The validity of online relationships.

[Ausus_girl13]

Wow.

I mean, if you can't tell the difference between feelings of love and cyber fucking, Ausus, I don't know what to say.

Oh go suck it.

Why do you always do that?

You know that I can tell the difference, but in your first statement you simplified feelings, so I did do.

My point being that there is feeling behind it, even now, because most of us are people of convictions- even if you don't believe it.

 

[Hikari]

What's so wrong with being in love with an idea? And who says the only love being expressed is the blind, unconditional, totally witless, leave your relationship or pack up and move love? I think that shows a remarkably low opinion of most on here.

Being in love with an idea is being in love with a fantasy. It will never be real.

People have their flaws and love is about being a good partner with someone. It's about being a good friend first and foremost. There is no way of telling how well you will get on with someone in real life.

Real love is not based upon novelty. Novelty fades. That's really all an online relationship can be while it stays online.

Can you say you absolutely you love someone without having never touched them?

I can personally say that there were people I thought I was into until I tried to kiss them in real life. Sometimes you kiss someone and there's just no spark. Perhaps everything else is great about a person, but there's nothing there beyond friendship when you try it for real. It's a very real possibility.

When you enter an online relationship it means saying you love someone without having allowed yourself to feel the sparks. You're leading each other on when neither of you may have any real chemistry at all.

That is blind, unconditional and witless.

 

[Light Ice]

My point being that there is feeling behind it, even now, because most of us are people of convictions- even if you don't believe it.

No, most of the people arguing for online dating here are not people with convictions or principles. I don't see any evidence in their arguments or manner that suggests that at all.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

No, most of the people arguing for online dating here are not people with convictions or principles. I don't see any evidence in their arguments or manner that suggests that at all.

And what am I?

Funny though. You only disagree about the convictions of people, but not the feelings behind it bit.

I knew you'd come to the dark side.

 

[Light Ice]

And what am I?

Funny though. You only disagree about the convictions of people, but not the feelings behind it bit.

I knew you'd come to the dark side.

What is the point in arguing against feelings?

 

[Azazael]

Being in love with an idea is being in love with a fantasy. It will never be real.

People have their flaws and love is about being a good partner with someone. It's about being a good friend first and foremost. There is no way of telling how well you will get on with someone in real life.

Real love is not based upon novelty. Novelty fades. That's really all an online relationship can be while it stays online.

Can you say you absolutely you love someone without having ever touched them?

I can personally say that there were people I thought I was into until I tried to kiss them in real life. Sometimes you kiss someone and there's just no spark. Perhaps everything else is great about a person, but there's nothing there beyond friendship when you try it for real. It's a very real possibility.

When you enter an online relationship it means saying you love someone without having allowed yourself to feel the sparks. You're leading each other on when neither of you may have any real chemistry at all.

That is blind, unconditional and witless.

I agree, with almost everything you've covered. It's all very logical though. Love unfortunately, often isn't logical.

There's a few other points that may be worth thinking about though. Not everyone who expresses "online love" for someone intends to take it further or is in as deep as others think. I think the "love" that is bandied around is often used to cover feelings that range from mild friendship right up to unconditional. I do get that that is mostly what people are discussing and reacting to so vehemently in this thread though, the few couples that profess their love openly here and unconditionally. I still think it's reasonable to disagree with their views without resorting to uncompromising hatred (which you aren't showing by the way).

 

[Hikari]

And what am I?

Funny though. You only disagree about the convictions of people, but not the feelings behind it bit.

I knew you'd come to the dark side.

From what I understand you're talking about feelings with roleplay. That is different. We can imagine that in our minds and our body reacts to it. It's the same feelings a person gets from porn. Just because you attach emotional meaning to a fantasy, that doesn't equate to love.

+=?

 

[Light Ice]

Hatred?

I express how absolutely nonsensical it is to love a computer screen, and point out how foolish most of the arguments that have been made are, and suddenly I -hate- these people whom I've never met.

Interesting.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

What is the point in arguing against feelings?

Exactly. You can't argue if someone has feelings when they press that button precisely because it is so subjective.

From what I understand you're talking about feelings with roleplay. That is different. We can imagine that in our minds and our body reacts to it. It's the same feelings a person gets from porn. Just because you attach emotional meaning to a fantasy, that doesn't equate to love.

+=?

Is it possible that the "love" being bantered about here, is a form of that same RP?

(Yes, I am questioning the own validity of relationships I've had, will have and do have. Cause I am flexible like that)

 

[Light Ice]

Exactly. You can't argue if someone has feelings when they press that button precisely because it is so subjective.

No, that's not what I said. I said what is the point in arguing against feelings. Arguing. Against. Feelings.

Not arguing if someone -has- feelings.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

No, that's not what I said. I said what is the point in arguing against feelings. Arguing. Against. Feelings.

