Were you spanked as a child?

[RainCrow]

I personally don't think the two have anything to do with eachother... but who knows really. I remember the threat of the spanking was the most scary part to me. Sure the spankings hurt but I think they were more humiliating then anything, and that is something I have never liked to experience. I always got from my dad "When We get home your ass is grass", and the actual act of pulling down my pants and leaning over the bed was the worst part.
But I would MUCH rather (then and now) have a spanking then a smack in the face... the slap in the face is a technique my mother got down well... and to this day I still hate it

 

[James Blandings]

Disclaimer: This post is not in any way meant to condone either physically punishing children or having sex with minors, but it is my true experience.

I will be a dissenting voice here and say that I see a direct connection between my childhood discipline experiences and my interest in particular aspects of bdsm.
I remember spankings as a very small child, but as I got older, I was not punished with spankings, although they were often threatened. Rather, my father would scream and berate me for even the most minor misbehavior, and he was expert in instilling guilt. I wished he would spank me because I felt that would be payment made for my bad deeds, much preferable over lingering feelings of guilt and shame.
At the age of 16 I became sexually involved with a middle aged neighbor man. One day he heard from another kid that I had been smoking pot and he got very angry with me and threatened to punish me. I told him that I deserved it and he spanked me, after which we had sex. I felt cared for in a way I no longer did within my family. What I felt was that he cared enough to punish me when I needed it, and my own father did not.
I have to believe that that feeling is a big part of the BDSM sexuality I developed.

 

[monster666]

As a child, I was beaten on an almost daily basis when my father wasn't away on business. My father was basically a good man, who raised us the same way he was raised and he thought it was the best way. He was wrong. No one should EVER be spanked out of anger. Especially the way we were, which too often went beyond spanking. I vowed to never be like him.

That said, I do not think spanking young children to discipline them is wrong, as long as it's done consistently and with a cool head and hand. Quite the contrary.

My son was 6 months old and teething when he decided that power cords were a good thing to chew on. No amount of saying no or other non-corporal correction had any impact on his intent to chew cords at every opportunity, wherever we went. We never left him alone for a second because of it, but I was terrified we'd lose track for a moment and he'd get hurt or killed. So I stopped saying no and started slapping his little hand every time he reached for the cord. He learned in short order to stop. I didn't do it out of anger. I did it to teach him that he wasn't going to get way with disobedience. Ever.

Once I was sure my son knew I didn't want him to do a thing, I didn't talk to him about it if he disobeyed. He got spanked. Methodically. Systematically. Consistently. And after a short time, very seldom. He just knew not to cross the line. However, it didn't matter how bad a thing he did, or how much it upset me - if I wasn't absolutely sure that he knew he was being disobedient, I wouldn't punish him at all.

I didn't know how to reason with my young son, who could get into so much harm before he could even verbalize - and make him understand that for then, my will was law. Not because I was on some ego trip, but for his safety. His well being. That no had to mean no just because I said so. I didn't want to reason why chewing on power chords was not the thing to do. I didn't want to reason with him why it was important not to run toward a busy street on his own. I didn't want to reason why it was important to not grab things from the top of the stove. I didn't want to have to reason at all to obtain obedience. I wanted him to obey his mother and myself without question while he was young. There was one rule to follow to avoid spankings. Obey. For his safety. For his future.

By the time he was five, his spanking days were about over. They weren't necessary anymore. He listened and we talked about things - nearly everything. He was now able to start reasoning. We talked things over, but in the end, he knew our decisions were firm, and he obeyed. And he has been the greatest kid since Jesus Christ to walk the planet.

My son always came running to welcome me home and always wanted to spend time with me, and wasn't afraid of me one bit. He knew what the score was, and had nothing to be afraid of. He's 19 this fall, and will be a Junior in college after just 3 semesters. He's an uncommonly good natured young man who to this day tries to do the right things and takes care of his own business. He's responsible, caring, bright, funny and everything people say kids his age should be.

I really take exception to the notion that a child is only spanked out of anger, or that a child who is spanked learns that it's okay to hit smaller people, or that anger leads to hitting. That it's the easy way out of parenting, or the ignorant way. That's pure, undiluted bull. To generalize that way is totally unfair.

