What are your darkest fears?
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Kajira Callista
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awwwwwww *pets uncle rosco*rosco rathbone said:
Phoenix Stone
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Hey, RR, as long as you got a 'puter in that rented room, the rest of that ain't gonna happen. 
Same for you, KC. (noticed you two have similar.)
Guess for most of us there are various levels. For instance, I get the willies when someone grabs my ankles, and will fight like I'm being killed to get away whether I mean to or not, but can't say it's a fear I ever think about.
Semi-realistic ones? That I'll screw up badly with my kids, scarring them emotionally for life, or die youngish, leaving them to the fates. urghkch.
soul-pain fear? that I'll never manage to do anything that makes any difference in the world. Related? That I'll never manage to keep a real, paying job for long, or that my illness in remission will unremit.
Day to day? That I'm just being tolerated by my 'friends' and that people really wish I would go away but are too polite to tell me. That, living where I do, I'll never meet any more interesting, smart people who like to talk about something other than having their kitchens remodeled.
That my brother will kill himself feeling like the fears given in RR's post, and that there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
That there's no way to die painlessly. That once you die you're really, truly gone.
Being ashamed. humiliation. abandonment -- and that they're right, that I'm unloveable. Or beneath contempt. things that are unfixable. (or that they were fixable but I was just too lazy or inadequate to do it.) Wasting so much time.
Same for you, KC. (noticed you two have similar.)
Guess for most of us there are various levels. For instance, I get the willies when someone grabs my ankles, and will fight like I'm being killed to get away whether I mean to or not, but can't say it's a fear I ever think about.
Semi-realistic ones? That I'll screw up badly with my kids, scarring them emotionally for life, or die youngish, leaving them to the fates. urghkch.
soul-pain fear? that I'll never manage to do anything that makes any difference in the world. Related? That I'll never manage to keep a real, paying job for long, or that my illness in remission will unremit.
Day to day? That I'm just being tolerated by my 'friends' and that people really wish I would go away but are too polite to tell me. That, living where I do, I'll never meet any more interesting, smart people who like to talk about something other than having their kitchens remodeled.
That my brother will kill himself feeling like the fears given in RR's post, and that there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
That there's no way to die painlessly. That once you die you're really, truly gone.
Being ashamed. humiliation. abandonment -- and that they're right, that I'm unloveable. Or beneath contempt. things that are unfixable. (or that they were fixable but I was just too lazy or inadequate to do it.) Wasting so much time.
shy slave
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I am a submissive
Real, toe curling fears..
1) My sons will die before i do.
2) My sons will look back on their childhood and decide that all of it sucked.
My absolute fear is that people tell me things to humour me. Therefore I find compliments make me feel guilty, sad and very, very upset.
I cannot accept that anyone would think me clever or beautiful
I fear that they will say this as a build up to 'but...' or as a pre-rejection sentence, to make the break off easier
My Master has made me cry more by telling me how beautiful etc I am than He ever has using any toy on me.
RR said he fears abandonment, I accept that I probably deserve to be abandoned and fear someone staying because they feel they ought to, not because they want to .
Real, toe curling fears..
1) My sons will die before i do.
2) My sons will look back on their childhood and decide that all of it sucked.
My absolute fear is that people tell me things to humour me. Therefore I find compliments make me feel guilty, sad and very, very upset.
I cannot accept that anyone would think me clever or beautiful
I fear that they will say this as a build up to 'but...' or as a pre-rejection sentence, to make the break off easier
My Master has made me cry more by telling me how beautiful etc I am than He ever has using any toy on me.
RR said he fears abandonment, I accept that I probably deserve to be abandoned and fear someone staying because they feel they ought to, not because they want to .
Xelebes
Little Blue Alien
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submissive/masochist-lite (for now)
Fears... hmm... rocky ladders. Well, it's not that simple - I can can monkey around on rocky, even icy 40 ft racking, walk on beams 12 ft in the air, but putting up door seals on a ladder that's only connection to the wall is a padded bumper which is not all too solid. Ok, so that's not really a fear but it gets me when I work with my dad.
Being the centre of attention - I hate that. Especially when I think for some weird reason the extra attention is sinister. That really gets me and I really crumble there.
Fears... hmm... rocky ladders. Well, it's not that simple - I can can monkey around on rocky, even icy 40 ft racking, walk on beams 12 ft in the air, but putting up door seals on a ladder that's only connection to the wall is a padded bumper which is not all too solid. Ok, so that's not really a fear but it gets me when I work with my dad.
Being the centre of attention - I hate that. Especially when I think for some weird reason the extra attention is sinister. That really gets me and I really crumble there.
Marquis
Jack Dawkins
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Dominant Sadist.