Not arguing if someone -has- feelings.

Semantics.

Go sit in the corner. I'm all done with you. We are breaking up.

 

[Hikari]

I agree, with almost everything you've covered. It's all very logical though. Love unfortunately, often isn't logical.

There's a few other points that may be worth thinking about though. Not everyone who expresses "online love" for someone intends to take it further or is in as deep as others think. I think the "love" that is bandied around is often used to cover feelings that range from mild friendship right up to unconditional. I do get that that is mostly what people are discussing and reacting to so vehemently in this thread though, the few couples that profess their love openly here and unconditionally. I still think it's reasonable to disagree with their views without resorting to uncompromising hatred (which you aren't showing by the way).

What you are describing is at best an online fuck buddy.

That is incredibly conditional. No real strings attached and never going offline? Those are some pretty big conditions.

I don't think what you are describing can be called love. If you really care about someone you'll want to be with them. To not do so is cowardly.

Also if you are married what the fuck are you doing professing love for someone else? If you are doing that it means you lack the ability to be honest with your spouse in telling them that it's over. How can you expect to have a better relationship online if you can't even be honest in real life? That is incredibly fucked up.

 

[Light Ice]

Also if you are married what the fuck are you doing professing love for someone else? If you are doing that it means you lack the ability to be honest with your spouse in telling them that it's over. How can you expect to have a better relationship online if you can't even be honest in real life? That is incredibly fucked up.

I like you. A lot.

 

[Hikari]

I like you. A lot.

You are not so bad yourself.

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

Ok so I have waited and told myself a hundred times I wasn't going to respond here but after reading 7 pages of it I might as well through my own experience and opinion in the mix. I'm fairly sure I'll get slammed for it but hey, what's new.

When I first started visiting this place I was in a very broken place in my life. Without offering to many lurid details I had just ended a relationship that left me in the hospital and fairly terrified of ever seeing myself in a trusting relationship with a man ever again. With that said, a friend of mine told me about this place and the fun she'd had here, sort of a safe haven to play, make friends and feel without having to have that one on one face to face relationship that at that point I was scared of.

Lucky for me I met some people here that touched my life and made me come back out of my shell and start to want to trust again. I also had people in my real life doing the same, but in this scenerio it just felt so much safer to lean on someone that was miles and miles away. All a part of the fear I was feeling I'm sure but this was my safe place to find a part of myself again. I met one guy in particular that yes I did end up loving. Crazy as it may seem to some of you I know. He gave me friendship and laughter, heartache and pain, but most of all he gave me love. It may not be the same sort of love you feel when you have your RL partner face to face, going through every day situations you go through in building a relationship. But it was a love that touched me in ways that made me unafraid to reach out and start living life again and putting myself out there. At a point in our online relationship I truly believed we'd be meeting in RL. I wanted it. Wanted it more than I should have beings it started online maybe, but it was there, it is what it is. Of course it never ended up coming into fruition but the intent had been there from the start had things come to pass as I wished at the time they would have. My point in sharing this is that because of him, I gained confidence back. By giving the love and caring that he did for me it made me want that RL love again, the kind that curls your toes and turns you into a mushy love fool everytime your in that persons presence. While what my online love and I had may not seem like a true and fulfilling experience, to me it was. It was exactly what I needed at the time to get me willing to put myself out there and regain my life back instead of living in fear of letting someone in. Yes the online relationship had a loving and caring aspect, no it's not the same deep love I have for my RL partner now. That doesn't make what I had with him insignificant or unimportant, it was, and even now I still have a friendship with him and still have love for him. That's just me though, a girl that wears her heart on her sleeve and believes you can find love online but I do agree that if you never take it to a real world experience it can never have the same fulfilling context as a real life partner you can wake up to each morning in a true and honest way and the bond you build with one another going through your daily life experiences. There is no comparison.

I'm cool with everyone having their own experiences, that's what makes people unique and the way we can all learn new things by sharing. What I do have a problem with is the name calling. It's unnecessary. Share your beliefs, that's fantastic, tell if something bothers you or say you don't understand someone else's belief's, that's fine and good. But resorting to name calling is low and it actually doesn't make you look cool or like you're a better person than anyone else. Anyways, that's my two cents, well, most of it anyways.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

Falls over laughing

In the end all threads end when LI hits on someone.

We're done here folks!

EDIT- thanks cherry-ness. That was awesome. I am proud of you. LI- I will kill you if you say one mean word to her, and I mean it.

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

Falls over laughing

In the end all threads end when LI hits on someone.

We're done here folks!

EDIT- thanks cherry-ness. That was awesome. I am proud of you. LI- I will kill you if you say one mean word to her, and I mean it.

Aus, I love ya dollface. So keeping you

 

[Ausus_girl13]

Aus, I love ya dollface. So keeping you

giggles

Dude! Did you see that?! I threatened LI- shit.. now I feel like Logan... ZING!

falls out of her chair laughing.

