Short poems: examples + discussion

[HarryHill]

I'll throw the only one word poem I've ever written in from bogus' thread Antipoetry
..

&tipoem
No!​

 

[Senna Jawa]

[...] what do you think are the characteristics that make any of these poetry and not just clever word play? I have this same problem when I try to think about whether koans are poems and not just aphorisms, albeit sometimes profound aphorisms.

the characteristics? -- smell touch taste sound image color light movement...

He <oneiria> has another short poem, called Poemis Interruptus that I find very interesting because of the ending.

Poemis Interruptus

Lack of completion
renders a poem worthless
unless​

oneiria
​

A nice trick (they are not that uncommon either). Otherwise it's all abstract, no smell, etc. Yes, it's clever. Also, it tells you something (sharing a general experience) but it doesn't move me at all. To me it's banal, think about it. The title+text is in bad taste, and given for a cheap effect--the meaning is now weaker: the title and the text logically contradict each other. Oh, well, poetry is not easy after all (which continues to surprise me). Strong (absolute) adjective worthless, and the presented difference of opinions, is forced (arbitrary)--it's like a discussion with yourself mainly, when you are supposed to surprise the public.

 

[Senna Jawa]

I also love the first one in that collection, Another Homily.

Hey, this one--by oneiria--is a poem. Negative (too bad) but still! This poem is a relative of senryū but nicer (poetically) than most of them.

Another Homily

Dead robins
gather more worms.​

oneiria​

Thank you Tristesse and Angelina,

 

[Senna Jawa]

I'll throw the only one word poem I've ever written in from bogus' thread Antipoetry
..

&tipoem
No!​

Why won't you say more about it?

 

[HarryHill]

Why won't you say more about it?

..
thought it was quite succinct without any other comment.

 

[Senna Jawa]

..
thought it was quite succinct without any other comment.

- OK.

 

[todski28]

I don't know if it fits but I wrote a poem that hinged on the final lines making it a poem, thinking on it they may have relevance as a poem by themselves

*fidelity*

We lay together but
We lie apart

 

[Ashesh9]

A love story
Kiss
Fornicate
Divorce

 

[Senna Jawa]

A love story

Kiss
Fornicate
Divorce​

or

family

fornicate
children
retirement​

work

morning coffee
office hours
back home​

retirement

last party
social security
time to die​

fun

college football on tv
beer
fart​

politics

loud slogans
celebration
same shit​

vacations

mornings in musea
busy camera
children yawn at the pictures​

poet

scratches his ass
touches your soul
rhymes like crazy​

*******************************
Well, ... (I should do it for money, a quarter per "poem" ).

 

[Senna Jawa]

I don't know if it fits but I wrote a poem that hinged on the final lines making it a poem, thinking on it they may have relevance as a poem by themselves

*fidelity*

We lay together but
We lie apart

Hi todski,

hm--last lines... By adding a title one may get an illusion that it is a total poem. However: but we lie apart, when it is understood that they don't do literally so, is talk. Thus this indeed can serve as an ending rather than a whole poem. Otherwise it is too thin (and it doesn't feel original to me; certainly this sentiment is well known, and I remember in particular one moving poem from rec.art.poems along these feelings, a longer poem, about 12 lines or so).

In the cases of short poems one needs to decide about the line between full poems and phrases.

Best regards,

 

[Senna Jawa]

This is like trying to outhaiku a haiku. This piece certainly plants an image in my mind and that is the first requirement(maybe the only requirement} of a poem. I'm looking through a narrow window, maybe a prison window, but I have no idea if I am looking in or out.

There is a type of poetry known as Verbal Rorschach, which is classified not by content or structure, but by the effect on the reader. What the reader takes from the poem is entirely dependent on their life up to that point. The shorter a piece, the more Rorschach it is, where the reader must see everything, or see nothing, with no ground between.

Thank you, bronzeage. Since I discovered you on Lit you have impressed me as a mature poet and person. Here too you put the main accent on a reader (on yourself specifically in the case of the given poem, and in general in the case of the general audience) while and where you stress the possibility of different interpretations.

