Subs: What one thing

[quietwillow]

I do not like having my feet touched ....i get all grossed out over it (don't know why) but am slowly learning that it is not about what i WANT

qw

 

[misstoy_101]

What I dislike? My job conflicting what Sir needs. My job keeps me long hours some nights and I cannot bow out and say I have to go because Sir needs me home for whatever reason. . He makes me tell him how much I was wrong for staying at work. I guess I do not like being told how wrong I was for doing what I have to in reality. Sometimes I am unsure if it is a game with him to make me struggle at work, or if he just forgets with my position I cannot always walk away.

I guess it sounds like a rant but it is not. I keep my home life out of my job because of what I do. Talk about split personalities I go to work being the boss and come home to being the servant. Perhaps that is why he does it, to remind me of my place?

 

[shytilwet23]

I will, of-course, do anything and everthing that my Master requires of me.
I don't like being shared around.

 

[Etoile]

He makes me tell him how much I was wrong for staying at work. I guess I do not like being told how wrong I was for doing what I have to in reality. Sometimes I am unsure if it is a game with him to make me struggle at work, or if he just forgets with my position I cannot always walk away.

I hear you so clearly with this. Real life meshing with home life successfully is really hard. It definitely makes me long to be a kept woman!

 

[Etoile]

I will, of-course, do anything and everthing that my Master requires of me.
I don't like being shared around.

I'm curious, how do you feel when your Master insists that you be shared? If you're willing to do anything (I don't see this as an "of course" necessarily, but I'll go with it for now), then you're willing to be shared and just don't like it. So how does it make you feel?

 

[shytilwet23]

Just awful, actually. I hate it. It makes me feel used, abused, humiliated, and none of these in a 'hot' way. It makes me feel that I'm worth nothing at all.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Just awful, actually. I hate it. It makes me feel used, abused, humiliated, and none of these in a 'hot' way. It makes me feel that I'm worth nothing at all.

This is awful for you and IMHO your Master is transcending SSC as it obviously harms you in an emotional/possibly psychological way. For you I hope your Master reads this and changes your activities and his sharing of you to date has been due to his being unaware of the effect it has on you. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

This is awful for you and IMHO your Master is transcending SSC as it obviously harms you in an emotional/possibly psychological way. For you I hope your Master reads this and changes your activities and his sharing of you to date has been due to his being unaware of the effect it has on you. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.

I'm not so sure this is transcending SSC. She's given herself to him, and is willing to do anything he asks. He probably does realize how she feels about being shared, and does it to test her limits. If she is allowing herself to be treated like this without discussing the subject with him, then she would be well-served to make her feelings more known. But as I said, I wouldn't be so quick to characterize this as outside SSC - if it violates any of those, it's probably Sane...but again, her master might know full well how she feels about it.

Just my four cents.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Just awful, actually. I hate it. It makes me feel used, abused, humiliated, and none of these in a 'hot' way. It makes me feel that I'm worth nothing at all.

This is abuse. You need to talk to someone, and maybe try getting out of this relationship.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

What I dislike? My job conflicting what Sir needs. My job keeps me long hours some nights and I cannot bow out and say I have to go because Sir needs me home for whatever reason. . He makes me tell him how much I was wrong for staying at work. I guess I do not like being told how wrong I was for doing what I have to in reality. Sometimes I am unsure if it is a game with him to make me struggle at work, or if he just forgets with my position I cannot always walk away.

I guess it sounds like a rant but it is not. I keep my home life out of my job because of what I do. Talk about split personalities I go to work being the boss and come home to being the servant. Perhaps that is why he does it, to remind me of my place?

He may just do it because he is a selfish, childish person?

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

*edit*

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I'm not so sure this is transcending SSC. She's given herself to him, and is willing to do anything he asks. He probably does realize how she feels about being shared, and does it to test her limits. If she is allowing herself to be treated like this without discussing the subject with him, then she would be well-served to make her feelings more known. But as I said, I wouldn't be so quick to characterize this as outside SSC - if it violates any of those, it's probably Sane...but again, her master might know full well how she feels about it.

Just my four cents.

If her 'Master' knows...he's a monster. You shouldn't suggest that people put up with abuse, or worse yet, consent to it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not so sure this is transcending SSC. She's given herself to him, and is willing to do anything he asks. He probably does realize how she feels about being shared, and does it to test her limits. If she is allowing herself to be treated like this without discussing the subject with him, then she would be well-served to make her feelings more known. But as I said, I wouldn't be so quick to characterize this as outside SSC - if it violates any of those, it's probably Sane...but again, her master might know full well how she feels about it.

Just my four cents.

My understanding of 'safe' alone is that if anything you do or ask your sub/slave to do is not safe, and as JM says, abusive, if it transcends what they are comfortable with on a psychological, physical, or emotional level. To me, to describe the feelings shytilwet does, it is clearly not helathy for her at this point, perhaps never, and therefore is 'unsafe'.

