Submissive 'Thought For The Day' Calendar 2006

[catalina_francisco]

January 14th - words of Black Tulip

"Last weekend I took my first baby steps to explore my submissive streak.

It was great, everything I expected it to be and more: amazing, liberating, well ... you get my drift.
But when I got home again I was feeling lousy and next day depression hit me out of the blue. It scared me because I have had serious depressions in the past. I thought it was because of the anticipation building up so much. Now I'm having second thoughts.

Can baby steps cause a "sub drop"?"

Sub Drop?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 15th - words of landcruisergal

"on pain....
What do we get out of pain? check out the many threads discussing it. Theres lots of reasons and levels to why we masochists enjoy it. Heightened sensual awareness of your body, the endorphin rush etc. I knew was a masochist long before I discovered I was a submissive. It reminds me of my place and position, its an effective tool for punishment, it teaches you endurance and there is a sense of personal satisfaction when you take something harder, longer, more intense than you have previously. ( but pride isnt an attractive quality in a sub, IMHO)"

Ask A Dom

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 16th - words of nusubgirl

"Devil's Fire is a form of fire play, where steel probes (similar to dissection needles used in your biology class) are heated and very quickly touched to bare skin, resulting in a single cell being "popped" by the heat. This is done about six times very quickly over an area of skin and then the needle is re heated and the whole thing repeated. The needle is not particularly sharp, as piercing the skin is not the objective, although you will feel a "pricking" sensation. Also, the needle is not heated "red hot" and generally, a Dom will test it on the inside of His wrist to see what the temp is. Remember, damaging your "toy" is not the objective. Usually a session is only afew minutes long as the sensation is wild...although i have seen folks with devil's fire tattoos done on them. They are long lasting, but not permanent, usually fadin after 3-6 months.


Your body registers the sensation (i hesitate to use the word "pain" as i don't register it that way) and your brain kicks out endorphins to counter the sensation.

i have been played with devil's fire three times, the first heated by candle, the second using a can of sterno as a heating source, and this third time they used a handheld propane/butane torch - and hearing the striker, smelling the fuel and hearing the harsh hiss of the flame made for a serious mindfuck.. a very nice touch.

Please do your research and get some expert training before you try this....but it's a very fun addition to your sense play repertorie."

Not "The Deep End", but i'm in the water!!

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 17th - words of phoenixstone

"In fact, when I stop being jealous it's because I don't care anymore and may as well be outa there. (No excuse, explanation or defense here, it's just how I am, and unlikely to change anytime soon. No I don't throw things or have fits but if someone can't deal with any jealousy he's with the wrong woman. Too bad.)"

Does jealousy turn you on?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 18th - words of AnelizeDarkEyes


"This thread brings back some happy memories, Professor Francisco .

I've got a nice shot of your handiwork on one of my other profiles."

Professor Francisco's School for Dom/mes

Memories are great..wish we could repeat that time together...of course there is another event happening this side of the pond soon!! (hinting strongly as usual)

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 19th - words of Caitlynne

"Humm, well I think that it is a double edged topic, in many ways like defining the difference between a slave and a submissive. It's always interesting to discuss, but I'm not always sure to what end the discussion is intended to go.

I suppose the handy dandy catch all phrase.. "It depends" serves well to begin with.

My own take on SSC is that I use TIME to reveal how safe I am, how sane an activity is and how my consent bares on the situation.

Things that I would do now, I would have squicked over just a scant year ago. What is safe, sane and consensual becomes a sliding scale when views in the context of time. I pretty much have sought Dominants who held a similar view regarding TIME. Dominants who held an interest in using time to reveal 'more' than the surface of SSC.

What I would consent to at a play party, or negotiating a scene at same, is completely different from what I consent to in a collared situation. Part of the substance of SSC is knowing these differences, and for me, recognizing these differences and choosing wisely (safe).

If one just does a checklist with a prospective partner, it doesn't really reflect what I'd consent to always. I might not engage in certain edge play with someone I'm newly involved with. But on a checklist I'd have to put a Yes on the item because it is not a limit. A yes on a checklist might be seen as consent, I'm just not sure it always is. This is where time plays a revealing part.

