The SCURRILOUS reader - for both whack jobs and mommy lovers . . .

[jomar]

Hey, you guyyyyyyyys!

I am sorry to jump in, Scurrilous, but I think that "THE ELECTRIC COMPANY: A story about the shocks of Scurrilous' childhood" might be of some help.

After all, how is this totally not questionable?

(I am sorry to everyone whose memories of PBS childhoods I just ruined.)

I'll look into it, but there's no way you could possibly know as much as Scurrilous about this, or any other, subject.

 

[fcdc]

I'll look into it, but there's no way you could possibly know as much as Scurrilous about this, or any other, subject.

Oh, that's true.

 

[TxRad]

Dear Electric Company

Can you come fix this switch in my garage? Every time I flip it, fire and sparks fly out of my neighbors ass. She's not complaining mind you, but the fire department is getting tired of putting out the grass fires.

Sincerely,

Me

 

[BarbarouSevil]

I'll look into it, but there's no way you could possibly know as much as Scurrilous about this, or any other, subject.

exactly. As for the Electric Company, my only question is, what about Naomi?

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Back in Session

All right, people, school is back in session. Who got the correct answer last week’s homework problem? ((a+e+i+o+u) x ff) - (((a+i) x ff) + uff) = (aff + eff + iff + off + uff) - (aff + iff + uff) = (aff – aff) + eff + (iff – iff) + off + (uff – uff) = 0 + eff + 0 + off + 0 = eff + off = eff off. This is an example of the associative property, the same property which leads me to question why I even bother associating with you people.

On to the contest, as I promised.

Here is my entry for the How-To Contest:

[size=+2]How To Write Like Scurrilous[/size] by scurrilous

A Guide to the Summit

You can’t possibly do it.​

Contest over. You may send the prize at your earliest convenience.

Why is this the winner? There are so many reasons:

1. It’s by Scurrilous.

2. It’s grammatically flawless. It has a subject, a verb, and adverb, an auxiliary verb, and a consequential referent.

3. It’s logically impeccable. The fact is, you simply can’t.

4. Its brevity, its pithiness if you will, commends it to even the most simple-minded readers, like you. (Spare me the jokes about the pithiness of the retht of my workth.)

5. It holds the reader’s interest. The reader grows excited as he reads the title and its description. It does not have a happy ending, true, but isn't it a tragedy that so few authors even come close to Scurrilous' standard?

6. It has horizontal symmetry. There are five words in the title, the description, and the story itself.

7. It has subliminal sexuality, i.e., “do it.” As in “So, Sis, you want to do it again tonight?” or “How long have you and your mom been doin’ it?” On a related topic, I have a book at home called, “The Complete Do-it-Yourself Manual.” Like I need a manual for that! I been “doin’ it myself” since I was eleven, pal. One of my ex-girlfriends got me the “The Do-it-Yourself Repair Guide.” I wonder what it was that she thought needed repairing?

Anyway, now that the contest is over, we need a new one. And since you’re going to get very tired of my winning all of Laurel’s contests (taking all the Laurels, so to speak), I’m going to propose a contest of my own. Stay tune later today for the Scurrilous Poetry Contest.

 

[naedra]

All right, people, school is back in session. Who got the correct answer last week’s homework problem? ((a+e+i+o+u) x ff) - (((a+i) x ff) + uff) = (aff + eff + iff + off + uff) - (aff + iff + uff) = (aff – aff) + eff + (iff – iff) + off + (uff – uff) = 0 + eff + 0 + off + 0 = eff + off = eff off. This is an example of the associative property, the same property which leads me to question why I even bother associating with you people.

On to the contest, as I promised.

Here is my entry for the How-To Contest:

[size=+2]How To Write Like Scurrilous[/size] by scurrilous

A Guide to the Summit

You can’t possibly do it.​

Contest over. You may send the prize at your earliest convenience.

Why is this the winner? There are so many reasons:

1. It’s by Scurrilous.

2. It’s grammatically flawless. It has a subject, a verb, and adverb, an auxiliary verb, and a consequential referent.

3. It’s logically impeccable. The fact is, you simply can’t.

4. Its titile, its pithiness if you will, commends it to even the most simple-minded readers, like you. (Spare me the jokes about the pithiness of the retht of my workth.)