When a kid is being disobedient about some minor thing, it's takes energy to get up off your ass and go spank after a long day. Especially if you'd rather sit and chuckle about how "cute" the kid is being. To be consistent, to teach unwavering obedience, that's the job. Coolly. Calmly. Firmly. And controlled. To be such a parent takes a lot of thought and self-discipline.

I have seen some parents who didn't spank - and quite frankly the impression I got was that they were too damn lazy to get off their asses to do anything. Too often, their method was to scream out loud non-stop. Yell until hoarse. After all, it's easier than putting the remote down actually doing something. These kids were openly hostile toward their parents, and the parents treated the kids like nuisances.

I have also seen kids come from other families who didn't believe in corporal punishment. Those kids were unruly, uncontrolled and hit others far more than my son ever did. They hit kids and adults alike - even their parents - with impunity. I will not say that's what you get for not spanking a child, but it's not fair to say my way is no good either.

I did what I did not in anger, but deliberately, methodically, and because I loved him and wanted the best for him. And I didn't give a rat's ass who didn't like it.

And I look around today and I think that maybe my dad wasn't the worst dad I could have had. He cared enough to stick around and try to teach us things he thought were important. His method was tough - a lot tougher than mine with my son - but I've survived. He did what he knew to do, because he thought it was the right thing. He's been gone for 4 1/2 years now, and we were very close almost my entire adult life. I still miss him terribly.

cym, you took my feelings and put them into words. In over ten years of working with young children, this is the one truth that has been proven over and over with all the different groups of children. A child who is spanked learns that when you get angry you hit. Young children make choices in behavior based on what they have experienced.

Risia, older children and adults certainly learn to make choices and overcome their experiences. Young children cannot do that and it's much more difficult for them to overcome behaviors that have become their stock responses.

 

[cellis]

Yes, as a child I was spanked with many objects... and I don't know if it has anything to do with who I am today in terms of my BDSM.

I prefer a hand on my ass to anything. I do know that I was rarely, if ever spanked bare handed, it was always with some object. The usual being a think cowboy belt, a peach tree switch, the fly swatter, electrical cord... just to name a few. Some hurt, some just angered me.

 

[Verypowerful]

Spanked; yes on occasion but the abuse was a mental and psychological one - lasting from the age of about five to the age of sixteen or seventeen. I broke loose, had breakdowns, had therapy and now I'm a grown up (most of the time). Has my experience influenced the person I am?; certainly.
Now I am happy with who I am and therefore do not wish to remove parts of my past, painful as they might be.
In that context, part of what makes me happy is to now be comfortable as a dominant - and that's where it all links together for me.

 

[SpectreT]

Monster, you sum up your case quite well. I was raised in such a way, with similar results as what you've said about your son. I knew there was a line, I knew there was a reason for the rules in my life from a very early age. As I got a bit older, I had the reasons for the rules explained to me, usually agreed it was a pretty good reason.

And with the exception of three incidents of self-defense in High School, never hit anyone growing up. I have a pretty strong non-violent streak, in spite of my three favorite things on TV being Rugby, Hockey (still bummed about the 'Leafs) and Professional Wrestling.

 

[Wizard]

I was spanked with a hand paddle, wooden spoon, belt wooden pizza paddle you name it..................You know what, I ask for most all of it!!!! I got out of line and wanted to do my own thing.

I have no problems with what my parents did. It did hurt like hell though.

 

[cymbidia]

That said, I do not think spanking young children to discipline them is wrong, as long as it's done consistently and with a cool head and hand. Quite the contrary.
<snip>
When a kid is being disobedient about some minor thing, it's takes energy to get up off your ass and go spank after a long day. Especially if you'd rather sit and chuckle about how "cute" the kid is being. To be consistent, to teach unwavering obedience, that's the job. Coolly. Calmly. Firmly. And controlled. To be such a parent takes a lot of thought and self-discipline.

