Real Time/Lifestyle Vs *Online* Dominants

[WriterDom]

Still, it's apples and oranges. You can be a high handicap golfer and get more pleasure out of hitting one good shot than you would getting a hole in one online.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

first off, i don't think anyone should have to 'convince you of their Domlyness' Master and i, until recently were only online. we do now have 'real life' experience. He was a Dom before i met Him, it's WHO He is, whether He had any 'real life' experience or not. it's inside of Him. and for us, it's not ONLY about 'beatings' or play, there is a WHOLE lot more to it than that. simply because someone has not had the 'real life' experience doesn't mean they aren't Dominant on the inside. i'm not that great at trying to express what i'm saying so maybe Master will show up on the thread and explain it better than me.

If he had real time experience before you all met and you played online only at first...I am not talking/asking about you....
My question refers to the "I have been Dom/md for x number of years, oh and i have only ever played online"
This is who my post was referring to...
Not those who are or have been Dom/me in real time and happened to hook up with someone online now....

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Still, it's apples and oranges. You can be a high handicap golfer and get more pleasure out of hitting one good shot than you would getting a hole in one online.

i don't think anyone is arguing that the BDSM 'Play' is all the better when you can feel it in 'real life' the question was, is an online Dom really a Dom, as the OP stated she doesnt' believe that's possible. obviously it's all 'better' in 'real life' but an online relationship is no less valid than a 'real life' one. that word makes me cringe because if Master and i are not 'real life' then what are we??

a couple who live together are no more or less valid then a couple who are miles and miles apart. as long as both parties take the relationship seriously. i've been doing this for 3 years, and yes, of course we would have much rather been 'together' then doing this online stuff, but it just wasn't possible at first. we are now working our way toward that. it's been almost 4 years and i wouldn't change any of it, as i believe it's what has made our love and bond so strong.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

agreed. i get real sick of 'defending' me and Master's relationship because it's online, oh so that MUST mean it's not real, i mean there's no way it could be because there's no 'real life' experience. so we're just playing at it, it's not real the emotions are real, the love is real, the bond is real. EVERYTHING about us is REAL, so wouldn't that make it 'real life' ? *shrugs* sorry, just a touchy subject for me, because it seems it ALWAYS comes up and somehow our relationship/feelings for each other are less because it's not 'real life'....it irks me.....

Not asking you to defend your realationship online...
I know that you can develope intense very real feelings through the communication....and activity

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Then again...i don't think you can really learn to be a dom...and have it be comfortable. Let me explain...proper techniques for physical acts can and should be taught...but the mindset and psyche that accompanies a Dom/me has to be there...otherwise you're just a guy with a flogger.

Agreed...Dom or sub i feel is within you naturally
The rest (skills with impliments) are taught and learned

 

[TheDivineMsM]

i agree completely that what i said earlier i think lol, being Dominant or submissive in my opinion, is INSIDE of you as well as the physical stuff.....

*nods*

 

[TheDivineMsM]

my online Dom experience has been generally very positive, but it pales in comparison to RL experience, there are definitely a lot more things that can be done person to person

True indeed

 

[lil_slave_rose]

If he had real time experience before you all met and you played online only at first...I am not talking/asking about you....
My question refers to the "I have been Dom/md for x number of years, oh and i have only ever played online"
This is who my post was referring to...
Not those who are or have been Dom/me in real time and happened to hook up with someone online now....

i never said He had 'experience' i said He was a Dom before i met Him, meaning inside Him. Dominance is something inside of a person not just 'learned' so you ARE talking about us. neither of us had ANY 'real life' experience before we met each other. He had other online subs ..i was 'nilla, well kind of, knew i was 'different' but had no clue there were others that felt the same as me.

either way, just because He hadn't had any experience in wielding the flogger, crop, cane, etc..did not mean He was NOT a Dom. i mean good god, are 'real life Dom's' as you call them, born with a flogger in their hand and knowing how to use it?? no, they learn it, right? then why is this any different?

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Agreed...Dom or sub i feel is within you naturally
The rest (skills with impliments) are taught and learned

then why this thread? i mean if this is the way you feel, that it's 'inside you' then why ask if it's possible to call yourself a Dom if you've never had real life experience? obviously the 'physical' stuff has to be taught..i'm confused, it's like you've contradicted yourself here....

