SAMMY Subs

[A Desert Rose]

Good thing I stocked up.....

(insert rolley eyed emoticon) LOL. You funny guy.

 

[Guest]

You know, I'm a pro, I deal with non-submissive fetishistic assholes with agendas they think they are hiding but don't.

...Every single day of my life.

I'm not outraged by them anymore. I'm over outrage.

I just see people who think that manipulation is the only way to get what they want, and I find that asking them what they want disarms them fairly well.

Now, they are a paycheck. I have to get to the bottom of it if I want to eat, travel, or bathe in pretty scented shit.

but it's certainly made me handle the amateur/lifestyler who does the same thing better. I've even embraced a notorious SAM. I know that I can make her shut up and behave with a look and not everyone, not even most people enjoy that privilege.

I find it rather erotic in a trophy way - she turns the het guys on, but *I* make her behave.

And we thought only subs could be brats.

Yes..I can see how going Pro Dom/me would change the perspective and the tools a great deal.

*sigh* I got a bit of an offer to go pro once ..Some times I wish I'd taken it ..*shrug* Some times I'm glad I didn't.
(Because of the other person that would have been involved)

 

[PyroDemon]

Originally posted by A Desert Rose
(insert rolley eyed emoticon) LOL. You funny guy.

Well, the guy at the store said " hey buddy, what's all the reese's for? You cornering the market? I said no, just cheap insurance." When your supplies run low,,,,, You'll know who to come to for your fix,,,, we can always negotiate the price.....

 

[Betticus]

We all have tendency to see things in black and white. But as evidenced by the responses in this thread, we all have differing opinions of what a SAMMY is (it's that old saying, I can't explain it, I just know it when I see it) and whether we "like" that kind of personality trait in a submissive or we don't.

I don't think MOST Dom/mes want a dull and humorless submissive.

I also don't think that MOST Dom/me's want to be provoked and manipulated by their submissive. And most definately, not for long. (I think manipulating someone is one of the most disrespectful things anyone can do to another.)

As, I think CutieMouse said, there is a fine line there sometimes. There is a difference between provocation and manipulation (topping from the bottom) and playful teasing. If a submissive has a Dom/me, we can already assume that she has entered that relationship, in a large part because of mutual trust and respect. I do think that MOST submissives learn fairly quickly how much they can get away with and how far they can go with their Dom/me.

And anyone who knows me, already knows whether I am SAMMY or not.

I apologize for my poor response yesterday, I do believe I just took what you said completely wrong.

As for you post, you are right. There is a line that when crossed turns the relationship from a fun, playful and enjoyable thing to a chore. If you end up having to constantly reinforce your dominance it will wear you down until you just don't care anymore.

 

[Betticus]

Perhaps I just took it out of context, I allow for that since this is just text on a screen and conveys no feeling.

I think this is the case here. Knowing ADR as I do, she was trying to graciously bow out of a disagreement, and did not mean to imply force agreement on your part. Unless you mean by your response you

- agree with her, or
- that she is not allowed to have a different opinion than you on the mater, or
- you do not agree that you two disagree so you refuse to agree about that

Not a very good list to choose a logical point of view from is it?


I just don't appreciate being told what to think and feel.

No one does…but we are often misunderstood….as I can easily interpret you telling me “It's not that bad RJ” how to think and feel.

It is “possible” that ADR’s response may be up for interpretation, however your response back to her, is not. It was straight up disrespectful and embarrassing, and it was intended to hurt, regardless weather it was a defensive reaction on your part. Something I have learned since being on Lit, is disrespect is just as much a two way street as respect is. It’s a give what you get kinda thing.


I got a nice "I will" agree to respectfully disagree instead of something like: "We just disagree".

You sure you want to rest your defense of slapping down publicly a submissive and a friend of mine on this weak shyt? Still think its not that bad?

Using your words…couldn’t you think of any other way to respond? Or maybe ask if she was trying to tell you how to think or feel? Perhaps if you had asked that, you would have found out that she wasn’t and cleared up any miscommunication about the matter before being heavy handed.

Its moments like this in which a valuable lesson is presenting itself, it is often how we respond that determines what kind of people we are. Our actions and inactions define who we are. I will leave it to your own conscious to decide how you want to define yourself.

I give up, you win.

 

[RJMasters]

I give up, you win.

I am glad you were man enough to make it right. That goes along way in my book.

It is also the Betticus, I have come to know for sometime...you are a pretty intense guy and some of the things you do are pretty zanny, but under it all I know is a man of character. I guess others know it now too.

thanks

 

[A Desert Rose]

I apologize for my poor response yesterday, I do believe I just took what you said completely wrong...

