Real Time/Lifestyle Vs *Online* Dominants

[WriterDom]

I disagree that nothing good can come from the conversation....
I am VERY interested in hearing from someone who is Only, now and forever an Online Dominant.
I want to know why they would choose not to play in real time

Why don't you send a private message to the 18 yr old Domme and invite her to the discussion?

 

[TheDivineMsM]

i don't think anyone is arguing that the BDSM 'Play' is all the better when you can feel it in 'real life' the question was, is an online Dom really a Dom, as the OP stated she doesnt' believe that's possible. obviously it's all 'better' in 'real life' but an online relationship is no less valid than a 'real life' one. that word makes me cringe because if Master and i are not 'real life' then what are we??

Yes and I am truly glad that you found such happiness... I would never suggest that one who found someone online is *less than* someone who met in real time...
I have dated pleanty of people romantically and Dommed a few otherwise i initially met online...
Once the chatting was comfortable tho...we moved it into real time

 

[TheDivineMsM]

then why this thread? i mean if this is the way you feel, that it's 'inside you' then why ask if it's possible to call yourself a Dom if you've never had real life experience? obviously the 'physical' stuff has to be taught..i'm confused, it's like you've contradicted yourself here....

I am sorry if i am being contradictory...I am not meaning to be i guess the original spirit of the thread has been dogged....
So you and Master Pheonix met online, and he was an *Online Only Dom* to begin with right?
So i guess its his brain i wish to pick about this subject then........

 

[TheDivineMsM]

How real can anything be if you've never met the person? Reminds me of the bevy of playground subs who showed up here when they found out their wonderful online Dom was domming all of them at once and they wanted to form a sub Union for protection.

Oh shit that would have been funny to see!

 

[TheDivineMsM]

maybe if you've never walked in the shoes, you shouldn't judge? an online relationship can and for me IS just as 'real' as any relationship in the 'real world' we have been together for almost 4 years, if that's not real...well i don't know what the definition of "REAL" is......

I am personally ( i cannot speak for anyone else) judging you...
i am mearly trying to understand...

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Because they are married?

Ok see
this is where i thought this would end up...
and this is definatley where i begin judgement

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Why don't you send a private message to the 18 yr old Domme and invite her to the discussion?

Cause i dont want to start cussing her out....LMAO
I am trying to keep this civil....
and i am fucking sorry but at 18 you really dont have a clue yet...about much
let alone something as complicated as BDSM IMHO

 

[minx1]

Ahh I disagree....
If you bowled everyday your skills would improve, and if you didnt see them gradually improving....then i am sure you would seek the councel of a coach...if you were interested in actually improving your skills..
Speaking of which....
not to bring it back to floggers and all...But when i first got my flogger i sucked....I attained the advice and councel of one more knowledegable than i got some tips, practiced every chance i got on hitting the same spot of a pillow...
once i was able to do that Then i flogged for real.
Attitude i feel cannot be practiced...skills can

I don't disagree totally. By practising a skill in real life you may see some improvement.
Having said that just because you practice something doesn't mean that you are ever gonna be any good at it. Sure, you might improve
But I am not just talking about the ability or opportunity to flog or spank someone. What I'm trying to say (extremely unsuccessfully I may add lol) is that I don't believe that just having the opportunity to be a Dom/me in real life makes you a Dom/me. Yes you might be able to brush up on your practical skills, but in terms of thinking and feeling like a Dom/me imo its intrinsic... you either have it or you don't...whether in real life or online.

 

[minx1]

Oh shit that would have been funny to see!

Erm Why?

 

[A Desert Rose]

If you don't feel you have to defend your Dom's domliness or convince anyone of your own domliness, why even bother to post to this thread? If, as has been stated in this thread numerous times, that your relationship is real to you and what others think doesn't matter to you and your Dom, why waste your time trying to convince anyone of this? Is it because you want to be argumentative and confrontational? Could it possibly be that? I know that some people like that in their lives.

We've had 36 threads on this topic. The only difference is that a few new names pop up in the discussion/argument.

I have no opinion on this topic. I've known lots of people who met online and have wonderful real life lives together now. Many of them are here at Lit... Bandit and her Master, Catalina and F, Johnny Mayberry and Anelize, Writer Dom and Chun... the list goes on and on. And there are many who will be moving into real life as soon as real life allows them to do so.

I know a lot of people who 'play' online/by phone but have other real life relationships that matter a great deal to them. I won't name names here to protect the "innocent". ;-)

Again, I make no judgements about the kind of relationships people are involved in. If it floats your boat to roe in a fashion that is not like mine, so be it. No one needs to convince me of anything. And I'd never ask anyone to do so. It's really not my business.

This particular argument has been going on since long before I came to Lit (or any other BBs I go to) and I guess it's just never going to end. Someone will still ask the same old question and people will still feel they have to come defend themselves, their Doms/subs, and their style of relationship, forfuckingever.

