The Queernesss Thread

[Stella_Omega]

course... when I read the reviews of the movie plus the spoilers (because I just need to do it that way, okay-- I realised that I would not be able to sit through the first half hour of Snowpiercer. Ah well, at least I know my own limits better nowadays.

In other news, I bought new deoderant-- I got Old Spice, original. It's everything they promised!

Interestingly, it's mostly carnation on the top note and I love that clovey scent of carnations. The perfume reviewers say that if you want the REAL original formulation, look for a vintage bottle of aftershave on ebay or something, or-- they say-- buy the dolar store version, which for some reason is more complex than the drug store version...

 

[Stella_Omega]

I used to wear that back in highschool. It was absolute torture, & I'd wear it as sparingly as possible. It took me years to do the simple math & realize I was allergic to the stuff.

It might be the queerest thing I've ever worn!

I do worry about inadvertently hurting someone. it's incredibly strong, and lasts like... 24 hours or some damn thing.

But now it's dwindled down to a clean soap smell. wierd.

 

[KoPilot]

That's what the hubs wears, Stella! I love love love the smell. It's so warm and somehow prickly. I have a really terrible sense of smell, though, so to hell with complexity . :B

 

[satindesire]

*runs after you to breath down your neck while they cook*

Are they done yet? Wow, I've never cooked french fries, is that something you do?

here's a cool geeky thing; There's a new movie coming out, "snowpiercer" made by some Korean auteur. Tilda Swinton is the bad guy-- and the part was written as male, she's playing it female, but they never changed the script, so her character gets "he, him, his" pronouns.

YEAH BABY THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

Both my kids LOVE fries so I cook them about 3x a week. So yes, absolutely that's something "you do" xD

I want to see snowpiercer SOBADOMG. When I heard about it about a month ago, I woke my husband up from a dead sleep and said "FIND ME THIS MOVIE!"

 

[Niam1985]

When a man smells like soap, i think its hot. When deodorant smells clean and soapy,and i know old spice is one of them, hot. When current bf wore Brut 33, i knew it immediately. Nope, couldnt touch him...it was my father's signature scent. Sorry hon ,so not getting nothing when all i can smell is dad .

 

[Stella_Omega]

From elsewhere on the interwebs comes this quote. it reflects the direction my opinion has been heading over the past few years;

“Welcoming people [into the trans community] who otherwise might have been able to get by in a cis identity weakens the ideology of cisness, not the ideology of transness.

It’s saying, “we can do things for these people that you cannot because of your narrow ideas of gender.” It’s saying, “these are our people to cherish, not your people to shame.”

This is why I've been talking about queer hetero identities and such.

 

[BiBunny]

I was thinking about this thread the other day but was too lazy to dig it up. So thanks, Stella!

I don't know what "counts" as queer for the purposes of the thread, but I'ma put this here, anyhow. If it doesn't fit, feel free to ignore. No biggie. I just kinda feel like my identity is in flux, and I want somewhere to ramble about it, I guess.

The older I get, the more appealing the aromantic label looks. I'm not asexual; I like sex. It's just that the less insane I become, the less interested I am in romantic relationships. No, actually, it's not even "less interested." I am straight-up disgusted at the thought of it. Ew, no. Just...no.

Now that I can look at them with a (mostly) clear head, I realize that all my romantic relationships in the past were messy (and for the most part, annoying) affairs that I think I only participated in because I felt like I should. I wanted validation, and that was how I thought I was supposed to get it. Now, I get it from other places, and my desire for another messy, annoying affair is nil.

To me, friendship seems like the most important relationship I can have with another person. So when it comes to sexual relationships, that's what I want, I think. Not your typical "friends with benefits" type thing--i.e., when you stop having sex, you stop talking, essentially. But, like, real and intimate friendships where if you have sex, great, and if you don't, great. Either way, it changes nothing about your friendship, and there are no expectations on anyone's end. I've had this sort of thing in the past, and it was so much more fulfilling than dating.

I suppose it also means that I'll be changing from "poly" to "non-monogamous," but that's ok, too.

/ramble

 

[Stella_Omega]

It is inspiring. It's not mine!

 

[bhndblueyes88]

To me, friendship seems like the most important relationship I can have with another person. So when it comes to sexual relationships, that's what I want, I think. Not your typical "friends with benefits" type thing--i.e., when you stop having sex, you stop talking, essentially. But, like, real and intimate friendships where if you have sex, great, and if you don't, great. Either way, it changes nothing about your friendship, and there are no expectations on anyone's end. I've had this sort of thing in the past, and it was so much more fulfilling than dating.

