the whole "dont look at me" thing

[Phoenix Stone]

(Hi, back for just about 5 minutes because I miss you guys but off Lit for now.)

Don't know that i'd make anything much of a Dom taking this approach as to what it means about him, but would be disappointed for myself. (Would just assume this was his thing I guess.)

But for me... looking down is easy. I can do what I'm told anonymously that way, even kinda go through the motions. But to follow commands while looking him in the eyes? To have someone See me obeying? Now that reaches down into that deep place. Everything from the look in his eyes to his knowingness... all that. It just feels more commanding, more real.

Just read a bit more of the thread... ahhhhh, i miss you guys/gals!

sigh and kisses

(Hard to find people in my rl with that right combo of sharp humor, intellect and not taking onesself too seriously. Sigh again. Well back to the PTA and the Civil Grand Jury and... gack, I'm choking!!!

Hey is my if-only-I-were-gay Secret Love Netzach still around? Blowing a kiss in her general direction. And missing shy slave bridgeburner and too many others to name.)

 

[Phoenix Stone]

On the other hand, the single most magical moment in the BDSM game comes when they start doing that wide-eyed, deer-in-the-headlights thing. That one always gives me the cold quivers, like my sadistic impulses and my nurturing needs are being creamed together in one swirly milkshake.

Ohhhh... See I know I've got these big dark intense eyes that go all puppy-dog -- and that you can also tell when I go all squiggy and nasty and hot, so... i won't give that easily -- I'm gonna hold onto myself, my control, as long as I can and that includes my eyes.
Making me look down would be letting me off easy... and sending me there alone.

-------
As to that totally other topic, what you do with your eyes in rl or walking down a dark street at night, much of that is learning. You learn things like how to use 'soft eyes,' like when you drive, to have good peripheral vision. Awareness -- without either taking on, or shrinking from, Anyone. Just being there solid and passing through.
But all that is street skills. Yes, you can learn to look right in people's faces, right between their eyes without letting them in. And men are easier I think in some way in this regard.
Otherwise, while I can and do do the 'challenge eyes' thing -- really letting people in and letting them see i see into them deeply? I mostly avoid that as much as I can, try to touch their eyes with mine lightly.

 

[sunfox]

Re: (Hi, back for just about 5 minutes because I miss you guys but off Lit for now.)

But for me... looking down is easy. I can do what I'm told anonymously that way, even kinda go through the motions. But to follow commands while looking him in the eyes? To have someone See me obeying? Now that reaches down into that deep place. Everything from the look in his eyes to his knowingness... all that. It just feels more commanding, more real.

I totally feel that way myself...put perfectly, Phoenix.

I miss you! Come back soon!

 

[FungiUg]

Re: (Hi, back for just about 5 minutes because I miss you guys but off Lit for now.)

Hey is my if-only-I-were-gay Secret Love Netzach still around?

Back off! She's MY if-only-I-were-submissive Secret Love Netzach!

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

am i the only one who finds it a turn off?

this is ONLY my subjective opinion-its just how i feel...but to look up at a Dom, to look into his eyes-first of all eye contact is important to me, i think its great and passionate and can convey any number of things..but anyways, to look up into a Doms eyes and have them bark "dont look at me!", my immediate gut reaction is "god, are you that insecure, that you cant stand to be watched while you Dom me? do you feel bad about what you're doing, or ashamed or something-is that why you cant meet my eyes? big huge immediate turn off.

just to make it clear i'm not dissing Doms who dont like their subs to look them in the eye..just saying its one of those fixtures of bdsm that just rubs me the wrong way and frankly i've never understood or seen the point of.
I feel the same way. If you can't look into his eyes and show him your passion, what's the point? I know there have been times for me when I looked into my dom's eyes and just saw directly iinto his soul. To me, it establishes the bond that connects two people.
anyone else feel this way?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Can't tell if SD5 forgot to post, or just dropped her eyes and ran.

 

[A's Sweet Baby]

Re: (Hi, back for just about 5 minutes because I miss you guys but off Lit for now.)

But for me... looking down is easy. I can do what I'm told anonymously that way, even kinda go through the motions. But to follow commands while looking him in the eyes? To have someone See me obeying? Now that reaches down into that deep place. Everything from the look in his eyes to his knowingness... all that. It just feels more commanding, more real.

Well said Phoenix ... i also agree. It is almost like the little child who hides her eyes "you can't see me." I often close my eyes or look away from Daddy out of shyness and because i am still so insecure about so many dynamics of our relationship. It takes great strength and resolve for me to embrace the needs and wants that i am finally revealing and that follows that it takes great strength and resolve for me to look Daddy in the eye as we talk about those things. But i can say that i feel the most at peace, the most intimately connected, and the most submissive when i *do* look Daddy in the eye.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

lol, yup...don't know what happened.

What I had wiritten was that without eye contact, there is no bond as far as I'm concerned. As they say, the eyes are a window into the soul, so where is the connection to the soul if you're not allowed to look in them?