What are your darkest fears?

[zanna]

Doms, subs, switches and those unclassifiable or whom refuse to be classified,

What are your darkest fear? Which of them do you consider irrational and which are rational? Are any of them hold overs from childhood and are do you think any are true phobias?

Please mention whether you think of yourself as dom, sub, switch or something else in your answer.

submissive.

The biggest fear for me would have to be about motherhood. i never understood the responsibility until i had my first and most days i am not so sure of what the hell i am doing other than the best i can. When they are adults, will they look back and blame me for every disfunction they have? Will they hate me in their teens if i never learn to balance between Mother and friend. Who knows what small thing i may do now that will affect them in ways i can not predict years later? It is a frightening responsibility i have taken on, and some days i am not sure i succeed at all but merely get through.

 

[mindlover]

Quotes

Bachlum Chaam -

I wanted to tell you that I love your quotes!!

Take care-

 

[Quint]

Submissive.

All my major fears are psychological. I have a genuine fear of commitment, of allowing myself to let someone *in* and then, as I irrationally believe, I will inevitably have to leave them. I have a fear of disappointing people, of them having a low opinion of me, of being laughed at. I have a deep, panic-stricken fear of insanity. Things that are *off,* wrong in some indescribable way.

Oh, and driving up a narrow winding mountain road with my Grandma behind the wheel. That terrifies me too.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Mayberry and Chaam:

Nothing?

Not a lack of meaning, or staying up at night wondering where you went wrong, or the big nothing that might be the long dirt nap, or falling off a roof in the middle of Ohio, or becoming homeless, or that your children will hate you, or that the femsub you were talking to online is a hairy guy named Skip in West Texas, or losing everything to a bank computer crash, or that terrorists will take out the Brooklyn Bridge....

nothing?

Like i said...the closest thing to a fearI have is teh fearof worrying about stuff like this, of losing my self-possetion to the point that I fear things patently out of my control.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I just wanted to say that I am very impressed by so many that know their own fears and are able to overcome it.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca said, courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave.

So you all braves souls that have acknowledged your fears, are ware of them, and are fighting them to you all I say a well done.

Francisco.

 

[D's mariposa]

I am a submissive and I have a major fear of commitment. D and I have been together for nearly a year and my family is in shock! I'm still afraid of commitment, but I decided he was worth the risk.

My other major phobia is locked rooms. This is not claustrophobia; elevators and closets don't scare me. But if I'm in a room and it's locked on the outside and I can't get out the results are not pretty. This fear comes from my childhood and it is directly related to my insomnia that I've had for years. I would have The Dream and not go back to sleep for three or for days. In time The Dream scared me more than the phobia. It's a little better now. The Dream is, I mean. I still have it, and it still scares the snot out of me, but I usually stay in bed instead of getting up. Sometimes I don't go back to sleep, though.

I'm thinking about getting help for this, since it's been especially aggravated by our post September 11th world. But that's a whole nother thread....

 

[Lilith]

Dominant~

2 serious fears both completely irrational. I suffer from coulrophobia. I absolutely hate clowns. The other fear being snakes. I can not even go outside if one is in the yard. I live across from a man who breeds them and we have an arrangement.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Dominant~
I suffer from coulrophobia.

For anyone who is interested http://www.intrepidmedia.com/column.asp?id=761


F.

 

[dragonlace]

I fear growing old alone.....never having someone to share my life with and not having anyone to love as well as not having anyone to love me.

 

[incubus_dark]

I'm impressed by the number of you, excellent peers, who have the courage to admit their fears, since most peeps think their fears show them in a poor light and few things are more revealing than what we fear. Perhaps that's why there are more posts by those identifying as subs, sub-switches, than doms. I'm also surprised by how few people acknowledge a fear of death, or whose fear is of something realistically life threatening.

For me it black hairy spiders, though I like the little jumping spider kind as long as they stay small. This is probably an irrational fear though we have innumerable red backs (Fung's Australian Black Widows) and Funnel Webs (which make Black Widows look like cudly little critters in both looks and lethality). I also have a distaste of crowds, probably not really strong enough to be a fear. And too, I dislike clowns. This was a phobia in childhood but has degenerated into an active dislike; after all, I consider that I could probably out fight or if need be, out run anybody in 2 foot pom pom shoes and oil paint.

