The SCURRILOUS reader - for both whack jobs and mommy lovers . . .

[jomar]

You, jomar, are going to get dropped off by the side of the road if you don't stop asking annoying questions. And you, cloudy, should remember whose car your in. If your brother wasn't touching you, it wouldn't be a SCURRILOUS vacation, would it? On the other hand, if we drop your brother off . . .

Drop me off at Auntie's.

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Drop me off at Auntie's.

You wish. I think we'll drop you off at Uncle Fred's. He's been very lonely since his wife left him and took both the girls.

So, Cloudy, how you doin'?

SCURRILOUS

 

[jomar]

You wish. I think we'll drop you off at Uncle Fred's. He's been very lonely since his wife left him and took both the girls.

So, Cloudy, how you doin'?

SCURRILOUS

That'll work. Auntie told me Uncle Fred is post-op and looking hot. You should write a story about Uncle Fredwina.

 

[BarbarouSevil]

And the winner is???

The SCURRILOUS Poetry Contest has closed and the judge has made his decision. First of all, I want to thank all of the participants. As a matter of pure poetry, it would be hard to beat Daniellekitten’s piece (except for the verbose (ity) bit – SCURRILOUS thought that “hot purple prose” would have worked better). Jomar’s second entry is clearly the up-suckiest. Naedra, your sister just isn’t that pretty. The line was funny, though. Don’t do that again.

So the winner of the grand prize is:

[size=+2]C L O U D Y[/size]​

Cloudy satisfied the judge that . . . she satisfied the judge that she was . . . let’s just leave it at she satisfied the judge. And what does she win, Don Pardo? A title role in the very next SCURRILOUS story: “My Little Girl Cloudy, All Nubile and Pouty” (projected 54 jubjillion views, 30 million votes, 2.54).

Thanks again to all who participated. Please come back next week for the SCURRILOUS Clue Contest. Start thinking now about which partner you want to do it with, which toy you want to use, and in which room of the mansion!

 

[cloudy]

The SCURRILOUS Poetry Contest has closed and the judge has made his decision. First of all, I want to thank all of the participants. As a matter of pure poetry, it would be hard to beat Daniellekitten’s piece (except for the verbose (ity) bit – SCURRILOUS thought that “hot purple prose” would have worked better). Jomar’s second entry is clearly the up-suckiest. Naedra, your sister just isn’t that pretty. The line was funny, though. Don’t do that again.

So the winner of the grand prize is:

[size=+2]C L O U D Y[/size]​

Cloudy satisfied the judge that . . . she satisfied the judge that she was . . . let’s just leave it at she satisfied the judge. And what does she win, Don Pardo? A title role in the very next SCURRILOUS story: “My Little Girl Cloudy, All Nubile and Pouty” (projected 54 jubjillion views, 30 million votes, 2.54).

Thanks again to all who participated. Please come back next week for the SCURRILOUS Clue Contest. Start thinking now about which partner you want to do it with, which toy you want to use, and in which room of the mansion!

 

[mikey2much]

This wasn't fair

I wanted to win the contest. I was good in the car and I didn't try to get at uncle fred.
How do you fuck in the nose anyway? I have been gone from Ala too long I guess. Have they always fucked in the nose there or is this something new?

When I lived in Alabama they used chickens not noses. They must have smaller dicks now. It used to be hard on the chickens anyway.

Congrats Cloudy. Me and the chickens take comfort in your victory.

mikey

 

[jomar]

The SCURRILOUS Poetry Contest has closed and the judge has made his decision. First of all, I want to thank all of the participants. As a matter of pure poetry, it would be hard to beat Daniellekitten’s piece (except for the verbose (ity) bit – SCURRILOUS thought that “hot purple prose” would have worked better). Jomar’s second entry is clearly the up-suckiest. Naedra, your sister just isn’t that pretty. The line was funny, though. Don’t do that again.

So the winner of the grand prize is:

[size=+2]C L O U D Y[/size]​

Cloudy satisfied the judge that . . . she satisfied the judge that she was . . . let’s just leave it at she satisfied the judge. And what does she win, Don Pardo? A title role in the very next SCURRILOUS story: “My Little Girl Cloudy, All Nubile and Pouty” (projected 54 jubjillion views, 30 million votes, 2.54).

Thanks again to all who participated. Please come back next week for the SCURRILOUS Clue Contest. Start thinking now about which partner you want to do it with, which toy you want to use, and in which room of the mansion!

How come the girls always win??

 

[jomar]

Slut.

 

[cloudy]

How come the girls always win??

because we're girls. Duh.

 

[fcdc]

How come the girls always win??

"Now you see why evil will always triumph. Because good is dumb."

 

[jomar]

because we're girls. Duh.

Oh, wait, I forgot whose family we're talking about. You're right!.

 

[jomar]

"Now you see why evil will always triumph. Because good is dumb."

Please clarify - do you mean cloudy is evil or do you mean girls are evil?

