sharing...

[Quint]

Hooooooot stuff, Marquis and Killy. If we found someone who fit into our home, I think we would both be all over it--and I think that applies top or bottom. But very much like serijules's example, the theory of sharing is just so much fluffy fantasy until we find the person (or people) who has the organizational fit. I will say the longing is there.

 

[Netzach]

I agree. Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that people in a relationship have common sense, or for that matter respect. And frankly not all poly relationships are D/s. But lets use D/s for what I'm saying. The dom/me in question wants two subs. Both of the subs he gets are compatable with him, but not with eachother. Because they both love him, they agree to try, but when people aren't naturally compatable then it's work to learn to get along. Not everyone in the world instantly gets along with others just because they decide they want to.

Point. Once again, this is not a poly relationship, it's just me and my sister. But Miss and I are the most incompatable people alive. If it weren't for the fact we're related we wouldn't even be friends. We have nothing in common! The only reason we can live together is because this is my house, and therefore things are done mine and kenny's way. If she doesn't like it, she can find somewhere else to live.

Now sex and love to problems like that, and you've got an explosive situation. Once again, it obviously works sometimes. But I think that it working is rare and far between. I think that if all of the members of a poly relationship are really determined, and willing to work their asses off at it that it can work. But if their's even one weak link, then the relationship is gonna fall apart. I think that a one on one relationship is hard enough, I can't imagine trying to work out a poly relationship. Frankly, just the thought gives me a headache.

I totally agree with everything you said here.

Which is why I would NEVER consider trying to be in a relationship of serious and ongoing 3-way interaction with 2 incompatible submissives -- that's the general common sense rule that too many Dominants looking to build a harem ignore, I think.

M is in many ways a young carbon copy of H. They can be nerdy, obsessive-compulsive, technical, geeky, and machine-obsessed together, out of my hair and out of my way LOL.

 

[serijules]

I can't imagine a dom with the wellbeing of his or her relationships in mind trying to "force" two incompatible people to get along.

D has one online only sub that neither me nor her other sub get along with at all. She doesn't expect us to interact with this sub or have anything to do with her. If we do end up interacting with her (which isn't likely since neither of us allow her to have our messanger nicknames or phone numbers or anything) we are expected to be courteous, but we would do that anyhow as it doesn't make much sense to create problems for ourselves or D by being rude. So I am familiar with sharing with someone I do not like nor respect, and it is doable only because D doesn't have unrealistic expectations from C and I regarding this other person, and keeps the relationships separate.

So..my reply earlier was under the assumption that the subs in example do get along and have a bond of their own of some sort as attempting to have multiple subs that do not get along living together is doomed for failure. If C and I have an issue with one another, even over simple things, we solve them by going to each other....not running to D and whining and demanding her interferance in the name of fairness. THAT is what is required of us and how she keeps small things from becoming big problems, rather than setting rules and making decisions for things we are, as adults, perfectly capable of handling on our own. I would think that a sucessful poly relationship where all the people involved lived together would take on a similar approach.

 

[Marquis]

Agreed.

We're not in 5th grade. I'm happy to serve as a mediator, and communication is a mandate, but I expect the girls to work minor problems out between themselves. I try to stay up on my shit enough to nudge things in the right direction to prevent major problems before they start anyway, but if one does slip by, I will take a more active role as necessary.

 

[bronntanas]

I serve two Ladies, T and M. Lady T has a sub girl that I know, and Lady M has another boy. We don't do "group" bdsm-ing, but Lady M's boy and I did work together to care for her when She had her car accident. I get along well with him.

Since I serve both Lady's part-time, we do have guidelines we follow. They each have one night in my week that belongs to them, whether They choose to use it or not. I work the other 4 days of the week, and leave one for myself. I have to do my laundry sometime! Sometimes when I'm not working we get together, but we work together on that. When I do want to play with someone else, I check with them. For example, when Kat was here earlier this spring, she spoke to both Ladies on the phone and They handled the preliminary negotiations between them. As long as we're all honest and forthright with each other They've got no problems sharing. If I were formally collared to either One, there would be more restrictions for me.

 

[graceanne]

Ok, so maybe I'm just being cynical. It wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of that.

Yes, if all people are adults about it, that would work. Unfortunately I believe that grownups who act like adults are few and far between. I think that most people in this world are immature, selfish, and short sited.

Yes, serijules, I also can't imagine a dom/me with the well being of the relationship and his/her subs putting two incompatable subs together. But I also think that the majority of 'dom/mes' out there are selfish wanna-bes. They think that being a dom/me is all about getting their way, and screw the well being of the 'sub'.

Once again, I think it's possible, but very very hard to do.

 

[serijules]

Ok, so maybe I'm just being cynical. It wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of that.

Yes, if all people are adults about it, that would work. Unfortunately I believe that grownups who act like adults are few and far between. I think that most people in this world are immature, selfish, and short sited.

Yes, serijules, I also can't imagine a dom/me with the well being of the relationship and his/her subs putting two incompatable subs together. But I also think that the majority of 'dom/mes' out there are selfish wanna-bes. They think that being a dom/me is all about getting their way, and screw the well being of the 'sub'.

Once again, I think it's possible, but very very hard to do.

Honestly, I do think you are being a bit cynical...but that's not a bad thing. If I had been more cynical in previous relationships, I might not have been so easily hurt.

There ARE a lot of wannabe's out there...but there are wannabe's and jerks in any walk of life. It's not limited to D/s. I know dozens of people in sucessful poly relationships. I know just as many jerks that just hurt people over and over for their own selfish needs. I've been in both situations.

There are not necessarily a lot of selfish DOMS out there...there are a lot of selfish people, period.