The never-ending "labels" debate

[TypicalDeviant]

I don't give a fuck about BDSM labels. Never have, never will.

QFT. Call yourself or your SO whatever you want, but I'm going to start laughing my ass off if you over do it on the "dom/sublish".

I call my fiancee by a her name and a handful of pet names, she does the same to me. Frankly, she can call me anything she wants as long as she doesn't call me late for dinner.

 

[Seurat]

My SO and I don't call each other by our actual names anymore, unless it is really important or somebody is pissed. It's down to the 'honey' or whatever is called for at the time.

On the boards, I refer to her by what she is in the situation: domme, sub, pyl, PYL, wife, SO, whatever.

 

[Netzach]

Even in my professional life I gently encourage them to call me Ms. Prosurname. As if I were a potential boss. I don't like anachronistic silliness and faux titles, at least let it be plausible honorifics.

 

[BiBunny]

I don't really call my Owners anything special in real life, honestly. They're collectively "my Owners" here because it's the shortest way I can think of to describe it. When I refer to one or the other of them, I say either "he" or "she" or "Master" or "Mistress." That's so people know which one I'm talking about without me having to explain what random initials stand for every time I post or whatever.

I'm not creative enough to think of a better way of doing it.

 

[Kianna104]

Fetlife hell

I left here becuse I wasn't finding what I wanted and tried Fet . Everyone regardless of "title" has things they want out of a relationship. I had learned a lot here about what mine where.

I posted a personal in the correct Fet slot and got my Domme status questioned becuse of my disablity and am now being actively persued by A top claiming to be a sub. The only value I put on Labels is when your moving or if they a really needed in relationship world it's who gets to make what choices and that's only to clarify for yourselves.

The funny thing is Fet calls this place the place to come when u wantr to get laid and not much else but There is more honesty here about the life then Fet ever gives

 

[where]

I left here becuse I wasn't finding what I wanted and tried Fet . Everyone regardless of "title" has things they want out of a relationship. I had learned a lot here about what mine where.

I posted a personal in the correct Fet slot and got my Domme status questioned becuse of my disablity and am now being actively persued by A top claiming to be a sub. The only value I put on Labels is when your moving or if they a really needed in relationship world it's who gets to make what choices and that's only to clarify for yourselves.

The funny thing is Fet calls this place the place to come when u wantr to get laid and not much else but There is more honesty here about the life then Fet ever gives

heh... so being disabled means you have to be a sub? It's odd, I would have thought that the scene would be a bit more diverse.

 

[Kirabeth]

wonder if i told everybody my name was sweet lady and that's what they should call me where it would get me.

NOT FAR I'm sure lol

 

[satindesire]

Thank you, it's nice that at least on here, with at least some of you, I can have the freedom to be myself.

I just got really annoyed at Fetlife, and I was thinking there was this big discussion here about being 'his' whore as opposed to 'a' whore... and I thought... why the hell can't he be 'my' Master? Does he have to whip out some certificate of achievement to 'prove' he is 'a Master'??

How about this, suge. The next time someone corrects you on another website about the title you give to your Significant Other, you tell them to take that corncob stuck up their ass and eat it.

 

[graceanne]

I appreciate what you're saying, but I don't see how my referring to my partner as 'Master' would confuse you. What's so confusing about it? The amount of times I've read someone asking "what does PYL mean?", that seems more confusing.

I'm not saying I don't like the pick your label thing, I think it's a good idea. I just tire of having to 'remember' to use some other term to refer to the person I always think of in my head as Master.

Has anyone got annoyed at you for calling you PYL Master?

Obviously, I can't speak for the whole board, but I sincerely doubt anyone gives a damn what you call your PYL. PYL/pyl is what DVS said, but it's more for the person who doesn't know, or remember, what you call your top. Most of us are not going to keep track of what everyone else chooses for their labels, and if you're (general you) sensitive about labels and we use the wrong one . . . . well, it can end in quite a huff - and has.

BTW - I call my PYL by his name or 'schnooky winkums' when I'm feeling sammy.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

BTW - I call my PYL by his name or 'schnooky winkums' when I'm feeling sammy.

Would that be "Sir Master Lord Schnooky Winkums"?

'Cause I go by that, and it would freak me out if that's a name you use a lot.

And I want to say that I am completely cool with anyone calling their human-of-interest whatever the Holy Ghost puts into your brain. Todd. Fido. Now-With-Whole-Grains. Seriously. But a) people may not always remember it, and b) people may think you mean something different by "Exalted Bearer of the Cock" than you actually mean, because when they use "Exalted Bearer of the Cock" it usually means, say, Viking accountants who love fisting. Or whatever.

 

[Kianna104]

heh... so being disabled means you have to be a sub? It's odd, I would have thought that the scene would be a bit more diverse.

I'm a Domme but you'd be amazed at how I get perceived. Because i would rather use the net to control im seen as a fake. Rather then put them through the actuality of what my life is like right now.