I have always had recurring fears (highly reinforced recently) that I could not trust my senses or perceptions. That my thought processes or perceptions are totally abnormal and that I will be forever forced to fake who I am to avoid doing the wrong thing.
I am also terribly afraid of dishonoring the memory of my dead mother or setting a bad example for my two younger sisters.
I have always had recurring fears (highly reinforced recently) that I could not trust my senses or perceptions. That my thought processes or perceptions are totally abnormal and that I will be forever forced to fake who I am to avoid doing the wrong thing.
I am also terribly afraid of dishonoring the memory of my dead mother or setting a bad example for my two younger sisters.
ownedsubgal
lost little girl
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my greatest fear, by far, is of losing my Master. of being alone, which i view as one and the same. of not loving or being loved by anyone. of having no one or nothing to live for beyond myself.
a lesser but still strong fear i have is the fear of aging. of developing wrinkles, of skin that doesn't snap back so quickly, of body parts going southward, of hair thinning and graying. i don't think i could bear it.
(submissive slave)
a lesser but still strong fear i have is the fear of aging. of developing wrinkles, of skin that doesn't snap back so quickly, of body parts going southward, of hair thinning and graying. i don't think i could bear it.
(submissive slave)
GoodGurlGoneBad
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I'm a switch
If I had to pick through my fears and choose the darkest, it would be, hands down, never giving anything my personal best.
Sound silly? Don't let that fool you ..
When I am playing with my whipping boy, knowing what he likes and enjoys, knowing what he likes to have pushed, at the end of the scene, did I really do my give all personal best to give him an unsurrmountable, unmeasurable mound of pleasure? I am always given that answer when he lays his head against me, closes his eyes, sighs happily and tells me he is dizzy.
When I'm being the submissive and under the guns of my dominant, no matter what it is we are doing, from the very vanilla to a full out arterial breath play/electrocution scene, did I give of myself enough, opened myself enough to know that our togetherness left him pleased? Or was there more that I could of done?
Then there is my kids .. do I let them on a continual basis that I care about them, love them cherish them? Do they know without question or doubt that they are the center of my world, that I would give all to ensure their own safety? Did I remember to tell them to feed their brain as I send them off to school, and do I know and always remember that if that air plane is crashing, that my oxygen mask must go on first in order to be there to help them?
Not giving my personal best is my darkest fear.
If I had to pick through my fears and choose the darkest, it would be, hands down, never giving anything my personal best.
Sound silly? Don't let that fool you ..
When I am playing with my whipping boy, knowing what he likes and enjoys, knowing what he likes to have pushed, at the end of the scene, did I really do my give all personal best to give him an unsurrmountable, unmeasurable mound of pleasure? I am always given that answer when he lays his head against me, closes his eyes, sighs happily and tells me he is dizzy.
When I'm being the submissive and under the guns of my dominant, no matter what it is we are doing, from the very vanilla to a full out arterial breath play/electrocution scene, did I give of myself enough, opened myself enough to know that our togetherness left him pleased? Or was there more that I could of done?
Then there is my kids .. do I let them on a continual basis that I care about them, love them cherish them? Do they know without question or doubt that they are the center of my world, that I would give all to ensure their own safety? Did I remember to tell them to feed their brain as I send them off to school, and do I know and always remember that if that air plane is crashing, that my oxygen mask must go on first in order to be there to help them?
Not giving my personal best is my darkest fear.
Esclava
10 Locks-Do U have keys?
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Wow!
This thread has made me do some serious soul searching. This could, very well, be a telling response ... but here goes:
I still consider myself "unclassified" - a PyL if you will. I chose my screen name based on the relationship I have with my current online Master - but even as His slave, I have been allowed to Dom a submissive I have played with.
My greatest fear? I fear taking risks. Whether it is opening myself to others, or picking up the phone to bytch out someone for providing me poor customer service or allowing someone to infiltrate the incredible defenses around my heart, I can be frozen in my tracks by the need to get involved in some aspect of someone else's life - or to have them involved in mine.
Even interacting on these threads...there are times when I feel it is much easier to run - to not post - to not opinine about things which I feel a tremendous passion for. Sometimes the passion is the only thing that can release me from my fear. Other times, it cannot.
I, too, don't want to be alone; but, I don't feel I can control that aspect of my life. I cannot make someone "love" me. I have come to the conclusion that "I'm not "Everybody's Cup of Chocolate". Which I'm ok with...but the reservoir of my love has never run dry and, more often than not, it is a well that fully and freely covers those fortunate enough to be washed in it.
Esclava
This thread has made me do some serious soul searching. This could, very well, be a telling response ... but here goes:
I still consider myself "unclassified" - a PyL if you will. I chose my screen name based on the relationship I have with my current online Master - but even as His slave, I have been allowed to Dom a submissive I have played with.