 

[fcdc]

Please clarify - do you mean cloudy is evil or do you mean girls are evil?

It was a joke. From Spaceballs.

 

[jomar]

It was a joke. From Spaceballs.

I knew it was a joke, but my Mel Brooks filter was off.

 

[naedra]

The SCURRILOUS Poetry Contest has closed and the judge has made his decision. First of all, I want to thank all of the participants. As a matter of pure poetry, it would be hard to beat Daniellekitten’s piece (except for the verbose (ity) bit – SCURRILOUS thought that “hot purple prose” would have worked better). Jomar’s second entry is clearly the up-suckiest. Naedra, your sister just isn’t that pretty. The line was funny, though. Don’t do that again.

So the winner of the grand prize is:

[size=+2]C L O U D Y[/size]​

Cloudy satisfied the judge that . . . she satisfied the judge that she was . . . let’s just leave it at she satisfied the judge. And what does she win, Don Pardo? A title role in the very next SCURRILOUS story: “My Little Girl Cloudy, All Nubile and Pouty” (projected 54 jubjillion views, 30 million votes, 2.54).

Thanks again to all who participated. Please come back next week for the SCURRILOUS Clue Contest. Start thinking now about which partner you want to do it with, which toy you want to use, and in which room of the mansion!

I knew it was fixed! I'm taking my tits and going home!

 

[Guest]

I just want to thank the academy....wait, what do you mean I didn't win?????? I was supposed to win, dammit!!!! I slipped that jerk a $20 just like you told me to!!!!!!! You want me to do what???? But....mine was better....

Fine!

Congratulations Cloudy <sigh>

 

[SweetWitch]

I just want to thank the academy....wait, what do you mean I didn't win?????? I was supposed to win, dammit!!!! I slipped that jerk a $20 just like you told me to!!!!!!! You want me to do what???? But....mine was better....

Fine!

Congratulations Cloudy <sigh>

$20???

He told me I'd have to pay $100! That's why I didn't enter.

Something stinks around here.

Congrats, Cloudy!

 

[BarbarouSevil]

A question!!! From me, SCURRILOUS!!!

Question for Laurel and Manu

So what exactly is a view? If I sit here at my computer, for hours at a time, opening first one of my stories and then another to admire how well they’re written and how best-sellerish they are, does each of those count as a view? If I go back to the first story after that, because that’s my favoritest, and the bestest-sellerish, does that count as two views? And what about my relatives? Suppose my sisters, who live here with me at Maison Scurrilous, use my computer to look at the stories, sighing with fond remembrance at my blunt and sexy descriptions of our coiti (that’s the plural of coitus, isn’t it?). Does each of those count as a view? And what about my cousins and my aunts? That’s right, they all like to look. My sisters and my cousins, whom I reckon by the dozens (and who’re fond of all my lovin’s, with the thrustin’s and the shovin’s, puttin’ buns in all their ovens) and my Aaaaaunts! Sorry, sometimes I just end up goin’ all Scurrilous and Sullivan somedays.

Anyway, what’s the answer here? In my story, “A Piece o’ My Niece” (originally rejected 15 times, 56 plumpillion views, 87 million votes, no average –

And let us pause here in memory of Bruce McGill, who, as Daniel Simpson Day, had no grade-point average. Actually, I don’t think he’s really dead, but when you go from playing opposite John Belushi in “Animal House” to playing opposite “Reese Witherspoon in “Legally Blonde II,” as a senator who wuvved his wittle doggie, isn’t death really a welcome step? I mean, the man could play the William Tell Overture on his face.​

-), when somebody asked a question – “Uncle Scurrilous, why are you pulling down your pants? And how come yours is smaller than everybody else’s?” – she got an answer. I think we’re all entitled to no less.

 

[fcdc]

My sisters and my cousins, whom I reckon by the dozens (and who’re fond of all my lovin’s, with the thrustin’s and the shovin’s, puttin’ buns in all their ovens) and my Aaaaaunts! Sorry, sometimes I just end up goin’ all Scurrilous and Sullivan somedays.

 

[cloudy]

 

[BarbarouSevil]

SCURRILOUS could not find your picture on the link you provided (www fruity oaty dot com????) but is very interested in how you found your way to a site whose motto is

Fruity Oaty Bars
Make a man out of a mouse
Fruity Oaty Bars
Make you bust out of your blouse​

SCURRILOUS has a few cousins who could apparently benefit from some Fruity Oaty bars (as could SCURRILOUS, but that's neither here nor there). Where can I buy a gross or so?

 

[fcdc]

SCURRILOUS could not find your picture on the link you provided (www fruity oaty dot com????) but is very interested in how you found your way to a site whose motto is

Fruity Oaty Bars
Make a man out of a mouse
Fruity Oaty Bars
Make you bust out of your blouse​

SCURRILOUS has a few cousins who could apparently benefit from some Fruity Oaty bars (as could SCURRILOUS, but that's neither here nor there). Where can I buy a gross or so?