You speak eloquently, emotionally, from your head and heart of why and how you believed it right for you to spank your child, monster, and i don't think anyone hearing your words could possibly disagree that you used corporal punishment in a way that was fair and firm, honest and direct. You used it as a tool, without anger, without malic, without disregard for your son as a person. You didn't use it casually or cruelly.

Would you allow me to suggest that many, perhaps most, do not think about hitting thier children in the way you did? Most people, to my way of thinking, simply don't think through the consequences of thier hitting behavior. They don't have "Lessons To Be Learned" inscribed on the hitting. They simply lash out in anger, with laziness, because they're drunk, or because they can't be bothered to try to teach thier kid another way to do whatever it is the kid is doing wrong.

I applaud the courage of your stand, monster, and know that if more people thought about who they were as parents, no matter where they fell on the spanking question, the world would be a better place and a lot children would lead lives of happiness and childish joy then do so now.

I have seen some parents who didn't spank - and quite frankly the impression I got was that they were too damn lazy to get off their asses to do anything. Too often, their method was to scream out loud non-stop. Yell until hoarse. After all, it's easier than putting the remote down actually doing something. These kids were openly hostile toward their parents, and the parents treated the kids like nuisances.

I have also seen kids come from other families who didn't believe in corporal punishment. Those kids were unruly, uncontrolled and hit others far more than my son ever did. They hit kids and adults alike - even their parents - with impunity. I will not say that's what you get for not spanking a child, but it's not fair to say my way is no good either.

Tsk tsk tsk. You're doing what i did!

My 13 year old daughter (almost 14) is entering high school in the fall. She just brought a report card home that was full of A's. She's a polite, well-spoken, intelligent, funny, loving, responsible, wonderful child, and all that even though i've never spanked her in her life. My boy is only 5 years old but is already shaping up to be a gift to the world kinda child.

I quit my job, a job i loved btw, when my daughter was born. I stayed home with her all day every day until she entered kindergarten. I did the same thing when my son was born (surprise!) 4 years later. I quit those two fabulous teaching jobs because i wanted to be there when my kids reached for that cord to chew. I wanted to teach them they had to hold my hand when we crossed a street, any street. I wanted to crawl around in the grass with them and look at bugs. I needed to be a mother to my kids more than i needed to do anything else. I chose not to spank my kids because i didn't feel i had to. There were other choices for me with regard to teaching and directing thier behavior - choices that were preferable for me, in my life, with my kids.

My way and your way of parenting differ in that respect, monster. It's okay though because we're different people. The bottom line is, i think, that we're both good parents. Our kids are lucky to have gotten us when the stork was dropping babies he'd picked up in the cabbage patch, you know?

Thank you to all those who chimed in on this issue.
It's funny how emotional this can be, isn't it?

 

[monster666]

Would you allow me to suggest that many, perhaps most, do not think about hitting thier children in the way you did? Most people, to my way of thinking, simply don't think through the consequences of thier hitting behavior. They don't have "Lessons To Be Learned" inscribed on the hitting. They simply lash out in anger, with laziness, because they're drunk, or because they can't be bothered to try to teach thier kid another way to do whatever it is the kid is doing wrong.

Of course cym, you can suggest anything you like! I have come to value your opinion on things, even if we don't see everything exactly the same way. On this I agree completely. The point I tried to make was that spanking or not spanking alone doesn't define good parenting. I guess that message fell a tad short.

I applaud the courage of your stand, monster, and know that if more people thought about who they were as parents, no matter where they fell on the spanking question, the world would be a better place and a lot children would lead lives of happiness and childish joy then do so now.

Thank you.

I think the real issue is that so many people who should just not be parents to begin with - are. Abuse comes in so many forms. Too many people don't even think about bringing children into the world beforehand, let alone how to raise them. I think nearly anyone who has kids will say that good parenting takes a lot of hard work. Good parents actually do the hard work, and usually get rewarded in big ways by the type of people their children turn out to be.

It's funny how emotional this can be, isn't it?

Uh huh. Whew!