But then, I suppose this is the crux of my knee-jerk reaction to SSC (as a slogan), that time is often factored out of the equation. It's almost as if all the other social skills we have learned while 'growing up' are no longer necessary because we now have SSC.

Giving you a detailed list of what I consider not safe, SO depends on who I am submitting to. I don't submit in a vacuum. I summit to a person, and when I do, what is safe, sane and consensual may vary. As I've said, time usually mitigates all these things, not the integrity of a Dominant.

I'm fortunate, because of my need to take my time, I've usually been on then same wave length as the Dominants I've known. So, consent became a non-issue over time, as I had the same limits as those I bent my knee to. I think the substance of SSC is in the time spent. Time will reveal how safe, sane and consensual your BDSM really is, AND how rewarding it can be.

I know this isn't exactly answering your query, but it is the best I can do. I don't have a list of things I consider unsafe. I have a list of things I'd consider unsafe to do with certain Dominants--but that is a different issue. Because I'd consider it unsafe, my consent would fall into question and this is how I exercise my own brand of sanity."

What is 'Safe, Sane, and Consensual?'

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 20th - words of snowy ciara

"I don't have a PYL yet, (which is why I sort of pester the Ones here. Thanks again!) but I can't see me not talking to my pyl buds about stuff. I'm with graceanne, I think. I don't want to bug anyone important with small stuff and ventage; and when I do have something big to say/ask/bring to the table, I want to have my thoughts and ideas properly organized. I've gone to the subs here, especially the more experienced ones, when I have questions or concerns. I also use them to bounce questions and ideas off of. Several of the questions that I've brought to the PYLs here have gone through the subs, first. It's not a question of respecting or dis-respecting the PYLs; it's that I'm trying to look at stuff from several different point of views, and I don't want to waste Your time if I can help it.

I can see me doing this with a PYL someday. I mean, trying to sort out the small stuff myself and taking it to them when I can't manage it myself. But the big stuff, even though I may talk it over with a pyl friend, I would bring it to my PYL. But a big part of the reason that I'd discuss it with my peers is that I'm too easily intimidated. I sort of have to plan what I'm going to say cause I'll forget.

So I'm wondering. When a sub has a big old issue, and they don't come to you first, does it bother You? Should they come to You first with an issue, or do You prefer that they have a polished presentation, so to speak?"

sub talk

 

[Alt]

Usually a calendar has a picture for each month.

January 2006

 

[catalina_francisco]

Usually a calendar has a picture for each month.

January 2006

LOL, and a very nice one you have gifted us with.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

January 21st Words of serijules

The notion of needing a "payoff" as you put it is rather foreign to me. Perhaps that alone is the difference. You get out of a relationship what you put into it. That alone should be the payoff.

For me, being owned is far more rewarding than being submissive, because I know that I am putting everything I am into being the best slave I can be. My focus is so completely on pleasing another person and making another person happy that in the process, I make myself very happy as well. The reward for me is knowing that I am doing everything I can to be a positive, rewarding part of someone's life whom I respect and love very much. I get that same kind of devotion, attention and love in return. It takes an incredible amount of time, energy, commitment, and responsibilty to take on a slave and keep them in a healthy, happy enough state of mind that they can serve and give so completely. That kind of commitment and focus is not a result of an unhappy and unhealthy mind and heart. Combine those two focuses and you have an amazing relationship dynamic. One that I never could find or connect with when I identified only as being her submissive. So that is my "payoff", so to speak.

Slavery doesn't come out of the woodwork overnight. It's not something you wake up and decide that you are. Heck, I don't even believe that being a slave is a standalone title. Without Dawnie, I am not a slave. She made me what I am and gives me a reason to devote as much as I do, and my desire to serve and please her is what makes me the slave I am. I cannot imagine having that desire for anyone else or without someone to focus on that inspires me. If she were to release me, I would still identify to being submissive, but in order for me to embrace my slave abilities again, I would need to find someone who could draw them out and make them grow, just as she did.