Johnny Mayberry,

Who was it said that the only thing to fear was fear itself? Are you sure that in some way you are not affraid of just being stripped of your control?

 

[Lilith]

I'm also surprised by how few people acknowledge a fear of death, or whose fear is of something realistically life threatening.

I don't fear death. I am just not thrilled with the prospect of transitioning to it.

 

[Never]

incubus_dark:
"What are your darkest fear?"
I don't have any fears.. Except at night. When I'm alone in bed. Then the shadows look spooky.

"Which of them do you consider irrational and which are rational?"
... That's a perfectly rational fear.

"Are any of them hold overs from childhood... ?"
It's possible.

 

[mindlover]

More fear

I'm impressed by the number of you, excellent peers, who have the courage to admit their fears, since most peeps think their fears show them in a poor light and few things are more revealing than what we fear. Perhaps that's why there are more posts by those identifying as subs, sub-switches, than doms. I'm also surprised by how few people acknowledge a fear of death, or whose fear is of something realistically life threatening.

...And too, I dislike clowns. This was a phobia in childhood but has degenerated into an active dislike; after all, I consider that I could probably out fight or if need be, out run anybody in 2 foot pom pom shoes and oil paint.

I don't fear death, either. And, aren't MOST fears, in general, irrational? As I mentioned earlier, I don't generally consider myself to be afraid of many things. However, this whole conversation has gotten me thinking. Many have mentioned being afraid of spending their life alone. I think that for me, it's not so much that. I'm very comfortable with myself... what I fear more is meeting someone that challenges me, sets me on fire and is my equal in many ways - but I'm too afraid of that intimacy and chance at love to grap it and hold on with both hands.

Also, many have talked about childhood fears... when I was thinking about this today, I remembered a period when I was a teenager and lived alone... every night I would walk up the stairs to my apartment SURE that I'd open the door and a man would be sitting on my couch waiting for me. In his hands, he had a knife. I haven't thought about that in a long time....

 

[lark sparrow]

Death

Driving or riding on the freeway. It doesn't prevent me from doing so, but I think it is unusual to feel anxiety and think "well, this could be my very last trip ever"... it's just one of those things you live with. In a postive light, it always reminds me to try to stay in the moment and enjoy as much as possible because I cannot predict the future, nor even having a future. This one came from a pretty severe car accident a few years ago (hitting an empty, stalled car parked IN the fast lane, no lights, around a curve, at 70mph and flipping across the semi-busy highway three times, which we miraculously walked away from with only temporary injuries).

The other fear is truly irrational. I absolutely cannot stand the thought of dying, but within the aspect of someone finding, handling and dispensing with my body. I suppose it's a control, respect and privacy issue strictly for the living.

Along with this fear, being somehow physically incapacitated and totally reliant on others is a fear. Losing my sight would be right up there too. Tieing into that, I do not like absolute pitch black darkness, especially not alone, as physical bearings are lost and the imagination takes over and can go to the creepy rather than the calming. However, bondage and blindfolds are wonderful!

 

[redelicious]

Ok, death...

Even as a child I was terrified of dying, so much so that I lost sleep over it many nights. Even now I have the occaisional night of sleeplessness if I allow myself to think about it. I try to block it completely from my mind as there is absolutely nothing I can do about it anyway.

 

[Mastersprincess]

rejection

 

[FungiUg]

rejection

Okay, that one got me. I'd have to say I'm scared of rejection also. Or being laughed at (which is entirely different to being laughed with).

 

[HzDomme]

Crawling through a dark tight space where I'd have to move forward and not be able to go back. It is an old nightmare that haunts me at times.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I identify as slave as I am sure most are aware by now.

Don't fear death as to me it is just another step in a long journey, though that being said, I still have much to do in this phase of my journey so am not in a hurry.

