That's not BDSM.

[A Desert Rose]

You know honestly, I'm sitting here thinking to myself, if people argue as much in the real life local community as they do on just about every BDSM board I've ever looked at, why would I want to subject myself to that? Where would the fun in that be?

Just the thought that flashed through my head, and I could see someone new feeling the exact same way. Something to think about maybe. ~shrugs~

This goes right back to what I've always said here and believe... we spend way too much time analyzing ourselves and not enough time just enjoying who and what we are.

This is all moot. It's entirely subjective. Not one of us can share the same life experiences that another has. That alone, puts us all on different pages. My definition of a fake Dom is no more or less valid or important than someone else's. And in the end, who cares? What I post about fake or non-fake Doms (real bdsm
or not real) will not in the least impact any posters, but especially a new posters choices. Nor should it.

I'm not inclined to offer my advice to any new poster for this reason. I've been doing this for some years now, but how I got here and from what starting point is nothing like how someone else will travel this road. And how someone else sees the experience is nothing like how I do/did.

And pigeon-holing people is not my style. It's enough to say that sincerity and genuine-ness (is that a word?) usually comes through in posts, soon enough.

We all take our own paths in this journey. And it's a magical thing when 2 people's paths cross and they have really similar life experiences. If their pages even closely match, it's magic. And they're lucky.




I'm sorry... this has been one long cliche, but at least they aren't run-on sentences.

 

[Marquis]

The BDSM forum of literotica, which appears to be labeled with the commonly understood acronym favored by the community so many seem to love to hate on.


Including people who have never been to munches. No offense.

In my experience it's the rare person who's not a total tool in the community but it's the rare person who's not a total tool period.

I met my husband at one of those pointless and stupid affairs. I have friends possessed of social skills who do go to things regularly. I myself run pretty hot and cold on "the community" but I'm not one to write it off.

I take issue with any subculture feeling like they have proprietary rights to something as expansive as BDSM. I go to munches to discuss BDSM, not to "do as the Romans do." I think my participation gives me the right to criticize.

I'm not sure if we're agreeing or disagreeing here, but I don't think it's fair to ask people "why do you come here?" if they criticize it.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

If I did, miss, do you think you would know it?

smiles either way

 

[Daddyslilpet]

This goes right back to what I've always said here and believe... we spend way too much time analyzing ourselves and not enough time just enjoying who and what we are.

This is all moot. It's entirely subjective. Not one of us can share the same life experiences that another has. That alone, puts us all on different pages. My definition of a fake Dom is no more or less valid or important than someone else's. And in the end, who cares? What I post about fake or non-fake Doms (real bdsm
or not real) will not in the least impact any posters, but especially a new posters choices. Nor should it.

I'm not inclined to offer my advice to any new poster for this reason. I've been doing this for some years now, but how I got here and from what starting point is nothing like how someone else will travel this road. And how someone else sees the experience is nothing like how I do/did.

And pigeon-holing people is not my style. It's enough to say that sincerity and genuine-ness (is that a word?) usually comes through in posts, soon enough.

We all take our own paths in this journey. And it's a magical thing when 2 people's paths cross and they have really similar life experiences. If their pages even closely match, it's magic. And they're lucky.




I'm sorry... this has been one long cliche, but at least they aren't run-on sentences.

Ya know, I'm beginning to see the inspiration behind this and am truly considering adopting this same outlook. I agree with the vast majority of what you said here, and have found that while I have in the past tried to help "newbies" it usually wasn't received in the manner it was intended, so why bother is becoming my new attitude.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Ya know, I'm beginning to see the inspiration behind this and am truly considering adopting this same outlook. I agree with the vast majority of what you said here, and have found that while I have in the past tried to help "newbies" it usually wasn't received in the manner it was intended, so why bother is becoming my new attitude.

I do believe that a sincere, genuine request for advice is one thing and usually those posters can be picked out real quick. You've been here long enough that I'm sure you have a 6th sense for it, too. And I think within our scope of knowledge (geeeeze I sound like a nurse now) we should offer assistance when those posters ask for it.

There just seem to be so many lately who ask for help and then have a myriad of reasons/excuses why the help provided won't work.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I do believe that a sincere, genuine request for advice is one thing and usually those posters can be picked out real quick. You've been here long enough that I'm sure you have a 6th sense for it, too. And I think within our scope of knowledge (geeeeze I sound like a nurse now) we should offer assistance when those posters ask for it.

There just seem to be so many lately who ask for help and then have a myriad of reasons/excuses why the help provided won't work.

You are right of course. It is just so disheartening to pour your heart and soul into the advice you've been asked for only to have it picked apart as if it were meaningless drivel. Not only that but to have your real life experience (which is all I have) discounted before you've ever even been given the opportunity to share it. These instances make it very difficult to find the desire to put yourself out there time and time again.

Yet for some reason I keep coming back, must be the masochist in me.