 

[TheDivineMsM]

I agree 100%.

I was just exploring my submissiveness, and well my sexuality and myself as a whole when I met Jounar. He has had "real life" submissives, I'm actually his first online adventure, and it wasn't an intentional situation.

I have completed tasks for him on cam. I've left bruses on myself that took a good couple weeks to heal. I've sat on tacks till I was sobing. I've also felt my floggers and paddles in the hands of others. I've been caned and whipped by "real" people. I've been pulled by the hair to my knees and had a cock shoved down my throught. But when it comes to those moments when I don't know what to do, when the world feels like an evil place, when I just want to hide away and cry, I don't turn to those "real" people, I turn to Jounar. He's the one I look to for strength. He's the one I look to for guidence. He's the one that always has the right answer.

Do we wish this was more than and online relationship? Fucking right we do! The problem is cupid seems to have a wicked since of humor and put an ocean in the way of our love. Neither one of us were looking for a relationship with some one 3000+ miles away. Hell I wasn't looking for a relationship period! I was enjoying dating around for the first time. But it happened, and we don't let the fact that most of our communication happens on line stop us from being who we are and growing as a couple and as Master and sub/slave.

Dominance/submission is something inside of a person, and it will show whether they are involved online or off. If a dom is just in it to get his cock sucked regularly, it'll show either way. If he's in it for something more, that too will be shown either way. Not that there is anything wrong with either style, as long as the sub knows that's what she's getting into. It only becomes a problem when one promises something they have no intention of giving. But that can happen just as easily in "real time" as in online.

I appreciate your input and thank you...
Again Jounar falls outside of the circle of people i am referring to. He has RT subs, and you and he happend to hook up, and it must be online due to geography....This is not what i am asking about...
However i am interested if you would induldge me....in hearing of some of the ways he exerts his dominance...i might need to pick up some tips...considering i am having no luck finding a sub locally...LMAO

 

[TheDivineMsM]

I've never so much as been with a woman in real life...

I'd definitely prefer real life domination.

Online domination is good and all...but like all online play, it gets old once the people you do it with go out and actually have sex and do stuff with people... You're left with just your right hand.

EXACTLY!

 

[WriterDom]

How real can anything be if you've never met the person? Reminds me of the bevy of playground subs who showed up here when they found out their wonderful online Dom was domming all of them at once and they wanted to form a sub Union for protection.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

1.) Of course you can. People do it all the time. Sometimes it's even true.

2.) I think people who ask these questions are often doing so because they want to feel superior to others. Sometimes they are genuinely curious as well.

3.) I'm not a Domme so this doesn't apply to me. If I were I'm quite sure I wouldn't feel a need to convince you of a damn thing though. Yanno what I mean? That need to convince just doesn't seem very Domme like to me.

*shrugs*

Fury

1. I still maintain if your an online only and have only ever been a Dom/me online and not in real time...your missing the boat...completely

2. I am genuinely curious

3. This applied to the online now and forever only set

 

[minx1]

Still, it's apples and oranges. You can be a high handicap golfer and get more pleasure out of hitting one good shot than you would getting a hole in one online.

Can we use something other than sport for analogies lol...I'm getting confused! Golfers don't bowl, right?

I take your point, though I think it works vice versa too..... if, that is, we are measuring pleasure gained or the 'authenticity' of a Dom/me on more than being able to physically apply a spanking etc.
In terms of the amount of pleasure gained, presumably much of that depends on many things not least imo the 'strength of bond, type of relationship or dynamic that they have with their sub?
Though I also recognise that pleasure is a very personal concept and no doubt Dom/mes will take pleasure from different aspects of the relationship. One mans meat is another mans poison and all that.

Lol I know what I'm trying to say...I only wish I could explain it better!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

How real can anything be if you've never met the person? Reminds me of the bevy of playground subs who showed up here when they found out their wonderful online Dom was domming all of them at once and they wanted to form a sub Union for protection.

maybe if you've never walked in the shoes, you shouldn't judge? an online relationship can and for me IS just as 'real' as any relationship in the 'real world' we have been together for almost 4 years, if that's not real...well i don't know what the definition of "REAL" is......

