Validity of the Daddy/girl dynamic

[VaGentleOne]

I think in my time as a Daddy, I have come into the role that others described here, I feel myself as a nurturer, and I love to look out for my little girl. I give her the support that she needs and most of the time I am there when she needs it, as best as both can be. She in turn allows me to be strong for her and to guide her when she needs it, through it all though, we have developed a deep and exciting relationship that has helped me grow stronger.

The link Lizzie gave above was very helpful to me combined with the advice and Q&A from another Lit memeber who has been a D/g for different ladies.

 

[FluteMaster]

Im actually very confused about the D/g relationship... I've always seen it as the Daddy being caring and quite fatherly, while the girl would be in need for care and support and security, which was provided by her "Daddy" :-/
But as much as I try reading about it, I don't really understand it perfectly.
I've thought about it, and I really want to know spexifixally what it's all about, as I have a little suspicion that I might have a bit of those needs in me....

I know I'm posting this a while after the comment above...but I wanted to say that Daddy/girl is one of a number of D/s ways my little one and I interact. It is a wonderful way of expressing some of our inner needs and desires to nurture and be nurtured. In those times she is my special girl, and I am her Daddy...even when she is being brattish. It's not our only dynamic, but it is a key one. Plus, it also allows for a more playful way of relating.

 

[itsonlydisco]

No way! I'm not folding mine in half for any slut.

I laughed out loud at that.

 

[FluteMaster]

I laughed out loud at that.

Especially in the light of the "rules". It was a veritable hit.

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

When I first realized that I had this D/s streak I thought the D/g was all about incest and disgusting. As a survivor of abuse I thought I could never participate in such a thing. Now I'm learning to trust someone who does not abuse that trust. I am now much more open to the D/g dynamic. In fact, I suggested it to him as a possibility for us. It isn't necessarily a sexual turn on for me but more of a psychological thing. I feel safe and nurtured by him. When I think of it more in terms of "Sugar Daddy" then it is more of a sexual turn on.

It may be something that falls by the wayside but right now we both are exploring our feelings on different aspects of D/s. It's just such a wonderful feeling for me personally to have someone who respects my limits and is just as excited as I am to explore new ideas.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. I guess my point is that being open-minded about the D/g dynamic has been very healing for me.

Ivy

 

[HottieMama]

When I first realized that I had this D/s streak I thought the D/g was all about incest and disgusting. As a survivor of abuse I thought I could never participate in such a thing. Now I'm learning to trust someone who does not abuse that trust. I am now much more open to the D/g dynamic. In fact, I suggested it to him as a possibility for us. It isn't necessarily a sexual turn on for me but more of a psychological thing. I feel safe and nurtured by him. When I think of it more in terms of "Sugar Daddy" then it is more of a sexual turn on.

It may be something that falls by the wayside but right now we both are exploring our feelings on different aspects of D/s. It's just such a wonderful feeling for me personally to have someone who respects my limits and is just as excited as I am to explore new ideas.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. I guess my point is that being open-minded about the D/g dynamic has been very healing for me.

Ivy

And i can totally agree with the Daddy/littleone dynamic being very healing. It has been and continues to be for me as well.

 

[elizabeth22673]

And i can totally agree with the Daddy/littleone dynamic being very healing. It has been and continues to be for me as well.

omg, me too.

i wasn't going to say this but i've had some issues (well dont we all right? ) and anyway....it's helped me a great deal

 

[Etoile]

It interests me when people say that they learned to be a Daddy or that they don't practice the D/g dynamic all the time, that there are times when they are D/g and times when they are not. For me, it is just who I am...I am living as a girl, not roleplaying as a girl some of the time. I didn't have to learn how to be a girl...it is just who I am, on the inside...it happens to fit what other people describe as a girl dynamic. But I like hearing about how some people integrate the role of a girl (or a Daddy) into part of their personality, and how they develop their knowledge of this dynamic.

 

[SensualMan_in_PA]

It interests me when people say that they learned to be a Daddy or that they don't practice the D/g dynamic all the time, that there are times when they are D/g and times when they are not. For me, it is just who I am...I am living as a girl, not roleplaying as a girl some of the time. I didn't have to learn how to be a girl...it is just who I am, on the inside...it happens to fit what other people describe as a girl dynamic. But I like hearing about how some people integrate the role of a girl (or a Daddy) into part of their personality, and how they develop their knowledge of this dynamic.