My greatest fear? I fear taking risks. Whether it is opening myself to others, or picking up the phone to bytch out someone for providing me poor customer service or allowing someone to infiltrate the incredible defenses around my heart, I can be frozen in my tracks by the need to get involved in some aspect of someone else's life - or to have them involved in mine.
Even interacting on these threads...there are times when I feel it is much easier to run - to not post - to not opinine about things which I feel a tremendous passion for. Sometimes the passion is the only thing that can release me from my fear. Other times, it cannot.
I, too, don't want to be alone; but, I don't feel I can control that aspect of my life. I cannot make someone "love" me. I have come to the conclusion that "I'm not "Everybody's Cup of Chocolate". Which I'm ok with...but the reservoir of my love has never run dry and, more often than not, it is a well that fully and freely covers those fortunate enough to be washed in it.
Esclava
catalina_francisco
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Re: Wow!
The thing to remember is there is not one human on the face of this planet that is everyone's cup of tea of chocolate...far better appreciating your uniqueness and being honest in who you are and let those who like that know you for who you are.
Catalina
Esclava said:I have come to the conclusion that "I'm not "Everybody's Cup of Chocolate". Which I'm ok with...but the reservoir of my love has never run dry and, more often than not, it is a well that fully and freely covers those fortunate enough to be washed in it.
Esclava
The thing to remember is there is not one human on the face of this planet that is everyone's cup of tea of chocolate...far better appreciating your uniqueness and being honest in who you are and let those who like that know you for who you are.
Catalina
miss_inquisitive
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I am a submissive.
Greatest fear is failure in not pleasing Him.
Second is people and crowds.
Third is needles.
Greatest fear is failure in not pleasing Him.
Second is people and crowds.
Third is needles.
Netzach
>semiotics?
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Sadistical top type control maven and erstwhile maso-esque spankee
Plummeting from a height. Include ladders, airline travel, and the top of the monkey bars.
Being prohibited from my livelihood, having to defend or explain it to hostile forces, fear of an orange jumpsuit.
Loss of mental faculties.
I'll take infamy as well as fame, and most of us do die alone, but dying with no legacy whatsoever scares me.
Plummeting from a height. Include ladders, airline travel, and the top of the monkey bars.
Being prohibited from my livelihood, having to defend or explain it to hostile forces, fear of an orange jumpsuit.
Loss of mental faculties.
I'll take infamy as well as fame, and most of us do die alone, but dying with no legacy whatsoever scares me.
enigma nocturne
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First things first.. doing the bumpy thing
Second thing.. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TOMORROW!!!!!!
returning to OnTopicLand
Third thing, I am afraid of bugs. I do NOT like them so bad! I can usually manage to smoosh them myself unless they are really nasty ones, like those giant centipedey things.
My second major fear is kind of weird.. It is not really commitment I fear, nor is it being in love. I think I am afraid of the vulnerability that it brings. Is not loveing I fear, it is hurting.
D's mariposa said:I am a submissive and I have a major fear of commitment. D and I have been together for nearly a year and my family is in shock! I'm still afraid of commitment, but I decided he was worth the risk.
My other major phobia is locked rooms. This is not claustrophobia; elevators and closets don't scare me. But if I'm in a room and it's locked on the outside and I can't get out the results are not pretty. This fear comes from my childhood and it is directly related to my insomnia that I've had for years. I would have The Dream and not go back to sleep for three or for days. In time The Dream scared me more than the phobia. It's a little better now. The Dream is, I mean. I still have it, and it still scares the snot out of me, but I usually stay in bed instead of getting up. Sometimes I don't go back to sleep, though.
I'm thinking about getting help for this, since it's been especially aggravated by our post September 11th world. But that's a whole nother thread....
Second thing.. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TOMORROW!!!!!!
returning to OnTopicLand
Third thing, I am afraid of bugs. I do NOT like them so bad! I can usually manage to smoosh them myself unless they are really nasty ones, like those giant centipedey things.
My second major fear is kind of weird.. It is not really commitment I fear, nor is it being in love. I think I am afraid of the vulnerability that it brings. Is not loveing I fear, it is hurting.
kitty4ever
Insert title here
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I am a submissive, and I have two very overpowering phobias, spiders and sharks.
AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
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Fears?
Probably, but more likely a respect for things that can kill or hurt me. Avoid situations that put me in contact with them? Not in my lifetime, pun intended.
Probably, but more likely a respect for things that can kill or hurt me. Avoid situations that put me in contact with them? Not in my lifetime, pun intended.
