Um, BDSM sex after heart surgery?

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[Adakgirl]

I can't help but comment that your husband looks to me like he is a very healthy stud of a man indeed, scars and all. I hope I did not offend you by saying so. This is not about your original question but...

You must have gone through pure hell while he was in the hospital. I know that taking care of him while he is so helpless, running a household, as well as caring for your children, and all the little things that go along with doing all that, must be an immense strain on you right now. Especially when this situation was suddenly thrust upon you without any warning or expectation.

It's times like these that makes a woman realize that she has a unique kind of inner strength she can draw upon and an amazing fortitude to carry on and get through it...that only a woman can posses.
(gender specific? you betcha!)

If you have any family (teenage family member who can come stay for the summer perhaps?) or friends or community groups, even church members available to pitch in and help you out with childcare, lawn care, housework, driving the kids whatever... I suggest you do not hesitate to ask. People who care about people are more than willing, and very happy to help others when they are in need.
In fact if you live in central California area I will come and do all your yard work for you no charge and I don't even know you. PM me.

So don't be afraid to ask, if you can't do it all that is perfectly understandable. Get some help if you can. that's my advice.

 

[YourCaptor]

You two will be fine.

Waking up out of that sort of surgery is disorientating. You are weak, you cant think straight due to drugs, you have things sticking out of your body that physically don't seem like they would fit, everything is off. Its very disorientating.

When the mind is confused like that it uses probability to figure out whats going on. The probability of a situation is based on the easiest to imagine way that you could have ended up in that situation. If he reads spy novels that information would have been available to him, and if he reads them a lot he was probably primed for it. Once the mind grabs hold of the spy scenario, it runs with it and makes all appear as if it fits perfectly within that theory.

Once all is done with, it adds up to one awful experience.

It seems as though he is set now, you should have no more problems other then bad memories, some anxiety coming with them is normal. They will decrease over time.

Just don't use any medical restraints, and don't mix the hospital memory with your sex, don't even mention it. You do not want the two getting associated with each other.

And remember arousal will cause palpitations, so if he feels it when exited no need to hit red alert immediately.

Enjoy

 

[sadangel]

sss
Just wanted to say, hugs to you and your hubby. I realize it's been awhile since he had his heart problem and ended up having surgery, but as you know, I've only recently returned back to AH to be able to say anything. Sending strength to you both and hugs. Like others have said, give him time. Give yourself time. I know you are being gentle with him, but don't forget to be gentle with yourself too.

 

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[myinnerslut]

Nurses are strictly utilitarian now, in the same category as the orthodontist and the pharmacist.

i used to say that being a patient in a telemetry ward cuases you to lose your sense of modesty. no sexy tingles over having to expose yourself, no reaction to the nurse's hands setting up the monitors. just completely routine. no modesty. i cant see anything in the sexy nurse idea either.

 

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[graceanne]

Thank you. What a lovely post to read first thing this morning!

I'm not offended by you commenting on my hubby, not at all. I love looking at him and his chest too. The scars don't detract, not in the slightest. They're war wounds. In fact, I told him it would add more definition.

The day of his surgeries - wow. It seems a blur. He woke up having a major heart attack at 6:15 a.m. Said there was an elephant on his chest. I called 911 immediately, there were here in 5 minutes and left with him at once. Luckily the kids were still asleep, they didn't see the ambulance take him away.

Within the hour he had a heart cath procedure because the artery was 100% blocked. Shocked, we all were. He doesn't smoke, is in fairly good shape, low cholesterol, low blood pressure, etc. So after, with new stents in place, we thought things were fine, he'd survived this, we'd have a new normal.

.
.
.

Bottom line? He's home and getting stronger every day. And we can make everything else work.

Wow. You have some wonderful friends.

i used to say that being a patient in a telemetry ward cuases you to lose your sense of modesty. no sexy tingles over having to expose yourself, no reaction to the nurse's hands setting up the monitors. just completely routine. no modesty. i cant see anything in the sexy nurse idea either.

The same with having colonoscopies and small bowel follow throughs and barium enemas in a teaching hospital. I'm pretty difficult to embarrass anymore.

 

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[bakedbeams]

Sweetsubsarahh,

Just wanted to send you both HUGS and wishes for a continued recovery...