 

[A Desert Rose]

You are right of course. It is just so disheartening to pour your heart and soul into the advice you've been asked for only to have it picked apart as if it were meaningless drivel. Not only that but to have your real life experience (which is all I have) discounted before you've ever even been given the opportunity to share it. These instances make it very difficult to find the desire to put yourself out there time and time again.

Yet for some reason I keep coming back, must be the masochist in me.

No, it's not the machochist in you. It's the eternal OPTIMIST that you are. ;-)

 

[Daddyslilpet]

No, it's not the machochist in you. It's the eternal OPTIMIST that you are. ;-)

I'm just gonna stalk you now...

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm just gonna stalk you now...

That's only fair... I've been stalking you forever!!! And now that we have effectively derailed this thread...

Yanno dix, you are not known as a thread hijacker. It could be a bad bad thing associating with me.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

That's only fair... I've been stalking you forever!!! And now that we have effectively derailed this thread...

Yanno dix, you are not known as a thread hijacker. It could be a bad bad thing associating with me.

LOL... I have my moments

 

[Ebonyfire]

You are right of course. It is just so disheartening to pour your heart and soul into the advice you've been asked for only to have it picked apart as if it were meaningless drivel. Not only that but to have your real life experience (which is all I have) discounted before you've ever even been given the opportunity to share it. These instances make it very difficult to find the desire to put yourself out there time and time again.

Yet for some reason I keep coming back, must be the masochist in me.

I hope you come back because you know that there are people who read what you have to say, and take it for what it is. Good information.

I get picked apart too, but it does nothing to negate the validity of what I say. It is all about reality. Keep on posting Lady. I love to read your point of view. Especially when it is different from mine. Your prospective always brings something to the table. There are others here who have different thoughts and I still gain from the experience.

Enlightenment comes from 360 degrees.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I hope you come back because you know that there are people who read what you have to say, and take it for what it is. Good information.

I get picked apart too, but it does nothing to negate the validity of what I say. It is all about reality. Keep on posting Lady. I love to read your point of view. Especially when it is different from mine. Your prospective always brings something to the table. There are others here who have different thoughts and I still gain from the experience.

Enlightenment comes from 360 degrees.

Thank you sweety Lady! I couldn't stay away if I wanted to, I'd miss y'all too much!

 

[Lord_Stormy]

As a new person, I would like to say that good advice is valuable and appreciated, so please don’t stop. And if I ever “pick apart” your advice, I am not dismissing it, merely attempting to understand it fully. I sometimes play the devil’s advocate because putting someone on the defensive brings out their best arguments/reasoning.

As for the community, I’m sure it has its bad apples. However, as adults we all know the old saying “There is at least one in every crowd.” But how else is someone who is new going to learn or meet new people? If someone gets on your nerves then tell them to back off or just ignore them. Don’t, however, shoot at their tires (long story). It doesn’t make sense to dismiss the entire community even if the majority grates on your nerves. That smacks of stereotyping.

Obviously you where a part of it to some degree, does it not reason that there are people who feel the same but it not express it for whatever reason? Did you try to find people such as yourself?

I comment on this because I am looking at a local group to see what they are about, but I am very wary about doing so. Quite frankly I just don’t know what to expect. Logic says that if any group should accept diversity, this should be one of them…

 

[O'Mac]

Are you sure you're saying what you mean here? Just asking.

I don't know. What do you mean?

Basically the point is that for me there are people in the lifestyle that I so completely disagree with (in terms of their attitudes and point of view) that it does make me just throw my hands up and walk away. However, they are in a minority compared to most practioners I would think. Online is no different either.

I would say that for the most part though, the group we have here on Lit is probably one of the best out there. We may all have different insights and thoughts towards pretty much everything, and while we may not always get along at times, I feel there is much respect shown by most people here. No, the community both on and offline is far from perfect, but I know that here it's pretty damned good.

 

[MorfeuV]

.......................

 

[O'Mac]

.......................

Thanks for adding to the discussion.

 

[MorfeuV]

Your Welcome.

I think people found it more helpful than any of your posts.

 

[Aeroil]

ZOMG Drama!

 

[snowy ciara]

general question to the masses:

If the sexual subculture of SM and leather sucks so bad, why do you come here?

You're going to find small minds and bad attitudes wherever you go. What I find weird is that people *expect* otherwise anywhere.

For various reasons, I find it easier to ignore the lackwits on line. If someone really irks me on Lit, I can skip over their posts, or if necessary, use the ignore function. In a restaurant munch situation, if the person next to me is annoying me, it's a bit harder to ignore them and still remain within the bounds of politeness. If it's a club or party situation, you can usually politely excuse yourself. I find the BDSM caricatures show up at the parties more than the munches. There's more of them to avoid at a party, so I don't go to the public parties or the kink nights at the dance club down here.

