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The conversation thread

Conversation:

Do you guys have something that always makes you feel good about yourself/your life? No matter how small, just something that makes you feel good, even briefly, if you think about it, no matter how shitty a day you're having.

Someone asked me this question and I struggled to answer, so I thought I pay it forward. :)
 
I have to wear masks at work. I need to get more. I can't find all the ones I have so I also need to get a separate bin to store them in until washing. I still need to get more so I can switch them out during the work day.

Seela, I'm just doing eye makeup. No foundation (i actually use cc cream instead) and no lipstick. I've been trying to have fun with all the colors on my eyelids.

I am spending most of this weekend getting ready for the work week. I've done most of my shopping and I'm washing laundry now. Still need to cook and go to work to get ready for the next week. Hopefully next weekend I won't have to do any actual work stuff like this weekend.

After reading all of y'alls comments I want some grits and fried eggs.
 
seela said:
Conversation:

Do you guys have something that always makes you feel good about yourself/your life? No matter how small, just something that makes you feel good, even briefly, if you think about it, no matter how shitty a day you're having.

Someone asked me this question and I struggled to answer, so I thought I pay it forward. :)
Click to expand...

This isn't completely the same but I always try to dress up more when I'm having a bad morning or haven't been doing particularly well. As far as something that makes me feel good about myself, if I'm in a really bad spot, I can't see anything good at all about myself.

This is an awesome question. I want to think about it more because I can't easily answer it.
 
seela said:
Conversation:

Do you guys have something that always makes you feel good about yourself/your life? No matter how small, just something that makes you feel good, even briefly, if you think about it, no matter how shitty a day you're having.

Someone asked me this question and I struggled to answer, so I thought I pay it forward. :)
Click to expand...

Brazil vs. Germany 2014
 
seela said:
Conversation:

Do you guys have something that always makes you feel good about yourself/your life? No matter how small, just something that makes you feel good, even briefly, if you think about it, no matter how shitty a day you're having.

Someone asked me this question and I struggled to answer, so I thought I pay it forward. :)
Click to expand...

Ouch!

I admit this is one I struggle with too.

So, a few decades ago, I found myself in a position that I had to go get some "help." Clinical help. And in the course of said "help," I was diagnosed with depression (no kidding), sex addiction (doesn't every guy think about sex all the time?), and co-dependency (so it's a bad thing that I'm a good person who actually thinks about someone other than myself?)

Yeah... I'm not the best patient. Actually, when I was a dumb kid, I made the mistake of praying for patience. And I'm still waiting for that shit. So, I suppose it makes sense that I wouldn't be a very good patient since I ain't got none.

Any road, so the thing was... the way my sex addiction and codependency dovetailed with my depression was that the only thing that could make me feel good was to make a partner orgasm.

Hold up. Let me say that again, and clarify. It wasn't my orgasm that made me happy. It was my partners' that fed my self-esteem and broke me momentarily out of a depressive spiral that nothing else could.

***shrug*** It cost me no few relationships. A couple of jobs...

The thing is, this is not something that can be "cured" or "fixed." You just pick up some coping skills and muddle on as best you can while hoping the band-aid holds.

So, with the help of a couple of counselors (who were too damn appealing to be saddling a sex addict with, damn it), I gradually learned to do what "normal" people do and find other things to take pride in. Things that could make me feel good about myself.

Fast forward a couple of decades and all of a sudden some joker threw on the emergency brake as I was tooling down life's highway at full speed. Apparently, some rather poor choices in my checkered past (ones that I made to do something other than sex in order to feel good) came home to roost.

And, yes, I've been pretty grumpy that if I'd just had more sex instead of avoiding it, I could have avoided this shit.

Every single thing that I'd taken pride in, that I'd learned to use as a coping mechanism, was taken from me (and more besides). And even sex wasn't an option anymore as the woman I loved and had married was laid low by her history and became all but bedridden... and then died.

Well, fuck.

With limited options, I took some refuge in posting on the internet in a few places. And got my ego fed from some positive feedback. And then, more, as a few people... Well, I don't kiss and tell. But, will just reiterate that I'm a fuckin' sex addict.

The problem with codependency is that it's a house of cards. And all too easy to collapse. You can't rely on someone else for your happiness. If you do, then when they are gone, happiness becomes an impossibility.

It was a long way back.

I still post. But, now I do it for me. And I feel a surge of accomplishment when I manage to actually post something, no matter whether anyone else thinks it is worth the time to read it or not.

I still talk with people, but don't bug any that don't talk with me. And I still smile when I get messages from people I think a lot of. But, I don't rely on them to be there. I can't. They've got their own shit to handle and can't be holding my hand 24/7.

A couple of years ago, I was limping my sorry and sore ass down to the store for supplied. And as was my habit, was taking the alleyways so as to avoid people along the way. And I happened across a flower growing between the slats of a fence.

That image stuck with me. At first, I was thinking that it kind of sucked that the flower had grown like that, so that it was trapped by the ugly fence. And, yeah. I had a little pity party. Which made not a bit of fuckin' sense since I'm most definitely not a flower, but more of a stinkweed.

And why shouldn't I have? I was disabled and virtually housebound. I'd lost a cat, my wife, my step-mother, and my father within twelve months. People that had seemed to think I was still worth something had wandered away, looking for something that made them feel good... Why the fuck shouldn't I have a pity party, table for one since no one else was still around?

But, I kept thinking about it. And kept thinking about it.

And the thing is... the flower had no power over which way it grew. A concatenation of factors beyond its control had caused that vine to be forced through the slats. But, the flower didn't care. It did what it was and bloomed. Right there. Where it was. And did it to the fullest of its abilities.