For what it's worth though, (and I'm sure it's not worth a shit to anyone) I wish the best to everyone who's in love online and trying to move to real life.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

I don't disagree totally. By practising a skill in real life you may see some improvement.
Having said that just because you practice something doesn't mean that you are ever gonna be any good at it. Sure, you might improve
But I am not just talking about the ability or opportunity to flog or spank someone. What I'm trying to say (extremely unsuccessfully I may add lol) is that I don't believe that just having the opportunity to be a Dom/me in real life makes you a Dom/me. Yes you might be able to brush up on your practical skills, but in terms of thinking and feeling like a Dom/me imo its intrinsic... you either have it or you don't...whether in real life or online.

Umm i disagree here a bit
Part of the training i get from my Dom is verbage and the like...
Now i am very dominant in many ways....but i do find that his guidance at times, helps me achieve the desired outcomes.....
also i didnt mean just practicing...perfect practice makes perfect afterall

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Erm Why?

because it would have been the equivilent of having 3 wifes show up at the hsp too see about a sick husband...
that would make me Laugh Out Loud

 

[TheDivineMsM]

If you don't feel you have to defend your Dom's domliness or convince anyone of your own domliness, why even bother to post to this thread? If, as has been stated in this thread numerous times, that your relationship is real to you and what others think doesn't matter to you and your Dom, why waste your time trying to convince anyone of this? Is it because you want to be argumentative and confrontational? Could it possibly be that? I know that some people like that in their lives.

We've had 36 threads on this topic. The only difference is that a few new names pop up in the discussion/argument.

I have no opinion on this topic. I've known lots of people who met online and have wonderful real life lives together now. Many of them are here at Lit... Bandit and her Master, Catalina and F, Johnny Mayberry and Anelize, Writer Dom and Chun... the list goes on and on. And there are many who will be moving into real life as soon as real life allows them to do so.

I know a lot of people who 'play' online/by phone but have other real life relationships that matter a great deal to them. I won't name names here to protect the "innocent". ;-)

Again, I make no judgements about the kind of relationships people are involved in. If it floats your boat to roe in a fashion that is not like mine, so be it. No one needs to convince me of anything. And I'd never ask anyone to do so. It's really not my business.

This particular argument has been going on since long before I came to Lit (or any other BBs I go to) and I guess it's just never going to end. Someone will still ask the same old question and people will still feel they have to come defend themselves, their Doms/subs, and their style of relationship, forfuckingever.

For what it's worth though, (and I'm sure it's not worth a shit to anyone) I wish the best to everyone who's in love online and trying to move to real life.

I had no idea of the other threads, or i would have just posted there...can you direct me?

 

[A Desert Rose]

OMG... I meant row, not fish eggs.

jesus.

It's been quoted and no point in fixing it now, I guess. Just for the record, I'm really not as stupid as I sometimes appear.

To the original poster: Do a search. Check the library. I've not got the time to do that for you. But take my word - and that of others who would support me if they wanted to - this topic has been done to death here.

Cheers to you!!! ;-)

 

[Evil_Geoff]

There are men and women, from either side of the slash, who, for any number of various reasons, can not participate in this lifestyle in realtime (or "meatlife" as I am hearing it called frequently). Some reasons I understand, some I don't. Some reasons I agree with, some I disagree with. Whether or not I understand and/or agree with them is, however, completely irrelevent to them and their situations.

For the quadraplegic who uses voice typing to command his online slave, for the submissive with a husband and children she can't stand the thought of losing but burns to submit, for the single person in a small town who can't find anyone who shares their desire for kink... The internet and online relationships are a release, a way to fulfill emotional and spiritual needs even if they do not fulfill physical ones.

What's "real"? For them "real" is in their hearts and in their minds. And that's more, and far better, than nothing at all. While I was able to take my interest, my passion, my needs and desires into my "real" life, who am I to question or judge how others meet their needs in their circumstances? I'm just a guy with a computer and to much time on his hands...

 

[TheDivineMsM]

There are men and women, from either side of the slash, who, for any number of various reasons, can not participate in this lifestyle in realtime (or "meatlife" as I am hearing it called frequently). Some reasons I understand, some I don't. Some reasons I agree with, some I disagree with. Whether or not I understand and/or agree with them is, however, completely irrelevent to them and their situations.

For the quadraplegic who uses voice typing to command his online slave, for the submissive with a husband and children she can't stand the thought of losing but burns to submit, for the single person in a small town who can't find anyone who shares their desire for kink... The internet and online relationships are a release, a way to fulfill emotional and spiritual needs even if they do not fulfill physical ones.

What's "real"? For them "real" is in their hearts and in their minds. And that's more, and far better, than nothing at all. While I was able to take my interest, my passion, my needs and desires into my "real" life, who am I to question or judge how others meet their needs in their circumstances? I'm just a guy with a computer and to much time on his hands...

I was wondering when you would get around...and i miss you...oh and i love your posts as always...

 

[HottieMama]

You will understand the diff in 2 weeks Hottie....
Your Dom staring his cold stare right into your eyes, and the way your skin will tingle at his touch....
Its a whole different ballgame...And Congrats BTW....
I do wish you both the very best....
Is this the first time you all will see each other ever? or have you met in real time already?