Being a slave is just one of those things I don't think people will ever really truly understand unless they find it in themselves to be one. I hear parents say over and over and over that until you are a parent, you just can't really understand the love you feel for a child. I feel that way about slavery. You can respect it, you can admire it, but until you find it in yourself to embrace it and live it (if you wish to that is, some people have no desire to and that is perfectly alright), you can't really truly understand it. Again, it's much like the choice to be a parent...some people never find it in themeselves to want that, and they are no more or less happy for it than those that do. One way is no better than the other. Different choices with different rewards.

Me...I'm Dawnie's slave. I thrive on being able to focus my intensity and passion on serving and pleasing someone I care for and deeply admire. I feel incredibly secure and content knowing that she cares deeply enough for me that she wants to take on everything that I am and make it a large part of her life. I am a stronger, better, happier person for it. What's not to like?

Just wanted to comment also on one comment made in another reply....this is one thing about slavery that people just can't seem to understand and this honestly baffles me because it seems to be common sense to me. Do people realize that when we talk about slaves and slavery, we are not talking about slavery as known "back then"? I have zero interest in being a slave with no rights serving someone that cares very little for me. That is such a ridiculous notion. Yes, the idea stems from similar aspects and shares the same title, but what we talk about in BDSM and sexual relationships is a very different picture with a much more grounded reality. Saying there is no such thing as a real slave because it doesn't match history is like saying that spanking is abuse because it involves hitting. The historical and Webster definition of masochist, sadist, etc isn't identical to how we use the words in the lifestyle either, and that doesn't make them any less valid or "real" to those that relate to them.

https://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=15904035

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 22nd - words of shy slave

"When he and I met, and up until a few months ago, I would have said he was much more extreme than I was.

However there have been mind shifts and changes and I am not sure how big the gap is any more.

He and I have discussed this, he has said that some of the things I have talked about are more than he expected me to say.

I enjoy it when he pushes bounderies, even though at the time I may struggle with either the mental or physical aspects, the achievement and success puts me on a high.

He has said he is going to step up the level we have been working at, so we may find the gap between us increases or continues to reduce.

Of course, your question means that we ended up discussing what is generally considered extreme and where we, as a couple, fall into that line between mild and extreme.

If your looking at the the psych of subs under pressure do you think there would be a difference between the level of pressure/anxiety of asking them to do something they have not considered before or moving something they are familiar with up a level?

Personally, a new thing, causes me far more anxiety, however I feel under greater pressure when he asks me to enhance a skill I already have.
I hate failure and the idea of failing at something I have previously achieved makes it a more difficult task."

Partner too extreme, or too mild?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 23rd - words of kayte

"Sub drop is the body's reaction to the easing of the endorphins that were released, and when the "good feelings" decrease the body feels "sad". Thus a chemical change. I know in my case and in the case of many I have talked to, either here, on the phone, even in person; the knowing what can be causing that helps so much."

Sub Drop?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 24th - words of Etoile

"UTI is a urinary tract infection - something size queens are very familiar with. The larger something is, the more likely you are to get one. Extra junk just gets shoved up in there...no fun. This only applies to females, of course, because a guy's urethra is nowhere near where he gets penetrated! (I know zero about how sounding impacts guys in terms of UTIs or other health issues.)

And I'm not ashamed to be a size queen, hee. I am only speaking of receiving; I don't do the giving very often, but I'd be more concerned about the size my partner was interested rather than me. I suppose if I were a top I would be interested in maybe making her take something large, but I'm not so I am quite happy to use whatever she wants. "

Feeldoe... anyone tried it?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 25th - words of graceanne

"When my children ask questions I always answer them, truthfully. But I'm not going to tell them stuff until they ask. And when I do talk to them, I tell them both POV's, then I tell them WHY I feel the way I do. As far as I'm concerned the opposing side of whatever issue it is is going to eventually have their chance to do the same. Eventually they're going to be adults,a nd they'll probably have beliefs and stuff that are contrary to mine. That's fine - as long as they know WHY they believe what they believe, and respect my right to believe what I believe."

