Teach-in Ghazal

[UnderYourSpell]

I agree, embaressed to say I have no idea what meter is? Most of what I have written is gut instinct, words and brain melting effort, even if it doesn't appear that way comparative to what others have written. I start looking at iambic pentameter, stressed syllables, unstressed syllables etc the words smash me in the face like a baseball bat and the only coherent sense I get from it is not a lot. I really do appreciate all the effort everyone has put in to help educate me and say thank you.

Don't worry about they've never really seeped in here either

 

[Angeline]

I agree, embaressed to say I have no idea what meter is? Most of what I have written is gut instinct, words and brain melting effort, even if it doesn't appear that way comparative to what others have written. I start looking at iambic pentameter, stressed syllables, unstressed syllables etc the words smash me in the face like a baseball bat and the only coherent sense I get from it is not a lot. I really do appreciate all the effort everyone has put in to help educate me and say thank you.

I'll tell you my trick and maybe it can work for you. When I find a meter I want to copy, I read a poem already written in that meter to understand how it should sound and then I drop in my own words. I can hear it better than I can intellectually understand it. Not so different from the way a song gets in my head and becomes so familiar I could drop in my own words because I know the tune.

 

[champagne1982]

I agree, embaressed to say I have no idea what meter is? Most of what I have written is gut instinct, words and brain melting effort, even if it doesn't appear that way comparative to what others have written. I start looking at iambic pentameter, stressed syllables, unstressed syllables etc the words smash me in the face like a baseball bat and the only coherent sense I get from it is not a lot. I really do appreciate all the effort everyone has put in to help educate me and say thank you.

You're on the right path when you start counting syllables. This forces you to consider the structure of each word as you place it in a sentence. Did you read those poems we told you about on the other thread 'Ask A Poet'? It's like talking about cadence or down beats when we discuss metre. The metre of lengthier poems such as Poe's "The Raven" or Service's "The Cremation of Dan McGrew" settles the narrator into that rhythm where the spoken words start to flow as if there's a song being sung.

I guess if you can bring yourself to reading your poems aloud then you may be able to hear this mysterious thing we call metre empirically rather than theoretically. You'll realize that the English language just seems to settle into rhythms and if you can just let it flow, then you'll be on track.

 

[champagne1982]

I'll tell you my trick and maybe it can work for you. When I find a meter I want to copy, I read a poem already written in that meter to understand how it should sound and then I drop in my own words. I can hear it better than I can intellectually understand it. Not so different from the way a song gets in my head and becomes so familiar I could drop in my own words because I know the tune.

Yeah, what Angeline said... LOL

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

That is how I saw the usage in the line pot roast as well, so it worked for me, part of the fun is how many people see different things or don't see things when you write a piece.

It really is interesting to hear what other people read into it. Thank you.

I had actually seen that but I thought no can't be because quite frankly it made me shudder!!
Editing to say that sounds terribly rude and wasn't meant that way ........ actually it's very clever. I am of a squeamish nature!

I didn't take it as rude, so no offense taken. I thought maybe you were just a vegetarian. hehe I am a foodie, and I guess can't think too long without food getting tangled up in my thoughts, and this poem took some serious brain chewing! (No, I'm not a zombie either)

Anyways, thank you.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

The only word that comes to mind is magic
walked into my life and just created magic

I wasn't looking didn't see you come my way
had no way of knowing that you equated magic

Sparks that flew and stars began to shine
I looked at you and suddenly translated magic

No longer lost scared and waiting all alone
were you waiting was this fated magic?

Now I lay forever in your arms to stay
Under your spell completely sated magic

Awww, I this.

 

[todski28]

You're on the right path when you start counting syllables. This forces you to consider the structure of each word as you place it in a sentence. Did you read those poems we told you about on the other thread 'Ask A Poet'? It's like talking about cadence or down beats when we discuss metre. The metre of lengthier poems such as Poe's "The Raven" or Service's "The Cremation of Dan McGrew" settles the narrator into that rhythm where the spoken words start to flow as if there's a song being sung.

I guess if you can bring yourself to reading your poems aloud then you may be able to hear this mysterious thing we call metre empirically rather than theoretically. You'll realize that the English language just seems to settle into rhythms and if you can just let it flow, then you'll be on track.

Have read Robert services stuff and loved it, just read the raven by poe, and Kublai Kahn by Coldridge, I get the rhythm a little bit better, thanks Angeline for the tip, I shall endeavour to use it in future writes

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Awww, I this.

Thank you and thanks to Champ for finding it again for me. I was wondering if I should submit it so it doesn't get lost again

 

[UnderYourSpell]

As a matter of interest does anyone know how Ghazal is pronounced? I saw on one of the sites that it's Guzzle which isn't how I was pronouncing it. I was thinking more Guzzarl

 

[todski28]

I keep thinking

Gar-zool

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Thank you and thanks to Champ for finding it again for me. I was wondering if I should submit it so it doesn't get lost again

If this were a poll I would vote yes. Though, I will also add that I think that there are so many gems floating in the poetry corners for so many talented folks round here that should be too. Just my two cents.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

If this were a poll I would vote yes. Though, I will also add that I think that there are so many gems floating in the poetry corners for so many talented folks round here that should be too. Just my two cents.

I probably will if only so I know where to find it again ......... although I should go check it's not already there!

