The Poets' Collaboration Thread
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Lauren Hynde
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Of course you're not intruding. I'm looking forward to see it. 
juicyjesus
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Poem(?)
"Assholes Are Go!!!"
fucking speed freaks anyway...
they think they can get away with just about anything.
they believe in crashing into walls
instead of walking through them.
Das LoveKalvin
"Assholes Are Go!!!"
fucking speed freaks anyway...
they think they can get away with just about anything.
they believe in crashing into walls
instead of walking through them.
Das LoveKalvin
Lauren Hynde
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Cord? How's that glosa stanza coming along?
Cordelia
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Okay, I'll just give you what I have.
I am not completely satisfied with it, but here's what I have.
He sees the rocks, like giants, stand
against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
and sees defeat seep back to sand.
So rocks become his earthly throne,
and cliffs, terrestrial castle walls.
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Please, give me some suggestions. I know this needs work.
Cordelia
I am not completely satisfied with it, but here's what I have.
He sees the rocks, like giants, stand
against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
and sees defeat seep back to sand.
So rocks become his earthly throne,
and cliffs, terrestrial castle walls.
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Please, give me some suggestions. I know this needs work.
Cordelia
juicyjesus
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Cordelia-I wouldn't go so far as to say your poem needs work. I look at the last line only as something you could change. I don't care much for critics and don't pretend to be one. If you really want to hear from other poets, I think the last line should be the killer punch so the audience really says wow. I like your poem the way it is though. I had to read it twice. I appreciate your brevity. I love short poems. You're talented. Do you have any controversial poetry that you'd like to share? Well, keep writing and hopefully we can all share our thoughts. Peace. Kalvin
Lauren Hynde
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C-
I like it. Besides a couple of very minor things I'd like to change (just to improve the flow a little), my only problem would be with repeating the word rock in the same stanza. The trouble is to find a suitable replacement. How about crag for the first?
He sees the crags, like giants, stand
Against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
And sees defeat seep back to sand.
The rocks become his earthly throne,
The cliffs, terrestrial castle walls:
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Do you think this could work?
I like it. Besides a couple of very minor things I'd like to change (just to improve the flow a little), my only problem would be with repeating the word rock in the same stanza. The trouble is to find a suitable replacement. How about crag for the first?
He sees the crags, like giants, stand
Against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
And sees defeat seep back to sand.
The rocks become his earthly throne,
The cliffs, terrestrial castle walls:
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Do you think this could work?
Lauren Hynde
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Hi, Kalvin.juicyjesus said:Cordelia-I wouldn't go so far as to say your poem needs work. I look at the last line only as something you could change. I don't care much for critics and don't pretend to be one. If you really want to hear from other poets, I think the last line should be the killer punch so the audience really says wow. I like your poem the way it is though. I had to read it twice. I appreciate your brevity. I love short poems. You're talented. Do you have any controversial poetry that you'd like to share? Well, keep writing and hopefully we can all share our thoughts. Peace. Kalvin
In this thread we're collaborating to produce new poems together. Everyone is welcome to contribute. The process is simple: someone begins a poem that will be added to by our fellow poets. The poet who posts the initial stanza/strophe will have the opportunity to have final edit.
Right now we're trying to write a Glosa (follow this link to find out what a Glosa is). I started it by choosing the Mote and writing the first stanza, Eve, Judo, and now Cordelia added to it; but we still need two more stanzas before it's over. Do you care to try?
And, once again, just what exactly do you call 'controversial' poetry?
Lauren Hynde
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Two stanzas to go...
                    Mote
                    He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
                    Close to the sun in lonely lands,
                    Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
                    The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
                    He watches from his mountain walls,
                    And like a thunderbolt he falls.
Glosa
He stands alone, dark and upright--
In his chest, promises unbound
In his lips no smile or a sound
But the perfect clandestine rite
Of closing fists, close to the ground--
He reads the sand of future strands,
He clasps the crag with crooked hands
Details glimpsed upon grains shifting,
The sea smoothes his sanded sheet
Of dissolving words as waves retreat.
