The ability to let go during sex

[YourSecretDesires]

Some things I would like to try (at least once).
1) FFM threesome
2) Anal sex
4) Toys (clit massager, cock ring, vibrator, prostate massager)
5) Light Dom/Sub (No pain or humiliation - control sharing - her telling me exactly what she wants me to do)
6) Role play - sexy librarian, strangers at a bar, etc.
7) peeing together
8) Being sexual in public (hot talk/touching) / Sexting / Sexy pics
9) Sex outdoors
10) Watching each other masturbate / mutual masturbation (aside from presex warmup)
11) Watching another couple have sex together. Letting them watch us.
12) Watching porn she likes

These are all pretty common. Maybe start with one and bring it up during foreplay.

I've found that familiarity can cause partners to fear discussing new sexual fantasies. Whenever I've just seduced someone, anything is on the table.

 

[Wonderer67]

I say this like I’m an expert, and I’m not…

Letting go is hard. It’s unlearning or undoing something you know and your brain may be hardwired for.

Letting go sexually is easy for me. I am and have always been a super sexual person. But I don’t think it’s realistic to just say to someone “let it all go, just put it all out there.” It takes time, patience, practice and the key: strong communications between partners.

Men AND women struggle with how they look, their performance, describing their kinks or desires. It’s tough opening up.

I am grateful I have an amazing wife who i feel comfortable enough to share with. Altho we have always been sexual and open, it was tough to really go deep and open up about some things that she maybe thought were off the table or weird or taboo.

Having said that, we bridged the gap in talking about bdsm, swapping/open marriage, bisexuality, many kinks and desires and fantasies. My wife isn’t into all it and nothing is prefect, but I’d say open communications is the key to it all.
Are all of my needs met? No. Can I express myself and be super vulnerable w her? Yes.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

I don't know how you feel about Marijuana/THC consumption, but eating edibles, smoking pot really helps me loosen up during sex. I'm a very quiet, shy, inhibited person IRL, but when I'm high, I'm really verbal about what I want.

 

[live4thebj]

My fiancé has the same issue. I just keep telling her stop thinking and to clear her mind and let the sensations come. One time I was so successful after she came I stopped eating her and she was still cumming…multiple times. That hasn’t happened since.

 

[GretaX]

Greta, that is part of the issue. We men need to be confident but vulnerable. I have found that confident works better.

But the two are not mutually exclusive. It takes confidence to be vulnerable.

 

[Hypnobitch01]

I struggle with sexual inhibitions, especiallly now that I’m older. I’m very self-conscious about the way I look now (middle age dad bod), the way I sound during sex (do I sound stupid? weird?), and especially to admitting what I want in bed. It’s very hard for me to get outside my own head long enough to fully enjoy the experience. My libido is an angry tiger in a cage. He wants to hunt and feed and roar….but he’s confined. Has anyone else struggled with this, and if so, any practical tips on how you managed to let go?

I play a character. I am not me in those moments I am a different person. Who cares what anyone thinks, she’s not me

 

[Taylor_Knight]

What are you guys afraid of? Fear is the fucking devil, and we are all our own worst critics. Women love confident men! If your own wives judge you for expressing yourselves, then they are the problem not you. Get over your insecurities and just do it!! (Insert Nike Swoosh here)

Amen to that, sister. Until someone learns to accept, appreciate, and use their natural gifts, no matter the condition, they'll be paralyzed by the power of doubt and fear. Now get out there and wear it proudly.

 

[Sugarbombs]

I struggle with sexual inhibitions, especiallly now that I’m older. I’m very self-conscious about the way I look now (middle age dad bod), the way I sound during sex (do I sound stupid? weird?), and especially to admitting what I want in bed. It’s very hard for me to get outside my own head long enough to fully enjoy the experience. My libido is an angry tiger in a cage. He wants to hunt and feed and roar….but he’s confined. Has anyone else struggled with this, and if so, any practical tips on how you managed to let go?

Oh yes. Especially when stepping out of traditional sex. For me the very first difficult act I had was dirty talk during sex. I could picture in my head what I wanted to say and it seemed hot but when it came time to say it I felt silly. There were other things I wanted to try or do and yeah I was not sure how to just come out and say hey....

Honestly the things that worked for me were having a lot of sex and developing an I don't care attitude. I stopped worrying about what people thought of me. I was going to mesh with some people and not with others and that is fine. The same with sex. It didn't have to be so die hard serious and could be a lot of fun. Sometimes were going to blow your mind and other times you went home and got the toys out to finish the act. Every time was lessons learned and move on to the next one. Some people came and some people went. The more honest and open I was and people were in return the better we connected or knew it wasn't going to. The first words were always the hardest but at the end I was glad for saying them.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Over coming one’s fears of what they think someone else will think is a hard battle.