I don't think the sexual subculture here sucks that badly though. It's just that the few persons who are asshats about their kink also tend to be pretty loud about it so the "normal' ones fade into the background. Even with the large number of lackwits on line, there are frequently gems of wisdom buried around here. You just have to be patient and look for them. That's why there are posters whom I look for. I've opened several threads that I didn't have a whole lot of interest in (like Ms. Shadowsdream's Male Sub thread, for example) because I have a lot of respect for the names I see posting in them. And I've learned a lot about myself (by my responses to some of these threads) and about my friends. To be blunt, I'm willing to risk stepping in troll poo while dodging the asshats in order to learn something.

 

[caela]

O.k. I just read this whole thread and I have to say thank you to everyone that posted. The whoel discussion was interesting but the parts about munches and community in particular have once more made me monumentally grateful for the people I have in my small little corner of the country. Of all the stereotypes listed I've not yet run into any of them at my munch group. We're a small group but it's all friendly with competition or any of that "I'm more Dom/sub/whatthefuckever than you" chest banging bs going on. We always have a good time and even arrange time together outside of our munches having barbeques, pool parties, play parties etc.

Thanks for reminding me how blessed I am.

 

[O'Mac]

I think people found it more helpful than any of your posts.

Wooooooooooooooooo!!

 

[pierced_boy]

even if they are

And again, I'm going to say... everyone HAS to be working from the same page for this to work.

No one is... no one ever will be.

Hello Sweet Desert Rose

You are so right here and elsewhere in this thread.
Sometimes even when we work off the same page we get it wrong. Its called interpretation. How we interpret is the result of all that we are.

Below are a couple of life quotes I found looking for the exact wording of the Bugs Bunny line "I ams what I ams" They all made me smile in the context of this thread

H

Ashleigh Brilliant
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot

Bugs Bunny
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.


Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Groucho Marx
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Hello Sweet Desert Rose

You are so right here and elsewhere in this thread.
Sometimes even when we work off the same page we get it wrong. Its called interpretation. How we interpret is the result of all that we are.

Below are a couple of life quotes I found looking for the exact wording of the Bugs Bunny line "I ams what I ams" They all made me smile in the context of this thread

H

Ashleigh Brilliant
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot

Bugs Bunny
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.


Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Groucho Marx
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

OMG... is it really you???

ohhhhhhh
How missed you are. and how bad I am at writing... I'm sorry.

But you know - I know you do - that I miss you and love you!!!!

I love the quotes by the way!!! esp the last one... that one hits me were it really counts.

 

[Dread_Pirate_Roberts]

I find that BDSM is a very broad term. So to say what is BDSM and what is exotic vanilla can at times be the same thing. Most sexually active people have a kink or two in them, even if they can't say them out loud. With bondage, dominance/submission does play a role, but not necessarily a D/s relationship. Are those people considered part of BDSM? Does it really matter? I do include myself as part of BDSM because bondage has been apart of me for many years. I have taken it past just tying up, have been into the D/s but more as role playing than a way of life.

Also want to add that the new people who do post on here sometimes ask repetitive questions that they could have found answers to if they had read some of the older threads. I get the feeling a lot of people like to have direct feedback about their personal quest. The main problem I notice is that a lot of people are not able to articulate what they really want answered. Also, when they do reject someone's advice I question if that person has had much experience with chatting on the web. They seem not to be able to comprehend the emotional attachement to words and phrases and get their backs up when they read it differently then originally intended. I do believe, however, that many new posters really are here for advice and lit. is one of the best places on the web to search for answers.
Dread.

 

[Aeroil]

I was having a convo with a switch girl, let me reiterate it, approximately.



Her: "Back when I was subbing to *---* he didn't even let me talk to other Doms without his permission, it's a bit different with *----* because we switch, but if we're at an event and he's subbing to me, I definately don't let him talk to other dominants without my permission."

Me: "Why would you care? do you not trust him to even talk to others? Is he helpless?"

Her: "It's not about that, its a personal thing, but more importantly, when another dominant is disrespecting me by trying to talk to my property, it's important that he doesn't acknowledge that."

Me: "You're acting like being a dominant is a gene like blue eyes... at such an event, you are his dominant, why should any other "dominant" have any relevance to him unless you say so? Heck, If I were to be subbing to someone then other people who claimed to be dominants wouldn't matter to me, I already frigging have one."

Her: "A dominant is a dominant Aeroil, you don't need a submissive to be a dominant."

Me: "Yes you do. Heck, have you never seen a dominant who couldn't act less dominant in their everyday life?"

Her: "On a desert island, I would still be who I am, I wouldn't need a dominant to be a submissive or vice versa."

Me: "You're a switch, so that's a terrible example. Either way, if nobody knows you exist, how can you be anything except to yourself?"

Her: "I'm glad you don't run the universe, Aeroil, so that other people need your validation to be who they are."

Me: "Of course they need my validation! how the crap else am I supposed to know who they are, I don't rule the universe, I'm not omniscient. At least not yet."

Her: "You'll understand when you're older..."


Somewhat relevant to this topic.