How liberal is your society?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 26th - words of Chicklet

"I think one of the issues that comes up with any checklist is that not everyone is going to understand every single thing on them.

the one i use i got from someone ages ago, and i don't know where he got it.

i'd love to see yours when you finish "

Good checklists?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 27th - words of Still Falliing

"M’lady gave me this for Christmas. We had been involved for the past nine months and She has been leading me on a journey of self-discovery into the BDSM world – it seems i’m a pain-slut and never really knew it – go figure! She has recently moved across the country during which time i had come to the decision that i wanted to offer myself as Her slave – to which i am grateful that She accepted.

Anyway, She gave me the CB-3000 as a constant physical reminder of Her for the two weeks we were apart between Christmas and when i had some leave to fly over and spend a month with Her. Bear in mind that before my relationship with M’lady i was almost totally naive as to the BDSM world and my blatantly natural kink. Let me say then to any of those who may be as inexperienced as me the choice of the correct sized cock ring is very important!!! So i wore it 24/7 for the 15 days before i came over to be with Her.

But with the right individual fitting it was relatively comfortable – except for the painful early morning erections. Let me say that Baby Oil is essential. Also avoid tight pants as it can become irritating to constantly adjust yourself. It wasn’t difficult to keep clean etc so my initial concerns about hygiene were quickly resolved.

Saying all that i was grateful to wear it for Her and to have that constant reminder of Her while we were apart – especially so early into making the formal commitment to Her."

CB3000 - chastity toy

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 28th - words of shy slave

"
Thats my problem with saying 'yes, I like it' or 'no, I don't.'

The net has so many pictures and text of what one persons definition of tit torture is, that by saying a straight yes or no can mean excluding something that may be pleasureable or involving yourself in something that is beyond your wish and endurance levels.

I have seen pictures of women nailed to trees by their tits; that, to me, is extreme.

Like anything that is BDSM connected, finding out what the person asking perceptions of what they mean is more important to me than saying yes or no outright."

Tit Torture

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 29th - words of Kajira Callista

"OK here is my dilema... I can not find a difference in being a slave and being a pleasure slave.
I see things like this: I am submissive, I am a slave when owned ( i don't think you can be a slave if you are not owned by a Master). Slave is not a character trait it is a label. It is not a dirty word, nor does it mean i am without a brain, it is where i fit...where i belong. I am not a lower life form, nor am i a fool.
When i am a slave (owned) I am for Masters pleasure....when ever he wants, where ever he wants, what ever he wants, or with whom ever he wants.
Am i a cock whore? for him
Am i a slut? for him
Am i a fuck pig? if it pleases him
Am i sexually aroused? always in his presence.
I have no shame or inhibition in his presence.
Is it only a sexual thing? nope

I try to anticipate his wants/desires at all times. I scan him constantly to be able to give him what pleases him without him asking. I know when it is time to be serious or time to be goofy or time to just kneel quietly at his feet. I understand and accept moods without question. I can be his friend or his baby girl or his kitten. I can hold an intelligent conversation and express strong views. I can balance a check book and pay bills on time, do laundry and cook dinner, take care of two kids and, kneeling naked and collared greet him privately in the bedroom if only for a few minutes when he arrives home.

Mostly it is about knowing my place and willingly taking it....For His Pleasure.

I am a slave. A proud, strong and self confident slave. And i am for his pleasure...so if that makes me a pleasure slave, then i suppose i will gladly wear the label."

What is a pleasure slave?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 30th - words of serijules

"I too love it when she pushes me. I always surprise myself with how much further I wish she would go, even when she pushes past what I used to think to be a boundary. Every time I "grasp" something new or take a previous expectation to a new level of obedience and service, I too feel that high you speak of.

After a recent weekend with D, I commented on how I was proud of myself for being able to foresee and meet her expectations with greater ease than I have in the past.

Her reply was "know that my expectations will grow"

That made me shiver. I do love that control."

Partner too extreme, or too mild?

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 31st - words of shy slave

"I would have prefered a household with clearly defined roles without undercurrents.