I guess to me this is what a good romantic relationship is anyway. Friendship is the core of most positive lasting human relationships. I can totally see why you'd want to avoid or have an aversion to that odd quality that makes a "romance" vs. a "friendship". It often feels so illogical, messy and confusing xD Friendship feels so much more comfortable and reasonable.

 

[BiBunny]

I guess to me this is what a good romantic relationship is anyway. Friendship is the core of most positive lasting human relationships. I can totally see why you'd want to avoid or have an aversion to that odd quality that makes a "romance" vs. a "friendship". It often feels so illogical, messy and confusing xD Friendship feels so much more comfortable and reasonable.

Thank you for saying that. It really does make me feel better.

 

[Allyourbase]

Ohh there's this thread again! Hi peeps! *hugs*

In queer hetero news: I took my straight cis male boyfriend to pride, which was held in our nearby city for the first time. He was apprehensive to go, and we sat down and talked and talked some more. I wanted to go, *with* him, to my first pride ever, because I wanted to be proud, and it felt like he belonged there as well. Any shit I get for being boi, is shit he gets for not being man enough, and the fact that my gender is not in tune, but he wants me anyway, has taken a lot of explaining from him to random people. Before we went to a popular pride party, organised by queer friends, I almost chickened out. I felt the weight of years of trying to be myself, while keeping him out of the world's critique. So we sat down on a bench in the city and talked some more, but now because of me. Then we went after all. He was welcomed without any issue by our friends. We had a great night. Sometimes things are just o.k.

 

[Allyourbase]

...real and intimate friendships where if you have sex, great, and if you don't, great. Either way, it changes nothing about your friendship, and there are no expectations on anyone's end.

This! Wow this is something I would totally sign up for but it's so hard to explain this to people. Yay for you finding this out for yourself.

 

[BiBunny]

This! Wow this is something I would totally sign up for but it's so hard to explain this to people. Yay for you finding this out for yourself.

Thank you.

Yeah, it's very hard to explain. I was trying to talk to a friend about it, and he was like, "So what you want is a boyfriend." NO. But I just kinda gave up trying to explain because nobody gets it or cares or whatever.

So, yeah...thank you.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Thank you.

Yeah, it's very hard to explain. I was trying to talk to a friend about it, and he was like, "So what you want is a boyfriend." NO. But I just kinda gave up trying to explain because nobody gets it or cares or whatever.

So, yeah...thank you.

At least in my head, The fundamental difference between a "romantic relationship" and a "intimate friendship" is very much one of those vague feelings that is difficult to describe or put your finger on. Hell, I can make the distinction, right now, clearly in my head, but I have utterly no way to articulate it. It's just a feeling, and it's probably different between individuals too. Vague feelings like this are always difficult to acknowledge and describe. If one is self-reflective and intuitive enough, I think most people would be able to acknowledge the distinction you're talking about.

I don't know how you feel about it, but I also don't believe these are exclusive feelings or relationships. Because of that strong foundation of an "intimate friendship", I think this is one of the reasons why the advice "be friends with your spouse" exists in the first place.

 

[KoPilot]

From elsewhere on the interwebs comes this quote. it reflects the direction my opinion has been heading over the past few years;


This is why I've been talking about queer hetero identities and such.

How I've been feeling too. It's like... I don't even want to give cis-hetero-ness the light of day by even acknowledging it. I want to go about my life acting like everyone and everything is queer. Ignore the dominant paradigm into oblivion. :B

I was thinking about this thread the other day but was too lazy to dig it up. So thanks, Stella!

I don't know what "counts" as queer for the purposes of the thread, but I'ma put this here, anyhow. If it doesn't fit, feel free to ignore. No biggie. I just kinda feel like my identity is in flux, and I want somewhere to ramble about it, I guess.

The older I get, the more appealing the aromantic label looks. I'm not asexual; I like sex. It's just that the less insane I become, the less interested I am in romantic relationships. No, actually, it's not even "less interested." I am straight-up disgusted at the thought of it. Ew, no. Just...no.

Now that I can look at them with a (mostly) clear head, I realize that all my romantic relationships in the past were messy (and for the most part, annoying) affairs that I think I only participated in because I felt like I should. I wanted validation, and that was how I thought I was supposed to get it. Now, I get it from other places, and my desire for another messy, annoying affair is nil.