What will be is seaward drifting.
Now he waits for tides to complete
The answers that slipped from his hands
Close to the sun in lonely lands.
Assured by success, he surveys his realm
Of targets, currents, rocks and waves;
A soaring master who loves his slaves.
Adapted o'er eons to guide this helm,
His gold eyes see yon quickened knaves.
Goal locked and ready, he makes his plans,
Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
He sees the crags, like giants, stand
Against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
And sees defeat seep back to sand.
The rocks become his earthly throne,
The cliffs, terrestrial castle walls:
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Next:
He watches from his mountain walls
                    Mote
                    He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
                    Close to the sun in lonely lands,
                    Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
                    The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
                    He watches from his mountain walls,
                    And like a thunderbolt he falls.
Glosa
He stands alone, dark and upright--
In his chest, promises unbound
In his lips no smile or a sound
But the perfect clandestine rite
Of closing fists, close to the ground--
He reads the sand of future strands,
He clasps the crag with crooked hands
Details glimpsed upon grains shifting,
The sea smoothes his sanded sheet
Of dissolving words as waves retreat.
What will be is seaward drifting.
Now he waits for tides to complete
The answers that slipped from his hands
Close to the sun in lonely lands.
Assured by success, he surveys his realm
Of targets, currents, rocks and waves;
A soaring master who loves his slaves.
Adapted o'er eons to guide this helm,
His gold eyes see yon quickened knaves.
Goal locked and ready, he makes his plans,
Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
He sees the crags, like giants, stand
Against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
And sees defeat seep back to sand.
The rocks become his earthly throne,
The cliffs, terrestrial castle walls:
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Next:
He watches from his mountain walls
Cordelia
Really Really Experienced
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- Apr 30, 2001
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- 475
Lauren.Hynde said:
YES! that's much better, Lauren. It's always hard to look at something one's created objectively.
And Kalvin... thanks so much for the input. I appreciate any feedback - good or bad - as long as it's constructive. But, as Lauren said, is only one stanza in a longer collaborative work.
Appreciatively,
Cordelia
Lauren Hynde
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bumping to get someone else to write a stanza or gaining time before I have to.
juicyjesus
Really Experienced
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- Jan 22, 2003
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Prett Pretty Poetry
I have something I wouldn't mind submitting. It's a little thing I like to call Bananas. It's short and although maybe disgusting, rather painless. Here it tis:
“bananas”
you are exclusively hand-picked
from the brightest bunch
of bananas in black.
you are peeled apart and yellow
you're a handsome fellow
you have a fruit degree
maybe a phd.
you are so smoothe
in my mouth
you need a coming out
pick up that phone
and dial 911.
s.johnson 2-04-03 2:18pm
I have something I wouldn't mind submitting. It's a little thing I like to call Bananas. It's short and although maybe disgusting, rather painless. Here it tis:
“bananas”
you are exclusively hand-picked
from the brightest bunch
of bananas in black.
you are peeled apart and yellow
you're a handsome fellow
you have a fruit degree
maybe a phd.
you are so smoothe
in my mouth
you need a coming out
pick up that phone
and dial 911.
s.johnson 2-04-03 2:18pm
WickedEve
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We just need two more stanzas? Maybe some of newer posters may want to help out. Silken_dreammaid? Mythos? Others? Did Rybka add a stanza?Lauren.Hynde said:bumping to get someone else to write a stanza or gaining time before I have to.
Lauren Hynde
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Yes, Eve. Two more stanzas to go, and the next one is an important one. I was expecting Ange to add one, but she doesn't seem inclined to do so; it would be great if anyone could give it a try.
I think what we have so far is turning out really great:
                    Mote
                    He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
                    Close to the sun in lonely lands,
                    Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
                    The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
                    He watches from his mountain walls,
                    And like a thunderbolt he falls.