5. It holds the reader’s interest. The reader grows excited as he reads the title and its description. It does not have a happy ending, true, but isn't it a tragedy that so few authors even come close to Scurrilous' standard?

6. It has horizontal symmetry. There are five words in the title, the description, and the story itself.

7. It has subliminal sexuality, i.e., “do it.” As in “So, Sis, you want to do it again tonight?” or “How long have you and your mom been doin’ it?” On a related topic, I have a book at home called, “The Complete Do-it-Yourself Manual.” Like I need a manual for that! I been “doin’ it myself” since I was eleven, pal. One of my ex-girlfriends got me the “The Do-it-Yourself Repair Guide.” I wonder what it was that she thought needed repairing?

Anyway, now that the contest is over, we need a new one. And since you’re going to get very tired of my winning all of Laurel’s contests (taking all the Laurels, so to speak), I’m going to propose a contest of my own. Stay tune later today for the Scurrilous Poetry Contest.

Ah, Scurrilous, me darlin’, you grace us with your presence once again. I seldom post a message on the forum, but basking in the glow of your magnificence, I just could not help myself. Thank you, from the bottoms of my little feet to the top of my blond head, thank you. Thank you for being you and showering us with your splendor. How are we, just mere mortals to your god, to compare?

Reading your words brought to mind a memory of my childhood on my grandparents’ farm. We were out early that morning, preparing for a day of mushroom hunting. Something small and foul and malodorous scurried from the barn.

My father stepped in front of us, intent upon protecting us from the nasty creature. He yelled, “Holy crap! Look at the head on that!”

One of my older brothers grabbed a stick and beat the thing to death.

Have a great day.

Naedra.

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Ah, Scurrilous, me darlin’, you grace us with your presence once again. I seldom post a message on the forum, but basking in the glow of your magnificence, I just could not help myself. Thank you, from the bottoms of my little feet to the top of my blond head, thank you. Thank you for being you and showering us with your splendor. How are we, just mere mortals to your god, to compare?

Reading your words brought to mind a memory of my childhood on my grandparents’ farm. We were out early that morning, preparing for a day of mushroom hunting. Something small and foul and malodorous scurried from the barn.

My father stepped in front of us, intent upon protecting us from the nasty creature. He yelled, “Holy crap! Look at the head on that!”

One of my older brothers grabbed a stick and beat the thing to death.

Have a great day.

Naedra.

It's always nice to hear from a virgin. We have so few left in my family. In my story "Moma from the Rear is still 'a mom'" (93 zubzillion views, 23 million votes, 2.22), there were no virgins at all.

 

[RhapsodyInRed]

Uncle Scurrilous, how could you treat me so. You've written all those wonderful stories about me, but you never give me any credit. After all those morning blow jobs...sniffle.

 

[christabelll]

whoops

can't remember how to do it.....

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Poetry Contest!

Uncle Scurrilous, how could you treat me so. You've written all those wonderful stories about me, but you never give me any credit. After all those morning blow jobs...sniffle.

So you were the one in the morning, huh? Er, what was your name again?

Anyway, it's time for the Scurrilous Poetry Contest, which everyone other than me, Scurrilous, is eligible to win. Your challenge is to write a second line to follow this:

My mother and your mother were hanging out the clothes.​

Here are four examples.

1. My mother in stockings and your mother in hose.

2. My mother kicked your mother's ass, two out of three throws.

3. I thought they would garden next - oops! (wrong kind of ho's).

4. I was going to do your mom, but guess which I chose.

So you know how the judging will work, I would say that number one has the advantage of vibrant visual imagery. Number two is more in keeping the the metrical rhythm of the original (Dum dadada Dum dadada Dum dada Dum Dum). Number three is topical. But the winner, obviously, would be number four. As my second wife Susie Scurrilous (I know, I can't believe she kept her maiden name, either - women!) used to say, "do you really thinks it's healthy spendin' so much time next door with your mama, baby?"

The contest lasts through 12 noon on Wednesday. Late entrants will be thrown out unless they're really, really hot.