I went back and captured a picture of that flower.

attachment.php


And I often look at it again to remind me.

No matter what shit I'm going through, I have it better than some. Many in fact. And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. I can either bitch about being stuck in a fuckin' fence. Or I can do what I was meant to do and bloom anyway. Right where I ended up.

***shrug***

Despite how what I've written might seem, I'm very much Dom with no submit to me. And the people I've engaged for any length of time have been submissive since nothing else tends to work.

And since that day, finding that flower, one of the things I've challenged people with, whether "my" submissive or friends who happen to be submissive, is to find something beautiful as they go about their day. What doesn't matter. And it doesn't matter if anyone else would see it or not, so long as they do.

And, it's hard. It's hard as fuck some days.

But, that's okay.

The goal is to change the pattern of thought. To change ones self by looking for the beauty in the mundane.

Today, it's easy for me. This question that I've posed so often being posed in turn by a rather brilliant lady. And reading the answers posted to that question.

Shine on, you crazy diamonds. Shine on. Bloom and show the beauty within, and in so doing, inspire the rest of us.
 

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Coming home each evening.
Popping onto Lit and know I'll be entertained for a bit.
Watching the little girl kitty make biscuits and give love blinks anytime I talk to her.
Reaching out and touching J in the middle of the night and knowing he's there.
 
Acktion said:
And the thing is... the flower had no power over which way it grew. A concatenation of factors beyond its control had caused that vine to be forced through the slats. But, the flower didn't care. It did what it was and bloomed. Right there. Where it was. And did it to the fullest of its abilities.
Click to expand...

Reminds me of this passage from "American Gods":

There was a tale he had read once, long ago, as a small boy: the story of a traveler who had slipped down a cliff, with man-eating tigers above him and a lethal fall below him, who managed to stop his fall halfway down the side of the cliff, holding on for dear life. There was a clump of strawberries beside him, and certain death above him and below. What should he do? went the question.

And the reply was, Eat the strawberries.

The story had never made sense to him as a boy. It did now.
 
Thanks for playing along! It was a really hard question for me to answer.

After humming and hawing for a long time, I answered reading in German and Polish, because they're languages I've really struggled with and they haven't come naturally to me at all. Being able to understand them makes me feel like I've achieved at least something in my life.

Makeup, especially lipstick, doing my nails and wearing clothes I normally wouldn't sometimes help too. But it's a double edged sword. If it doesn't make me feel better, it'll make me feel myself so much worse about myself. When I'm already in a good mood, those are great ways to pile up on the awesome. :)
 
Re: masks and makeup. I really need my makeup to survive. I can't do just eye makeup for work. I don't know how I'm going to organize my life now.

Not that I have a single mask, though. Still haven't found any in stores.
 
Primalex said:
Are we talking about masks regarding Corona here? :confused:
Click to expand...

Yes. A recommendation to wear masks at least in some parts of the country and in some situations will likely be given soon.

So far there hasn't been a recommendation, let alone an obligation, so no mask experience here. Wondering about the logistics of it all.
 
seela said:
A recommendation to wear masks at least in some parts of the country and in some situations will likely be given soon.

So far there hasn't been a recommendation, let alone an obligation, so no mask experience here. Wondering about the logistics of it all.
Click to expand...

My logistics experience is fairly limited, as I had them stocked anyway for years. People just started tailoring their own masks (for others, too) when they couldn't find any and it was considered acceptable.
 
For comfort and efficacy, it's hard to beat the standard 3-layer surgical mask. Cheap, and does the job. Not advertised as such, but they are washable, and dry quickly.
 
Acktion said:
Can you believe this?
Twenty-seven dollars for those puny melons? Pshaw.
Click to expand...

My thoughts exactly Acktion when I saw that. Who pays that amount for your garden variety melon!

Now, if it was a cucumber two feet long, phaw!

[we probably need to go to Fara's garden to find them.]
 
Today was a long day. I got up on time so that was really good. I want to have enough time to give myself a mani pedi but dang I can't find the time until there isn't enough time for them to dry before bed.

I've got a project I've got to finish that I've avoided starting. It's beyond time to do t though. Maybe I'll have the energy to start tomorrow. It's just so hot and Tye pave I'm doing it doesn't have an air conditioner yet.

Music makes me really happy. I wish I could play but I just don't have it. I've played a woodwind instrument and I was decent but I never could create music. I just love listening to good music though. I'm also that annoying person that can listen to a song on repeat.

I know when I finally grow my own tomatoes it will be a huge accomplishment.

It was so hot that I was pretty much dripping sweat. Not a good look.

Random question that isn't as deep as Seela's. What remakes of songs do you think are better than the original?
 
I can't really answer the remake song question. My taste in music isn't something that caters to this question, sadly.

I wore a mask for the first time today and the glasses fogging problem was way, way worse than I expected. I'll have to buy surgical tape to seal off the top of the mask at some point. The tropical atmosphere my face was enjoying wasn't something I'd normally tolerate (I can't have anything covering my face, ever) but these aren't normal times, so I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

In full disclosure, the uncomfortable and slightly panicky feeling that rushed over me when I put the mask on was sexy in a way. Could be enjoyable in the right company.
 
Faralicious said:
Don’t use surgical tape, please. It will ruin your skin. Work on finding a better fitting mask, and then pull your glasses slightly over the top.
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Wash your glasses with dish soap. No idea why, but it works. Mostly.

Edit: forget fashion...use 3 ply surgical masks. They will help drain the swamp.
 
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