"To keep the review thread clean..."

[Neonurotic]

Thanks to Ange, 12, SweetO, tazz and greenmountaineer for the kind comments on my poem, "Waiting for the Thaw".

 

[twelveoone]

Thanks to Ange, 12, SweetO, tazz and greenmountaineer for the kind comments on my poem, "Waiting for the Thaw".

I suggest insertions of word "winter" in 1st stanza, I just copied your poem, there is really nice set up going. I actually read the word "winter" in it, very nice change up, very nice. Here is your poem stripped bare.
1s "winter"
2s "bare limbs"

blew me away when I saw the turn

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

A request....

Please could the grateful poets use an url to make finding your worthy poem easier - thank you.

 

[Neonurotic]

Please could the grateful poets use an url to make finding your worthy poem easier - thank you.

But, but, but, wallflowers don't like to draw too much attention to themselves.
Point taken though.

 

[twelveoone]

But, but, but, wallflowers don't like to draw too much attention to themselves.
Point taken though.

wallflower?
your
Waiting for the Thaw
needs to be discussed
Do you remember WickedEve and her poetry trances?
I found a 'snake' in yours, you are getting into her territory.
You do remember annaswirls and WickedEve, don't you...

 

[Neonurotic]

wallflower?
your
Waiting for the Thaw
needs to be discussed
Do you remember WickedEve and her poetry trances?
I found a 'snake' in yours, you are getting into her territory.
You do remember annaswirls and WickedEve, don't you...

You mean discuss suggestions of "bare limbs" over "naked limbs" in Waiting for the Thaw? I haven't decided if the poem is entirely about trees or not, after all I'm thirty-five and still can find sexual appeal in a knothole.

WickedEve and Annaswirls, I miss them both, had a poem about Eve's shoes and SeattleRain's (Anna's) micro school girl skirt.

 

[twelveoone]

You mean discuss suggestions of "bare limbs" over "naked limbs" in Waiting for the Thaw? I haven't decided if the poem is entirely about trees or not, after all I'm thirty-five and still can find sexual appeal in a knothole.

WickedEve and Annaswirls, I miss them both, had a poem about Eve's shoes and SeattleRain's (Anna's) micro school girl skirt.

Good, I won't feel like a DOM (dirty old man), I'll try to get it posted today. Sometimes it pays to listen to your SUB (subconcious)

 

[twelveoone]

Sorry folks but I WISH YOU WOULD READ YOUR POEMS ALOUD BEFORE SETTING THEM LOOSE ON US.

Tess is too nice.
just

FUCKING READ BEFORE WRITING
and remember

a stool is something you sit on, NOT a writing implement
SHITHEAD

Goddamn, I hate that 1201, using words I don't understand (stool?)

IT'S SHIT

You're fantasy life, is NOT, I repeat NOT POETRY, IT'S SHIT

It must be refined and organized to reach a higher level

of caca

 

[twelveoone]

made me wonder if randy men should refrain from writing poetry.


I'm a randy man
want some candy M'am?
'cause the poetry ain't gonna make it
you'll give it up, you'll give it up
if you chose to take it

Gotta love it, Hallmark from Hell, and Russel Stover's candy filled with date rape creames
I'd be very careful sniffing the flowers

When are men going to realize, women are fascinated by well crafted words

which is why advertising works so well

see...


A case for Esperanto? On March 1st Premonmayee joined Lit and has submitted two poems in – what looks like – an Asian language with which I am unfamiliar so I am not able to say anything – good or bad.
is Hindi
from Google

Rose Body Kanduk Zug came across Chhatiaँ Lckti
Tunke juice was filled up Fulin Kismis knot Chhain
Sin was Gubare Ksin Lc Lc would have swung Gdbd
Sherry peak tan tan arrow beak Tits Clatin

Sutwaँ smooth silk legs come lumbering wave
Aaja aaja re vespine longer legs keep saying Llchaan
Saloni Citwni edged dagger attack killed Takei
She stood waist thigh impair any hidden place Bur Jare

Jant golden velvet soft bed littered W
Ah Bur filled her calling to remain flat screen
Rati on thin red lips smiling smelling Muskati
Won over the hearts showering showering tray comes adorned with pearls around

Sliver thickly laced Zomi few gentle wave front
Jtki kissed the dying doe eyes filled living
Put flowers C wave down swinging arms laden Umgti
Liana C'd already fell Pasren be erased erased any lightness

Sarit Punita speed tan sandal breeze C Lahari
Heightened storm limb deep desire Chudne

sung words to a sun tan commercial


just kidding
machine translation has a long way to go, although I wonder why, it is in the same language family as English

 

[bogusagain]

Thanks for the mention Trist and thanks for the comment 1201. Spit was better wasn't it? Thanks Harry.

 

[twelveoone]

Thanks for the mention Trist and thanks for the comment 1201. Spit was better wasn't it? Thanks Harry.

two comments, apparently you are not part of the facebook poetry crowd

 

[Neonurotic]

two comments, apparently you are not part of the facebook poetry crowd

There's a Facebook poetry crowd? Is that the same as MIP? Or The Circle/Oval club?

 

[Angeline]

There's a Facebook poetry crowd? Is that the same as MIP? Or The Circle/Oval club?

There's a bunch of people from the pobo who are Facebook friends. I don't know how much actual poem writing happens there, but then I'm not part of that particular oval. I am mainly there because it's a quick, easy way to be in touch with one of my kids.