SCURRILOUS

 

[mikey2much]

Can I enter

My mother and your mother hanging out clothes
Singing the blues about bad birth control
One forgotten pill one moment of careless
And you wind up with a kid, you gotta call scurrilous

 

[cloudy]

My mother and your mother were hanging out the clothes.

My mother grabbed her strap-on, and fucked yours in the nose.

 

[jomar]

My mother and your mother were hanging out the clothes.​

My mother tied up your mother with clothesline and called your daddy and my daddy and all the aunts and uncles and consenting age children in my family and in your family and everybody fucked, in rows.



(ETA the first line.)

 

[BarbarouSevil]

My mother tied up your mother with clothesline and called your daddy and my daddy and all the aunts and uncles and consenting age children in my family and in your family and everybody fucked, in rows.

My mother and your mother hanging out clothes
Singing the blues about bad birth control
One forgotten pill one moment of careless
And you wind up with a kid, you gotta call scurrilous

It's nice when someone brings to mind the age-old wisdom of Tom Lehrer, who in "The Folk Song Army" reminds us that

The tune dont have to be clever,
And it dont matter if you put a coupla extra syllables into a line.
It sounds more ethnic if it aint good english,
And it dont even gotta rhyme--excuse me--rhyne.​

Although it is hard to top the visual imagery in cloudy's entry, which combines girl-on-girl action with toys with a form of sex that isn't even familiar to those living in the Scurrilous household(s).

 

[jomar]

It's nice when someone brings to mind the age-old wisdom of Tom Lehrer, who in "The Folk Song Army" reminds us that

The tune dont have to be clever,
And it dont matter if you put a coupla extra syllables into a line.
It sounds more ethnic if it aint good english,
And it dont even gotta rhyme--excuse me--rhyne.​

Although it is hard to top the visual imagery in cloudy's entry, which combines girl-on-girl action with toys with a form of sex that isn't even familiar to those living in the Scurrilous household(s).

So, that means I win?

 

[naedra]

The Scurrilous Contest

My entry into this contest, just for Mr. Scurrilous.

"Your mother was so hot my cold sores unfroze."

 

[jomar]

My entry into this contest, just for Mr. Scurrilous.

"Your mother was so hot my cold sores unfroze."

Good one! But I still win.

 

[Guest]

Just for you, Mr. Sevil sir.

my mother and your mother hanging out clothes
You snuck behind one and she rose to her toes
She screamed to the other, sweet sensual verbose(ity)
And on to your cock, with rare poise she did pose.

 

[cloudy]

Good one! But I still win.

Nope, me.

 

[jomar]

Nope, me.

You misunderstand him.

 

[BarbarouSevil]

If I have to turn around again . . .

The two of you are really starting to annoy me with this bickering. Don't make me stop this car. Besides, Naedra sent me a picture of her sister, naked, in the shower. So right now, she's winning.

Where did I say I was going to judge this contest on some sort of poetry basis?

I am, after all, yours truly,

SCURRILOUS

 

[cloudy]

The two of you are really starting to annoy me with this bickering. Don't make me stop this car. Besides, Naedra sent me a picture of her sister, naked, in the shower. So right now, she's winning.

Where did I say I was going to judge this contest on some sort of poetry basis?

I am, after all, yours truly,

SCURRILOUS

He's touching me. Make him stop touching me! Dad!

 

[jomar]

The two of you are really starting to annoy me with this bickering. Don't make me stop this car. Besides, Naedra sent me a picture of her sister, naked, in the shower. So right now, she's winning.

Where did I say I was going to judge this contest on some sort of poetry basis?

I am, after all, yours truly,

SCURRILOUS

Are we there yet?

 

[jomar]

Right, we weren't paying attention. So here goes...

My mother and your mother were hanging out the clothes.

They both agreed that SCURRILOUS is the top scribe in the cosmos.


(Then all the relatives of consenting age fucked.)

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Are we there yet?

He's touching me. Make him stop touching me! Dad!

You, jomar, are going to get dropped off by the side of the road if you don't stop asking annoying questions. And you, cloudy, should remember whose car your in. If your brother wasn't touching you, it wouldn't be a SCURRILOUS vacation, would it? On the other hand, if we drop your brother off . . .