To me, friendship seems like the most important relationship I can have with another person. So when it comes to sexual relationships, that's what I want, I think. Not your typical "friends with benefits" type thing--i.e., when you stop having sex, you stop talking, essentially. But, like, real and intimate friendships where if you have sex, great, and if you don't, great. Either way, it changes nothing about your friendship, and there are no expectations on anyone's end. I've had this sort of thing in the past, and it was so much more fulfilling than dating.

I suppose it also means that I'll be changing from "poly" to "non-monogamous," but that's ok, too.

/ramble

That's how I feel too. I have no idea what romance even is, except that I probably tried doing it at some point and it felt gross and stupid. S and I are partners first, BFFs second, and sex partners last, really.

 

[KoPilot]

I think for me, I've managed to outline a really rough "rubric" for wha distinguishes a deep/intimate friendship from a romantic partnership. Basically I ask myself "Physical intimacy aside, is there anything I enjoy doing with this person that is exclusive to my relationship with them? Or, physical intimacy aside, is there anything I enjoy doing with this person that would feel weird or wrong to do with "just" a friend, or even relative?"

 

[Que]

The T has no business, really in GLBT. Most gender play amongst gay men is camp and disrespectful towards women in my view. If you identify as gender queer and straight there is ZERO respect from that community.

 

[dexwebster]

Or, physical intimacy aside, is there anything I enjoy doing with this person that would feel weird or wrong to do with "just" a friend, or even relative?"

I'm super-intrigued by this. Do you have any examples of things that fall there?

I ask because in my relationship, which I definitely think of as romantic, barring a willingness and desire to spend more time with my partner than I do other humans, I can't think of anything that's that exclusive for us (including physical intimacy).

 

[KoPilot]

I'm super-intrigued by this. Do you have any examples of things that fall there?

I ask because in my relationship, which I definitely think of as romantic, barring a willingness and desire to spend more time with my partner than I do other humans, I can't think of anything that's that exclusive for us (including physical intimacy).

Well the first things that come to mind are stereotypical "romantic" things like a one-on-one dinner at a fancy restaurant, or doing stuff for valentine's day. I guess other stuff could include dressing up to turn them on, or... maybe doing your best to educate yourself about a hobby they have and that you don't care for but are trying to support them about.

Like I said, it's rough.

 

[KoPilot]

The T has no business, really in GLBT. Most gender play amongst gay men is camp and disrespectful towards women in my view. If you identify as gender queer and straight there is ZERO respect from that community.

I think it's fine right where it is. Just gotta keep beating them over the head about the fact that we exist.

And I've always wondered how a nonbinary person could identify as straight. Like... what's the "opposite gender" of whatever it is that you are? But whatever makes sense to them is the important thing, I guess.

I personally like using terms like "straight" and "hetero" completely tongue in cheek. They're anachronisms to me. My cis hubs ain't straight, he's gynophillic.

 

[Scrivener_]

Oh hi! Checking into this thread because HERE ARE MY PEOPLE. I am queer. I like girls, I like guys, I like people who don't fall into either of those categories (or both!). I'm a straight-passing cis pansexual lady, although lately I've been more vocal about my queerness at work, and thankfully it hasn't been a problem. (Oddly, though, when I come out to the straight guys, the conversation always seems to go straight to a discussion of porn - this has happened more than once, it's the darndest thing.) I'm also an intersectional feminist, which may or may not be relevant to some of you. I'm currently in a relationship with a cis pansexual guy who occasionally likes to present as genderqueer, which is fun. Once we move in together at the end of this month, I expect we'll have regular mani-pedi nights and "do weird things to each other's hair" nights.

 

[Que]

I think it's fine right where it is. Just gotta keep beating them over the head about the fact that we exist.

And I've always wondered how a nonbinary person could identify as straight. Like... what's the "opposite gender" of whatever it is that you are? But whatever makes sense to them is the important thing, I guess.

I personally like using terms like "straight" and "hetero" completely tongue in cheek. They're anachronisms to me. My cis hubs ain't straight, he's gynophillic.

Fuck "them."

 

[KoPilot]

Fuck "them."

As in, "fuck self-identified straight genderqueer people"?

Or "fuck LGB people"? I'm confused.

 

[Stella_Omega]

As in, "fuck self-identified straight genderqueer people"?

Or "fuck LGB people"? I'm confused.

or "fuck the othering implied by the word "them?"

Welcome, Scrivener_

 

[Allyourbase]

Do any of you guys know by any chance, resources about pregnancy as a GQ or trans* person? We've been talking kids for a while, and it'll take a while more, but in the mean time I'm trying to figure out my bigger fears: body dysphoria and gender role issues. My FtM coach told me there's no care in gender teams for this, here, just for people who might want transition, so i will have to find my own way.