 

[morninggirl5]

I really take exception to the notion that a child is only spanked out of anger, or that a child who is spanked learns that it's okay to hit smaller people, or that anger leads to hitting. That it's the easy way out of parenting, or the ignorant way. That's pure, undiluted bull. To generalize that way is totally unfair.

monster666, i can accept that spanking worked for you and your child. In my experience, however, children who are spanked are spanked because it's quick, it's easy, and it doesn't require any thought about what it means to discipline a child.

I spent five years as a teacher of 2 and 3 year olds in a daycare setting. At one point, there were 20 children, me, and an assistant in the room from 9am until 7 pm. The longest month of my life was the month it took me to teach those children that hitting someone hurts. The majority of those children were spanked at home and their first reaction when someone frustrated them was to hit. Every time a child was hit, i took the offender to them, calmly explained that "we don't hit people, hitting hurts" and then had them hug the child. I encouraged the victim to tell the child "Don't hit me again, hitting hurts." The hitter then went to our "thinking chair" for a time. Approximately two weeks after i managed to end the hitting, i was called to the office to meet with a parent who was upset with me. She had spanked her child the night before and the child told her "Don't hit me, Ms. M says we don't hit people, hitting hurts." The parent wanted me to tell her child it was okay for her to hit him, that spanking wasn't the same as hitting. I refused and was given the option of complying with her wishes or she would speak with the Disctrict and Region Managers. I refused and never heard from anyone else about the incident.

Every time i hear someone say that spanking a child isn't hitting them i'm reminded of that two year old child. For children, there isn't a difference between a parent hitting them to "instill obedience" and a peer hitting them because they want the blue block.

To be consistent, to teach unwavering obedience, that's the job. Coolly. Calmly. Firmly. And controlled. To be such a parent takes a lot of thought and self-discipline.

I agree, completely. Being a parent is a tremendous responsibility and being a good parent is the hardest job in the world. We all have to find that parenting style that works for us and helps our children grow up to be responsible adults. For far too many children, though, there isn't a parent who is striving to meet that goal, they simply don't have the time or won't take the time to learn to be a good parent. They hit their children and because it makes the child stop whatever it is they're doing, they're satisfied.


This issue is one i've learned can be as emotional and contentious a topic as abortion, religion, or politics. There is rarely any resolution except to agree to disagree.

 

[monster666]

In my experience, however, children who are spanked are spanked because it's quick, it's easy, and it doesn't require any thought about what it means to discipline a child.

Again, I think that's a broad, gross and unfair generalization, but I cannot argue that it doesn't happen that way. I am not that naive. I feel a bit like a good muslim.

The longest month of my life was the month it took me to teach those children that hitting someone hurts.

I don't mean to be glib, but it seems to me that there is no need to teach a child who is hit that hitting hurts. They already know.

I guess I just don't understand that one.

This issue is one i've learned can be as emotional and contentious a topic as abortion, religion, or politics. There is rarely any resolution except to agree to disagree.

On this we agree!

 

[RisiaSkye]

I don't see why it's so difficult to differentiate between spanking a child and beating them. One is corrective behavior modification, one is abuse. I would think in this crowd, of all groups, that difference would make sense to people.

I guess I'm not really entitled to an opinion on the subject anyway, because I don't have children and don't plan to have them. Sorry for the intrusion.

 

[monster666]

I don't see why it's so difficult to differentiate between spanking a child and beating them. One is corrective behavior modification, one is abuse. I would think in this crowd, of all groups, that difference would make sense to people.

I guess I'm not really entitled to an opinion on the subject anyway, because I don't have children and don't plan to have them. Sorry for the intrusion.

Of course you're entitled to an opinion. You're on my side!

 

[saradora]

I wasn't spanked as a child. I was beaten - severely - many times. The beatings were from belts - buckle end - and fists. Often, I was kicked. My earliest memory at the age of 3 or 4 is sitting in the ER with a broken arm and a black eye.

Sometimes, in anger, the person administering the discipline, becomes so enraged that "spanking" can swiftly turn to more abusive behavior. Often the discipline is administered not because of the child's misbehavior, but because the child was conveniently available at the time the person needed some living thing to beat the hell out of. JMHO

~S~

 

[Cirrus]

saradora, I sympathize. I, too was severely abused as a child. My mother suffered from numerous psychiatric problems, among them anger issues and later in life when I was a teen, alcoholism. The 2 don't mix. She took pleasure in beating me and prided herself in inflicting as much damage as she could.