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Sure it's D/s I suppose. But it's not the same. Your self-administered spanking no matter how into it you might get, and believe me, I have my slave self-administer a lot of strange things over long distances, isn't the same as when I'm doing it. Period.

More to life than spankings, D/s is in the mind, I'll grant - but doing it with someone you'll never have to face down and look in the eyes is not the same thing.

Thank YOU Netzach....
Man...if i was only a sub.....though you more than anyone i have encountered...make me want to really be a switch!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Thank YOU Netzach....
Man...if i was only a sub.....though you more than anyone i have encountered...make me want to really be a switch!

i think it's pretty obvious that a real life spanking is not the same as doing it yourself...i'm not sure why anyone would think it is? and honestly, i've never met anyone who said that doing it to themself is better or the same as having it done to them by someone else, but this was not the original question of the thread......was it??

 

[TheDivineMsM]

So how is it not the same thing?

You will understand the diff in 2 weeks Hottie....
Your Dom staring his cold stare right into your eyes, and the way your skin will tingle at his touch....
Its a whole different ballgame...And Congrats BTW....
I do wish you both the very best....
Is this the first time you all will see each other ever? or have you met in real time already?

 

[minx1]

How real can anything be if you've never met the person? Reminds me of the bevy of playground subs who showed up here when they found out their wonderful online Dom was domming all of them at once and they wanted to form a sub Union for protection.

yeah cos you'd NEVER find an arse like that in real life right

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Master Gil and I met here on lit and our time online was spent mainly getting to know each other. Me being a total newb to the world of BDSM, He sent me links and encouraged me to ask questions. We did play a couple of time on the phone, but that was for me to get the "feel" of being dominated. He is one of those "hands on" Doms

We view online as a means to an end. I admit I have difficulty understanding people who just want to keep things at that level, although FurryFury put some of it in perspective for me on another thread (thanks Fury!). Links to her posts here and here

I agree a means to an end...
And a medium to get to know someone more fully and see if your comfortable and compatable....
kepping in just at this online only level is what is so mysterious to me..
WHY?

 

[WriterDom]

I agree a means to an end...
And a medium to get to know someone more fully and see if your comfortable and compatable....
kepping in just at this online only level is what is so mysterious to me..
WHY?

Because they are married?

 

[TheDivineMsM]

. I have bound her in her mind in phone scenes many times, but it was nothing compared to the fun of tying her up in person and wielding that flogger.

OK, to recap: Long Distance D/s: Difficult, but can be done if the two parties take it seriously
Long distance S&M: A hollow shell of RT S&M.

Agreed....and i am very happy that you all found each other!

 

[TheDivineMsM]

I've gotten to be a fairly good bowler on Pogo. But if I tried to talk bowling with a real bowler based on my experience, he'd probably laugh out loud. It's kind of the same thing with bdsm. Except here, we're all in the online world. Nothing really good can come from this conversation.

But I'm not going to argue. I quit that when people here tried to convince me that eating human shit was a good thing.

I disagree that nothing good can come from the conversation....
I am VERY interested in hearing from someone who is Only, now and forever an Online Dominant.
I want to know why they would choose not to play in real time

 

[minx1]

I agree a means to an end...
And a medium to get to know someone more fully and see if your comfortable and compatable....
kepping in just at this online only level is what is so mysterious to me..
WHY?

Maybe it just suits some people at the time to keep things online. Initially I just wanted to explore my sub side and was only looking for online, until I decided it was right for me or until I decided I wanted to take it futher.
I happened to reach that point...perhaps it takes some people longer or perhaps for others their online relationship is fulfilling enough.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

I refer back to what I said earlier, just because someone 'practices' BDSM in real life doesn't necessarily make them any good at it anyway...you could bowl in real life and never be a bowler. lol if you see what I mean...? Clear as mud eh

Ahh I disagree....
If you bowled everyday your skills would improve, and if you didnt see them gradually improving....then i am sure you would seek the councel of a coach...if you were interested in actually improving your skills..
Speaking of which....
not to bring it back to floggers and all...But when i first got my flogger i sucked....I attained the advice and councel of one more knowledegable than i got some tips, practiced every chance i got on hitting the same spot of a pillow...
once i was able to do that Then i flogged for real.
Attitude i feel cannot be practiced...skills can