 

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[Dirtco]

Time

Sweetsub, Time is your friend. I know that you and your husband want things "back to normal" One point to rember is that your husband will go through a greaving process caused by the heart prolbems. ( just like a loss of a family menber ) After a major procedure like the one you two have had I would recomend going to some cardiac rehab classes. Be frank when talking to then about some of your concerns. A true proffessional will not pass any judgement just good medical advice. I do not want to be a stick in the mud, but in my experance...(15 yr cardiac ICU )... one year is about the time it takes to FULLY recover. The best advice I can give to the two of you Things may not be the same as they were but now they can be more fun and new experances Gods Speed and health to the both of you

 

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[Netzach]

Thanks, you two.

You know, it seems so damned selfish on my part.

I mean, my emotions have run the rollercoaster the past month. My husband actually had two surgeries on the same day - the first to fix what they thought was merely a heart attack, that took two hours or so. The second surgery happened later that evening once they realized it was a much bigger problem, and that one lasted 13 hours. All night long . . .

Anyway, I certainly haven't had any libido to speak of. Worry and no sleep and being a single parent with 3 kids now (hubby can't drive, can't lift anything, can't do most things he used to do. Yet.) Our home has been post-op care, with medicines and breathing treatments and now a leg infection from where they took the bypass, which is on heavily medicated and improving, but you know what I mean.

My strong man, still strong, else he wouldn't have survived this, has been knocked off his feet. Iron Man is his new nick, that's a natch with the heart replacement bits, yanno?

I just figured we'd get back into everything slowly - eventually. We'd take it easy, take our time, no rush, no pressure. I can wait for this.

But now I am concerned that his tastes have changed irrevocably.

I will be very sad if he never wants to restrain me because of bad memories he has about his own situation in restraints.

I'll deal, of course. I'll have to. But I will still be sad.

Honestly?

They might have changed. What they've changed for doesn't have to be bad or worse, it's nothing you can pick, you just explore it.

I'd have had an easier time if more smart people told me that like gracie did and not "oh you'll be yourself again"

I never stopped being myself, myself just was less of a huky dory thing to be for a while and myself changed.

I haven't been through a tenth of that and mine changed. When you're into your own power and you get slapped with the ridiculousness of such a notion, it *can* change your relationship to power and control and demonstrations thereof. There's so much going on here, the restraint trauma is a section of the larger picture. And you're not going to fully understand it for some time to come. Five weeks is hardly time to process the smallest part of it. I'd agree with the poster who said about a year. That seems like such a horribly long time, but it's not really.

I'm not the same person and not remotely the same Domme as prior to my hospital steroids blood clot blah blah blah year. In some ways I'm a much better person. In some ways my confidence in sexuality took a nose dive and in other ways it morphed and in other ways it wanted to torch everything that came before and start over better.

People change, and huge events happen and change them.

But they *change* - if something's off the table new things are on the table. It's a journey. You'll have great sex again, it just won't be the same great sex. It may deepen, it may go off in another direction, it may not change one bit but you'll have to find it again and then it'll be different anyway, won't it?

 

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[myinnerslut]

Strange thing - there was a TV show on the other night that contained a hospital scene.

In the TV drama the heart monitors were loudly beeping and then they sped up in an emergency situation as the character's condition worsened. It was truly disturbing. I had to look away from the TV and when I glanced at my husband he was doing the same thing.

So it isn't just him, apparently.

you were both affected deeply by this. it will pass, or not, but either way it will become easier to deal with.

 

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[myinnerslut]

Easier would be good. Every time I think I'm getting past it, something new bites me on the ass. So to speak.

i know the feeling. healing is hard, and harder still when your talking about the mental kind. but it happens. slowly. too slowly sometimes for our liking, but it happens.

 

[satindesire]

That infection wasn't MRSA, was it?

 

[MisterSir]

Easier would be good. Every time I think I'm getting past it, something new bites me on the ass. So to speak.

Not too long ago, my uncle died. He was quite old, although he looked a lot younger than he was because he kept himself fit, but one day he simply didn't wake up. That was the first time somebody close to me died, certainly the first time I can remember, and I took it hard because he was the nicest guy to just about everyone, relations and employees alike. I accept it doesn't compare to your experience, and I'm not trying to compare the two, but unbelievably I found words of advice from a comic book.

"It's like somebody shot a cannonball right through your stomach, leaving a great big hole. Eventually, it starts to close up from the outside in...and one day, it'll be different. The load won't feel as heavy. Then you'll hear a song or somebody will laugh or the wind will blow the wrong way - and the hole will tear wide open again. Believe it or not, it heals back faster every time."

I'm well aware this makes me sound like a phenomenal dork, but it's true, it does get easier to live with. Good luck.

 

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