Glosa
He stands alone, dark and upright--
In his chest, promises unbound
In his lips no smile or a sound
But the perfect clandestine rite
Of closing fists, close to the ground--
He reads the sand of future strands,
He clasps the crag with crooked hands
Details glimpsed upon grains shifting,
The sea smoothes his sanded sheet
Of dissolving words as waves retreat.
What will be is seaward drifting.
Now he waits for tides to complete
The answers that slipped from his hands
Close to the sun in lonely lands.
Assured by success, he surveys his realm
Of targets, currents, rocks and waves;
A soaring master who loves his slaves.
Adapted o'er eons to guide this helm,
His gold eyes see yon quickened knaves.
Goal locked and ready, he makes his plans,
Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
He sees the crags, like giants, stand
Against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
And sees defeat seep back to sand.
The rocks become his earthly throne,
The cliffs, terrestrial castle walls:
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Next:
He watches from his mountain walls
I think what we have so far is turning out really great:
                    Mote
                    He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
                    Close to the sun in lonely lands,
                    Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
                    The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
                    He watches from his mountain walls,
                    And like a thunderbolt he falls.
Glosa
He stands alone, dark and upright--
In his chest, promises unbound
In his lips no smile or a sound
But the perfect clandestine rite
Of closing fists, close to the ground--
He reads the sand of future strands,
He clasps the crag with crooked hands
Details glimpsed upon grains shifting,
The sea smoothes his sanded sheet
Of dissolving words as waves retreat.
What will be is seaward drifting.
Now he waits for tides to complete
The answers that slipped from his hands
Close to the sun in lonely lands.
Assured by success, he surveys his realm
Of targets, currents, rocks and waves;
A soaring master who loves his slaves.
Adapted o'er eons to guide this helm,
His gold eyes see yon quickened knaves.
Goal locked and ready, he makes his plans,
Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
He sees the crags, like giants, stand
Against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
And sees defeat seep back to sand.
The rocks become his earthly throne,
The cliffs, terrestrial castle walls:
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Next:
He watches from his mountain walls
Last edited:
Lauren Hynde
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Bumping the thread again and quoting myself for the benefit of silken and whomever else is out there. We still need 2 stanzas.
Lauren.Hynde said:
silken_dreammaid
Literotica Guru
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Lauren, is it done something like this?.. I'm not sure if I kept it right
silken
Out to far beyond the horizon he seeks,
from his precipice of a granite parapet.
Voices from those who will never forget
borne aloft to him in winding shrieks.
Too high to keep the comfort of regret,
too proud to break his silent pall.
He watches from his mountain walls.
silken
Out to far beyond the horizon he seeks,
from his precipice of a granite parapet.
Voices from those who will never forget
borne aloft to him in winding shrieks.
Too high to keep the comfort of regret,
too proud to break his silent pall.
He watches from his mountain walls.
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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- Apr 11, 2002
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That's perfect, silken. Thanks
I'm not sure about the metre (it sounds good, I really haven't checked it yet) but I'd rather not worry about that until all six stanzas are done.
So... anyone else out there wanting to try it out?
                    Mote
                    He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
                    Close to the sun in lonely lands,
                    Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
                    The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
                    He watches from his mountain walls,
                    And like a thunderbolt he falls.
Glosa
He stands alone, dark and upright--
In his chest, promises unbound
In his lips no smile or a sound
But the perfect clandestine rite
Of closing fists, close to the ground--
He reads the sand of future strands,
He clasps the crag with crooked hands
Details glimpsed upon grains shifting,
The sea smoothes his sanded sheet
Of dissolving words as waves retreat.
What will be is seaward drifting.
Now he waits for tides to complete
The answers that slipped from his hands
Close to the sun in lonely lands.
Assured by success, he surveys his realm
Of targets, currents, rocks and waves;
A soaring master who loves his slaves.
Adapted o'er eons to guide this helm,
His gold eyes see yon quickened knaves.
