Short poems: examples + discussion

[butters]

rudolph
en pointe

 

[HarryHill]

rudolph
en pointe

Present
In
Bush?

 

[butters]

Present
In
Bush?

confused
dot com

 

[HarryHill]

confused
dot com

Toes
not
nose?

 

[butters]

Toes
not
nose?

oh!
OH!
Ohhhhhhhhhigetit

 

[Ashesh9]

Reply to Harry

Toes
not
nose?

Potatoes
Not
Rose !!

 

[twelveoone]

"The exhilarating ripple of her voice was a wild tonic in the rain.”
- Vin Diesel

from a video game

 

[butters]

"The exhilarating ripple of her voice was a wild tonic in the rain.”
- Vin Diesel

from a video game

*smiles a whisper*

 

[butters]

the whispering game

hairs lift
as flesh translates -
exhilarating ripples

 

[corndog_]

Where are my goddamn car keys?

They were in my hand not
ten minutes ago but now they're not
here, or
.............here, or
...here, or
........here.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Snowy winter

-

snow ides haiku -
interpret them!​

wh,
2014-01-09/10​

 

[butters]

-

snow ides haiku -
interpret them!​

wh,
2014-01-09/10​

ides - middle of a month, december haiku, snow hides small things
interpret the signs

 

[HarryHill]

ides - middle of a month, december haiku, snow hides small things
interpret the signs

Amazing butters

 

[butters]

Amazing butters

if i were right, maybe this is SJ, so it could be something entirely different. perhaps the ides of december hold another meaning - there's a band called ides of winter.

senna, we could use your help interpreting, please

 

[todski28]

Where are my goddamn car keys?

They were in my hand not
ten minutes ago but now they're not
here, or
.............here, or
...here, or
........here.

when you find them,
it is always in the last place you look.....

 

[HarryHill]

when you find them,
it is always in the last place you look.....

Or in Ma'am's purse

 

[Senna Jawa]

if i were right, maybe this is SJ, so it could be something entirely different. perhaps the ides of december hold another meaning - there's a band called ides of winter.

senna, we could use your help interpreting, please

Butters, u'r great!

snow (h)ides haiku -
interpret them!​

In particular snow has hidden "h". Something was making me to choose this version rather that

snow hides aiku -
interpret them!​

I had different reasons to choose one version over the other but until now my reasons were not convincing or sufficient. Only right now I got it, it's clear: snow hides about everything, and haiku only in particular. It'd be wrong to claim that snow zeroes on haiku.

Line 2 has two interpretation. One is just entertaining: it asks readers of my haiku to interpret them. The serious interpretation asks snow to do the interpretation.

Best regards,

 

[Senna Jawa]

Be comfortable in your place

-

snow -
red? green?
car!​

wh,
2014-01-09​

 

[corndog_]

-

snow -
red? green?
car!​

wh,
2014-01-09​

car + car
Christmas Krystallnacht

 

[Ashesh9]

-

snow -
red? green?
car!​

wh,
2014-01-09​

Truck -
Yellow? Blue ?
Ice cream

 

[Senna Jawa]

sequence

-

snow -
red? green?
car!​

wh,
2014-01-09​

Truck -
Yellow? Blue ?
Ice cream​

Ashesh, a nice sequence.

Thank you,

 

[butters]

-

snow -
red? green?
car!​

wh,
2014-01-09​

so, i'm guessing the snow's so deep it's covering stuff (a continuation of your theme from snow ides) and it's not only impossible to tell colours but shapes are to be guessed at. car! comes as a happy discovery. the red and green work both as contrast against the field of white but also to further denote season (xmas, holly with its berries etc....)

car + car
Christmas Krystallnacht

oh man! i went a googling. from my original impression of he's playing on sound with 'ka ka = poop' to it opening out into a horror-scene. a 2-car smash, destruction and broken glass/maybe bodies - i see a head on smash and everything broken -the glass shards reflecting like snow in high-beam. damn, that's good writing, dawg. and i am embarrassed to say i would have dismissed it at first glance. lesson learned: do not ever do that with a dawg poem.

 

[Senna Jawa]

so, i'm guessing the snow's so deep it's covering stuff (a continuation of your [SJ's] theme from snow ides) and it's not only impossible to tell colours but shapes are to be guessed at. car! comes as a happy discovery. the red and green work both as contrast against the field of white but also to further denote season (xmas, holly with its berries etc....)

It's an interpretation. But is it convincing?

oh man! i went a googling. [...]

I wished this corndog's text would be mercifully ignored. That would be the best for everybody.

Regards,

 

[butters]

It's an interpretation. But is it convincing?


I wished this corndog's text would be mercifully ignored. That would be the best for everybody.

Regards,

it's the only interpretation i have. perhaps you could enlighten me, as i'm lost in the snow.

re corndog's: why? it seems, to me, pithy, brutal, absolutely concise. since it is here, i assume it's open to discussion.

 

[corndog_]

SJ is right-- my choice of Krystallnacht is unnecessarily horrifying. I suspect he has personal experiences that make it particularly visceral.

I imagined a driver at snow-obscured traffic lights, struggling to distinguish important features, when suddenly another car appears. The poem described the broken glass reflecting the continued traffic lights. A collision not unlike one I had last winter.

I certainly did not mean to imply death, let alone the mobocratic horror of 1938.

I apologize to the Lit community in general, and to SJ in particular.