What I got was a jerk who made me doubt myself

 

[DVS]

I'm a Domme but you'd be amazed at how I get perceived. Because i would rather use the net to control im seen as a fake. Rather then put them through the actuality of what my life is like right now.

What I got was a jerk who made me doubt myself

Actually, the jerk doubts himself so he tries to lower you in status to make himself feel higher. Trust me, he's the one with the issue problems, not you.

Fakes have to cut others down to feel real...a part of the game. If someone says things in order to cut you down or make you feel insecure about yourself, he's only trying to build himself up. He has nothing substantial of his own to stand on so all he can do is break someone else down so they're lower than he is.

In your case, it doesn't seem like it worked. It just pissed you off.

 

[DVS]

How about this, suge. The next time someone corrects you on another website about the title you give to your Significant Other, you tell them to take that corncob stuck up their ass and eat it.

A very good come back but...ew.

 

[satindesire]

Fakes have to cut others down to feel real...a part of the game. If someone says things in order to cut you down or make you feel insecure about yourself, he's only trying to build himself up. He has nothing substantial of his own to stand on so all he can do is break someone else down so they're lower than he is.

Boy, we don't know ANYONE like that around here, Do We?

 

[DVS]

wonder if i told everybody my name was sweet lady and that's what they should call me where it would get me.

NOT FAR I'm sure lol

Try it and find out. Yes, I read your profile. You want to be a paid brat?

 

[satindesire]

A very good come back but...ew.

Heh.

 

[Etoile]

Don't overthink it. Use what is most convenient to you at the time you need the term. And don't fret when somebody else uses something that you wouldn't use.

 

[Kikori]

Usernames that include Master, Mistress, Sir, Lord, or Lady make me laugh, because they come off as presumptuous.

Can I safely assume that Mister Sir and Sir Winston are excluded, since they're at least regulars who aren't flashing around their name as "I'm dom you're sub now do this" people?

As proven, I like to at least know what someone might be able to be labeled as. For the sake of conversation, personal clarity, curiosity being satisfied, and/or even loosely being able to give an up-to-three-word summary of your preferences, it's not bad to get involved with labels. But to run a life by them or have to rely on them for pretty much more than introductions, or have a friendship / relationship in which your lover is "Him", "Sir", "Master", or something similar just doesn't sound as good as one where he has a personal, endearing name. I'd rather be "Koneko" than anything else because it's how she has been able to sum up me.

 

[Stella_Omega]

A very good come back but...ew.

Yeah... the cob fiber would get so stuck in their teeth!

 

[satindesire]

Yeah... the cob fiber would get so stuck in their teeth!

No amount of floss on the planet would take the taste out of their mouths.

 

[Black_Bunny]

Thanks for your input all. I do call him by names other than Master, his own name being one, it's just that for privacy reasons I'm not going to use his real name here, and he's not on here for me to have a username to call him by. I didn't think any of you would care what I referred to him as, I just thought I'd check - after the tongue-lashing we received on Fetlife

And thank you for your idea, satindesire The problem is that I'm trying to make friends with these people because they are physically in my city, and I wanted to make friends with people I could see in real life (no offense to all you internet buddies ) But it seems the local scene, while friendly, is also quite strict about formalities

 

[Etoile]

You could give him a pseudonym if you want to have something to call him on here...his initial, a name he uses elsewhere online, a male name you particularly like, or Schmoopsie-kins...something that we would know who it referred to, without it being "master" or something.

 

[Black_Bunny]

You could give him a pseudonym if you want to have something to call him on here...his initial, a name he uses elsewhere online, a male name you particularly like, or Schmoopsie-kins...something that we would know who it referred to, without it being "master" or something.

Hmmm.... nice idea, thank you. I'll go with Grim, that's the name he chose for Fetlife.

I'll pass on the Schmoopsie-kins

 

[DVS]

Boy, we don't know ANYONE like that around here, Do We?

I seem to remember one casual visitor. ~smile~

Unfortunately, there have been others.

 

[DVS]

Can I safely assume that Mister Sir and Sir Winston are excluded, since they're at least regulars who aren't flashing around their name as "I'm dom you're sub now do this" people?

As proven, I like to at least know what someone might be able to be labeled as. For the sake of conversation, personal clarity, curiosity being satisfied, and/or even loosely being able to give an up-to-three-word summary of your preferences, it's not bad to get involved with labels. But to run a life by them or have to rely on them for pretty much more than introductions, or have a friendship / relationship in which your lover is "Him", "Sir", "Master", or something similar just doesn't sound as good as one where he has a personal, endearing name. I'd rather be "Koneko" than anything else because it's how she has been able to sum up me.

Those are just names and like you said, they don't abuse others by forcing them to kneel at their feet, calling them bitch, refusing eye contact, etc. I have no problem with someone named Master or someone calling someone Master.

Everybody has the desire to be an individual balanced by the desire to fit in. Well, most of us do. Frankly, I'd have less of an issue with someone calling me Master than if someone called me schnooky winkums. The horror!