What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex?

[BornNorCal]

My marriage isn’t sexless, but it might as well be. I don’t get at all the sex I want and my husband has made it clear he has no interest in anytime more than vanilla sex once, maybe twice a month. I know that some might think it’s better than nothing, but I haven’t had a orgasm with him since before our kids were born and while he is “satisfied” I’m left feeling completely neglected.

I compensate by having a very rich masturbation practice and one time I had a beyond exciting night with another man.

You describe my circumstances almost to the letter. Hearing you share makes me feel hopeful that there is some woman out there who may want more in the same way I do.

 

[Topher1972]

I don't condemn you at all. I admire you.

Thanks!

 

[LMWM321]

So I don't know if you mean "different" because you think asexuals don't marry, or, if you think someone married to an asexual is in a different situation than someone who is married to someone who doesn't want sex for some other reason.

I don't really see them as different. One person wants sex, the other person doesn't, it sucks either way.

Well said Britva415.

When people marry they are presumably sexually compatible. If they are both asexual (little or no interest in sex) then that's great - no problem. But if they both enjoy and desire sex initially but then one loses interest - for whatever reason. Ugh...

I think for many women it's the arrival of menopause that ushers in a significant drop in their interest in sex. And I think in a lot of cases it's because their husband doesn't adapt and adjust his expectations and approach to sex. ..So what once might have been pleasurable for his wife becomes uncomfortable, maybe even painful.. And rather than work toward a better way to enjoy post-menopausal sex, sexual frustration and resentments builds to a point to where the wife says, "enough! I'm done with sex!"

I remember when my wife struggled with a plummeting libido. I had the brilliant idea of sharing a porno clip with her. I thought that seeing hot young guys with gorgeous cocks might rekindle the horniness in her. As she watched the group sex scene (two guys, two women) her eyes filled with tears and she looked at me and said, "Why would watching a bunch of hot, tight-bodied twenty-somethings who are orgasming at the drop of a hat do ANYTHING but make me feel worse about my body and my struggle to enjoy any kind of sexual stimulation?"

Ugh... I was such an idiot. She wasn't really mad, but I clearly missed the mark with that one...

 

[bobb_sledd]

I pay for it elsewhere. I always have. It started in our first year of marriage (we're pushing 40 years). My wife was not into giving blow jobs, but it was something I enjoyed. She had no problem with me going out and paying to get my cock sucked. Paying for the service was better than seeking it without pay - less chance a relationship could form. We used the same logic when I traveled; paying to be satisfied was okay, striking up a friendship that could turn into a relationship was ill-advised.