Short poems: examples + discussion
- Thread starter Senna Jawa
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HarryHill
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butters
High on a Hill
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HarryHill
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butters
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twelveoone
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"The exhilarating ripple of her voice was a wild tonic in the rain.”
- Vin Diesel
from a video game
- Vin Diesel
from a video game
butters
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*smiles a whisper*
Senna Jawa
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Snowy winter
-
-
snow ides haiku -
interpret them!
interpret them!
wh,
2014-01-09/10
2014-01-09/10
butters
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ides - middle of a month, december haiku, snow hides small things
interpret the signs
HarryHill
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Amazing butters
butters
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if i were right, maybe
this is SJ, so it could be something entirely different. perhaps the ides of december hold another meaning - there's a band called ides of winter.senna, we could use your help interpreting, please
HarryHill
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Or in Ma'am's purse
Senna Jawa
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if i were right, maybe
senna, we could use your help interpreting, please
Butters, u'r great!
snow (h)ides haiku -
interpret them!
interpret them!
In particular snow has hidden "h". Something was making me to choose this version rather that
snow hides aiku -
interpret them!
interpret them!
I had different reasons to choose one version over the other but until now my reasons were not convincing or sufficient. Only right now I got it, it's clear: snow hides about everything, and haiku only in particular. It'd be wrong to claim that snow zeroes on haiku.
Line 2 has two interpretation. One is just entertaining: it asks readers of my haiku to interpret them. The serious interpretation asks snow to do the interpretation.
Best regards,
Senna Jawa
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Be comfortable in your place
-
-
snow -
red? green?
car!
red? green?
car!
wh,
2014-01-09
2014-01-09
corndog_
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Senna Jawa
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butters
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so, i'm guessing the snow's so deep it's covering stuff (a continuation of your theme from snow ides) and it's not only impossible to tell colours but shapes are to be guessed at. car! comes as a happy discovery. the red and green work both as contrast against the field of white but also to further denote season (xmas, holly with its berries etc....)
oh man! i went a googling. from my original impression of he's playing on sound with 'ka ka = poop' to it opening out into a horror-scene. a 2-car smash, destruction and broken glass/maybe bodies - i see a head on smash and everything broken -the glass shards reflecting like snow in high-beam. damn, that's good writing, dawg. and i am embarrassed to say i would have dismissed it at first glance. lesson learned: do not ever do that with a dawg poem.
Senna Jawa
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It's an interpretation. But is it convincing?
I wished this corndog's text would be mercifully ignored. That would be the best for everybody.
Regards,
butters
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it's the only interpretation i have. perhaps you could enlighten me, as i'm lost in the snow.
re corndog's: why? it seems, to me, pithy, brutal, absolutely concise. since it is here, i assume it's open to discussion.
corndog_
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SJ is right-- my choice of Krystallnacht is unnecessarily horrifying. I suspect he has personal experiences that make it particularly visceral.
I imagined a driver at snow-obscured traffic lights, struggling to distinguish important features, when suddenly another car appears. The poem described the broken glass reflecting the continued traffic lights. A collision not unlike one I had last winter.
I certainly did not mean to imply death, let alone the mobocratic horror of 1938.
I apologize to the Lit community in general, and to SJ in particular.
I imagined a driver at snow-obscured traffic lights, struggling to distinguish important features, when suddenly another car appears. The poem described the broken glass reflecting the continued traffic lights. A collision not unlike one I had last winter.
I certainly did not mean to imply death, let alone the mobocratic horror of 1938.
I apologize to the Lit community in general, and to SJ in particular.
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