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

giggles

Dude! Did you see that?! I threatened LI- shit.. now I feel like Logan... ZING!

falls out of her chair laughing.

LMAO

You are so WIN!

 

[Azazael]

What you are describing is at best an online fuck buddy.

That is incredibly conditional. No real strings attached and never going offline? Those are some pretty big conditions.

I don't think what you are describing can be called love. If you really care about someone you'll want to be with them. To not do so is cowardly.

Also if you are married what the fuck are you doing professing love for someone else? If you are doing that it means you lack the ability to be honest with your spouse in telling them that it's over. How can you expect to have a better relationship online if you can't even be honest in real life? That is incredibly fucked up.

Yup, I'd agree online fuckbuddy is one way of describing it.

I'm only describing what I can see. In many instances where "love" is bandied around it's either tongue in cheek or expressing a feeling that doesn't equate to "real offline" love and probably never is intended to except in a few cases.

Maybe you've never cybered with anyone that you didn't intend to meet with a view to a possible relationship. I would suggest there aren't many like that here, or on any online porn site though.

And "love" isn't a word I drop around easily either. What's more interesting though is that I haven't really disagreed with any comments made here, yours or Light's, just the way they've been delivered at times. But still now you have both manged to infer that I'm a retard, cowardly and incredibly fucked up. Wow.

 

[Hikari]

Ok so I have waited and told myself a hundred times I wasn't going to respond here but after reading 7 pages of it I might as well through my own experience and opinion in the mix. I'm fairly sure I'll get slammed for it but hey, what's new.

When I first started visiting this place I was in a very broken place in my life. Without offering to many lurid details I had just ended a relationship that left me in the hospital and fairly terrified of ever seeing myself in a trusting relationship with a man ever again. With that said, a friend of mine told me about this place and the fun she'd had here, sort of a safe haven to play, make friends and feel without having to have that one on one face to face relationship that at that point I was scared of.

Lucky for me I met some people here that touched my life and made me come back out of my shell and start to want to trust again. I also had people in my real life doing the same, but in this scenerio it just felt so much safer to lean on someone that was miles and miles away. All a part of the fear I was feeling I'm sure but this was my safe place to find a part of myself again. I met one guy in particular that yes I did end up loving. Crazy as it may seem to some of you I know. He gave me friendship and laughter, heartache and pain, but most of all he gave me love. It may not be the same sort of love you feel when you have your RL partner face to face, going through every day situations you go through in building a relationship. But it was a love that touched me in ways that made me unafraid to reach out and start living life again and putting myself out there. At a point in our online relationship I truly believed we'd be meeting in RL. I wanted it. Wanted it more than I should have beings it started online maybe, but it was there, it is what it is. Of course it never ended up coming into fruition but the intent had been there from the start had things come to pass as I wished at the time they would have. My point in sharing this is that because of him, I gained confidence back. By giving the love and caring that he did for me it made me want that RL love again, the kind that curls your toes and turns you into a mushy love fool everytime your in that persons presence. While what my online love and I had may not seem like a true and fulfilling experience, to me it was. It was exactly what I needed at the time to get me willing to put myself out there and regain my life back instead of living in fear of letting someone in. Yes the online relationship had a loving and caring aspect, no it's not the same deep love I have for my RL partner now. That doesn't make what I had with him insignificant or unimportant, it was, and even now I still have a friendship with him and still have love for him. That's just me though, a girl that wears her heart on her sleeve and believes you can find love online but I do agree that if you never take it to a real world experience it can never have the same fulfilling context as a real life partner you can wake up to each morning in a true and honest way and the bond you build with one another going through your daily life experiences. There is no comparison.

I'm cool with everyone having their own experiences, that's what makes people unique and the way we can all learn new things by sharing. What I do have a problem with is the name calling. It's unnecessary. Share your beliefs, that's fantastic, tell if something bothers you or say you don't understand someone else's belief's, that's fine and good. But resorting to name calling is low and it actually doesn't make you look cool or like you're a better person than anyone else. Anyways, that's my two cents, well, most of it anyways.

I won't say the feelings you experienced aren't meaningful. I never said they can't mean something to someone. It's just important to understand that what you had is something that could only have been experienced online in your time of need.

People do a lot of things when they have few options. They reach out to people online sometimes when they are sad and alone. I know I did.

I can say that the feelings I experienced were real but it wasn't love for that person. They were feelings that came out of desperation and a need to feel loved. The need to feel important and special. Sad to say that it was never that way when I tried to transfer those feelings to real life. Each guy was worse than the next.

Feelings of sadness and desperation can create amazing fantasies when we need them to be there. It helps us to cope.

It's not the relationship with that person that made you better. You made yourself better and merely needed a push to do so. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You just can't call that love.