Yes, sharing is usually supposed to make the submissive feel the range of feelings she describes, but in a turn on sense, or at least a place she feels comfortable and/or safe, which she clearly states is far from her reality of the experience. If the D knows this he is abusing. If he doesn't know I would question how well he knows his submissve as unless shytilwet is an Oscar level actress, the signs should be apparent, and as such the D's responsibility to monitor and recognise....so it still comes down to abuse, even if through the route of irresponsibility and ignorance.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

If her 'Master' knows...he's a monster. You shouldn't suggest that people put up with abuse, or worse yet, consent to it.

I am not a domestic violence professional and lack the skills and experience to determine whether or not someone is being abused. That said, I'm dropping out of this section of the thread.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I am not a domestic violence professional and lack the skills and experience to determine whether or not someone is being abused. That said, I'm dropping out of this section of the thread.

Didn't mean to attack you...I just think we should err on the side of caution here, especially with the newbie subs.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am not a domestic violence professional and lack the skills and experience to determine whether or not someone is being abused. That said, I'm dropping out of this section of the thread.

Though this would most definately classify as DV in a vanilla relationship, I was more referring to the abuse in a BDSM relationship. There are basic guidelines to SSC which most adhere too, and one is not endangering your submissive in any harmful way including emotional and psychological.

C

 

[Mr. Bootie]

You are absolutely right Miss T

I think the gentlemen are enjoying my "pain!"


As I have been told, one of the turn ons for a Dominant is an ability to control his or her submissive's orgasm.

Well, control it , already! Will ya????

You already know how badly I want to control your orgasms. My sub agrees and seeing me control another is a turn on for her as well.

 

[Etoile]

Though this would most definately classify as DV in a vanilla relationship, I was more referring to the abuse in a BDSM relationship. There are basic guidelines to SSC which most adhere too, and one is not endangering your submissive in any harmful way including emotional and psychological.

C

I don't see the difference between vanilla DV and BDSM abuse. Can you explain further what you mean, please?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't see the difference between vanilla DV and BDSM abuse. Can you explain further what you mean, please?

To me it is on one level the same when in BDSM it goes outside the boundaries of SSC, but I am also aware others are sensitive about DV and BDSM being mentioned in the same sentence. So as the professional, and if a client came to me describing this situation and told me she was a submissive (and I have had this happen), I would first explore her feelings and way she experiences the behaviour to define she is not enjoying and feeling guilty, or seeking information as to whether her feelings are based on insecurities and the projected feelings of others in her life.

If she defined she definately was not enjoying it and it did indeed make her feel abused in the sense she felt loss of self esteem/image, intimidated, inferior and/or fearful, and was developing a negative view of herself, I would clearly label it abuse, doubly so if she had made her feelings known and the partner ignored this. There is the fine line that some would argue she has submitted, but it still constitutes abuse for me if it is negatively affecting and harming her on any level as it transcends the SSC given.

If the client was a vanilla person, I would explore, to ascertain the scenarios of abuse, and preceeding events etc. Given my experience within the lifestyle, I have also on occasion tried to determine in cases I sensed perhaps a clash of vanilla and BDSM, especially in dating or new relationships, whether this was where ethe problem lay initially. I have dealt with a few of these where the male was into BDSM and dated the woman knowing she was vanilla, but hoped she would go for his choices without consulting her or explaining anything to her about what BDSM was to him or anyone.....and some wonder why I find it distasteful to date vanilla's in the hope of converting them later on....so often it is clear and open abuse. This to me is also exploitation of a woman who has no background with which to be aware. If it was a plain vanilla rfelationship from both partners perspectives, it is clear abuse.

So though all these situations are abusive IMHO, there is always going to be ones who don't see it as black and white, and also can be a set of circumstances as simple as the vanilla woman revealing secret fantasies along these lines to her BDSM partner, never imagining he might see it as a sign she would love and accept it. As in all relationship issues, open and honest communication is always a good start.

Catalina

 

[shytilwet23]

He knows I hate it......Etoile, please don't go.....

 

[Etoile]

I'm still here, I'm just not going to comment on the abuse part of the discussion.

 

[TwistaFate]

what one thing

well, i can't stand having to punish when i am not in the mood

 

[Peter2002]

Re: what one thing

well, i can't stand having to punish when i am not in the mood

Then wait until you are in the mood. The anticipation for punishment to come should be good for your sub.

 

[Chef's ruby]

for me, being slapped on my thighs with one particular slapper is the absolute worst! Chef knows this and is working me into a love/hate relationship with this toy.

i have a fear of handcuffs, too. my last assignment was to go buy a pair for use. i don't know about that ....... yet.....

 

[Croctden]

Well now

Originally posted by MissTaken

*blushing*

Okay. I squirt. However, any Dominant or nilla man I have been with has so enjoyed how I orgasm that they challenge themselves to make me orgasm harder, higher, further or whatever. It is an exhausting orgasm, teh first time, so by the tenth or eleventh time...

well, that is my "gift", my true token of submission, I suppose.

Phew! Huge cats getting let out of the bag!!!!

Don't be embarrassed Miss T, I squirt too.