So, last week my mother committed suicide...

Thank you for the update, Onyx. Wrap Velvet up in a tight hug for us. And please know that both of you continue to be in my thoughts.
 
Thank you for the update Onyx.

{Hugs} for Velvet and Olive.
 
Phaedre said:
Thank you for the update Onyx.

{Hugs} for Velvet and Olive.

thanks for the hugs.
Even cyber ones do help.

I have had other things that would have toppled me before, and they didn't.
Some things are difficult. They just are.

It has to get pretty dark to see the best stars sometimes.


Thank you and keep on supporting one another (and me).
It feels good.
 
VelvetDarkness said:
She was in her 50s and had the early symptoms of a terminal disease. She was living independently at home with minimal support with housework, the garden and her financial affairs. She decided that she didn't want to continue to become ill and be a burden. She had always joked about euthanasia when the time came but she was still in relatively good health. I fail to understand why she decided that last week was the right time. She left a note for me.

The next paragraph is quite graphic and not for the squeamish - apologies.

It was, unfortunately, me who found her in the house after she died. She had taken all the medication in the house (including a packet of anti-emetic drugs to prevent her from throwing up). She had been dead for a day or so and her two cats - having been left unfed - had used their own initiative and begun to feed on her. Because her face was exposed they started there. There are no words to articulate how deeply upsetting it was to discover her that way, to know how long she'd been alone in her bed like that.

These images have completely overtaken my head. I am finding it almost impossible to remember what Mum looked like when alive without the aid of a photo. This distresses me greatly. I have had panic attacks, nightmares (such convincingly vivid ones) and even a couple of seizures (I have a history of epilepsy so this isn't entirely unexpected but the violence of my grief is really frightening me).

I am being referred by my neurologist to a post-traumatic shock therapist. These images are growing in my head however. I have never felt so completely unhinged - I am unable to control my reactions to things. I get irrationally upset and angry - homicidally enraged - at the stupidest things. It's such a cliche but I feel I am seriously losing my grip on myself.

There is no hope of ever forcing the way in which I found my mother out of my head and this terrifies me. Right now I prevented from functioning at all normally. I work with mental health patients (although I've been signed off as sick for the next month by my neurologist) and I can see myself almost in the third person, sliding into insanity. There seems to be no way to prevent it.

I have no idea at this point what the purpose of this post is. Has anybody out there experienced anything like this? Can time really put a dent in something so shockingly disturbing? Anything, any experience or perspective will be gratefully received from readers.

Thankyou :rose:

omg. i'm so sorry.
 
sending you hugs and kisses my Precious one.....also sending you and Vixen all my love....know that your candles still burn brightly here...and they will stay that way until you are better.

:kiss: :rose: :heart:
 
gypziedoll said:
sending you hugs and kisses my Precious one.....also sending you and Vixen all my love....know that your candles still burn brightly here...and they will stay that way until you are better.

:kiss: :rose: :heart:


I passed your message on Gypzie, :rose:
 
i live in new england and recently travelled through hidious traffic to the la salette shrine to see the lights and buy a candle. when i was buying it i wanted it for my mother (like every year), but velvet's mom came into my head too :) so i said a prayer for both of them. Just wanted to post it....

Edit: How is velvet doing? in trying to cheer up peoples i forgot to ask :eek:

and olive? my condolences and i'm glad you are doing better
 
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angelkitty7888 said:
i live in new england and recently travelled through hidious traffic to the la salette shrine to see the lights and buy a candle. when i was buying it i wanted it for my mother (like every year), but velvet's mom came into my head too :) so i said a prayer for both of them. Just wanted to post it....

Edit: How is velvet doing? in trying to cheer up peoples i forgot to ask :eek:

and olive? my condolences and i'm glad you are doing better


the power of the internet giving birth to things like this,...............cool :rose:
 
don't know, lets hope no news is good news, i'm sure vixen will take care of her ;)
 
yeah vixen will.... but it doesn't mean that i'm not worried...
 
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No one knows her better than vixen, velvet said if i fall off the edge of the world vixen will know first so don't worry, i am sure vixen would let everyone know.
take care
 
Sending both Velvet and Vixen positive energy, love and prayers.....*hugs and kisses*
 
mickyp123 said:
No one knows her better than vixen, velvet said if i fall off the edge of the world vixen will know first so don't worry, i am sure vixen would let everyone know.
take care
*small 1/2 smile* thanks...

its good for a person to have friends like that at a time like this... i'm glad to say i have people that would stand by me if something this horrible happened to me tomorrow and i'm infinately happy that velvet has a friend like that there for her now....

doesn't mean i'm not worried though... after my mother passed (even if it was on better terms and i was young) i was horrible and practically mind/heart dead for about... oh... 4-5 years?... kindered spirit worry i guess...

take care yourself :) you have eased my mind a bit thank you again
 
bustyblondebombshell said:
Micky, if you're in touch with either of them, please ask if there is anything I can do to help..

thanks :rose:


I will pass a message on to that effect with everyones wishes as well :rose:
 
Well i eventually gave in to the devil and called velvet, we got cut off and she text to say that she could not speak at the time, at least i can tell you she is up and about.

I am sure she will return as and when she feels ok until that time i will respect her privacy.

:rose: :rose: and hugs for you Velvet xx
 
Continued good thoughts and prayers sent your way, Velvet. blessings to those who surround you with their love and support. :rose:
 
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