silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2005
- Posts
- 11,319
my condolences, olive.
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Phaedre said:Thank you for the update Onyx.
{Hugs} for Velvet and Olive.
VelvetDarkness said:She was in her 50s and had the early symptoms of a terminal disease. She was living independently at home with minimal support with housework, the garden and her financial affairs. She decided that she didn't want to continue to become ill and be a burden. She had always joked about euthanasia when the time came but she was still in relatively good health. I fail to understand why she decided that last week was the right time. She left a note for me.
The next paragraph is quite graphic and not for the squeamish - apologies.
It was, unfortunately, me who found her in the house after she died. She had taken all the medication in the house (including a packet of anti-emetic drugs to prevent her from throwing up). She had been dead for a day or so and her two cats - having been left unfed - had used their own initiative and begun to feed on her. Because her face was exposed they started there. There are no words to articulate how deeply upsetting it was to discover her that way, to know how long she'd been alone in her bed like that.
These images have completely overtaken my head. I am finding it almost impossible to remember what Mum looked like when alive without the aid of a photo. This distresses me greatly. I have had panic attacks, nightmares (such convincingly vivid ones) and even a couple of seizures (I have a history of epilepsy so this isn't entirely unexpected but the violence of my grief is really frightening me).
I am being referred by my neurologist to a post-traumatic shock therapist. These images are growing in my head however. I have never felt so completely unhinged - I am unable to control my reactions to things. I get irrationally upset and angry - homicidally enraged - at the stupidest things. It's such a cliche but I feel I am seriously losing my grip on myself.
There is no hope of ever forcing the way in which I found my mother out of my head and this terrifies me. Right now I prevented from functioning at all normally. I work with mental health patients (although I've been signed off as sick for the next month by my neurologist) and I can see myself almost in the third person, sliding into insanity. There seems to be no way to prevent it.
I have no idea at this point what the purpose of this post is. Has anybody out there experienced anything like this? Can time really put a dent in something so shockingly disturbing? Anything, any experience or perspective will be gratefully received from readers.
Thankyou
gypziedoll said:sending you hugs and kisses my Precious one.....also sending you and Vixen all my love....know that your candles still burn brightly here...and they will stay that way until you are better.
mickyp123 said:I passed your message on Gypzie,
angelkitty7888 said:i live in new england and recently travelled through hidious traffic to the la salette shrine to see the lights and buy a candle. when i was buying it i wanted it for my mother (like every year), but velvet's mom came into my head too so i said a prayer for both of them. Just wanted to post it....
Edit: How is velvet doing? in trying to cheer up peoples i forgot to ask
and olive? my condolences and i'm glad you are doing better
*small 1/2 smile* thanks...mickyp123 said:No one knows her better than vixen, velvet said if i fall off the edge of the world vixen will know first so don't worry, i am sure vixen would let everyone know.
take care
bustyblondebombshell said:Micky, if you're in touch with either of them, please ask if there is anything I can do to help..
thanks
mickyp123 said:I will pass a message on to that effect with everyones wishes as well