I "learned" to be a Daddy shortly after meeting my Little Girl. We had talked, literally for hundreds of hours, before physically meeting. It seems I always had the desired characteristics (teacher, nurturer, caring, etc.) but they were never shown in a D/g situation. While all woman, successful and aggressive, she releases all those traits when we are together and puts Daddy in control. Even when we talk on the phone, it is still a D/g relationship, 24x7. She had always been attracted to older men (I am 20 years her senior) but never found her complement. I always thank her for choosing me because it is she who saw the qualities in myself that she needed and made me aware of the D/g dynamic which is an integral part of our relationship. The D/g relationship is symbiotic with both Daddy and his Girl receiving what they need from each other.

 

[coyotepondering]

The difficult thing about D/g or M/b or D/b or M/g, lol, is that its different things to different people. For some it includes a sexual component, for others it doesn't, for my kitten and I we have a definite exchange of power and authority during it which is what qualifies it as D/s. We don't have a sexual relationship as D/g though we do in other parts of our relationship.

We are a 24/7 D/s couple but just as vanilla couples have different needs at different times so do we and so we move between different roles. Neither of us are switches so we remain consistent in that manner and I'm always caring for her but sometimes she needs me as a daddy to take care of her and sometimes in other ways.

 

[LunarKitten]

I've been meeting many people who do not think that the Daddy/girl dynamic is not a valid expression of D/s or M/s; that it doesn't have the same level of commitment. I was utterly floored by this. Now, I'm not necessarily talking about age play as much as I'm talking about the power dynamic.

I am very much drawn to the Daddy/girl dynamic, and see it as every bit as valid as any other. That said, I'd love to hear from folks on either side of this discussion, but would be very grateful to anyone who doesn't think it is as "real" as standard forms of D/s.

My thanks to anyone who chooses to respond to this in a constructive manner.

In gratitude,

lexi

The 2006 (I believe this is the correct year?) winners of the M/s of the year for the Southeast Leatherfest are also Daddy/lil girl. This is a valid relationship for M/s...not to mention my Master and I also have one.

You will find many people who will tell you that what you do is not valid because they do not believe in it, or think that it is something that is wrong Don't fall for it. If you enjoy it and no one gets hurt and it's all consensusal and legal...don't sweat it, just do it

 

[LunarKitten]

Well...what is "real"? We all live our lives differently no way is right or wrong. To me if it feals real to you..then it is.

"real" is one my pet peeve words in the BDSM world *sigh*

"You're not a "real" slave if you don't do "x""

 

[Andraste]

"real" is one my pet peeve words in the BDSM world *sigh*

"You're not a "real" slave if you don't do "x""

*sigh* someone didn't read the new rules.

 

[LunarKitten]

*sigh* someone didn't read the new rules.

Hey, my Daddy didn't read them to me, so I don't haffta do 'em

*runs*

 

[Etoile]

The 2006 (I believe this is the correct year?) winners of the M/s of the year for the Southeast Leatherfest are also Daddy/lil girl.

AFAIK the 2006 winners at SELF were Mistress Suzan and slave ziggy, unless I have that wrong? I know the International Master/slave winners for 2007 were Master Larry and slave barb, I don't know them well enough to say if they are D/g.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

?

*sigh* someone didn't read the new rules.

You and your rules again.. lol

 

[MechaBlade]

I'll let you tell her that...

Poseurs. If they're really lesbians, let's see them eat each others cunts. I want pictures for proof.

Please? Pictures?

 

[Little_Kitten]

Thank you all for the links you've posted on the D/g dynamic... Reading it, I can see now that ALOT of the characteristics are something that i need and hold deep in my heart. But I'm wondering, as I'm such a newb and all. Whats the difference between Daddy/girl and Dom/sub? Aren't they both quite the same? or?

And by Dom/sub, I mean committed, loving relationships, and not just occasional play-partner stuff... I hope I didn't offend anyone with that, though.

 

[Etoile]

Thank you all for the links you've posted on the D/g dynamic... Reading it, I can see now that ALOT of the characteristics are something that i need and hold deep in my heart. But I'm wondering, as I'm such a newb and all. Whats the difference between Daddy/girl and Dom/sub? Aren't they both quite the same? or?

And by Dom/sub, I mean committed, loving relationships, and not just occasional play-partner stuff... I hope I didn't offend anyone with that, though.