I remember, one morning before school when she had been out drinking the night before, her cornering me in the alcove by the door JUST before I left, trying not to wake her for fear of what I ultimately got, and beating me senseless for NO REASON WHATSOEVER. She broke my nose, 3 ribs, knocked out my 2 front teeth and other less serious collateral damage. Then put me in the car and drove me to school as though nothing had happened. It was my first period teacher that took me to the hospital.

Even when she was legitimately angry at me, or at something else, instead of punching a pillow, she'd punch me until she had no energy left to move any more. It's a wonder, quite frankly, that I'm still alive.

I'm not asking for sympathy here, but THAT, my fellow posters, is the line between abuse and discipline. My father, when he lived with us, spanked me, but only with his hand, just hard enough to hurt, and only when I had done something bad enough to deserve it. He DISCIPLINED me, my mother hated me.

Oddly enough, I don't think that had any bearing on what I enjoy as an adult. I LIKE to be spanked by my boyfriend, actually even harder than he feels comfortable spanking me. If he leaves marks that last for longer than a few hours, he feels terrible.

 

[Guest]

my parents firmly believed in the biblical cautionary "spare the rod and spoil the child"; they considered me a stubborn child and, as such, far more in need of spanking than my more obedient siblings. spankings were frequent occurences from the time I was about four until I was nine or ten, after which other punishments became more usual. spankings were always by hand, as my father explained to me that he had been hit with a belt as a child and he wanted me to know that the spanking hurt him as much as it did me (while I'm thinking: yeah, right...). usually it was over the knee with my pants around my ankles. afterwards I'd pull my pants back up (ouch) and he would hold me and tell me that he was sorry to have to punish me and that he did it not out of anger but because he loved me and wanted me to learn right from wrong. I don't know how well it worked as "corrective behavior modification" because I generally resented it at the time and sulked for days--but anyway, I think that all that childhood discipline does have some bearing on my enjoying being spanked as an adult. I don't fantasize about "daddy" spanking me, but I think I do retain the association of spanking as an expression of love--and having now, as an adult, felt the sting of a lovingly wielded belt (I was always curious...), I quite like it

 

[WillowPuss]

I cannot ever remember being spanked by my parents as a child. I do remember my father hitting me round the face once ... boy, that not only hurt, but REALLY angered me! (I think I deserved it though - I swore at him, and that was probably preferable than having my mouth washed out with soap!)

I do remember a much older child spanking me though. I was about 5, maybe 6, and friends with the girl along the road. One day, their elder sister (about 15 ) was looking after us and we played schools. The sister decided we both needed to be punnished ... she really hit my friend quite hard, made her cry. Then came my turn ... she whispered that she would not smack me hard. She pulled my knickers down, put me over her knee and gave me six spanks ... they hurt a little, but not too much. She then helped me pull my knickers up, brushing my bum as she did so. I can still remember the heat seeming to spread.

Errrrrr ... I LOVE it when Master does OTK spanking! (Drooooooool)



As for smacking/spanking/hitting children ... I think I gave mine a total of about 10 single smacks between them. The youngest is now 16. I have not heard of them ever hitting another child - tho they sometimes squbbled and fought when they were younger. My son has quite a temper on him - usually born from frustration. When he was younger, he used to be fit to burst, until I suggested that he lay into a huge cushion we had. He used to hit and thump that until he was spent. He now (at 18) has his temper well under control. The only time my daughetr has ever hurt anyone was when she kicked out at her brother who was teasing her unmercifully ... she had seen from a playground fight that the quickest way to shut a boy up was aim for a certtain part of his anatomy (sorry gents ... you may run away and cringe now) and so aimed a hefty kick at my son's balls. He parried the kick, but unfortunately, it caught his little finger and ended up breaking it. Having seen the pain she caused there, she has never lashed out again.