 

[Angeline]

St. Marks Ghazal

You'd think the Bowery might lack real art--
buncha drunks, street crack maybe they steal art.

10th St. is the place, where Stuyvesant meets
Second where ghosts played gods to reveal art.

Burroughs knife sharp high knot and he wavered
gravel-voiced, spare. His was no genteel art.

Ginsberg concertina bells flim flam jam
man could sing a blue streak. Prayer wheel art.

Raw angel in earth shirt sang Gloria
rocked the words, burned the stage. My ideal art.

 

[twelveoone]

I agree, embaressed to say I have no idea what meter is? Most of what I have written is gut instinct, words and brain melting effort, even if it doesn't appear that way comparative to what others have written. I start looking at iambic pentameter, stressed syllables, unstressed syllables etc the words smash me in the face like a baseball bat and the only coherent sense I get from it is not a lot. I really do appreciate all the effort everyone has put in to help educate me and say thank you.

what Angeline and champagne1982 said are excellent advice, a third and supplemental route is the BBC. In America there is a Network on USA (I think) called BBC in America, the english are more prone to the stress than all others I heard. The system was developed in the south of england. You may have something similar in Australia. So you may try writing to a voice.

 

[todski28]

St. Marks Ghazal

This is fantastic Angeline!!

 

[Angeline]

St. Marks Ghazal

This is fantastic Angeline!!

I was there Tod. I had the great fortune to see all those people read at St. Mark's Church in the Bowery. Patti Smith was absolutely incredible, performed with no script, just running all around the church ad-libbing (she had no notes) and breaking into song. People were cheering! One of the most amazing performances I've ever seen.

I may add another couplet to it because there is another poet I want to add to it, Helen Adam. She was strangely wonderful. Here she is reading one of her poems. Her reading starts about 25 seconds in.

 

[butters]

if i'm not too late, here's what i've come up with - thanks to a thread about dire straits over on the GB and their track 'brothers in arms' used here for the title.

Brothers in arms


I look across the hills past all the beers gone by
the setting sun sits softened by the years gone by

And through the outward calm my skin still chills and bumps
a judder of the heart recalling cheers gone by

My lonely courage shivers, but it's just the light
that's bleeding from the land still seeping fears gone by

My eyes, not once they were, drink shadows' cool refrain
the landscape's stained blood-red with all the tears gone by

Beneath the sleeping mounds and ghosting poppy fields
the distant drums still rumble for my peers gone by

May they find peace beyond the living's hot torment
of living yet: brothers in arms - my dears - gone by






that last line's causing me a few issues as i'm needing to stress it:

of living yet; brothers in arms - my dears - gone by

laying that accent on the 'ers' of 'brothers' can make it work but it's a little strained.

 

[nonfictional]

Butters, this is fantastic!

 

[butters]

Butters, this is fantastic!

i'm glad you liked it. thankyou

as it's my day off, i had a few peaceful moments to sit and think about how to write a ghazal, which seemed full of problems as a form for me - all those repetitions, how to write them without feeling boring or trite. if it wasn't for that dire straits title, though, i might be still sitting here scratching my head.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

if i'm not too late, here's what i've come up with - thanks to a thread about dire straits over on the GB and their track 'brothers in arms' used here for the title.

Brothers in arms


I look across the hills past all the beers gone by
the setting sun sits softened by the years gone by

And through the outward calm my skin still chills and bumps
a judder of the heart recalling cheers gone by

My lonely courage shivers, but it's just the light
that's bleeding from the land still seeping fears gone by

My eyes, not once they were, drink shadows' cool refrain
the landscape's stained blood-red with all the tears gone by

Beneath the sleeping mounds and ghosting poppy fields
the distant drums still rumble for my peers gone by

May they find peace beyond the living's hot torment
of living yet: brothers in arms - my dears - gone by






that last line's causing me a few issues as i'm needing to stress it:

of living yet; brothers in arms - my dears - gone by

laying that accent on the 'ers' of 'brothers' can make it work but it's a little strained.

Reads good to me and this form was by 'special request'!! I'll go for non rhyming next time

 

[butters]

Posted it in poem a week as I must keep up my count, but here is my ghazal. Phew.

Minton's Ghazal

The dream was sepia. It was a velvet tone poem,
a minor key, a smoky ennui all alone poem.

Picture a crowded stage, a barroom haze and mirrors
gazing at the crowd, bewitched, spotlight on a moan poem.

Tenor man says "Take another helping," then he winks,
steps to the shadow, lets the thin man play his bone poem.

Am I blue? I'm telling you darling you're mean to me--
when you sing soft and low I hear a should have known poem.

The record pops and skips, suddenly the past recedes
and yet the song plays on in me for it's my own poem.

reads so smoothly, with that gauzy, smoky sense to it. missed this before but it's really good! the last line lingers - as the thing i remember in detail, the phrase that lives on in my head. the rest is (for me) about setting the ambience.

 

[butters]

Reads good to me and this form was by 'special request'!! I'll go for non rhyming next time

thanks, annie - these teach-ins are useful for all of us, when time and the right frame of mind allow

 

[chaos560]

wow thats intense

 

[butters]

do you plan on trying to write one?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

wow thats intense

do you plan on trying to write one?

All contributions welcome I'm very gentle ............ well sometimes .......... maybe :caning: