Women in Sexless Marriages

[Not Normal]

Years ago when I was in a nearly sexless marriage, I met and became long distance lovers with a woman who was also not having much sex (and not high quality sex) with her husband.

We helped each other for quite a while and are still friends. We both divorced and never regretted not letting sexless be part of our worlds.

 

[blkjames]

My hubby's drive started declining a number of years ago. Then 16 months ago it went to completely sexless. I even asked him to help me get off after 8 months of taking care of myself and he completely ignored that I asked him.
We did find that one of his hormones is too high. We will see what the doc says in little over a week.
He doesn't even react at all to me running around completely nekkid or to pics I have sent him.
I have a feeling the appt won't change a damn thing.

If it will help, you can send me some pictures lol I am sorry your having problems,it happens More often than you realize.

 

[saintcero]

My hubby's drive started declining a number of years ago. Then 16 months ago it went to completely sexless. I even asked him to help me get off after 8 months of taking care of myself and he completely ignored that I asked him.
We did find that one of his hormones is too high. We will see what the doc says in little over a week.
He doesn't even react at all to me running around completely nekkid or to pics I have sent him.
I have a feeling the appt won't change a damn thing.

Does he even talk with you about it or is he a blank wall? If he won’t meet you half way there may be some hard decisions in front of you

 

[whiskeycowgirl23]

If it will help, you can send me some pictures lol I am sorry your having problems,it happens More often than you realize.

I didn't realize it happened as much until I got into the threads.

 

[whiskeycowgirl23]

Does he even talk with you about it or is he a blank wall? If he won’t meet you half way there may be some hard decisions in front of you

We do talk about it occasionally. Right now we are just in a hold pattern until he sees the specialist next week. We will see what happens with that.
I have thought a lot about those hard decisions. We have a few options but he has to be willing to compromise. I'm not sure how that would go with him.

 

[LMWM321]

We have a few options but he has to be willing to compromise.

People like your husband have to understand that for some of us (maybe most), sex is NOT some frivolous non-essential time-wasting activity that a person can easily go without. It can be as essential to one's happiness as laughter. Even with all the physical challenges that come with age and illness - like erectile dysfunction for men and vaginal dryness/ pain for women, to name just a few - there are STILL ways to be intimate and sexual. ..We have mouths, fingers, etc.. We can kiss, caress, and so on.... So for one partner in an otherwise healthy & loving relationship to tell the other, "Sorry, but I"m done with any form of sex..." strikes me as inexcusable. As I said, it is as much a broken marital vow as cheating.

That said, it's incumbent on the one partner to be patient and give the other EVERY opportunity to find their way back to sex and to assist with the process - including going to Drs appts, maybe couples therapy, trips to the local Adult Store to buy toys you both want to try, etc... I"m not suggesting jumping to ultimatums right off the bat, but if a year goes by without sex and he shows NO interest in addressing... Well... Life is too short and sex is too important.

But please understand we don't know all the particulars of your situation. ..No one here wants you to do something that might prevoke a violent response or send your life into a tailspin. ...Only you can know for sure how best to proceed.

 

[saintcero]

We do talk about it occasionally. Right now we are just in a hold pattern until he sees the specialist next week. We will see what happens with that.
I have thought a lot about those hard decisions. We have a few options but he has to be willing to compromise. I'm not sure how that would go with him.

Pulling for a happy resolution for both of you

 

[blkjames]

I didn't realize it happened as much until I got into the threads.

That's where guys like me came in lol

 

[Not Normal]

We do talk about it occasionally. Right now we are just in a hold pattern until he sees the specialist next week. We will see what happens with that.
I have thought a lot about those hard decisions. We have a few options but he has to be willing to compromise. I'm not sure how that would go with him.

Wishing you luck, and hopefully answers from the doc.

 

[whiskeycowgirl23]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. We will see what happens next week.

 

[JohnnyNotCraig]

My hubby's drive started declining a number of years ago. Then 16 months ago it went to completely sexless. I even asked him to help me get off after 8 months of taking care of myself and he completely ignored that I asked him.
We did find that one of his hormones is too high. We will see what the doc says in little over a week.
He doesn't even react at all to me running around completely nekkid or to pics I have sent him.
I have a feeling the appt won't change a damn thing.

Had a FWB who was in a sexless marriage because her husband had an accent and got some nerve damage so both legs barely worked and he couldn’t get hard. She said after doctor’s appointments she would try and suck him for 10-15 minutes at a time and nothing would happen, not even a stir. A few months after, they had a talk and he said she could fuck other guys to get her needs and desires taken care of. And that’s where I came in. We met through a website and I took care of her best I could until they moved back to Oklahoma where they are from so his family could help out more in taking care of him.

 

[LMWM321]

Had a FWB who was in a sexless marriage because her husband had an accent and got some nerve damage so both legs barely worked and he couldn’t get hard. She said after doctor’s appointments she would try and suck him for 10-15 minutes at a time and nothing would happen, not even a stir. A few months after, they had a talk and he said she could fuck other guys to get her needs and desires taken care of. And that’s where I came in. We met through a website and I took care of her best I could until they moved back to Oklahoma where they are from so his family could help out more in taking care of him.

Sad for them both but happy she found a solution (ie, you) and her husband supported it.

This story reminds me of why I have a Living Sex Will. ..Basically informing my wife that she should feel free to find sex elsewhere should disease or injury leave me unable to engage with her sexually. ..I love my wife and I fully acknowledge the importance of sex to a healthy, and long life. I want her to continue to pursue it even if I cannot.

Do You Have A Living Sex Will

 

[Sgts19]

I asked my wife if I go tits up how long would it be before she had sex with someone else. She figured it would be 5 or 6 months before she jumped in the saddle again.

 

[drobert44]

The granny I am fucking hadnt been laid for 20 years before we began, too bad she is 9 hours away. At least she now has had an orgasm.

 

[Madhatter02]

lol we are out there, was one of the main factors in my decision to file for divorce

Life’s to short to be unhappy and to be denied that intimacy and closeness

 

[drobert44]

I still sleepover with my X, just snuggles, but we both love it.

 

[jimmyjib72]

I’m in a marriage with a lot of love but no sex. But I try to focus on the positives.

i am a 52 yr old bloke from sydney australia i have been married for 28 yrs and in a sexless marriage its been over 4 yrs since we have had sex or ive had sex like women all i just want to be wanted and desired it hurts so much my wife has always had a very low sexdrive she says she never thinks about sex its just so crushing it really fucks with your head and i battle so much feeling unloved

 

[YourSecretDesires]

This just reinforces my belief that monogamy isn't very natural.

 

[LMWM321]

i am a 52 yr old bloke from sydney australia i have been married for 28 yrs and in a sexless marriage its been over 4 yrs since we have had sex or ive had sex like women all i just want to be wanted and desired it hurts so much my wife has always had a very low sexdrive she says she never thinks about sex its just so crushing it really fucks with your head and i battle so much feeling unloved

absolutely heart breaking. ..Have you been to couples therapy and/or sex therapy? Have you talked openly and at length about the situation? If someone were to ask your wife about her disinterest in sex, how would she answer?

 

[jimmyjib72]

absolutely heart breaking. ..Have you been to couples therapy and/or sex therapy? Have you talked openly and at length about the situation? If someone were to ask your wife about her disinterest in sex, how would she answer?

you have no idea how heartbreaking it is for me i guess she doesnt think it really is a problem i have had some very raw discussions with her and some txt messages as i have found that easier to fully express how im feeling she just says thats not her she never thinks about it wants to ask or suggest it its literally the last thing she ever thinks of

 

[LMWM321]

you have no idea how heartbreaking it is for me i guess she doesnt think it really is a problem i have had some very raw discussions with her and some txt messages as i have found that easier to fully express how im feeling she just says thats not her she never thinks about it wants to ask or suggest it its literally the last thing she ever thinks of

So what remedies have you discussed with her? ..Therapy? Ethical Non-Monogamy? ..Permission to go to a Sex Worker?

If she has sworn off sex forever and shows no interest in discussing the matter further - with you or a therapist - where does that leave you?

You say she doesn't think it's really a problem. ..Well, it clearly IS a problem. One person in the relationship is miserable! I hate to give you advice, but if it were me it would be a "come to therapy NOW or we're through!" proposition.

So sorry Jimmy.. My heart breaks for you - AND your wife.

 

[jimmyjib72]

So what remedies have you discussed with her? ..Therapy? Ethical Non-Monogamy? ..Permission to go to a Sex Worker?

If she has sworn off sex forever and shows no interest in discussing the matter further - with you or a therapist - where does that leave you?

You say she doesn't think it's really a problem. ..Well, it clearly IS a problem. One person in the relationship is miserable! I hate to give you advice, but if it were me it would be a "come to therapy NOW or we're through!" proposition.

So sorry Jimmy.. My heart breaks for you - AND your wife.

i love her with all my heart leaving her is not an option im willing to think about there has been a sort of discussion of sexworker maybe but really sort of left in the air hinted about but nothing really discussed if that makes sense
where it leaves us unfortunately is me unhappy in part of my marriage feeling broken and unloved and undesirable unfortunately this is my lot in life

 

[LMWM321]

i love her with all my heart leaving her is not an option im willing to think about there has been a sort of discussion of sexworker maybe but really sort of left in the air hinted about but nothing really discussed if that makes sense
where it leaves us unfortunately is me unhappy in part of my marriage feeling broken and unloved and undesirable unfortunately this is my lot in life

well... If leaving her isn't an option then I'd probably tell her, "I love you and will keep you at the center of my life forever, but I will NOT go without sex for the rest of my life. So if you're not interested in addressing this, I will seek sex elsewhere." But that's what I would do - only you know what's best for you.

Not to keep repeating myself, but.... While seeking sex outside a marriage is indeed breaking a marital vow, so too is denying a partner intimacy without any effort to address the root causes.

As I see it, going the rest of my life without sex would be no different than going the rest of my life without laughter. No one should be expected to do that.

 

[ParkerSteve66]

well... If leaving her isn't an option then I'd probably tell her, "I love you and will keep you at the center of my life forever, but I will NOT go without sex for the rest of my life. So if you're not interested in addressing this, I will seek sex elsewhere." But that's what I would do - only you know what's best for you.

Not to keep repeating myself, but while seeking sex outside a marriage is indeed breaking a marital vow, so is a partner ending intimacy without any effort to address the root causes.

As I see it, going the rest of my life without sex would be no different than going the rest of my life without laughing. No one should be expected to do that.

So spot on, LM. I usually equate sex with other bodily needs - food, water, oxygen. But laughter is a human need too.