My heart goes out to those of you who were not punished so much as abused as children. (((hugs))) Mere owrds will not convey the sorry I feel.


willow

 

[spankableBelle]

i, too, was spanked as a child. i was spanked, slapped, smacked, etc...It was more humiliation then, more a sorrow in myself that i did something to displease therefore i was punished. i hated that feeling. i strive always, sometimes too much now as an adult, not to displease. my name here suggests that i adore spankings, and in some instances i do...very much so. i don't relish them for punishment as much as for erotic/sexual enhancement.

For myself, through soulsearching and deep conversations with myself, i have found that exploring that which hurt me, in whatever way, as a child, be it mentally, emotionally, sexually, physically...i find ways to put a positive spin on it...mostly in my writing. That which caused me fear, has forced me as an adult to find a way to transform it into something erotic and positive.

Do i make sense? Or am i simply babbling? Sheesh...i don't even know sometimes.

BTW, hello A/all. This one is new to the forum boards and she's trying to muddle through and find her way around (i think my flashlight needs new batteries...<grin>)

belle


http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=72711

 

[Kirabeth]

Yes i was spanked as a child, my dad had this leather strap made just for spanking us when we did something that displeased him, my use to hide it from him and pretend she did not where it was because it broke her heart to see us getting a spanking but it never bothered me, I never cried when he spanked me and usually if I did get in trouble I'd beg him to just spank me and get it over with because it was either the spanking or him grounding me and I sure did not want to be grounded.............take awya my phone......not let me go out with my friends.....or date gawd no just spank me and get it over with that was my thought back then.


Now as an adult spankings have a new meaning to me and if i had known then what I know now I think I owuld still beg for the spanking instead of grounding anyday. (although knowing what I do now I don't spank my own children nor does Master)


I think its just that in our minds now spanks ar ejust to erotic.
but back when I was a child it was just the fastest way to get a punishment done and over with.

 

[WriterDom]

for the new folks

 

[A Desert Rose]

Yes

I was spanked as a child. Spankings were saved for times when I did something potentially dangerous to myself, like running ahead of my mother in a parking lot and then refusing to behave when she told me to come back and hold her hand.

My parents never used "items" to spank, only their good, old hands. That certainly worked fine to get their points across.

I was rarely spanked. In fact, sitting here now, I cannot remember my last spanking. I guess I mostly behaved myself as a child. I think, at most times, I still do.

Rose

 

[Hot4Heels]

Monster summed up my feelings on spanking quite nicely already.

Yes I was spanked as a child. Hands, Belts, switches, paddles and probably other stuff I have forgotten. I was spanked quite offten and yes I do feel they were all deserved. To put it mildly I was a handfull.

I in no way equate spankings in a BDSM enviroment with those given to me as a child. I guese with me it is a "good pain" vs "bad pain" thing.

 

[redelicious]

Not really . . .

Every once in awhile I was spanked. Once or twice I was slapped, hard.

I kinda think my Mom invented time out.

My Dad, on the other hand, just punished me verbally. And perhaps emotionally. . .

 

[Red Menace]

I was probably spanked 2 or 3 times and never on my bare skin. If anything, my parents were a little overindulgent and never followed through on threats to discipline me. Could have something to do with why I crave that in my life now.

 

[Detton]

I'll add my two cents with this post...

I was also "whooped" as a kid. Mainly, because I did some incredibly stupid things (Who hasn't, right?) and deserved it. I was a silly bastard who couldn't take verbal hints, but I was never hit for reasons of cruelty. Actually, I dont think anyone in my immediate family ever got drunk. Lucky there, I know alot of people who unfortunately can't make the same claim.

As i'm new to BDSM, I can't claim to have much experience (some, but not much) with spanking in this environment, but I would imagine and hope that most would understand the underlying emotions in it AREN'T the harmful ones you got from family for doing something stupid. (I got the actual belt once. It involved open flames and gas pipes... enough said.)

For anybody who has been emotionally damaged by it, I can't say I understand - not without experiences of my own - but they have my empathy. (I think thats the right term...)

This has been another post by Detton to get my count up so I can have a damn picture.

~Detton, professional library troll and web designer, He who makes his signiture long because nobody was around to stop him.