 

[GretaX]

Over coming one’s fears of what they think someone else will think is a hard battle.

Definitely not easy, but (for me at least) it helps to realize that as long as I am not/will not be hurting anyone, committing a crime or acting unethically, then anyone's discomfort or judgement is their problem, not mine.

 

[Beholders_Eye]

Like this...

https://img.kiwi/images/2024/08/24/d743c9b4b4077ff6d959b09073c5329c.gif

 

[DEPRAVED_WHORE]

I struggle with sexual inhibitions, especiallly now that I’m older. I’m very self-conscious about the way I look now (middle age dad bod), the way I sound during sex (do I sound stupid? weird?), and especially to admitting what I want in bed. It’s very hard for me to get outside my own head long enough to fully enjoy the experience. My libido is an angry tiger in a cage. He wants to hunt and feed and roar….but he’s confined. Has anyone else struggled with this, and if so, any practical tips on how you managed to let go?

Hi MrQuiet314

Fortunately this is not a problem my hubby and I experience but we have come across it so much in our sex lives. Hubby and I met in our late teens, early 20's. I was already slutty but dealing with the same demons you speak of.

He just encouraged me to "let go" which is way harder to do than it sounds. To help we would play games where we had to describe our most hidden sexual desire right to the other persons face - literally as close as we could get and still look into each others eyes. No shameful look away was allowed and the language had to explicit. No euphemisms were allowed. We had to own our most basic desires..the other person then had to ask questions about it but the question couldn't be "Why?". That is too judgemental.....we'd ask, "when do these desires happen, what brings them on, would you like to experience it or is it just a fantasy?" etc, etc. What happened is we learned to talk about sex without shame. Once this happened we were able to experience so many amazing things and still do to this day because we lost the shame associated with sexual desire.
Our advice is to start talking. Start allowing your desires to be known without judgement (requires real courage) and hear others without judgement.

 

[Lucien_Al]

Hi MrQuiet314

Fortunately this is not a problem my hubby and I experience but we have come across it so much in our sex lives. Hubby and I met in our late teens, early 20's. I was already slutty but dealing with the same demons you speak of.

He just encouraged me to "let go" which is way harder to do than it sounds. To help we would play games where we had to describe our most hidden sexual desire right to the other persons face - literally as close as we could get and still look into each others eyes. No shameful look away was allowed and the language had to explicit. No euphemisms were allowed. We had to own our most basic desires..the other person then had to ask questions about it but the question couldn't be "Why?". That is too judgemental.....we'd ask, "when do these desires happen, what brings them on, would you like to experience it or is it just a fantasy?" etc, etc. What happened is we learned to talk about sex without shame. Once this happened we were able to experience so many amazing things and still do to this day because we lost the shame associated with sexual desire.
Our advice is to start talking. Start allowing your desires to be known without judgement (requires real courage) and hear others without judgement.

Have to say that your comment about playing games is so true. We have only been together 4 years and although we had a great sex life it was a bit vanilla. On one of our holidays we bought a game called Monogamy and from playing this game it has opened up a host of new stuff like bondage, prostate play, lots of sex toys (so much so we built a sex room). This has brought a far more uninhibited aspect to our sex life and we are both more vocal and able to just let go.

Not sure the neighbours are quite so enthusiastic.

 

[Up4fun&69]