If one puts also a critic's hat on then one could also dwell on the multiple meanings of perspective, etc.

Thank you,

 

[twelveoone]

the characteristics? -- smell touch taste sound image color light movement...

Poemis Interruptus

Lack of completion
renders a poem worthless
unless​

oneiria
​

A nice trick (they are not that uncommon either). Otherwise it's all abstract, no smell, etc. Yes, it's clever. Also, it tells you something (sharing a general experience) but it doesn't move me at all. To me it's banal, think about it. The title+text is in bad taste, and given for a cheap effect--the meaning is now weaker: the title and the text logically contradict each other. Oh, well, poetry is not easy after all (which continues to surprise me). Strong (absolute) adjective worthless, and the presented difference of opinions, is forced (arbitrary)--it's like a discussion with yourself mainly, when you are supposed to surprise the public.

however. it is a poem about writing, which is abstract do the words fit the subject matter?
and it did surprise
and it has a nice play with the suffix ...less

do you wish to compare with your Holy Shit poem, true, that one did have a smell, but did not surprise as much

Also do wish to expand on Movement? What constitutes? Active verbs?

Furthermore, Herr Jawa, are you going to play that silly game of ignoring me in the hope I away, that somehow I am beneath you, or is it something else?

 

[twelveoone]

I'll throw the only one word poem I've ever written in from bogus' thread Antipoetry
..

&tipoem
No!​

&itsucks

title below
&ticrit

 

[HarryHill]

&itsucks

title below
&ticrit

&tagonist

 

[butters]

in tree tops

birds prattle and whistle
one eye on the cat

 

[Senna Jawa]

birds prattle and whistle
one eye on the cat

Cute! Very haiku. One can even assume that it is the spring time.

 

[butters]

beneath the ego
discovery

 

[butters]

Cute! Very haiku. One can even assume that it is the spring time.

thanks - i trimmed it back from

high in the tree tops
birds prattle and whistle
one eye on the cat

guess it's kind of a given that most tree-tops are high, and since bird's are most often thought of as in trees when they're prattling and whistling... so i opted to use 'in tree tops' as title. part of me prefers the longer version, but i like trees.

 

[butters]

thoughts on changes? i'm stuck.

"poet"

one aches
wears ones heart
on sleeves of others' making

 

[Senna Jawa]

extra clarification

beneath the ego
discovery​

This one is suggestive (it allows for multiple interpretations), great, which makes it a poem... nearly--it's close to an aphorism. Do "ego" and "discovery" make poetry or only provide material for poems?

 

[butters]

This one is suggestive (it allows for multiple interpretations), great, which makes it a poem... nearly. Do "ego" and "discovery" make poetry or only provide material for poems?

i think it's just a sparsely phrased thought, maybe prompting other thoughts but not, in its own right, a poem.

 

[Senna Jawa]

i think it's just a sparsely phrased thought, maybe prompting other thoughts but not, in its own right, a poem.

While you were writing your response I've added: it's close to an aphorism. We more or less agree (feels good ).

 

[butters]

go softly, for

some fruits are bruised
blemishes hidden
till peeled

 

[Senna Jawa]

thanks - i trimmed it back from

high in the tree tops
birds prattle and whistle
one eye on the cat​

guess it's kind of a given that most tree-tops are high, and since bird's are most often thought of as in trees when they're prattling and whistling... so i opted to use 'in tree tops' as title. part of me prefers the longer version, but i like trees.

I like the short version better:

• I see both scenes, in the tree-tops and on a road, around what a horse left (as in old days);
• these days it's not common or not too dangerous to the birds in the tree-tops to be seriously worried about a cat up there;
• the haiku gets diluted by the explicit addition of the first line;
• when in doubt then shorter is perhaps better.

A nice haiku but for a shortcoming (nothing terrible)--this haiku is a bit obvious (carries no surprise, no discovery).

 

[bogusagain]

lazy poet​

think tomorrow
the possibilities it brings
maybe a poem​