I apologize too, for this misunderstanding.

 

[dolf]

if i mention group hugs someone will slap me for sure!
group hug?
xx

 

[RJMasters]

if i mention group hugs someone will slap me for sure!
group hug?
xx

Smiles @ dolf... Doms don't hug...

We buy each other a six pac of beer and sit and drink it together...

Puts a six pac on the table. Passes one to ADR and one to Dolf...then offers one to B. Beer bro?

 

[Betticus]

Smiles @ dolf... Doms don't hug...

We buy each other a six pac of beer and sit and drink it together...

Puts a six pac on the table. Passes one to ADR and one to Dolf...then offers one to B. Beer bro?

I would but I'm already halfway through a fifth.

 

[RJMasters]

I would but I'm already halfway through a fifth.

Flags down waitress and gets two shot glasses...and sets them up.

raises shot glass:

here's to subbies that kneel
here's to subbies that squeal
Here's to men like us
of passion, of character and lust.

Above all else, may we guard and protect our character to be the men we are destined to be.

Downs the shot...and sets it up again.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Thank you... but (in my most whiny voice) I don't like beer.

Oh that is so out of character...

 

[dolf]

Thank you... but (in my most whiny voice) I don't like beer.

me niether

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Richard49]

I don't drink
but
It warmed my heart to read this dialgue

my 2 cents is a repeat
we are moving to far away from our roots
and in that we are in a state of cinfusion
when it comes to what terms mean

now back into the shadows I slide

 

[babiesmiles]

Thank you for this very interesting thread .Reading it i'm really learning a lot more about myself and others and learning to put in the right perspective behaviours i had and their consequences.
I 'll continue to read and learn cause I see my own path is still long and I need listening to experienced and wiser people to find my way.


smil

 

[LunarKitten]

Dom/mes do You like submissives to be a little sammy? How sammy can they be without crossing the line?

For newbies, sam stands for smart ass masochist. Some see sammy subs as being rude while others like a little spunk in a sub.

Is saminess a sign of disrespect or is it just a part of being a submissive at times?

For me sammy is ok as long as I am teasing Master and we are just having fun. I have learned though that being sammy at inappropriate times can bring on punishment.

Your thoughts?

quiet

Master just read this over my shoulder and said "Hey, that's you"

Actually, we've discussed this between us before. I was worried that I was way too mouthy at times. He said He actually likes it, since sarcasm can't be had without a sense of humour and intelligence.

That and he says being serious all the time is just too darn hard on anyone.

 

[LunarKitten]

Re: Kidding is ok, humor is ok

but provoking me is never ok. I do not care for SAMs.

Eb

I think you can be a SAM without being provoking. The right comment at the right time can make you both roll on the floor in laughter

 

[LunarKitten]

Willow

My Master would die laughing too LOL I often take things so seriously He has to tell me to lighten up ...and even though I may have fun in private with Master I have deep respect for the community and all it stands for and never am a sammy when we are in public or online. It does not mean I cannot have fun though

quiet

Oh, no...in public, at any event, I wouldn't dare (among friends only occassionally lol). Ours is a very deep, committed relationship that has deepened from a Dom/sub relationship and I was very very worried about my "mouthiness" for a long time, but He says he wouldn't have me any other way. *dreamy sigh*

 

[LunarKitten]

I repeatedly see here that being a SAM sub is set equal with a bratty sub = a teasing sub = a playful sub = a challenging sub.

I do not mind playfullness, or gentle teasing at the right time. A SAM though for me implies a different flavor.

SAM as in Smart Ass Masochis is not behaving in a teasing manner (in my book anyway) but in a selfish way to reach his/her personal end which is a usually physical punishment. SAM's do push limits not to test a Dominant or to tease, but to decidedly push OVER the established and well known limits set and agreed between the parties involved to force the Dominant into a sadist reaction that usually would not occur. This is a violation of the D/s principle as much as it would be for a Dominant to constantly consciously override set limits towards the submissive.

SAM behaviour to me indicates a lack of self-assessment and communication in the first place - you are a strong masochist? then don't hook up with me since my sadist tendencies are medium at best! And nothing you may come up with will change that - so if the realization hits home that a particular Dominant can't fulfill a particular submissives desires after discussing it openly, it is time to move on!

So NO! no SAM's for me - I play an open hand so to speak, and SAM's are not what I am after. I do not liked being tricked into sadism, I do not like being challenged for the wrong reasons. If my submissive isn't getting enough s/m then the issue has to be addressed and cleared - not onesidedly but consensual in full awareness of what the discussion is about.