I'm taking a slightly different view, coming from a different life path, overall, than most have spoken of, so far.
I think two major things are at play here: age and experience.
-- In my early- to mid-20s when I was single, sex was a great deal about learning and exploring. I think it's hard to let go when one or both partners are still trying to find what things they like, how different positions create different sensations, the difference between enjoying something different once in a while and what is someone's underlying fetish or kink.
-- In my late-20s through my 30s when I was living with, engaged and married to my sole/soul partner, a lot of what gets you from dating through to marriage is a partner with whom you feel you can say and do just about anything, including sexually. You've found common grounds of giving and receiving pleasure together. You've talked about past lovers and experiences. You're exposed to and tried some things one partner's done and the other hasn't. Once you're each trying new things together, it leads to more discussion, more experimentation. And that's a huge step into just letting go. But in my case, my spouse didn't share most of her past, most of her experience, most of her kinks. It all seemed to come out when the marriage was failing and it only added to the questions and doubts, rather than providing fodder for mutual exploration and pleasure. So, in my situation, by one person holding back some things, you can't fully let go.
-- In my 40s when I was divorced, there was some comfort meeting people with similar interests and experience, but there was also drive to explore more which meant finding "different" people...people younger than I, people older than I, and even the new dynamic of being with a couple. At this age, there's confidence in what you've done and what you like, but there are some nagging questions about what I've been missing. As a result, most the relationships were short-term and more focused on sex, especially with the couples. So, yes, you could let it all go during sex, but part of "letting go" is letting go of fears, of misconceptions and trying new things. So, while there was more talk about sexual likes and dislikes, things each partner may want to try, there wasn't enough time spent together to feel trust, to truly open up about EVERYTHING. And I think that's important because without opening up and trusting the other person, you can't truly let go of everything and be open to new and different things.
-- In my 50s and now my mid-60s and still divorced, what I've found is that most partners, people with whom you're dating and looking for a possible long-term relationship, have been hurt in big ways or multiple times. They're wary. They're scared of being hurt or let down again. They "know" what they like and don't like and generally aren't open to trying something new out of fear or learning something about their partner they don't really want to know. In short, they feel like they've experienced most of what's out there and they are only comfortable doing what they know they like. So, in that case how can you truly let go? You can't? And at this age and living alone, that really sucks.
So, in my view, the key to letting go is being with the right person in a long relationship where you feel chemistry and trust. Where you can do or say just about anything. Where you both want to please the other and are willing to try new and different things to provide that mutual pleasure. And to do all of that, to let it all go, knowing that when that sexual event ends, no matter how it ends, you're both still there together, willing to talk about it, willing to try it again or not if something wasn't quite right, or willing to move on and try something new together.
That's my two cents worth.

 

[Sgts19]

Like this...

https://img.kiwi/images/2024/08/24/d743c9b4b4077ff6d959b09073c5329c.gif

if I saw a cock like that fucking my wife I'd be speechless

 

[P0peye]

I struggle with sexual inhibitions, especiallly now that I’m older. I’m very self-conscious about the way I look now (middle age dad bod), the way I sound during sex (do I sound stupid? weird?), and especially to admitting what I want in bed. It’s very hard for me to get outside my own head long enough to fully enjoy the experience. My libido is an angry tiger in a cage. He wants to hunt and feed and roar….but he’s confined. Has anyone else struggled with this, and if so, any practical tips on how you managed to let go?

Stan Boreson - I Just Don't Look Good Naked Anymore - YouTube

 

[Waiter519123]

if I saw a cock like that fucking my wife I'd be speechless

Nothing like watching your wife take a cock like that in her married pussy

 

[Sgts19]

Nothing like watching your wife take a cock like that in her married pussy

I've seen a few and heard her with a couple big one's but not sure if they were that big...forgot my tape measure
But I'd pay to see it

 

[Waiter519123]

I've seen a few and heard her with a couple big one's but not sure if they were that big...forgot my tape measure
But I'd pay to see it

Tape measure that’s funny line

 

[Sgts19]

Tape measure that’s funny line

I know how big mine is but its sure not like that, sadly LOL

 

[CX726577]

Have her tie you to the bed for a couple hours while giving you a long slow tortuous handjob. You'll reach a point where you could be having that done on the 50-yard line at the Super Bowl and you wouldn't give a rip.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

the way I sound during sex (do I sound stupid? weird?),

I can't help with most of what you say but trust me, men who make noise during sex (and sex noises are always but never wierd, if that makes sense?) are cool. The silent ones are just odd. Make your noises. It lets your partner know you're into it and her.

 

[summer_reine]

And she does know me…in every way but this. Which is where my concern comes from. I don’t want to share my fantasties (which are tame compared so some exotic stuff i’ve seen around here) and have her be grossed out or think I’m weird. You’re right that we need to talk. I need to get better at starting that conversation.

I'm really late to the party here but maybe lookup mojoupgrade It's a way for both of you to list your interests but only the ones you both have are shown to each other.

 

[EbersMoll]

I'm really late to the party here but maybe lookup mojoupgrade It's a way for both of you to list your interests but only the ones you both have are shown to each other.

My wife and I use this and have found it to be very useful.

 

[Madmaxfvh]

This is sex with your wife or others too?

You are not alone. I'm the same. I'm currently on a mission to discover myself in more ways than just sex. That is how I found literotica. Started listening to podcasts. Reading and listening to some self help books. Listening to some smut books with a wide variety of acts and kinks. If you look at my profile you will find a link to a kink list. Fill your own one in. Ask your wife to do the same. Then discuss your results. It was very eye opening to me when I have done this.
A book I can recommend is called " Toungue tied". It helps with the ability to speak openly and the ability to voice your desires.