Yes.incubus_dark said:
Bothincubus_dark said:
phobia
I am submissive and please don't laugh.... I am absolutly afraid of fairis wheels. Yes, the kind at the state fair. You are up high and it starts to creek and groan in the wind, and rock. I just think it is going to fall. UHH! I try every few years to see if it is better but I just panic and need out NOW! Last time everyone just laughed at me as I white chuckled the sides of the car.
eek:
I am submissive and please don't laugh.... I am absolutly afraid of fairis wheels. Yes, the kind at the state fair. You are up high and it starts to creek and groan in the wind, and rock. I just think it is going to fall. UHH! I try every few years to see if it is better but I just panic and need out NOW! Last time everyone just laughed at me as I white chuckled the sides of the car.
eek:
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AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
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Kerbump
and not in the night ... let's hear them folks.
and not in the night ... let's hear them folks.
bridgeburner
threadkiller
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Valcorie,
Oddly, I discovered a recent fear of Ferris Wheels myself. I have never had much trouble with heights but back in September I went to the county fair and nearly pissed myself on the Ferris Wheel. I was completely taken by surprise. I had no idea. It wasn't the height, really, but the fact that I felt so incredibly small all of a sudden. Totally exposed and vulnerable.
My mother is extremely claustrophobic but I can't think of anything that feels safer than being in a small enclosed space. Agoraphobia is the proper term I suppose but I'm not afraid of people or most open places but every once in awhile I'll get an adrenaline rush of fear from being that exposed --- generally it has to do with being made to feel small.
-B
Oddly, I discovered a recent fear of Ferris Wheels myself. I have never had much trouble with heights but back in September I went to the county fair and nearly pissed myself on the Ferris Wheel. I was completely taken by surprise. I had no idea. It wasn't the height, really, but the fact that I felt so incredibly small all of a sudden. Totally exposed and vulnerable.
My mother is extremely claustrophobic but I can't think of anything that feels safer than being in a small enclosed space. Agoraphobia is the proper term I suppose but I'm not afraid of people or most open places but every once in awhile I'll get an adrenaline rush of fear from being that exposed --- generally it has to do with being made to feel small.
-B
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blue kat
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Mostly Dominant Switch here.
I'm afraid of hurting my toys.
Causing physical pain doesn't bother me; I rather enjoy that! It's the emotional pain I worry about. I accidentally hit on something once with someone that caused an emotional bruise for months. It wasn't anything intentional, the scene just took us somewhere we weren't expecting to go and he safe worded out of it. But it took us both a while to get over. I enjoy the hell out of a good mindfuck; but that's always planned out pretty well and I usually know what land mines I'm dealing with. (Yes, I know those don't always go as planned, but I've been really lucky so far.)
I guess the fear is causing unintentional emotional pain. It's a huge responsibility, to go into someone's heart/mind/soul/mushy euphemism of choice here and muck around and leave everything as you found it.
I'm afraid of hurting my toys.
Causing physical pain doesn't bother me; I rather enjoy that! It's the emotional pain I worry about. I accidentally hit on something once with someone that caused an emotional bruise for months. It wasn't anything intentional, the scene just took us somewhere we weren't expecting to go and he safe worded out of it. But it took us both a while to get over. I enjoy the hell out of a good mindfuck; but that's always planned out pretty well and I usually know what land mines I'm dealing with. (Yes, I know those don't always go as planned, but I've been really lucky so far.)
I guess the fear is causing unintentional emotional pain. It's a huge responsibility, to go into someone's heart/mind/soul/mushy euphemism of choice here and muck around and leave everything as you found it.
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G
Guest
Guest
Boredom.....
Yah know ...Some things it's just rational to be worried about...even to be afraid of..
But I find, that as I am sneaking up on 42 years, that I have this gnawing little thing that really bugs me.
I have this idea that keeps floating around in the back of my head, that I'm going to end up as the weird old guy that lives in the tiny apartment, with his cat.
Yah know ...Some things it's just rational to be worried about...even to be afraid of..
But I find, that as I am sneaking up on 42 years, that I have this gnawing little thing that really bugs me.
I have this idea that keeps floating around in the back of my head, that I'm going to end up as the weird old guy that lives in the tiny apartment, with his cat.
silver_inari
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EKVITKAR said:
I'm a little similar in that I fear absolute solitude and being alone, as in having no one in the world care if I lived or died. I frequently feel that if I disappeared, nobody would notice.
Now if you want to introduce a panic attack in me, a combination of feeling trapped in a small space, smothered and not being able to breath, yeah. THat's the one that I can't stand.
AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
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Then i suggest you break that word in half, toss an "ing" in there, use the other verb definition of one half, and make them scream for more.EKVITKAR said:
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