For me, the difference is my need for nurturing and growth as a person. Growth can occur in D/s relationships, of course, but it's more things like overcoming fears, learning submission, etc. I think a big part of being a girl, for me, is tied into my naïveté. When I first started dating my Daddy, I was 19 years old and I was fresh from a nasty breakup (fortunately we reconciled, but at the time I was in a lot of pain, even though it was my fault). I knew very little about the world. Daddy helped me grow into being a wiser, more intelligent person. Even now, I learn from em every time we are together - both through discussion and teaching as well as simply observing a more experienced adult.

Er, I got interrupted in the middle of this and lost my train of thought, so I'll end here.

 

[Little_Kitten]

For me, the difference is my need for nurturing and growth as a person. Growth can occur in D/s relationships, of course, but it's more things like overcoming fears, learning submission, etc. I think a big part of being a girl, for me, is tied into my naïveté. When I first started dating my Daddy, I was 19 years old and I was fresh from a nasty breakup (fortunately we reconciled, but at the time I was in a lot of pain, even though it was my fault). I knew very little about the world. Daddy helped me grow into being a wiser, more intelligent person. Even now, I learn from em every time we are together - both through discussion and teaching as well as simply observing a more experienced adult.

Er, I got interrupted in the middle of this and lost my train of thought, so I'll end here.

Aw.. cute... But I've always had the impression that D/s was about domination, caring, nurturing and stuff like that.... Quite similar to the D/g stuff. I guess not tho. The D/g dynamic is probly the only one I know, as it's what I fantasize about and what I want... Hm...
I mean.... wouldn't a non D/g-Dom be caring and loving and wanting his sub to become the best anyway?

 

[LunarKitten]

AFAIK the 2006 winners at SELF were Mistress Suzan and slave ziggy, unless I have that wrong? I know the International Master/slave winners for 2007 were Master Larry and slave barb, I don't know them well enough to say if they are D/g.

This was the southeast awards held in charlotte. master rickford and slave kimmie. they are part of my local goups network.

lunar - typing onehanded while she rocks the baby

 

[Etoile]

This was the southeast awards held in charlotte. master rickford and slave kimmie. they are part of my local goups network.

lunar - typing onehanded while she rocks the baby

OH! I believe that is Together in Leather, not SELF. You mentioned Southeast Leatherfest and that is what SELF stands for, but they are in Georgia, so I was confused. They run the Southeast Master/slave contest that feeds into International Master/slave. Unfortunately Together in Leather's website appears to be down.

 

[intothewoods]

There's a Master/slave contest? Interesting. <not being sarcastic!>

 

[FluteMaster]

Aw.. cute... But I've always had the impression that D/s was about domination, caring, nurturing and stuff like that.... Quite similar to the D/g stuff. I guess not tho. The D/g dynamic is probly the only one I know, as it's what I fantasize about and what I want... Hm...
I mean.... wouldn't a non D/g-Dom be caring and loving and wanting his sub to become the best anyway?

I am still finding my way around all the different titles for things and how we define our relationships in the world of kink...but I think my understanding is that D/g and D/s overlap in some areas but not in others. In fact..it may even be thought that in someways, D/g is a subset of D/s.

Now, this is purely my observation, so please be gentle if I have misunderstood all these dynamics..but for me, D/s is about any relationship where one submits to the authority of another another for emotional/sexual gain. One way of understanding that might be with the D/g framework, another might be something like Puppy Play. However, D/s is also a lot broader.....my understanding is that Consensual Slavery is still D/s.

What D/g focuses on exlicitely, I think, is that nurturing and child/parent dynamic. It may have little explicit submission, beyond that sense of the girl looking up to her Daddy and wanting to please him. Normally, however, it is understood that the Daddy will sometimes need to enforce some aspects of discipline.

Ulimately though, as others have said...these dynamics are not roles we adopt in order to better at Kink or to prove our BDSM credentials. They are labels by which we try to share the ways we have created relationships that work for us, and ways in which others might share that source of pleasure. They are terms which we describe what we do, not define what others should do.

 

[Netzach]

I don't find it invalid. It just doesn't toast my bread.

Mommy/girl and Daddy/boy do. Maybe it's a lack of personal reference point or something. I get excited thinking about being Mommy to a bio or trans girl, or Daddy OR boy to a bio or trans dude, but the "hetero" pradigm doesn't do it, no matter who's on.