I fear poverty and homelessness as I have lived many years below the poverty line as a single parent after divorce and have no desire to go back there ever again. I also recently sold the home I had fought so many times to keep against all odds, and moved to be with Master. It is still something I am adjusting to knowing I have given up my little piece of paradise in Australia, a roof over my head as we always say, to pursue another dream which many think sheer folly and bad judgement. To me, though I fear homelessness, I do not believe the tangible can ever replace the intangible feeling of peace and acceptance found in living in the protective domain of one's loving Master.

I fear the loss of bond with my children and grandchild. At this moment I have one child with me, and my daughter and granddaughter on the other side of the earth. It occupies a lot of my thoughts trying to find a solution to the feeling we are now fragmented but there seems none except trying my best to let them all know I love them and am always there no matter what.

I also fear loss of senses, especially sight and hearing. Music has been a mainstay throughout my life, as has been the joy I find in the sound of waves crashing on the shore, thunder rumbling, birds singing, the symphony rain creates as it falls to earth, the whisper of the wind on a hot summers night....and the list goes on. As I have tinnitus, the loss of these pleasures is increasingly concerning me. Perhaps even more so is the fear of losing my sight completley as most things I do rely on my sight. I have had poor sight since early childhood, but now it is degenerating further each year. I cannot imagine not being able to sketch, read, see the sun rise and set, see the beauty of my Master's smile each day. My fear is being further accentuated as both my parents are currently experiencing severe vision impairment and my mother relates how much she misses reading etc.

I also fear Master's displeasure. Not because I fear the pain he may give me, but because I cannot bear the weight of knowing I have not served him as he deserves, that my failure has caused him even a moment's unhappiness and disappointment in his property. It is something I am working on for both our sakes as I tend to go a little overboard when I feel I have not acted in a way becoming a slave, and then I further burden him with my almost instant plunge into deep depression.

So I think this covers my list of fears at this moment. I think perhaps I need to get back to more meditation, and readings of Buddhism to get me past them.

Catalina

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

I have given more thought to this question,soul searching is something new for me.

Since my heart trouble theres been a few times I would have taken death so I certainly don't fear that
I don't fear rejection I'm used to that

I dislike spiders but not fear, to me fear is a very strong word, that renders you unable to work/think/operate.maybe my idea of fear is incorrect because I think everybody must fear something. Still I am unable to come up with something I fear,sorry tis failure.

 

[JoseIsWild]

Definitely bugs!!

 

[InnerDarkness]

I decided to come back and post some more...everyone's posts have give me a lot to think about.

I think fear is an ever evolving thing with me. One day I can feel strong and not afraid to take on any task, and the next well....I cant handle the little things. That isn't fear necessarily, just my own neurosis LOL.

Dying is not something I have ever feared really. I mean...I dont look forward to the pain and the unknown aspect of it, but the death itself and what may become of me after has never even crossed my mind as an issue...it will just happen.

The fear of committment thing I suppose is a big one for me...which is rather ironic considering my first post on this thread found me identifying being alone as a big fear. I don't want to be alone, yet I am afraid to take the plunge and commit myself to one person. Perhaps I am afraid of committing to someone and then loving them completely only to have them leave me...

 

[mindlover]

The fear of committment thing I suppose is a big one for me...which is rather ironic considering my first post on this thread found me identifying being alone as a big fear. I don't want to be alone, yet I am afraid to take the plunge and commit myself to one person. Perhaps I am afraid of committing to someone and then loving them completely only to have them leave me...

YES!!! Exactly...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Originally posted by InnerDarkness
The fear of committment thing I suppose is a big one for me...which is rather ironic considering my first post on this thread found me identifying being alone as a big fear. I don't want to be alone, yet I am afraid to take the plunge and commit myself to one person. Perhaps I am afraid of committing to someone and then loving them completely only to have them leave me...

YES!!! Exactly...

but remember the wise saying 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'.

 

[incubus_dark]

Okay, that one got me. I'd have to say I'm scared of rejection also. Or being laughed at (which is entirely different to being laughed with).

OK that's one I didn't think of, or perhaps I didn't want to admit to; fear of appearing ridiculous. I'd have to say that that one is totally irrational, since I suspect it's something I am capable of doing well and often and thus should be fully used to by now