It's probably best you didn't meet him. You can live with an unsullied view of that time and look fondly upon it without seeing the imperfections. It's better for some people emotionally to remember things that way.

 

[Hikari]

Yup, I'd agree online fuckbuddy is one way of describing it.

I'm only describing what I can see. In many instances where "love" is bandied around it's either tongue in cheek or expressing a feeling that doesn't equate to "real offline" love and probably never is intended to except in a few cases.

Maybe you've never cybered with anyone that you didn't intend to meet with a view to a possible relationship. I would suggest there aren't many like that here, or on any online porn site though.

And "love" isn't a word I drop around easily either. What's more interesting though is that I haven't really disagreed with any comments made here, yours or Light's, just the way they've been delivered at times. But still now you have both manged to infer that I'm a retard, cowardly and incredibly fucked up. Wow.

If you're married and professing your love to someone online that you are in lust with, yes absolutely.

Sex with people using text is not the same as sleeping with someone in real life. Therefore you can't give it the same amount of meaning or importance as real life fucking.

If you cyberfuck an entire forum it does not carry the same weight as fucking everyone in your neighborhood. There's no exchange of body fluids or disease and you don't have to wake up next to your one night stands.

 

[Azazael]

If you're married and professing your love to someone online that you are in lust with, yes absolutely.

Sex with people using text is not the same as sleeping with someone in real life. Therefore you can't give it the same amount of meaning or importance as real life fucking.

If you cyberfuck an entire forum it does not carry the same weight as fucking everyone in your neighborhood. There's no exchange of body fluids or disease and you don't have to wake up next to your one night stands.

It is probably time to return to the original point of this thread afterall . . .

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

I won't say the feelings you experienced aren't meaningful. I never said they can't mean something to someone. It's just important to understand that what you had is something that could only have been experienced online in your time of need.

People do a lot of things when they have few options. They reach out to people online sometimes when they are sad and alone. I know I did.

I can say that the feelings I experienced were real but it wasn't love for that person. They were feelings that came out of desperation and a need to feel loved. The need to feel important and special. Sad to say that it was never that way when I tried to transfer those feelings to real life. Each guy was worse than the next.

Feelings of sadness and desperation can create amazing fantasies when we need them to be there. It helps us to cope.

It's not the relationship with that person that made you better. You made yourself better and merely needed a push to do so. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You just can't call that love.

It's probably best you didn't meet him. You can live with an unsullied view of that time and look fondly upon it without seeing the imperfections. It's better for some people emotionally to remember things that way.

I really appreciate your feedback and you being able to understand some of what I said. Only thing I have to add is, you said I can't call it love. You can't tell me how I felt or can feel about someone no matter where I met them. Love is something that comes from the heart and I know without a doubt I did. Nothing you nor anyone else can say can change that for me. I'm not at all saying that to be confrontational, just being honest.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

I have been on the sidelines following this thread for a while and I can't hold my peace any longer.

Love is not simply a physical response to another person's bodily chemistry. It is amplified by the touch of those you are lucky enough to be close too, but to express it, to feel it... that ability dwells within the soul. Love does not even have to be returned to be experienced. It also has many different manifestations, different potencies. I fully believe you can love several people in different ways.

I understand many do not agree with these ideals and that is perfectly fine. However that does not make you an authority, or give you the right to belittle anyone else for their emotions. Everyone is different, everyone feels things differently, deals with them differently, and rationalizes them differently.

I came to this site with the express purpose of writing stories. I even started out with another SN in the non-SRP area. It didn't work out and instead I came to the SRP area. To make a long story short I made my way into the lounges and made some great friends. I also met someone who did more than just capture my heart. She knocked me off my feet, she thrilled me down the core of who I am. Just the thought of her has always had a profound effect upon me. She showed me parts of me I never knew existed, she stirred my passions for good (and admittedly sometimes for bad). She knows me in a way few people have ever taken the time to know me. She can read my moods like a book even to this day. We built each other up during a time of great hurt, we both needed each other. Even when that need faded the love did not. Even now that our relationship has evolved and changed I still love her, and I will never stop.

We have never met, and I have a spouse IRL. I honestly could care less how people judge me. If you think I'm a coward, a liar, or any other label. Save it, it won't effect me. You have not walked in my shoes, you know a fragment of who I am. She knows me, knows who I truly am, and when the shit hits the fan and it really matters she has always been there for me, and I her. Even when we feel like we are falling apart inside we find a way to give to each other a little more than we have in the past. Even when I had to let her go and she did not understand why I did it, she still loved me, and I her.

That is what real love is. She forgives me my faults, helps me rise above my weakness, revels in my strengths, and she is always there for me. She will forever be a part of my heart and my soul no matter where life takes us.

That is what love means to me, and it can happen from a thousand miles a way.