I don't think you want to go near the Fruity Oaty Bars. Look what they did to River Tam...

The commercial, however, will blow your damn mind.

 

[naedra]

I get literally billions and billons of requests from readers on all sorts of planets spread across this vast universe to provide them with my wisdom on various issues of the day. After sitting on the can for a couple of hours this morning, I’ve decided to speak out. This is almost like having the Great Library of Alexandria reproduced right here on Literotica, except it’s better because it’s me!

Here’s what I’ll do for you when you subscribe:

* Give you my views about me.
* Give you my views about people who annoy me.
* Give you my five-star reviews about the literature I have produced.
* Trash other peoples’ pieces of crap.
* Provide the powers-that-be with unsolicited comments about how to improve this site.
* Convince you with my explanations of why I should win various contests - maybe all of them!
* Reproduce e-mails I've sent myself about how good I am.
* Explain why I’m just as annoying in person as I am in cyberspace.
* Act as the "Glamour Don’t" poster boy for Literotica.

Finally, I’ll explain how my own failed relationships with women, and the painful sexual experiences that I've encountered as a result, have produced the amazingly successful, vastly underrated corpus of Scurrilous works.

FEEL FREE TO POST YOUR OWN REPLIES; I CERTAINLY WON’T READ THEM, AND MY READERS WILL KNOW THEY’RE NOT FROM ME

SCURRILOUS

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: noactualauthorswereharmedintheproductionofthisthreadnomatterhowbadlyIwantedtodoit.

Listen pal, I pm'd you before, asking nicely for you to take me off your mailing list. Now I'm telling you--STOP SENDING ME ALL YOUR USELESS, SELF-ABSORBED BULLSHIT. AND NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE A PICTURE OF MY BABY SISTER IN THE BATHTUB! STOP SENDING ME PICTURES OF YOUR COCK. THERE ISN'T ANYTHING TO SEE, ANYWAY. JESSSSSSSUS CHRISTTTT! LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Listen pal, I pm'd you before, asking nicely for you to take me off your mailing list. Now I'm telling you--STOP SENDING ME ALL YOUR USELESS, SELF-ABSORBED BULLSHIT. AND NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE A PICTURE OF MY BABY SISTER IN THE BATHTUB! STOP SENDING ME PICTURES OF YOUR COCK. THERE ISN'T ANYTHING TO SEE, ANYWAY. JESSSSSSSUS CHRISTTTT! LEAVE ME ALONE!

The only real problem with incest, if indeed there can be said to be any real problem at all, is that it makes breaking up so very difficult. The "mailing list" to which the young lady refers is the Christmas card that I send out to all my cousins, naedra included. And the picture is simply intended to replace the delightful picture of naedra's newest two-month old baby sister, nudera, that I seem to have misplaced. I would have asked her mother, my Aunt Snidera, but the poor woman just began a two-year prison term for attempted lottery fraud. As for the picture of me, I would point out that that was not what she was saying before she broke up. Her story, in fact, is set forth in my epic "Cousin Naedra's Very Needy" (56 blimpillion views, 26 million votes, 1.12), where we find the line "'Oh, God, Scurry Baby, you're sooooo biiiiiig. Can I have another picture for my album, please?"

Her cursing, moreover (the plaintive "JESSSSSSSUS CHRISTTTT"), suggests that she has not lost her interest in family relationships. In the most April 30 submission by my fellow famous best-selling author, sc****es, whose stories also have a whiff of incest about them, we find this curse: "Jesssus Christtttttt." Coincidence? I think not. Inbreeding? Maybe so.

SCURRILOUS

 

[Guest]

The only real problem with incest, if indeed there can be said to be any real problem at all, is that it makes breaking up so very difficult. The "mailing list" to which the young lady refers is the Christmas card that I send out to all my cousins, naedra included. And the picture is simply intended to replace the delightful picture of naedra's newest two-month old baby sister, nudera, that I seem to have misplaced. I would have asked her mother, my Aunt Snidera, but the poor woman just began a two-year prison term for attempted lottery fraud. As for the picture of me, I would point out that that was not what she was saying before she broke up. Her story, in fact, is set forth in my epic "Cousin Naedra's Very Needy" (56 blimpillion views, 26 million votes, 1.12), where we find the line "'Oh, God, Scurry Baby, you're sooooo biiiiiig. Can I have another picture for my album, please?"

Her cursing, moreover (the plaintive "JESSSSSSSUS CHRISTTTT"), suggests that she has not lost her interest in family relationships. In the most April 30 submission by my fellow famous best-selling author, sc****es, whose stories also have a whiff of incest about them, we find this curse: "Jesssus Christtttttt." Coincidence? I think not. Inbreeding? Maybe so.

SCURRILOUS

Hey twerp:

What's wrong with inbreeding? It saves changing the intials on all my towels.

Yours sincerely in God,

Smaedra