Teasing is cute at times, challenging and reassessing is good at times. Try and trick me into anything sadistic (which is what SAM's are about imo) and punishment will follow - once, and it will be waaaayyyy off of what may have been intended as response. Try it twice and you will not be around long enough to find out about my reaction.

That's what's so wonderful, everyone has their own definitions and ideas and no one is wrong. What one thing means to me can mean a totally different thing to someone else. For me, personally, the idea of punishment is totally life crushing. When I inadvertantly make him mad it nearly kills me. If I want a spanking, I simply ask him for one - punishment roll playing doesn't even appeal to me

But I love to make him laugh and to tease him and to make him happy. Luckily, for me, he likes these things too.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

- punishment roll playing doesn't even appeal to me

and why some of us don't consider any kind of play to be punishment, and why just a few think punishment is "you're out of here. Goodbye."

 

[LunarKitten]

and why some of us don't consider any kind of play to be punishment, and why just a few think punishment is "you're out of here. Goodbye."

*nods* Different people like to play different things. I think it's great that people can role play the "bad little girl", my psychie just can't handle it - luckily I know that and he knows that, so we stay away from it....now I DO love a good spanking lol

 

[Honeysucklevine]

Re: Kidding is ok, humor is ok

but provoking me is never ok. I do not care for SAMS

First of all, thanks to willowpus for starting this thread. Secondly, I was wondering if I am too sassy for my own good. I have edited this because it got way to wordy and I found it quite painful to read myself!

So, the question is, could you type in a few black and white true life examples of where or when your partner should have shut up? For example, I am with a man who I adore in every sense of the word. I have always had a dominant personality but with him, well, I just enjoy taking a step back. He doesn't acknowledge our relationship as being a sub-dom thing. If he knows it, he is certainly in denial! Anyway, we have always played "cat and mouse" on the phone since the very beginning. He'll say, "you are soooooo getting a spanking when I see you" and I'll say, "oh, yea? Well, bring it on big daddy!" , or something like that. One night, he actually did it! Ouch, I'm not into pain. Ok, getting wordy again so I'll wind this up. Three nights ago, I was stressed out to the maxx and I overreacted to something and said, "what about me? what about MY massage? I work hard and everything is about you! Why don't you ever say, "hey, you look tired. Would you like a massage? But nooooooo!" I mean I layed into him. My punishment, though I don't think he's aware of it, was total withdrawal for three days! No see, no talk and no instant messaging! Needless to say, I will be more subtle the next time I have needs to fulfull. Am I right or wrong? I mean to tell you, this guy can give me a look, and I know to sit there and look pretty! Nobody else has ever been able to tame this woman! I do not want to lose this man because of my inability to hold in my thoughts until an appropriate time. But, I need nurturing to at times. Ebonyfire and all others who are heavy handed, I kind of know where you stand. Respect is key. R-E-S-P-E-C-T from both sides no matter what type of relationship it is. Sounds like you have had some bad partners. Am I wrong to want to be pampered occasionally? I don't think so! I just handled it wrong. Anyway, this guy, I love him. I really do. I want to kiss him all over. He is beautiful inside and out. I want to be more submissive for him. I want to see where this will all lead. (reading EROTIC SURRENDER by Claudia Varrin)

What are some real true life examples of smart ass disrespectful behavior?
What kind of sassy behavior has gotten your adrenalin/endorphins going? Did you like it?

Merry Christmas. I better get back downstairs and visit with all the drunken aunts and uncles that I only see once a year! Gotta be the hostess!

Thanks for your replies in advance and thanks for starting this thread Willowpus.

 

[Richard49]

Like so many discussion about "words/titles/roles" on here
this one has gotten away from it's self

A sammy is one that likes a certain "punishment"
and acts out to get it

which also means they have a Dom/me
that does not understand that "punishment"
should be something the sub does NOT like

It also takes us back to the misunderstanding of BDSM
versus D/s

BDSM is about sensuiality
D/s is about surrender

 

[Honeysucklevine]

Hmmmm, not directed at me, right? I admit I am a little "wordy" when writing a paragraph, but my question was this: What are some real life examples of when someone went over the line and seemed a little too disrespectful and "ruined the mood"?

Earlier, I
was just giving my background so all of you would know where I was coming from. How new to submission I was. The journey as such.

I disagree with you Richard49 on only one thing. I think the sub-dom relationship I am in is totally sensual for me but I have never done any BD or SM play before. Can't compare. I'm all about being fair. I get back to ya one day when I have some experience in that arena!