of the top one, then take it off and move on to the next.

Now I just need to take pics and post.

I also have two new children's costumes and 2 old ones to photograph and post. As well as a suade cloth women's vest.

And I do have 3 projects that have been requested of me. I think they'll be best to save for my vacation, all three will take a lot of consentration.

 

[the captians wench]

Why is it easier to keep my place clean when I regularly have company? And why is it when I settle into not having company at all and let my place go to pot, that's when some one drops by? Karma really is a bitch.


And has any one else noticed that there are a lot more romantic, and specifically long distance romantic cards out there. For every holiday. And they aren't even getting creative. Jounar sent me one that said "Valentine's Day is the perfect day to tell you that you mean everything to me". Fitting. But then I found one that said the exact same thing only for St Patrick's day! and last week there was another only for Easter! Seriously what makes these holidays "the perfect holiday" for romantic notions?

 

[the captians wench]

Wednesday already! Seriously?

Why is it time goes by faster when you're on vacation? I still have so much to get done this week!

 

[the captians wench]

Well, things are starting to happen.

I'm still waiting to hear more from the production company. They should be starting preproduction some time this month. But in the mean time I'm sending my resume out to well the world really.

I have an interview on monday for a manager position with a pizza place. I think it was an assistant position, but it might be GM, can't remember. And I had a phone interview with a lady from a mall pretzle place yesterday. She loved me and wants me to meet with the GM there, just waiting to get a call from him.

The pretzle place is an hourly position, and would mean a $2.50 an hour pay cut, but that's basing my pay on a 40 hour week, and I work closer to 60 so it's probably not as bad as it sounds. Besides that, with a 40 hour week, I would have a lot more time to work on costumes, and I know men's shirts are a sure thing, so I think I could easily make that bit up. What I haven't found out about yet is benifits.

I recieved another call back, but it's credit card sales, so I haven't returned that call. Still, I'm very happy with my posibilities so far.

 

[CurlyKat]

Yay! So glad the job thing is starting to show possibilities for you, Ms. Wench. Keeping my fingers crossed still on the costume front, because that would just be way too cool. Getting to do your passion for pay is much more fun than just work to pay the bills.

 

[the captians wench]

Thanks I'm still hoping too. But it's a young company, so I'm not sure when and if they will be able to take me on full time. They have a need for some one who can do hair and make-up as well. But I've never done that for film. Some theater in highschool, but I know film is a bit different, you can't use all of the same tricks.

Still I hold hope.

The script writter came through the drive thru today. Met his wife/one of the actresses. He said they're having another meeting this week, and I know my friend who introduced me to the company said they were working on a budget. Right now I've been emailing the writer with my ideas/sketches both of us trying to find the right look for this piece. It's just a web short, but still this is what they plan to use to get investors, so it has to look like it has a million dollar budget.

in the mean time, it's all about paying bills.

 

[the captians wench]

Changing your life is hard work.

I want to venture out and do my thing, but I'm worried about things like rent and food money.