Goal locked and ready, he makes his plans,
Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
He sees the crags, like giants, stand
Against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
And sees defeat seep back to sand.
The rocks become his earthly throne,
The cliffs, terrestrial castle walls:
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Out to far beyond the horizon he seeks,
from his precipice of a granite parapet.
Voices from those who will never forget
borne aloft to him in winding shrieks.
Too high to keep the comfort of regret,
too proud to break his silent pall.
He watches from his mountain walls.
and finally:
And like a thunderbolt he falls.
I'm not sure about the metre (it sounds good, I really haven't checked it yet) but I'd rather not worry about that until all six stanzas are done.
So... anyone else out there wanting to try it out?
                    Mote
                    He clasps the crag with crooked hands;
                    Close to the sun in lonely lands,
                    Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
                    The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
                    He watches from his mountain walls,
                    And like a thunderbolt he falls.
Glosa
He stands alone, dark and upright--
In his chest, promises unbound
In his lips no smile or a sound
But the perfect clandestine rite
Of closing fists, close to the ground--
He reads the sand of future strands,
He clasps the crag with crooked hands
Details glimpsed upon grains shifting,
The sea smoothes his sanded sheet
Of dissolving words as waves retreat.
What will be is seaward drifting.
Now he waits for tides to complete
The answers that slipped from his hands
Close to the sun in lonely lands.
Assured by success, he surveys his realm
Of targets, currents, rocks and waves;
A soaring master who loves his slaves.
Adapted o'er eons to guide this helm,
His gold eyes see yon quickened knaves.
Goal locked and ready, he makes his plans,
Ring’d with the azure world, he stands.
He sees the crags, like giants, stand
Against the waves' relentless moan.
Inhaling, he becomes as stone
And sees defeat seep back to sand.
The rocks become his earthly throne,
The cliffs, terrestrial castle walls:
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls.
Out to far beyond the horizon he seeks,
from his precipice of a granite parapet.
Voices from those who will never forget
borne aloft to him in winding shrieks.
Too high to keep the comfort of regret,
too proud to break his silent pall.
He watches from his mountain walls.
and finally:
And like a thunderbolt he falls.
silken_dreammaid
Literotica Guru
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- Nov 28, 2002
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the metre?.. ~laughs slightly~.. It's probably way out from the rest, I was watching to make sure I kept the ryhming scheme right, I forgot to look at that bit of it.
silken
silken
Lauren Hynde
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Come on, people... Just one last effort.
Lauren Hynde
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Just bumping the thread back to page one. If no one wants to give the last stanza a go, I'll try to finish it this weekend so we can move along to something else.
Senna Jawa
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Stands (alone) upright but fists close to the ground--what a lonely monkey.Lauren.Hynde said:
lickmyboot
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polish me please Lauren!
Lordissa! I'm just plain awful with meter and rhyme. Make some sense of this please Lauren.
He breathes in deep, the blackened skies
a final taste--wind's sighing mock
All too aware, Death's measured clock
Closing eyes, he ends the lies
Leaning close he hears the clash of sea upon the rock
Fear cast aside, it's she who calls
And like a thunderbolt he falls.
Lordissa! I'm just plain awful with meter and rhyme. Make some sense of this please Lauren.
He breathes in deep, the blackened skies
a final taste--wind's sighing mock
All too aware, Death's measured clock
Closing eyes, he ends the lies
Leaning close he hears the clash of sea upon the rock
Fear cast aside, it's she who calls
And like a thunderbolt he falls.
Lauren Hynde
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Thank God! You heard my telepathic call for help... (seriously, I saw you online and thought about pming you about this)
I'll try to tie up all the stanzas as soon as possible. Thanks, Lick-babe.
I'll try to tie up all the stanzas as soon as possible. Thanks, Lick-babe.
lickmyboot
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Lauren.Hynde said:Thank God! You heard my telepathic call for help... (seriously, I saw you online and thought about pming you about this)
I heard your siren's song!
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