 

[Neonurotic]

There's a bunch of people from the pobo who are Facebook friends. I don't know how much actual poem writing happens there, but then I'm not part of that particular oval. I am mainly there because it's a quick, easy way to be in touch with one of my kids.

Ohh, I was being facetious. I'm hoping Facebook/Twitter will be dead by the time my chickadee is old enough to be online.

 

[Angeline]

Ohh, I was being facetious. I'm hoping Facebook/Twitter will be dead by the time my chickadee is old enough to be online.

Agreed. Imho the world was a better place when we didn't have instant access to each other 24/7, but I do love any opportunity to chat with my (grown up) baby.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

There's a bunch of people from the pobo who are Facebook friends. I don't know how much actual poem writing happens there, but then I'm not part of that particular oval. I am mainly there because it's a quick, easy way to be in touch with one of my kids.

I think that group grew from a challenge, a set of five poets, I think, wrote a poem consisting of a versefrom each member. I haven't been back since, not because I didn't enjoy the challenge but because Facebook seems like a giant waste of time.

 

[twelveoone]

There's a Facebook poetry crowd? Is that the same as MIP? Or The Circle/Oval club?

Loved it Faved it Expressesssss it so well, I think raj and friends have faved about 200 things already, sometimes it was looking like a circle of jerks, but then i am a cold hearted mean sob (continued)

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Loved it Faved it Expressesssss it so well, I think raj and friends have faved about 200 things already, sometimes it was looking like a circle of jerks, but then i am a cold hearted mean sob (continued)

<<<<also cold hearted Oh! That Facebook group?

 

[twelveoone]

There's a bunch of people from the pobo who are Facebook friends. I don't know how much actual poem writing happens there, but then I'm not part of that particular oval. I am mainly there because it's a quick, easy way to be in touch with one of my kids.

(continued) but funny sometimes,

thanks for the comment on mine McCarthy meets Lennon (Yes I am meanspirited)
thanks Bog, hanna barbera meets Comac McCarthy, yeh 'bout right
thanks Harry, I figured you owed me
Tazz, left a comment, oblique but apropos
someone else,
and I was waiting for the anon

no I was referring...but I am seeing some changes, i.e. suggestions

 

[twelveoone]

<<<<also cold hearted Oh! That Facebook group?

spanky, fucky, and oftimes sucky

I think 5, there was another group beginning of last year had 9, I POLITELY SUGGESTED THEY ALSO COMMENT ON OTHERS, as some of the H's where self appointed gifts

 

[champagne1982]

There's a bunch of people from the pobo who are Facebook friends. I don't know how much actual poem writing happens there, but then I'm not part of that particular oval. I am mainly there because it's a quick, easy way to be in touch with one of my kids.

Ahhh synergy. I too like that it keeps me up and somewhat current. My poem on the 5 senses thread is actually inspired by L. She played that for a competition and dang near walked away with the single recommendation to play through the provincials. She's a true Chopin interpretive genius.

and neo, there's a group on fb that loosely resembles the old bistro thread. pm me if you'd like to get that revealing online and I'll set you up for an invite.

 

[twelveoone]

where is
Kaishaku
now that he is needed

 

[twelveoone]

Some poetry is so bad its good, far better than polite poetry, which is why punk was such a success in music, you destroy in order to recreate.

Perhaps I'm giving the writer too much credit but its quite possible to be an accidental punk, like the great William Topaz McGonagall, the accidental genius.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_McGonagall

The most startling incident in my life was the time I discovered myself to be a poet, which was in the year 1877.[5]

McGonagall claimed he was inspired to become a poet when he "seemed to feel a strange kind of feeling stealing over [him], and remained so for about five minutes. A flame, as Lord Byron said, seemed to kindle up [his] entire frame, along with a strong desire to write poetry."[6] He wrote his first poem, "An Address to the Rev. George Gilfillan", displaying the hallmarks that would characterise his work. Gilfillan, himself an untrained and poorly-reviewed polemic Christian preacher who occasionally dabbled in poetry, commented admiringly "Shakespeare never wrote anything like this."
I now have my next comment, for the next 10,000 poems
"Shakespeare never wrote anything like this."
classic
The Late Sir John Ogilvy: in praise of Sir John Ogilvy, 9th Baronet, MP for Dundee.

He was a public benefactor in many ways,
Especially in erecting an asylum for imbecile children to spend their days.
"Shakespeare never wrote anything like this."
classic
Tribute to Dr Murison: in praise of a local doctor who helped McGonagall while he was "ill with inflammation".

He told me at once what was ailing me;
He said I had been writing too much poetry,
And from writing poetry I would have to refrain,
Because I was suffering from inflammation on the brain.

I think we have a few, rhyming me/poetry genius! somehow the man knew...

 

[twelveoone]

Today

in new poems.
I was not bored.
QQ and Mr. E, you are heading in the right direction
and when you run out of holes to fill, may actually run into real writing
yeh, I know I'm a real prick
keep that in mind

 

[twelveoone]

I'll second the recommendation for My Trunk by susansnow. She doesn't use the sort of line breaks one expects to see in a poem: you get more of a feel of flash fiction from the shaping. There are things I'd change, yet this poem (like others of hers I've read) feels full of movement and action, feels exciting to read. To me this poet has a unique gift and is doing some very interesting things in her writing. She is definitely one to watch for imho.

I would have 3rd, but I hope Ms. Snow finds a new template and the time to comment on others.