I tried to give my children that. No-one suceeds 24/7 but you can be aware of failings.

If the lifestyle means kids know the score, where the bounderies are and what the outcome is AND the parents are open about the fact they to have bounderies, lines that when crossed show lack of understanding or disrespect it is surely a better, psychologically healthier upbringing.

In my previous job I saw many instances of parents working on a 'do as I say, not as I do' basis; which caused many difficulties at the time and possibly for coming years.

To me, D/s without sex is a two way street, if kids can see how parents can disagree at times but it does not become bigger than the overall goal of being together then it becomes a positive part of growing up allowing them to interact with others when disagreements occur."

Thoughts about raising children in the lifestyle?

 

[sincerely_helene]

Crap. I really need to start saying something of value.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Crap. I really need to start saying something of value.

Everything you say is of value pretty girl

 

[sincerely_helene]

Everything you say is of value pretty girl

You love me.

 

[Kajira Callista]

You love me.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

~ Words of Miss Jade and Miss Alice ~

February 1st 2006 ~ Words of Miss Jade and Miss Alice

jadefirefly
Actually, I get rather annoyed with people who offer assistance in one post, then turn around in another and claim that someone else is "wrong".

Plain and simple, no single person on this site is the end all, be all of information and fact. Just because one person chooses to define themselves, what they do or who they are, or how they live, in a certain way... it does not mean everyone else does.

Frankly, I -do- consider BDSM, in all it's varying acronym-ish breakdowns, to be a lifestyle. Because, as EvilGeoff said, it's how one lives their life.

How a person lives their life does not mean that their playtime habits are something that is involved in every aspect of their life -- it just means it is something they do, with the life they are living. To deny that BDSM is part of your life, if you are part of it, is just plain silly.

I will also point out that Geoff specifically stated "one definition". As in, not all people have the same viewpoint -- as I think is apparent, at this point. He is NOT saying that "This is how it is, and you'd best accept it as such".

In short, BDSM itself is a very vague term, that encompasses a great deal of things. There are also a number of things that sort of sit on the outskirts -- I am not certain if I would consider sensualism to be 'part' of BDSM, per se, but it is certainly influenced by it, and has it's similarities.

In summary, never, no matter who says it, assume that a statement made about BDSM is 100% accurate across the board. There will always be someone out there with a different idea about it -- and who, really, has the cajones to say that someone else's version of BDSM is wrong? That'd be like me coming into your bedroom and telling you you're having sex all wrong. It's rude, it's narrow-minded, and it's just plain not right.

Looking for Insight into the Lifestyle

alice_underneath
I understand that definitions are important to you, Richard, and I invite you to join me in a discussion of the term "gentleman", as applied to a dominant male. I notice that you describe yourself as "The Gentleman Dom", so I assume the term has particular meaning for you.

My American Heritage Dictionary contains the following definition of the word gentleman:

"a well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior"

Of course, since the concepts of "good" manners and "proper" behavior are quite subjective, this definition leaves the concept of a gentleman open for individual interpretation.

To me, a gentleman is someone who is considerate and polite to those around him. He tries to make others feel welcome and at ease, and generally avoids insulting or rude behavior. He is not arrogant, obnoxious, or nasty. Instead, he is gracious and kind.

To me, this concept has nothing to do with a man's clothes or his car or his living room.

In other words, as my mother always told us: "Remember, girls. The manners make the man. Not the suit."

Therefore, by my personal definition of the word, there is no Dom on this board who is more of a gentleman than Evil Geoff. He welcomes newcomers graciously. He is respectful toward those with differing points of view. He is exceedingly kind, never insulting, and never obnoxious.

In short, he puts others at ease. He makes them feel comfortable. That is the essence and the goal of "good manners", according to my personal definition of the phrase.

Of course, Mr. Geoff is not the only dominant male here whom I would describe as a "gentleman". Andante and RJMasters, for example, seem to fit my definition too.

But I am curious to hear your opinion, Richard. As applied to a dominant male, what does the word "gentleman" mean to you?

Looking for Insight into the Lifestyle