Thanks for the congrats!

Yes, this is the first time we will see each other in person. We met almost completely by chance, and it is just my good fortune that where i am moving to is about 30 minutes from where He lives. i don't do distance well over a long period of time, so i am very grateful for that.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Thanks for the congrats!

Yes, this is the first time we will see each other in person. We met almost completely by chance, and it is just my good fortune that where i am moving to is about 30 minutes from where He lives. i don't do distance well over a long period of time, so i am very grateful for that.

Soo very happy for you...
I know you are too excited!
30 minutes....that is awesome indeed...i wish i had someone 30 minutes from me...*whah*

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I was wondering when you would get around...and i miss you...oh and i love your posts as always...

Thank you! Such kind words are always appreciated and do my battered and bruised ego such good! *chuckles* I'm around... here and there... posting when I feel like I have something to contribute.

 

[minx1]

Soo very happy for you...
I know you are too excited!
30 minutes....that is awesome indeed...i wish i had someone 30 minutes from me...*whah*

lol I'm with you on that one! I mean He's ONLY a 24 hour flight away....thats not too bad, right?

 

[HottieMama]

Soo very happy for you...
I know you are too excited!
30 minutes....that is awesome indeed...i wish i had someone 30 minutes from me...*whah*

Excited doesn't even begin to describe it. i feel like a little girl on Xmas morning...only instead of it being just one day..i have that feeling every day when i wake up.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

battered and bruised ego such good!

subs havent revolted have they?? LOL
Your always welcome around me Geoff

 

[the captians wench]

I appreciate your input and thank you...
Again Jounar falls outside of the circle of people i am referring to. He has RT subs, and you and he happend to hook up, and it must be online due to geography....This is not what i am asking about...
However i am interested if you would induldge me....in hearing of some of the ways he exerts his dominance...i might need to pick up some tips...considering i am having no luck finding a sub locally...LMAO

Honestly, I'm not sure he really does anything different than my playmates do.

I mean he still has "the look" and "the tone" when I'm in trouble, and I've seen and heard them. And while I may not get to do either every time we chat, I do know when they are present, I can just....feel it. Just like I don't have to look up to know that my playmate is giving me the look.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Soo very happy for you...
I know you are too excited!
30 minutes....that is awesome indeed...i wish i had someone 30 minutes from me...*whah*

You know, there are SEVERAL kink groups all over eastern North Carolina...
CC Munch - Carteret County
ASKNENC - Elizabeth City
The Cell Block - Fayetteville
Leather on the Border - Fayetteville - NC/SC Border area
Sandhills Social Club - Fayetteville
ECPE - Greenville
Smithfield/Johnson County Munch Group - For more information, Email jade@ipass.net
WINK - Wilmington
WHIP - Wilmington

And those are just the ones I know about and/or can find with a quick search of SceneUSA or caryl's BDSM Page. Network...network... network! There are LOTS of submissives in NC looking!

 

[Netzach]

my relationship IS the same as any 'real life' relationship...period. as i said in an earlier post, our love is REAL, our bond is REAL, every single one of our emotions are REAL, we are REAL people, in a REAL relationship who happen to live 2000 miles apart at the moment, that does not mean we have never met face to face, it means we met ONLINE and have had hurdles to jump to get to where we can be together face to face. this is the kind of thing i'm sick of, the whole 'my relationship is better than yours because i do it in 'REAL LIFE'.

i'm with fury in that, it isn't (or shouldn't be) a contest on who's relationship is more real. obviously me hitting myself is NOT the same as Him doing, BUT that is not all our relationship is about anyway. i don't know....maybe i should just stop reading this thread because it pisses me off *shrugs*

I don't consider your relationship cyber. I consider it long distance. Why you don't consider it RT long distance and assume that when people are talking about cyber BDSM it doesn't apply to you, I don't know. I see H a few times a year at best, but I don't consider him a cyber slave.

For cyber only whatever, I'm glad it's rewarding.

But, don't you dare start portraying yourself as an expert on BDSM when you have never actually been in the same room as the person you are working with, ever, in your life.

By those standards I am an evolutionary expert because I read a lot of Stephen Jay Gould.

It's not to say I have no perspective of value, but it's not equivalent and that's it.

You know, I was "cyber only" at one point, and I never had the perverse audacity to cringe and complain and throw a fit about how unfaaaiiiiir it all is when people with RT experience would assert themselves and point out that it lent them credibility. I just didn't - I was OK with the fact that my relationships were NOT the same as theirs and my experience NOT as relevant or valuable.

Why do we all have to be so freaking equal all the time?

My poly experience is way less essence-of-poly than what Marquis is up to, currently - my bitches aren't under my roof on a weekly basis. Not equal. I'm fine with that.


I'm not trying to smack people down and make them feel bad about their activities. Cyber is hot and fun, and was very emotionally real to me - it's hugely different. It's so different to me that comparisons are kind of stupid in the larger part.